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Your Self-Talk Is Driving You Crazy: How To Change What You Say To Yourself.

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On a drive down the Great Ocean Road in Australia, my girlfriend said to me “Tim, I notice that you create unpleasant names for drivers that do silly things on the road or don’t drive how you would like them to.”

This realization was something that I never knew I did. Over the next few days, I began analyzing what I said to drivers while driving by myself. I realized that the language I used was harsh and unfair. It turns out, the self-talk in my head was negative and harsh most of the time.

I’d figured out that actually, my self-talk is driving me crazy.

“If you could hear out loud what most people say in their head it would sound like a crazy person’s thoughts”

For pretty much everyone, the self-talk in our head is driving us crazy. The self-talk in our heads is responsible for so many of our failures and why we think the way we do. Until we change what we say to ourselves in our head, we’ll continue to trip over these internal conversations.

Here’s how to change the self-talk in your head:

Become aware of the conversation.

What triggered a change in my own self-talk was this encounter with my girlfriend realizing that I was being unfair and rude to drivers. Even with all of the self-improvement I do, the books I read and my obsession with psychology, I still missed what I was saying to myself.

Until you become aware of just how crazy your self-talk is, you won’t be able to change it. What I found difficult was that when I heard my own self-talk for what it was, I was very disappointed. The language I used and the negativity I expressed in my head towards others was completely out of alignment with everything I did in the real world.

I was saying things that I would never dare say in real life. Once you become aware of the conversation you are having in your head, what I found useful is to be compassionate with yourself. Don’t become angry or critical of your own thoughts.

It sucks to learn what you really say to yourself and I know it’s tough. The best part is that every aspect of your life can be changed. Your crazy self-talk is no different. Becoming aware is the first step to battling this demon in your head.

Is your self-talk negative most of the time?

Ask yourself this question. Like me, you’ll probably realize a lot of your self-talk is negative. This is your survival brain trying to protect you from the dangers of the big bad world that you face every day.

If your self-talk is mostly negative, then this will 100% affect your results in life and how you see the world. To stop your self-talk driving you crazy, you need to change the conversation in your head. This will not happen overnight.

You’ll need to slowly become aware of the conversation in your head and then begin to add more positive self-talk. Question the old self-talk in your head and expose it for the damage it’s doing to you. The best self-talk is a compassionate conversation.

Be kind to yourself and others when you judge them in your head. Think about what really could be going on in the lives of people you are being critical of in your head. When you do something in the real world and your negative self-talk talks that action down, tell yourself “I’m doing the best I can at this moment in time.”

Change the conversation from the adult talking down to the child, to the adult speaking with his or her’s greatest idol. Become a coach to yourself and make the conversation about how you try very hard and how you’re getting better every single day.

Tell yourself that where you are today is so much better than where you were say a few years ago. You’ve come so far and you still have so much more growth to go.

“By simply changing the characters in your head, I’ve found that manifesting positive self-talk will come into these inner conversations with yourself slowly”

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your hero.

The conversation can be changed in your head when you imagine that you are talking to your hero in life. You wouldn’t talk negatively or swear at your hero, now would you? I’m guessing probably not. So, if you treat the conversation in your head the same way you would a conversation with your hero, you’ll be more disciplined at what you say to yourself.

Create new inputs.

Everything that goes into your head helps to shape the conversation. If you saturate your head with bad news from the TV, negative friends and colleagues, and a poor quality social media newsfeed, your head will think these inputs are real and use bits of these inputs in the conversations you have in your head.

The language, level of negativity and point of view your mind uses when creating a conversation in your head partly comes from all of the media and inputs your brain is given. “Garbage in, garbage out” as they say.

Try filling your brain with more positivity. I’ve done this for the last five years and it’s helped to shape a new conversation in my head. The best input I have found is books. There’s something about the words on a page that ingrains a new conversation in your head and changes your self-talk.

I try to read at least two positive books a month about people that are doing the extraordinary. I try to pick up what my heroes say in their head and what their self-talk is.

“You can learn so much about your hero’s self-talk through the books that tell the story of their life”

The conversation in your head requires discipline.

I say this in almost every single blog post I write. Discipline is a fundamental pillar of any change you want to make in your life. The self-talk in your head is no different. If the self-talk in your head is driving you crazy like mine did, you have to bring a new level of discipline into the fold.

When your mind starts saying dreadful things to yourself, don’t let your mind get away with it. Hold yourself accountable and insist on stopping negative self-talk when you witness it. Allowing the negative conversations to continue will hijack everything you are trying to create in life.

Your life is directed by the conversation in your head so make it a damn good one.

Break the pattern in the moment.

When you hear negative self-talk, the quickest hack you can use is to break the pattern. Interrupt the conversation in your head. Think about what you want the conversation to be instead. Don’t let the pattern keep running.

Think of your negative self-talk like an old vinyl record from the 1980’s. Pick up that negative self-talk record of material and scratch it with a screwdriver until it doesn’t play anymore. Do whatever you can to interrupt the pattern of your negative self-talk.

How my self-talk story ends.

It doesn’t. I’m still battling my negative self-talk. I will never have the conversation in my head be perfect and that’s okay. The aim of the game is to sway the conversation and at the very least, be aware of what you’re saying.

From the moment my girlfriend pointed out my negative self-talk through my driving behavior, I’ve used one hack to change the self-talk that’s driving me crazy:

Change the conversation in your head about the people around you to, “How can I be kind to this human being?”

That one question has given me a different focus that has helped to change the conversation in my head. The self-talk I have about my own actions and performance has become one of compassion like I said earlier. It’s about how I can be kinder to myself.

Changing the focus of my self-talk has been a fantastic way to rethink my inner dialogue that has driven me crazy for as long as I’ve been alive.

I’d love to see your own self-talk be transformed as well and I believe it can be based on what I’ve witnessed in my life. Kill the negative self-talk!

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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How Your Friends Determine Whether You Succeed or Not

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Can anyone do without having friends? We all have our friends, we share ideas with them, talk together, have fun, and fight. Yes, that’s the baseline of friendship. But, do you know that aside from you, your friends can determine whether you achieve success or not?

There are two things in friendship which are the ability to ”love” and the ability to “influence”. This means you are loved and you are influenced. How do your friends affect your success in life? How are they one of the biggest deciding factors of your success? Let’s find out.

What type of friends do you keep? 

First, what type of friends do you keep? Who do you call your best friend? There are two different kinds of friends, good friends, and bad ones. A lot of people have lost their pathway to success and some have also found their road to success all because of the friends they keep, the people they mingle with. 

Who is your best friend? Answer carefully. Having a best friend means you find each other compatible and understanding. Analyze who your best friend is. If your best friend has not motivated you to do something positive, if who you call your bestie has never given you positive advice, lastly if your best friend has never informed and advised you on your shortcomings, then you don’t have a best friend.

This quote tells us “birds of the same feather flock together”. Countless people have changed from their good nature into a bad one all because of friends. One thing to note is, “negative people move with negative aura”. If your best friend is filled with negativity inside-out then you will surely be affected by his/her negative aura.

They influence your success with positivity or negativity 

The friends you keep can either influence you with positivity or negativity because your friends have the power to change your kind of person completely. 

This is how your friends influence you:

  1. They influence you indirectly with what they do
  2. They influence you directly by teaching and giving you advice 

Yes, that is how they influence you. For instance, you watch a movie and you like the way the actor walks. The question is if you truly like the way the actor walks, won’t you try to imitate the actor? Of course, you will.

Just the way you imitate the actor is the same way your friends can influence you with their character. However, the funny part is, they don’t have to teach you to do things like them. You just find yourself imitating and copying them gradually.

An important question to ask is, are you imitating a good friend or a bad one? If you imitate a good friend then you will be good, but if you imitate a bad person, you will surely become a bad person.

Everyone wants to succeed, a good friend will always teach, enlighten, and motivate you for success. A bad friend will only motivate you to do evil things (smoking, drinking, fight, envy,).

And you should know that things like that are a great enemy of success and even of God. So, if you have these bad elements in your life, how will you achieve success? There is no way!

And also, they can teach and advise you directly. But, what do your friends teach you? When you ask them for advice do they inspire you positively or teach you the bad stuff.? A lot of people have regretted lifelong decisions just by listening to the advice of friends. 

The company you keep has the power to influence and change you. Never forget that a positive influence will teach, motivate, and brush you up for success. While a negative influence will inspire you to become a bad person, change your good nature, and leave you with regrets in the end.

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The 3 Step Process to Building a Profitable Pitch

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As a communication coach, one of the top questions entrepreneurs ask me is how to deliver a winning pitch to potential investors. They want to know if there’s a magic formula to get an investor to say yes and buy into their dream and their business. (more…)

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The 4 Pillars of Wealth and Abundance

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Have you ever wondered what the formula for a wealthy and abundant life is? Many people have. Lots has been written about the subject of wealth creation and living an abundant life. It was a breaking point in my journey and pursuit of success when I found out that there is a clear path to achieve success in life. Thanks to those who have shared their journey, we can clearly see and follow the principles of prosperity. (more…)

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Here Are 4 Reasons Why You Should Have a Podcast, Youtube Channel or Online Show

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why you should have a podcast
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Confidence comes from a place of strong understanding of self. After close to three years on radio, I’ve grown from a shy introvert to a shy introvert with an extrovert persona. When the mic is turned on, I can channel a version of myself that some say is attractive, strong, and of course, confident but it wasn’t always this way.

What I want to share with you is what I discovered on this journey into broadcast that you can apply to your life, your ventures, and your personal development. This doesn’t require any fancy gear. It does require a leap of faith on your part because once you go down the road of media; it can change your life.

1. Perceived Expertise

When you go to a doctor, you expect their knowledge will guide them to a solution to your problems. When you have a show, you become your listeners’ doctor. For all the multiple thousands, maybe millions, of YouTube channels, podcasts, and user-created content in the world, each person that gets behind a mic takes a position on their passion, their opinions, and their themes.

They challenge the status quo for the benefit of their listeners in hopes to entertain and educate. With consistency on your side, those fans place you on a platform and give you permission to influence them.

2. Global Acknowledgement

One of the benefits to increasing confidence is when you receive thank you notes from people you may never meet. The feeling of enriching someone’s life from halfway around the globe, provides validation you’re enhancing someone else’s life with your wisdom and your wit.

The very first time I was told I was making a difference in someone’s life in a country other than my own, I felt like I caused massive impact that transcends my circle of influence. When you experience just how much you can cause impact and it comes back to you, it’ll change your worldview.

“Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Backed By Numbers

One of the most exciting ways to measure success is to quantify your growth. It’s not enough to just broadcast. Having subscribers and downloads helps to know, numerically, how well you’re doing. Word of caution. This can be a way to set yourself up for distress because of number envy but if you understand what the numbers mean; you can control the narrative of the numbers.

The major number that makes most people smile is 10,000. I’d advise it to be 1. Here’s why. As you grow in your industry, so does your reach. If you learned that the one person that subscribed totally changed for the better because of you, wouldn’t that be worth the effort?

4. Effective Communication

While it’s not talked about much, having a show is documentation. You create a dynamic account of your life, your industry, and the pulse on what’s important simply by having a show. When you find a channel to improve your communication skills, you demand attention and people will listen to you. You become more trusted as a leader and people will follow you once they believe you can lead them to their wants and needs.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

These insights have helped many people become leaders and, ultimately, move others to their best selves. It’s worked for me and I hope it works for you. At the end of the day, it’s all about showing up and showing out.

Have you ever thought about having a radio show? If so, what would you talk about? Let us below!

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