Success Advice
The 3 Step Formula to Get a “Yes” When it Matters Most
Caveat: This method works best with someone who you’re close to and who you already spend a lot of time with. This article won’t help you butter up your boss for a raise.
You’re going to:
- Offer tons of value in the weeks leading up to the big day. That way, when it comes time to ask, she (or he) will already feel karmically indebted to you.
- Make the proposal after she has already exercised for the day (preferably after a hard workout).
- Pop the question right after she takes the first bites of her post-workout meal.
If this sounds random, trust me, it will all make sense soon. After all, it’s science (the science of reciprocity to be exact).
Step 1: lays the psychological groundwork for a positive response.
Step 2: primes her brain for clear thinking and emotional calm with physical activity.
Step 3: times the question for when she’s most likely to give you a yes.
Step 1: Offer Value. Be Positive. Be Memorable.
Let’s face it; we’re suckers for good energy. Happiness is a commodity few people can say “no” to. In the weeks leading up to popping the question, get on her good side. The trick here is to be subtle, and you’re going to do that by blasting her with positive “passive” energy. What do I mean by “passive”? Be a joy to be around! The good energy she picks up from you just by being your happy self will sneakily win points for you.
Over the course of the next few weeks, sprinkle in some direct favors. Go out of your way to help her here and there, but don’t overdo it. Too many favors and she might get the impression that you’re sucking up to her. That’s what you don’t want to do, and that’s the reason why it’s important to make her feel good without it looking like you’re trying to.
“Love is a positive, symbiotic, reciprocal flow between two or more entities.” – Inga Muscio
There are two factors are at work here:
- You’re establishing a positive association between you and her, good things are happening, and good feelings being felt.
- You’re also engaging the principle of reciprocity.
In social psychology, reciprocity refers to the compulsion we all have to keep tabs on favors. Apparently, it drives us nuts when this gets out of balance. Reciprocity also addresses the expectation of treating others as they treat you.
Psychologist Robert Cialdini discusses the principle of reciprocity is in his classic book, Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion. In it, Cialdini explains that reciprocity is a cultural expectation that’s deeply ingrained into the fabric of who we are.
By the time you’re done buttering her up, the favors will be lopsided in your favor, and she’ll be more likely to say yes to your proposal.
Step 2: Make the Proposal When Her Brain is Stress-Free
Exercise is proven to reduce stress and anxiety, improve short-term memory, and stabilize your mood. These benefits are primarily due to the reduction of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. Exercise also releases feel-good endorphins and encourages the expression of BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor) in the brain. BDNF is a protein that’s critical for memory and learning.
That’s why you’re going to wait to ask the big question until she has already gotten her workout in for the day. “But what if she doesn’t work out very often?” you say. If that’s the case, going for a walk will have to do. A nice stroll is still better than nothing, and the positive health effects of walking on the brain are also well-documented. According to research, when you walk, the foot’s impact helps control and increase the amount of blood that’s sent to the brain.
At this point, you’ve gotten on her good side, her brain is feeling phenomenal, and now it’s time to put the icing on the cake and go for it.
Step 3: Pop the Question While She’s Enjoying a Delicious Meal
What’s the icing on the cake? Cake! Or at least it could be. Ideally, though, she’ll be hungry enough for a full meal. You don’t want her to be famished, but definitely a solid 7 out of 10 on the hunger scale. She’s more likely to say yes when she’s absorbed in the ecstasy of the food she’s been craving. Full people say, “yes.” Hungry people say, “no.”
Psychology Today wrote an interesting article about the fluctuation of parole approvals issued by judges over the course of their shift. Apparently, hungry judges make tougher sentences. As lunch approaches (and the judge gets hungrier), he approves fewer and fewer inmates for parole. After lunch, however, the judge accepts significantly more parole applications. By the end of his shift, the parole rates once again plummet. This guy is keeping people in prison based off of how hungry he is!
We’ve all experienced that warm feeling of relaxation wash over the table when the food is finally served. It’s this feeling that you’re going to capitalize on. When she’s a few bites into her dish, that’s your cue. Don’t be nervous! Success is in your favor. If you’ve done your due diligence over the course of the last few weeks, now is as good a time as ever to let the dice roll.
“Food is not rational. Food is culture, habit, craving and identity.” – Jonathan Safran Foer
Conclusion
Are you asking your wife if you can dig up the lawn and put a dirt bike course in the backyard? Hoping that your roommates will let you get a dog? Whatever it is, I wish you the best of luck. Make sure to feel their energy out as you go. Life isn’t as predictable as a 3-step formula, so if it feels like a bad time to pop the question, it probably is. Trust your gut and only pull the trigger if the positive vibes are going strong. Make sure that there’s a smile on their face, give them a smile right back, and get that ‘YES’!
How will you be using this three step formula to get a “yes” in your life? Let us know in the comments below!
Success Advice
11 Mark Manson Lessons That’ll Redefine Success in the Digital Age
Success in the digital age isn’t about hacks, it’s about the raw, real lessons Mark Manson actually lives by.
In 2016, Mark Manson released The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, a brutally honest, thought-provoking book that redefined self-help for a new generation. (more…)
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The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers
Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.
Why Daily Rituals Matter
Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)
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How to Turn a Simple Link-in-Bio Into a Powerful Brand Hub
Transform your forgotten bio link into a high-impact gateway that fuels engagement, clicks, and conversions across every social platform.
Social media is one of the greatest marketing tools in 2025. According to a recent study, some 86% of marketers globally use platforms like Facebook and Instagram for advertisements, while 94% use it for content distribution. (more…)
Personal Development
These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident
Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.
Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.
But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.
Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.
1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task
Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.
After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.
Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.
But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.
2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First
Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.
Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”
For example, if you’re a writer:
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Research your topic at night.
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Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).
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Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.
You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.
3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace
Focus is the foundation of success.
According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.
Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.
Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.
4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life
Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”
This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.
If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.
5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills
Knowledge compounds over time.
Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.
I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.
Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.
6. Develop a Growth Mindset
Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.
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A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.
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A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.
Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.
7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You
I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.
If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.
Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.
Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.
8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions
Good mentors can fast-track your growth.
While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.
If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.
9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations
Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”
Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.
When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.
10. Focus on Your Strengths
Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.
If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.
A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.
Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.
11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs
Your beliefs shape your reality.
For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.
Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.
Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.
Final Thoughts
Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.
You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.
Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.
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