Success Advice
Why Your Confidence Needs to Match Your Competence
Even if you produce amazing results at your job or in other areas of your life, others may still not see you as being competent if you lack the confidence to back it up. If you are good at your job, exuding confidence will ensure others also recognize your competence in your area of expertise. And research backs this up.
In a study from the early 1980s, psychologists Barry Schlenker and Mark Leary asked 48 real test subjects to rate the competence (among other things) of 60 fictional people who would either be taking part in a tennis tournament or a final examination for a class. The test subjects received both the fictional people’s predictions about how they would do (from very poor to very good) and the results of how they performed.
It turns out the test subjects rated the competence of the “people” who predicted they’d do well higher than the “people” who were more modest in their expectations — regardless of how well the fictional people ended up performing in the tournament or on the test. Even when the fictional people predicted they’d perform well and it was shown they did not, the test subjects still rated them as more competent than the other imaginary people who had predicted they’d do poorly.
“Confidence. If you have it, you can make anything look good. ” – Diane Von Furstenberg
A more recent study from 2017 that replicated the earlier one found the same results, showing that a healthy dose of confidence can help sway how people perceive your competence.
One possible explanation for why people may see you as more competent if you project more confidence is confidence bias, which is when people simply believe someone who exudes a large amount of confidence because they think someone who is confident about a subject must know what they’re talking about (even if they actually don’t).
Obviously you want to avoid conveying false confidence when you don’t actually know what you’re doing. Having the confidence, but not actually having the skills and experience to back it up is a dangerous combination. The following tips are not for cultivating a “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset. These tips are to help you convey the right amount of confidence in your skills and experience so others can pick up on your already existing competence.
1. Get feedback
Find someone you trust who can give you straightforward feedback about how you come across to others. (Perhaps a trusted work colleague or personal acquaintance who isn’t so close to you that they’ll hold back with their critique). Ask them to provide both positive feedback and make suggestions for how you can improve the way you convey confidence. For example, you might subconsciously rub the back of your neck when you’re explaining something, which could give off an air of doubt. Having someone point this out so you can stop doing this will be helpful.
2. Memorize some key information
The best way to convey competence is to be competent in something. Make sure you know as much as you can about the subject or job that you want to be seen as competent in. One way to make sure you not only know your subject, but can also speak confidently about it is to memorize some explanations that you have to give often or answers to questions you hear often (a sort of FAQ list in your mind).
Memorizing some boilerplate answers to some basic questions that you can rattle off almost without thinking will help you exude confidence because your answers won’t be filled with “ums” and “uhs” as you search for words. It’s like having a script in your mind that you can immediately call up when asked an FAQ about your area of expertise.
3. Experiment with body language
There has been much research about so-called “power poses” and various other body language that can help you convey confidence. Whether or not it’s true is a matter of discussion, but there are some basics you can rely on, like keeping good posture, keeping your hands in front of you, keeping hand movements to a minimum and maintaining some eye contact with the people you’re talking to.
If you’re absolutely sure about something you’re saying, then state it with an even tone of voice rather than allowing your voice to rise at the end, which will make it seem more like a question. Do some experimenting with your body language and tone of voice and see what works best for you.
“When you have confidence, you can do anything.” – Sloane Stevens
4. Use your successes
Retired professor of counseling at St. Louis Community College at Florissant Valley Meg Selig, has developed the “Small Successes Method” where you keep an updated list of three successes that you can be proud of having accomplished. They can be as big or small as you like. When your boss or a colleague asks you what’s new, you’ll have a ready answer instead of falling back on “nothing” or “not much” as we so often do when people ask us what is new or what’s going on. Having a ready answer to highlight a success will give you confidence boost.
To sum up, the most important aspect of conveying competence is to actually be competent in your area of expertise and you shouldn’t try to “fake it until you make it.” If you are completely confident with your skills and experience, but others still have trouble seeing you as competent, try these four tips to help you exude more confidence, which will get people to see you as competent in your position.
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Life
9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World
Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.
Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.
Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”
But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.
Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.
Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.
1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse
As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.
Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.
Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:
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Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.
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Read quality literature in your free time.
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Nurture a strong relationship with your family.
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Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.
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Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.
The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.
2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay
You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.
If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.
3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome
Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.
You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.
The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.
4. Rejection Is Never Personal
Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.
Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.
5. Women Value Comfort and Security
Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.
Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.
Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.
6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons
A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.
Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.
Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.
7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form
Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.
It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.
If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.
8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise
Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.
Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.
Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.
9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams
One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.
That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.
Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.
Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.
Final Thoughts
The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.
Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.
Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.
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