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It’s All You: It Always Was You

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Despite our need for external motivation, it’s all you.

I’ve been looking for the perfect mentor, girlfriend, job, food, holiday, car, etc, and what I realized is it’s all me. I don’t need any external motivation to be fulfilled.

This girl made me feel like crap. She became a close friend and then led me on. I got upset and blamed myself. I tried to change my state and had a few drinks. Didn’t work.

Then I went to a Tony Robbins seminar to rediscover my purpose which I like to do yearly. I did all the exercises, danced, chanted, and hi-fived anyone who had a hand. Through a powerful exercise that involved me touching my heart and thinking thoughts of gratitude, I discovered the answer.

The answer to all of life’s questions is: it’s all you. As soon as you go beyond that simple truth, you start to feel pain and suffer. I sat there thinking that it was this girl’s fault I was unhappy, but it wasn’t. She may have been a little selfish, but I get to decide the meaning of every event.

I took back control after this episode and told myself “It’s all you baby!”

Here are some things to remember:

1. You are responsible for the good times and the bad.

You had a great birthday? Yup, that was all you. That holiday you just came back from was phenomenal? It’s all you. That animal you love so much? That was all you too.

All the good times that happen are your doing. You consciously decided to put yourself in a powerful state and be happy. The event itself didn’t do that for you. Likewise, you can’t have the good without the bad.

That horrible breakup? It’s all you. The job you lost because you didn’t meet your targets? That was all you as well. Taking back control in your life is about understanding the fact that you are in control. Events don’t happen to you; you create them. You can decide if the events in your life are out of this world or miserable.

“Blaming events for your unhappiness is like blaming the guy who got cancer and is always sick”

Maturity to me is all about realizing who’s in control. It’s so easy to push the decisions and problems onto other people. It’s easy to stand back and watch people dig the trenches than do it yourself. The thing is that when you get down and dig the trench, you get all the growth. The observers often observe their life away.

You are responsible. It’s all you.

2. We have enough.

We don’t need any more time, money or stuff to stay motivated and achieve our goals. Chasing more resources gives us yet another excuse not to be in control. Instead of getting what we want, we say “some day I’ll be happy when I get X resources.”

The challenge is some day never comes because that magical target continues to change. The first time all you needed was an office, then a warehouse, then an entire building. We could dominate the entire world and still feel like there’s more we need.

It’s all you. You have what you need right now, it’s just that you have to realize what is stopping you from getting what you want. The person that’s in the way is you.

3. Understand yourself and you’ll understand the world.

I’ve got lots of smart friends that either have degrees or are currently getting one. If only they knew that understanding themselves will get them that dream career or business, then they’d probably stop studying at uni.

More than any university degree, understanding yourself will give you the ultimate power. You’ll then realize that you don’t need a bit of paper to have permission to get what you want. A degree doesn’t make you smarter or more worthy.

The people that stand in the way of your goals are more likely to move if they can see someone who understands them self. Someone who knows who they are can talk the human language like no other. They connect in a way that is so deep, anyone can be inspired and influenced to get out of their way.

Truly understanding yourself takes a lot of deep thinking and work. When you understand yourself you know the following:

– You know your excuses
– You know your fears
– You know who you are
– You know what you want
– You know what you don’t want
– You can see other people’s weaknesses in yourself
– You can feel someone on a different level to everyone else
– You can let your intuition guide you
– You can follow your heart

4. Be brave and you’ll be rewarded.

So if it’s all you, then what action should you take? My advice would be to start being brave. Do the stuff that you always avoid. Say yes to the things that are uncomfortable. What’s missing in your life is bravery. You cannot be successful without first doing a bunch of hard things.

That might be hitting rock bottom. It might involve cutting off people. The reward for being brave is understanding yourself and how your mind can grow consistently if you let it. What you thought was hard today, will be straightforward tomorrow if you decide to be brave. You’ve got to work the muscle to see the growth.

It sounds so cliché to say, “Be brave young Jedi and do what scares the pants off you.” I only tell you this because it’s this cliché concept that has transformed my own life.

I’ve seen things I never thought were possible because I decided to be brave. I didn’t listen to what people told me I should settle for. I experienced the pain and suffering that goes hand in hand with life’s hardest challenges.

I came out the other side stronger and more determined than ever. I took ten steps forward, and sometimes, thirty steps backward. Instead of measuring progress towards my goals, I measured how well I knew myself. I took my excuses and quite literally shoved them up my own butt.

It’s all you. You must be brave to get what you want.

5. Forgive people, it’s all you.

Those people you blame for your failures are not guilty your honour. Now that you know you’re in control it’s time to forgive people. These people didn’t let you down, you did. You let their flawed models of the world affect you rather than go with your gut.

It’s not their fault. They’re trying to be the person that makes sense to them. If that doesn’t align with your model of the world, then forgive these people and move on. Don’t judge or blame. Forgiving people shows that you understand yourself on a whole other level.

Forgiving people is the realization that it’s all you. The wave of emotion and pain that you get to dump when you forgive is freeing. You get increased levels of energy because you are not carrying all the negative emotions that come with holding grudges.

Forgiving is not about giving anything to the person you’re upset with; it’s about giving to yourself. It’s also about knowing that it’s your model of the world that is causing you to be angry in the first place. Nobody wronged you; you wronged yourself.

It’s all you. Forgive people and take back control.

***It’s not complex at all***

You thought success was complicated. It’s not. Success starts with you and it ends with you. Everything else between you and your goals is a made up reality that your mind created. You let your mind create this delusion, and so you can banish this delusion once and for all.

Learn to love yourself and to understand who you are. Once you’ve mastered that it’s time to understand who you want to become. You want to grow like the rest of us. Growing requires first knowing where you came from.

We’re often told that life is complex, but I don’t think it is. When we know who’s in the driver’s seat and understand who we are, we can achieve anything. Achievements are not that much of a big deal. Those people you admire have followed the advice in this article and you can do the same.

It’s all you.

It always was you.

It will always be you.

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If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared millions of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around personal development and entrepreneurship.You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.com

Success Advice

10 Tips to Deal With Negativity While Starting a Business

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There are ups and downs in business but fearing failures can stop you from taking your first step towards excellence. With pandemic on tow, aspiring entrepreneurs feel a little stuck when ideating a business prospect. Here, we give you some actionable tips to deal with negativity while starting a business, even during situations like a pandemic. We also took the liberty to throw in some amazing book recommendations that’ll help you enjoy the process of being positive and achieving your business goals.

10 Tips to deal with negativity while starting a business in a pandemic

1. Get a mentor

The first thing to do as a new business owner is to find the right kind of mentor. That person could be someone in your industry or in general who you look up to. The guidance must be apt for your business, and it should be a mutual responsibility of sharing knowledge. 

2. Two big R’s – Routine and Refresh

Made a mess of something? Try to reboot the situation and make it work. Take a break once in a while and refresh yourself if you feel stuck or your ideas feel mundane. Plan a routine and stick to them – both personal and professional. Having a routine can increase productivity and engage in more activities apart from your pre-planned schedule. 

3. Inculcate problem-solving mentality

Do not panic once you are thrown a problem. Arrange a meeting with the respective party, listen to both sides of the stories, and make a decision that is more realistic and feasible. 

4. Hire half and half

Whenever you hire someone for your business. Make sure that half of the people contradict your ideas, and the other half have the same mindset as yours. The people who contradict can bring in more valuable points and their perspective might take the discussion to a whole new level.  Don’t take too much time finding the perfect one. Hire an apt person who can have the right attitude. 

5. Network, Network, and Network

Find like-minded people and mingle with them. Be more sportive in the learning process. Listen more and talk less – if you are a beginner. You can only be a constructive person who gives input to someone if you have listened to everyone’s point of view. If you feel down, your network might have something to uplift your mood and change your perspective on something. 

“Negativity, in general, is one of the things that holds people back, and you have to see what’s holding you back to get away from it.” – Lucy Dacus

6. Tech-savvy personnel

Learn a thing or two about the latest technology that you implement in your organization. Since the world revolves around technology, make sure your administrative authority knows as well.  

7. Don’t schedule a meeting, that could have been an email

Yes! I said it. Having unnecessary meetings will weaken the purpose of having a constructive discussion. Having back-to-back meetings drains the team members and yourself too. Always have a 10 to 15 minutes break between each meeting to feel refreshed and give your 100%. 

8. Have a pros and cons list

Always, I mean always have a pros and cons list. Let’s say one of your team members pitch an idea to improve the marketing strategies starting next month. Jot down the pros and cons before approving or rejecting it point-blank. It’s a systematic way of making a decision. 

9. Track your finances

Even if you have a team of accountants and auditors, make sure that you are present (both mentally and physically) – learn if you are not aware of it. Trusting your employees is a must, but not overseeing the records is a mistake that should be avoided. 

10. Remember your “why?”

At some point in your hectic schedule or not having ME time can get to you. During those tough times – ask yourself – “Why am I doing this?”. If you can answer this question with a valid explanation, you’ll feel energized. Because “A purpose drives you”. 

5 Best books to read to be more positive as an entrepreneur

Reading always puts me into perspective. Therefore, I took some liberty to give a sample of positivity and determination through words. 

These are the 5 books that’ll guide you to be a more positive and successful entrepreneur. 

  1. Attitude is everything by Jeff Keller – The decisions you make, the routine you set for yourself, and the affirmations you say to yourself every day are going to make a huge difference. If you feel tired, hopeless, and quitting – then this book is for you to boost you up!
  2. Mindset: The new psychology of success by Carol Dweck – You do what you think. In this book, the author talks about two mindsets: The growth mindset and the fixed mindset and what they’ll do to you respectively. She helps you recognize your mindset and change it for the better. 
  3. Innovator’s Dilemma by Clayton Christensen – This book is about technology uprisings all over the world and businesses that adopted and implemented technology in their firm. The author teaches you that just because your competitors and others are adopting something into their businesses doesn’t mean that you have to as well. Make an informed decision. 
  4. As A Man Thinketh by James Allen – This book specifically is about the power of thought and how it shapes your life into a more meaningful and fulfilling one.
  5. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – The author talks about how people always keep thinking about what the future holds but then forget to live and enjoy the present. And also helps us understand how to make decisions more efficiently based on the present. 

Working towards inner balance requires consistency and perseverance. So does hard and smart work. Being negative is a part of our lives. It’s important to channel it appropriately and make things happen despite the roller coaster ride that is our lives. Hope you overcome your fears and negativity to shine bigger and brighter. Cheers! 

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Success Advice

Defining Your Own Success: A Step by Step Guide

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Everyone wants success in their lives, but success can be defined in so many different ways that it can sometimes seem daunting. In this blog post, you will learn how to make success easier for yourself by defining what success means to you. (more…)

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Success Advice

5 Characteristics of Athletes You Need for Business Success

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Michigan State basketball coach, Tom Izzo, wrote “Players play. Tough players win.” I would add to that, “It’s tough to win.”I think if you, as a leader, are looking to build an organization that is successful – that wins – you first have to accept that it will be tough. There are no shortcuts to success. In my 44 years of coaching, I was fortunate to coach a lot of tough players. I believe the toughness I have seen in athletes corresponds well to any organization or business. (more…)

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Success Advice

5 Changes in Your Habits That Will Help You Thrive

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We’ve all found ourselves at the bottom at least once in our lives. We thought that everything’s ruined and there’s no going back. The truth is – there’s always going back. Moreover, it takes one to fall many times and feel like everything’s ruined to succeed in life. (more…)

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