Success Advice

How to Master the Art of Communication

Published

4 years ago

May 31, 2021

Susan Rooks

Image Credit: Unsplash

Each of us is 100% unique, even twins or triplets. While their DNA may be remarkably the same, they’re not absolute clones of each other. There will still be a few variables that will make them unique, even if they look remarkably similar. So what about the rest of us? We’re all different, from our DNA to our physical size, skin color, background … everything.

And yet we too often act as though how we see the world is the way everyone does. We use terms we understand, we write as we would want to see it, and we’re often surprised to find out that someone else “misunderstood” us when we thought we were being so clear!

I’m sure most of us can remember at least one time – either in a personal or professional area – when we were misunderstood or we didn’t understand someone else. Did we lay blame on the other person, certain that we couldn’t have made such an error? Did we take it upon ourselves to straighten things out? Did we take the time to learn from it or just move on?

Success wears many hats, and one of them is clear communication – clear to the sender and the receiver. If we can’t be clear, we can get a reputation for being difficult to deal with, and who needs that?

Here are three ways to strengthen your communication skills, which will give you more of the results you want, and help you look and sound like someone others want to be around.

1. Use this version of the KISS acronym

Keep it short and simple. Many of us prefer to use “utilize” rather than “use,” but there’s no need to do that, especially in business writing. We don’t need to be a walking version of a thesaurus. Simple, easily understood language works best in most cases.

2. Be clear about your timeframes

Steer clear of terms like “soon,” “later,” or especially ASAP. That acronym (as soon as possible) has led to many unexpected results. Your thought may be “by tomorrow at 5,” but the other person’s might be “when I get to it.” Without clarity, there could be a tough conversation later about why something was done late or too quickly.

As an example: Recently a group received this message: “If we didn’t already send the new policy out to everyone, we need to do it asap!”

The person in charge of sending stuff out did just that within an hour. But the intent of the note was only to find out if we had already sent the policy out. If we hadn’t, we would then do so with a note explaining why it was being sent out now.

“Communication is power. Those who have mastered its effective use can change their own experience of the world and the world’s experience of them. All behaviour and feelings find in their original roots ini some form of communication.” – Tony Robbins

3. Reinforce the wanted behavior

Many of us have heard others (maybe ourselves?) say: Don’t forget to … do whatever. But how many times has the person hearing it promptly done just that? Forgotten to do it? And yet, they were actually doing exactly what they heard, which was the wrong verb. Verbs are powerful words, often indicating action, and our brain responds to them very well, even if incorrectly in some cases.

Years ago, I heard a young woman at a swimming pool do something I thought was remarkable. Her kids, along with several others, were running around as kids do – which is a dangerous thing at a swimming pool – and instead of saying “Kids! Stop running!” she called out, “Kids! Walk slowly, please!”

The result? The kids stopped as though they’d hit a wall. They walked. Of course, being kids, they also finally started running again. And each time, she repeated in a friendly voice, “Kids! Remember to walk!” I was astonished, so I asked her about what she’d said. She told me she was a grade school teacher, and she’d learned over time that telling kids what not to do reinforced them doing just that: what she didn’t want! Ending her request with a verb that was the opposite of what she was asking was doing immense harm. Saying “Don’t run!” actually caused the kids to continue running most of the time.

She learned to focus on the result she wanted – telling them to sit, or read, or line up for recess – whatever she was looking for, and it worked. The other upside to this is that no one felt accused of being about to do the wrong thing. The minute we say “Don’t forget to send out the memo,” our voice may well sound accusatory, especially if this is a typical issue. And even if our voice is steady, it’s entirely possible the listener may think, “What! Does she really need to tell me that? When have I ever forgotten?”

Airline personnel are experts in knowing to never say “Don’t panic!” when something scary happens like suddenly dropping several hundred feet, because it would plant the very seed they do not want. So they focus on the positives, on the needed results, helping the passengers stay calmer than they might otherwise be able to. They use the right language.

“All passengers, please return to your seats. Please buckle your seatbelt and remain seated. Be sure to put on your own mask before helping others.” All positive and constructive language. Of course, the passengers may still be scared, but the language is at least not making that scary experience worse for most. We do what we’re told; we don’t have to even think about it.

Clear communication is both an art and a skill, and over the years, I’ve found that remembering at least these three ideas has allowed me to build stronger and more positive bonds between myself and others.

Related Topics:clear communication communicating better communication how to communicate more effectively the art of communication

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Susan Rooks

Susan Rooks formed Grammar Goddess Communication in 1995 to help business professionals strengthen their communication skills. As an editor, she has worked on award-winning children’s and business books, web content, and corporate blogs and annual reports, ensuring that all material is professionally presented and free from grammatical errors. As an international corporate educator, she creates and leads three-hour in-person “Brush Up on Your Skills” workshops in American grammar, business writing, and interpersonal skills (including DiSC®). In 2020, she converted those to 60- and 90-minute Zoom sessions. Susan also offers one-hour FREE LinkedIn Profile Basics workshops to Chambers of Commerce and other civic organizations or nonprofits, mainly via Zoom, to help business pros maximize their presence there. She is a BIZCATALYST360 columnist, and her only goal is to help business pros look and sound as smart as they are. For more info: GrammarGoddess.com.

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Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

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Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.
Read quality literature in your free time.
Nurture a strong relationship with your family.
Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.
Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.