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5 Ways Your End Goal Should Enhance The Present

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5 Ways Your End Goal Should Enhance The Present

Long-term end goals are important, almost supremely so. They’re the driving force behind a successful life with purposeful direction. Who wouldn’t want that?

But, as high as we value the pursuit and attainment of our end goals, they’re only one piece of the success puzzle.

While our end goals give our lives purpose, the present moment is what gives our lives meaning. At the end of the day, all we are is a collection of momentary experiences, shared with the important people in our lives.

And it’s through those experiences that we derive meaningful memories that become the measuring sticks of our lives. Together, by placing equal focus on the end game and the present moment, they combine to create a life of true success.

But, as important as this combination is to our lives, it can be argued that the achievement of our long-term end goals are the most important, because by achieving your goals, you subsequently increase the value of the moment.

Vacations and travel get longer, for example, friends become more bountiful, and earnings increase. But again, our end goals are only important if they’re increasing our positive emotions in the present, which results in a feeling of deep meaning.

So, if our long-term goals are that important, but a meaningful life is gained through presence in the moment, how can we ensure that our end goals add to the present, and still make us successful in the long-run?

Below are five ways you can tell if your end goals are enhancing the present moment, and are therefore worth pursuing.

 

1. Hard work lets you enjoy relaxation

Have you ever tried to veg-out when you’ve had a string of unproductive days? How difficult is it to enjoy your favorite TV show, your favorite book, or your favorite restaurant, when you’ve been continuously unmotivated? Almost impossible, I know.

But relaxation, when built into your schedule correctly, is as important as hard work. It gives you a chance to recharge your batteries, recalibrate, and take a breath before jumping into your next project. Most important, it gives you a chance to appreciate how far you’ve come in achieving your goals.

If you work hard in pursuing your end goals, it should make your rest and relaxation feel rewarding. After a long, five day week, full of task completion and goal achievement, you deserve the opportunity to enjoy the leisure of the moment.

So, ensure that you don’t overwork or underwork yourself as you move in the direction of your goals. The work you put in should serve to increase the value of the time you take off, because you know you deserve it.

If the work needed to achieve your goals decreases the value of your leisure time, by over-stress or burnout, it might be time to realign your goals with your life.

5 Ways Your End Goal Should Enhance The Present
 

2. “True North” gives your presence purpose

Long-term end goals give our lives direction. Everything you do, from the day-to-day to your yearly plans, should be moving you toward your goals. It’s this direction, or “True North” as I call it, that actually enhances the value of the present moment.

When you know you’re on the right path, and are confidently moving in the direction of your dreams, you’re able to more fully enjoy the present. You know that everything you’re doing – yes, even relaxation, is purposeful in moving yourself toward the achievement of your goals.

Your True North, pointing in the direction of your long-term goals, should give each day deep purpose, because, through the compound effects of daily incremental progress, you know you’ll be able to reach your end goals.

If your direction isn’t enhancing the present moment, chances are the direction you’re headed isn’t your True North and needs to be adjusted.

 

3. Step-by-step benefits your day-to-day

Speaking of the compound effect, where daily task completions compound to result in the completion of very lofty goals focus on day-to-day processes gives your life meaning.

Think about it this way: If you’re in the process of starting a side business, and you have to pick up the phone and make fifty sales calls, the act of making the fifty sales calls in itself has very little meaning. It’s a mundane, tedious task. But, when you know that the fifty sales calls are just a small step in the overall process of achieving your long-term goals, the step becomes incredibly meaningful.

You know that through the fifty sales calls, you’ll be able to sign a few clients, which will help your side business generate earnings, which will allow you to eventually quit your job – your ultimate end goal. So, the act of making the fifty phone calls, even in the moment, has deep meaning, because it’s a necessary step on your path to long-term success.

If the steps needed to achieve your goals don’t give you meaning in the day-to-day, it could be time to revisit your long-term goals, and more important, the reasoning behind why you want to achieve them. The process should always enhance the present.

“How you climb a mountain is more important than reaching the top.” – Yvon Choinard

4. Lofty goals make you feel “alive”

If you’re reading this, it’s safe to assume that your long-term goals are lofty. So lofty, perhaps, that you aren’t sure if you can achieve them. Good! All goals should stretch your abilities, otherwise they wouldn’t be worthy goals.

If your goals are lofty, then it’s safe to say that they increase your feeling of “aliveness.”

Let me explain: When we have lofty goals, we’re trading the feeling of comfortability for the feeling of being alive. You may fail at your goal, you may succeed, or you may fall somewhere in between, but all your momentary triumphs and failures will most surely make you feel alive.

If you set your goal high enough, it will be the catalyst that causes you to jump out of bed in the morning, ready to take on the day. In this way, your end goals should directly make you feel alive in the moment, every day. If not, your goals are either too low or don’t resonate with your core self. If so, it’s time to reevaluate.

 

5. End goals increase the future’s present

Finally, and although I’ve been imploring you not to look too far down the line, the achievement of your long-term end goals, if set correctly, will enhance the future value of the present moment.

Bear with me: If you’re working for a job you dislike, and your goal is to build a location-independent business, the successful creation of that side business will literally change your life. You’ll have built yourself a lifestyle of freedom, and one that you truly enjoy.

Through the achievement of your end goal (or through the process of getting there), the time spent in the present moment becomes that much sweeter. Rather than sitting at your desk for eight hours, you decide to spend the day at a park, the beach, or at a local coffee shop. The value of that time spent, in relation to the time spent doing something you’re obligated to do, is much higher.

If your end goal doesn’t look like it’s going to enhance your future’s present, it’s time to shift focus.

“Have the end in mind and every day make sure you’re working towards it.” – Ryan Allis

It’s important to note that your long-term end goals should be enhancing the moment through each one of these five ways. If they’re lacking in any one of these areas, you need to take a deep look at your end goals and the “why” behind them.

Chances are, the goals you set aren’t the ones you truly want to – or should – achieve. If so, set another long-term goal, and test it against the five steps listed above.

 

If your long-term end goals DO enhance the moment through each one of these five ways, Congratulations! Continue on your path to a successful life, full of purpose and meaning.  

 

Evan Tarver is an author and business owner with experience in the technology sector, and is a self-proclaimed "business nerd." He’s also a spirited writer who contributes nonfiction business articles to various online publications and pens full-length novels found on Amazon and other leading retailers. Connect with him at www.evantarver.com and receive the first two chapters of his new novel - a parable about passion and purpose, for free: Life in Twenty-Something: A Story of Self-Discovery

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4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. mustafa

    Jun 5, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    great website!!! have to literally get on here everyday for that dose of motivation. keep it up

  2. Omer Nissani

    May 24, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    Great post Evan!
    One of the best I’ve read here.

    Cheers for sharing.

    • Evan Tarver

      May 25, 2015 at 2:28 pm

      Thanks Omer! Really appreciate the kind words. What did you enjoy about it? What would you change, if you could? If you’d like to connect, don’t hesitate to follow the link in my author bio.

      • Omer

        May 26, 2015 at 1:21 pm

        No need to change anything all is good

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Success Advice

15 Myths About Personal Development & How to Leverage Them

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personal development

Self-development is a cool trend, and modern culture has even created a cult around personal development. It is so powerful that we accept its doctrines without any analysis because we get soaked into its promises of becoming “better people” that we unconsciously decide to spend our money on those promises. However, many of these tips and suggestions are somehow thrown to us without additional information on how to actually leverage them.

Let’s analyze some of them together and bust some myths that have influenced your life too much already:

1. Personal Development Is Simply Positive Thinking

Many people don’t understand the notion that positive thinking is merely a component of the entire personal development “picture.” For some individuals, positive thinking is a much-needed aspect of their daily lives. Eliminate this misinterpretation in your mind once and for all.

2. Personal Development Isn’t for Everybody

As stated earlier, the personal development path is present in everyone’s life. It isn’t a strict skill, activity, or attitude that can be placed and interpreted in just one way because everyone is different. Still, the need for growth is hidden beneath our subconscious minds.

3. If You Tell Your Goals, You Will Fail to Achieve Them

Wrong. There are two types of people: the ones who share their goals and improve their performance, and the others who prefer keeping everything for themselves before they get any results. Find what works best for you!

4. Anything Is Possible if You Want It Bad Enough

This is a dream that has been sold for many years now. The “Law of Attraction” suggests that you can simply attract success by visually creating it every day and by desiring it a lot. However, it doesn’t state that you need to work 1000 hours, fail 33 times, and recover 33 times.

“The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.” – Oprah Winfrey

5. You MUST Write down All Your Goals

No, you don’t because there is no actual study that can confirm this, only hyped theories. However, this advice has its benefits too because when you write your goal down, you can better assess it and emotionally connect to it. Additionally, you can break it down into smaller chunks and organize it.

6. Once a Superficial Person, Always a Superficial Person

There’s no such thing as ever-lasting conditions. If someone told you that you cannot change, he just served you the most terrible lie. People can change for the better. It’s just a matter of how much they want it and how much they do for it.

7. A Habit Is Formed in 30 Days

A true habit is only going to last if the activity itself becomes a part of your subconscious mind. If you truly want to implement a habit, keep doing it (even for more than 30 days) until it “becomes a part of you.” Moreover, there’s a big difference between spending 3 or 30 minutes on it each day.

8. Multi-Tasking Is a Key to Higher Productivity

Even though this myth has started to capture attention and critics in the last several years, it is still worth remarking. David Rock writes in one of the best self-development books of all time that “even doing two things at once” severely decreases your brain’s performance. Single tasking and pure focus are a better practice!

9. We Are Using only 10% of Our Brains

Wrong. This is a myth that has been debunked for over 100 years already, yet common people still adore promoting it. When you hit your head and become paralyzed, only then you’re not able to use 100% of your brain.

10. Thinking of Positive and Negative Ideas Takes the Same Amount of Energy

It is only the shifting from positive to negative and the other way around that actually wastes your energy. When you’re thinking of something positive and you keep doing that for a long time, it doesn’t feel tiring. However, if you change from positive to something negative, you’ll have an overwhelming feeling as your mind and body are trying to adapt to what you’re actually focusing on.

11. You Can Eliminate All Your Fears Now

Nope, we can’t eliminate our fears by just clapping our fingers and saying “poof, it’s gone”. Yes, it is true that self-control helps us overcome situational fears, yet our deepest fears lie in our subconscious minds. It takes energy, time, and dedication to actually fill those gaps and change their neuro-associations.

12. Happiness Is a Born Trait

First off, happiness isn’t a trait. It is a state of mind, or better said, a state of love that overwhelms us entirely. It is true though that almost 50% of our happiness is “inherited,” yet we still get 50% of space to work on ourselves and find our own ways to reach unique happiness.

13. Positive Thinking Equals Optimist Thinking

Positive is not enough. You can keep smiling or accepting your situation without getting angry, yet it may become much harder when bad things keep coming. However, if you’re optimistic, which means that you believe that your problems aren’t permanent, nor personal, nor pervasive, you can overcome huge boundaries with ease.

14. If You Keep Doing Something, You Will Succeed

This statement is, in fact, true. Only that it lacks something very important. In order to reach your final objective, you need to keep doing something while also optimizing it consistently. Only by giving yourself constant feedback will you be able to stay on the right path.

15. You Should Pay a Coach

You don’t need expensive coaches. What you need is probably a mentor — the person, who already performs something that you want to be good at in the future. Want marketing? Find a great marketer and get closer to him. Talk to him, and learn from his mindset.

“My mentor said, ‘Let’s go do it,’ not ‘You go do it.’ How powerful when someone says, ‘Let’s!’” – Jim Rohn

Yes, it is unreasonable to believe the statements that do not hold up against criticism. There is nothing easy, fast and ideal, especially when it comes to self-development and success. Only the constant analysis of your actions, attention to your own feelings, the ability to feel the situation and invest your effort where necessary, will lead you to the desired goal.

How do you know you are on the right path towards achieving your dreams? Please let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Where Will You Be in 3 Years? How to Strategically Transform Your Life

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Let’s settle the debate once and for all. Which is more important? What you know or who you know? Well, as it turns out, it’s a trick question. The answer: Both.

Progressing in your career or in growing a business is never easy without the right relationships. But, when you finally do get to meet the kind of people who have the power to put you on the fast track to success, you’d better have something to contribute.

By the time we finish college, we’ve spent years and years developing what we know. This knowledge and competence is added upon as we gain on-the-job experience. But, there’s a good chance that you haven’t given nearly as much thought to developing the other side of the equation. Many of us don’t invest sufficient effort to expand who we know. Often, this pattern of behavior persists throughout a person’s entire career.

Don’t Be Random, Be Strategic

We have a tendency to view education very methodically. We plan it out years in advance. Seeing as how that’s only half the battle, shouldn’t we also create a plan to methodically build our network?

Throughout his impressive career, networking expert Keith Ferrazzi has created a method that could change the way you think about developing and nurturing business relationships.

In his bestselling book, Never Eat Alone, Ferrazzi writes: ”The tool I use is something I call the Relationship Action Plan. The most simple version of the plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission. The second part is devoted to connecting those goals to the people, places, and things that will help you get the job done. And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you to accomplish your goals. This means choosing a medium to connect, but, more important, it means finding a way to lead with generosity.”

For many of us, networking refers to an activity during which we:

  • Congregate in large groups of people (many of whom may be unemployed)
  • Spend a few hours engaging in friendly small talk with strangers
  • Exchanging business cards, followed by never speaking to each other again

There are multiple flaws in this method, not the least of which being that it’s far too random. For the most part, you likely have no idea who’s going to be at the next networking event that you plan to attend. You don’t know if the people that you talk to will be in a position to help you achieve your goals.

“Personal relationships are always the key to good business. You can buy networking; you can’t buy friendships.” – Lindsay Fox

Is Research Creepy?

Take time to plan ahead. Do your best to determine which people have the greatest potential to assist you in accomplishing your professional objectives. Research these people and try to learn how you can meet, connect and build ongoing relationships with them.

As you do so, be sure to keep in mind what Ferrazzi says about “finding a way to lead with generosity”. When reaching out to these people, your first concern should be how to add meaningful value to their lives so that you can establish a positive relationship.

There are those who would probably consider this type of behavior to be borderline stalking. After all, the plan is to diligently study a group of people, some of whom are probably strangers. You want to learn about their likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies, family, friends, etc.

When you think about it this way, it is admittedly a little bit weird. That said, keep in mind that your goal is to create a mutually beneficial relationship by leading with generosity and value. In other words, you’re studying these people in order to learn how to best help them.

Obviously, there are boundaries that you don’t want to cross. Be tactful and respect privacy. Luckily, these days, you can often learn plenty with things like Google, social media and company websites. For the most part, this is information that the person has chosen to publicly share with the world.

In the end, this type of planning may still make you a little uncomfortable. But, honestly, those who refuse to leave their comfort zones tend to have a low propensity for success. If it makes you feel any better, think of yourself as a spy gathering vital intel that will help you accomplish your mission to do good and fight for justice.

What Do You Want Out Of Life?

In your efforts to create and execute your own “Relationship Action Plan” (RAP), remember that this is about achieving your goals… which means you need to have goals. Those goals need to be specific, well thought out and realistic. They also need to have deadlines. (Otherwise they’re just dreams.) 

“I list what I’d like to accomplish three years from today. I then work backward in both one-year and three-month increments to develop mid-and short-term goals that will help me reach my mission.” – Keith Ferrazzi

Where Do You See Yourself In 3 Years?

Imagine what you could accomplish after three years of executing a well thought out Relationship Action Plan!

You probably spent somewhere between one and two decades in school developing and increasing what you know. Now you can add to that knowledge by expanding who you know, so you can achieve the kind of success that we all want.

What do you think is most important: what you know or who you know? Let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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The Ugly Truth About Success and Why You’re Not Achieving It

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As human beings, most of us have this tendency to overcomplicate things. Maybe you’ve had this experience of trying to find success, but for some reason, it keeps eluding you.  In our pursuit to win, hardly anyone tells us the ugly truth about why most of our dreams seem to evade us.

Today, I’m going to share with you why so many people are held back from fully realizing their dreams as well as how to overcome those obstacles.   

By creating a resolve to not make these three mistakes and falling prey to these common weaknesses – we can shift our success and assure that our goals are attained. Getting to the finish line isn’t as hard as you think – that is, if you don’t let yourself fall into these three traps.

1. You Don’t Follow A Plan Long Enough

In today’s society, we’re used to microwave results – we are accustomed to zapping our results. Push a button and voila your food is ready. Watch a movie and just like that in two hours the hero has experienced pain, sadness, and triumph. Sadly though, success doesn’t happen with a push of a button or in a two-hour window.

An example of where I fell prey to this ‘fast results mentality’ was when I wanted to create my ideal body. I hired trainers, tried systems, diets, and fads, yet none of it worked…or so I told myself. But the reality was this: I gave up too soon. It was never the plan, the diet, or the trainer. It wasn’t my lack of expertise or lack of potential. The only thing that stopped me was my inability to stick to a plan long enough.

In my conversations with Jack Canfield, Elliott Hulse, Robert Kiyosaki and numerous highly-successful individuals, I’ve learned they all made a plan and stuck to it for years. If you want to achieve greatness, you must make the plan and then work that plan every single day. Be consistent and be willing to let the results blossom with time.

“Plan your work and work your plan.” – Napolean Hill

2. We Don’t Hold Our Belief Long Enough

Einstein was once asked if he was a genius, to which he gave a simple response:  “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” I love his response.

To live out and embody is one that has taken me a long time to understand. You see, for a long time I’ve had this terrible habit, it’s a habit I don’t want to admit to anyone I ever had. For decades, I’ve been a quitter. Not just outwardly, but in faith, I’ve tended to quit.

If you’re struggling to achieve some great result, it’s likely you’ve also come across this stumbling block. Losing faith too soon can make us quit when in reality a few more steps could mean reaching Graceland.

After working hard at attaining my ideal body, I finally achieved it. The plan was simple when I stuck to it because I ate specific food and worked out. I repeated this process every day for several years. It wasn’t instantaneous or easy, but it was simple. The same goes for writing, creating wealth, and creating just about anything – create a plan and work that system day-after-day.

It’s not sexy, but it’s the truth. Big wins are a bunch of small actions taken on a regular basis. A home is built one nail, one board, one screw at a time. Create a plan and work that plan.

In the world of Hollywood and marketing, we often dress up success in a fancy costume, fancy perfume, and an elegant story. But at the end of the day, every dress is stitched the same with threads of hope, intense hours of sewing, and focused labor.

3. We Don’t Seek Roads That Have Been Paved For Us

One of my favorite coaches of all time is Anthony Robbins. One of my favorite quotes from him is this: “Success leaves traces.” In my desire to achieve greatness, I’ve made one fatal mistake time after time. That mistake was always seeking to get there on my own, in my own way, without the help of anyone.

If I had listened to Anthony, I would have looked for those traces and followed them to the finish line. For those of us who are strong, capable, and want to achieve greatness, the desire to ‘do it our way’ can be our greatest strength or hindrance.

In my case, it made my work a lot harder. When I first tried to sell high-end consulting, I thought I could just figure it out. I didn’t want to listen to anyone, hire anyone, or study. I had achieved so much in business I thought I could do it my way. In doing so, I delayed my success.

Once I admitted to myself and others that I didn’t know how to pave the road to success in this area I opened up new roads to success. I was introduced to people who had already paved a way and thus made my work much easier. Instead of whacking my way through the weeds and wild growth of my own ignorance, I was shown the highway to success, and instead of weed-whacking, it was like driving a Ferrari down I-90.

“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” – Tony Robbins

If you’re having a tough time achieving some results, I want you to have a finely tuned mind and heart which will take perseverance, follow-through, and faith. Lastly, it’s going to help you immensely if you can find a pre-paved path. If you want the highway to success, it does exist, it just takes looking for pre-paved paths and then working the plan to get there.

How are you making sure you become successful in life? Please share your thoughts below!

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Success Advice

Always Choose Love, Not Fear

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A few weeks ago, I met a woman that seriously changed my perspective. It was one of those chance encounters that I believe was meant to happen for a reason.

This woman had been involved in the same tragedy that I had been caught up in. As I shared my story, I quickly realized that hers was much more challenging. Her sister had lost her young baby to a man on drugs. Once she told me this, I was lost for words.

How does one even comprehend that situation? How do you not choose fear? How do you choose not to hate? These were the questions I pondered afterward.

Here’s why you should choose love:

 

1. Love conquers fear

As humans, the easiest decision we can make is to choose love. Love destroys our fear and helps us see a deeper meaning in everything that happens in life. Love is the ever-conquering force in our life that will happen if we let it.

When you’re surrounded by love, it’s impossible to be conquered by the crippling disease that is fear. Love restarts the heart like a defibrillator. Fear causes a heart attack that can kill you if you let it.

Always choose love over fear.

 

2. Everything happens for a reason

When this young girls sister lost her baby, she chose to believe that it was meant to happen for a reason. She chose to believe that the loss of life would mean something far greater than death itself. This opinion was the result of love being the only answer she could comprehend.

After the tragedy, her community got around her and showed her more love than she had ever known. The death of her nephew started her entire family on a different path.

“While they couldn’t control the circumstances of the young baby’s death, what they could control was love”

They allowed the love that everybody showed them to take them to an entirely different level. Some days were good and other days were a nightmare.

Through it all, they chose to believe in love. Love is nothing more than a belief. It can only enter your life when you believe it exists. You must be accepting and you have to give love at the same time. They are the rules of the love game.

 

3. Think love not hate

When this tragic event occurred, it would have been so easy to hate the man hooked on drugs who caused this young baby to die. This girl taught me that hate has no place in the healing process. As a matter of fact, hate has no place in our lives.

Feelings of hate can cause us to go into a downward spiral. This spiral involves us becoming very selfish and only focusing on our own needs. From this place, we can’t do the inner work required to come back from adversity. Train your brain to always assume love as the default reason for everything.

“Spending our precious energy and time on this planet hating others for things we can’t control, will block us from our dreams”

Hate will transport us to a land far far away that resembles hell. Hell is where your nightmares come true, your fears are born and the person you become is something you despise for eternity.

 

4. Love is the best feeling in the world

There are lots of types of love but no matter what; love is the best feeling in the world. When you choose love your life seems extraordinary. You feel like you are on cloud nine and nothing can stop you. Love helps you to connect with your fellow human beings on an entirely different level.

Your success in life compounds because love attracts everything you could ever want in your life. You can’t be pissed off at the world when love is your default choice.

Love is what brings us closer together. Love is what creates human life through the coming together of a man and women. Love is what lights us up and fuels our intuition. Seek out love and you’ll know what it feels like to be invincible. If the worst happens, and a young baby close to you is killed, you’ll have all the answers.

 

5. Choose love by giving love

The best gift you can give while you’re alive is love. It costs nothing, but it takes every part of you to give. If a tragedy like the one described above occurs, you have the opportunity to give love.

When you do so, and you go through a difficult time, love finds its way back into your life. Choosing love is the beginner level: giving love is the expert level.

There are so many ways to give love. You could:

– Hug someone
– Do something nice for someone
– Write something beautiful to someone
– Be there for someone who is going through a tough time
– Smile at someone who looks down

The list is endless. Love is endless. Your capacity to give love is endless. What comes into your life can also be endless when you choose love. Think about that for a minute.

 

6. Love can cause a deranged man or women to see the light

 

If you talked to a terrorist and told them that you loved them, what would happen? While I don’t know for sure, what I do know is that there is a possibility you could interrupt their pattern. Part of the reason they do what they do is that they haven’t felt love.

Because they lack love in their life, they have adopted a set of false beliefs in the hope that this will fill the void they feel, due to the lack of love they’ve experienced.

 

“Terrorists, criminals and people on drugs, all have one thing in common: they need to be shown what love is so they can conquer the fear that’s been controlling their life – the fear that’s driven them to madness and to harm people”

 

***Final thought***

It’s time to wake up and stand for love. It’s what we were born to do. It takes no effort when we try it. Love can save us from just about anything. Love is about understanding that we are all on the same mission and that ultimately we are all part of the same cause and the same existence.

When you understand the idea of love, your consciousness goes to another level. People may begin to think that you’ve transcended their reality and that you have loads of wisdom. What’s really happened is that you’ve discovered the most powerful force on Earth: LOVE.

RIP to the young mothers baby. Love will transcend everything and bring you happiness again. I hope you can find it in your hearts to one day forgive the mean that caused you so much pain. Show him the love that he’s been lacking so desperately.

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Success Advice

15 Myths About Personal Development & How to Leverage Them

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personal development

Self-development is a cool trend, and modern culture has even created a cult around personal development. It is so powerful that we accept its doctrines without any analysis because we get soaked into its promises of becoming “better people” that we unconsciously decide to spend our money on those promises. However, many of these tips and suggestions are somehow thrown to us without additional information on how to actually leverage them. (more…)

Zoe Carter, ESL teacher, skillful blogger and essay tutor at SuperiorPapers.com. I am always in search for new ideas in online advertising, search engine optimization and business writing.

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4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. mustafa

    Jun 5, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    great website!!! have to literally get on here everyday for that dose of motivation. keep it up

  2. Omer Nissani

    May 24, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    Great post Evan!
    One of the best I’ve read here.

    Cheers for sharing.

    • Evan Tarver

      May 25, 2015 at 2:28 pm

      Thanks Omer! Really appreciate the kind words. What did you enjoy about it? What would you change, if you could? If you’d like to connect, don’t hesitate to follow the link in my author bio.

      • Omer

        May 26, 2015 at 1:21 pm

        No need to change anything all is good

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Success Advice

15 Myths About Personal Development & How to Leverage Them

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personal development

Self-development is a cool trend, and modern culture has even created a cult around personal development. It is so powerful that we accept its doctrines without any analysis because we get soaked into its promises of becoming “better people” that we unconsciously decide to spend our money on those promises. However, many of these tips and suggestions are somehow thrown to us without additional information on how to actually leverage them.

Let’s analyze some of them together and bust some myths that have influenced your life too much already:

1. Personal Development Is Simply Positive Thinking

Many people don’t understand the notion that positive thinking is merely a component of the entire personal development “picture.” For some individuals, positive thinking is a much-needed aspect of their daily lives. Eliminate this misinterpretation in your mind once and for all.

2. Personal Development Isn’t for Everybody

As stated earlier, the personal development path is present in everyone’s life. It isn’t a strict skill, activity, or attitude that can be placed and interpreted in just one way because everyone is different. Still, the need for growth is hidden beneath our subconscious minds.

3. If You Tell Your Goals, You Will Fail to Achieve Them

Wrong. There are two types of people: the ones who share their goals and improve their performance, and the others who prefer keeping everything for themselves before they get any results. Find what works best for you!

4. Anything Is Possible if You Want It Bad Enough

This is a dream that has been sold for many years now. The “Law of Attraction” suggests that you can simply attract success by visually creating it every day and by desiring it a lot. However, it doesn’t state that you need to work 1000 hours, fail 33 times, and recover 33 times.

“The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.” – Oprah Winfrey

5. You MUST Write down All Your Goals

No, you don’t because there is no actual study that can confirm this, only hyped theories. However, this advice has its benefits too because when you write your goal down, you can better assess it and emotionally connect to it. Additionally, you can break it down into smaller chunks and organize it.

6. Once a Superficial Person, Always a Superficial Person

There’s no such thing as ever-lasting conditions. If someone told you that you cannot change, he just served you the most terrible lie. People can change for the better. It’s just a matter of how much they want it and how much they do for it.

7. A Habit Is Formed in 30 Days

A true habit is only going to last if the activity itself becomes a part of your subconscious mind. If you truly want to implement a habit, keep doing it (even for more than 30 days) until it “becomes a part of you.” Moreover, there’s a big difference between spending 3 or 30 minutes on it each day.

8. Multi-Tasking Is a Key to Higher Productivity

Even though this myth has started to capture attention and critics in the last several years, it is still worth remarking. David Rock writes in one of the best self-development books of all time that “even doing two things at once” severely decreases your brain’s performance. Single tasking and pure focus are a better practice!

9. We Are Using only 10% of Our Brains

Wrong. This is a myth that has been debunked for over 100 years already, yet common people still adore promoting it. When you hit your head and become paralyzed, only then you’re not able to use 100% of your brain.

10. Thinking of Positive and Negative Ideas Takes the Same Amount of Energy

It is only the shifting from positive to negative and the other way around that actually wastes your energy. When you’re thinking of something positive and you keep doing that for a long time, it doesn’t feel tiring. However, if you change from positive to something negative, you’ll have an overwhelming feeling as your mind and body are trying to adapt to what you’re actually focusing on.

11. You Can Eliminate All Your Fears Now

Nope, we can’t eliminate our fears by just clapping our fingers and saying “poof, it’s gone”. Yes, it is true that self-control helps us overcome situational fears, yet our deepest fears lie in our subconscious minds. It takes energy, time, and dedication to actually fill those gaps and change their neuro-associations.

12. Happiness Is a Born Trait

First off, happiness isn’t a trait. It is a state of mind, or better said, a state of love that overwhelms us entirely. It is true though that almost 50% of our happiness is “inherited,” yet we still get 50% of space to work on ourselves and find our own ways to reach unique happiness.

13. Positive Thinking Equals Optimist Thinking

Positive is not enough. You can keep smiling or accepting your situation without getting angry, yet it may become much harder when bad things keep coming. However, if you’re optimistic, which means that you believe that your problems aren’t permanent, nor personal, nor pervasive, you can overcome huge boundaries with ease.

14. If You Keep Doing Something, You Will Succeed

This statement is, in fact, true. Only that it lacks something very important. In order to reach your final objective, you need to keep doing something while also optimizing it consistently. Only by giving yourself constant feedback will you be able to stay on the right path.

15. You Should Pay a Coach

You don’t need expensive coaches. What you need is probably a mentor — the person, who already performs something that you want to be good at in the future. Want marketing? Find a great marketer and get closer to him. Talk to him, and learn from his mindset.

“My mentor said, ‘Let’s go do it,’ not ‘You go do it.’ How powerful when someone says, ‘Let’s!’” – Jim Rohn

Yes, it is unreasonable to believe the statements that do not hold up against criticism. There is nothing easy, fast and ideal, especially when it comes to self-development and success. Only the constant analysis of your actions, attention to your own feelings, the ability to feel the situation and invest your effort where necessary, will lead you to the desired goal.

How do you know you are on the right path towards achieving your dreams? Please let us know by commenting below!

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Success Advice

Where Will You Be in 3 Years? How to Strategically Transform Your Life

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transform your life

Let’s settle the debate once and for all. Which is more important? What you know or who you know? Well, as it turns out, it’s a trick question. The answer: Both.

Progressing in your career or in growing a business is never easy without the right relationships. But, when you finally do get to meet the kind of people who have the power to put you on the fast track to success, you’d better have something to contribute.

By the time we finish college, we’ve spent years and years developing what we know. This knowledge and competence is added upon as we gain on-the-job experience. But, there’s a good chance that you haven’t given nearly as much thought to developing the other side of the equation. Many of us don’t invest sufficient effort to expand who we know. Often, this pattern of behavior persists throughout a person’s entire career.

Don’t Be Random, Be Strategic

We have a tendency to view education very methodically. We plan it out years in advance. Seeing as how that’s only half the battle, shouldn’t we also create a plan to methodically build our network?

Throughout his impressive career, networking expert Keith Ferrazzi has created a method that could change the way you think about developing and nurturing business relationships.

In his bestselling book, Never Eat Alone, Ferrazzi writes: ”The tool I use is something I call the Relationship Action Plan. The most simple version of the plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission. The second part is devoted to connecting those goals to the people, places, and things that will help you get the job done. And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you to accomplish your goals. This means choosing a medium to connect, but, more important, it means finding a way to lead with generosity.”

For many of us, networking refers to an activity during which we:

  • Congregate in large groups of people (many of whom may be unemployed)
  • Spend a few hours engaging in friendly small talk with strangers
  • Exchanging business cards, followed by never speaking to each other again

There are multiple flaws in this method, not the least of which being that it’s far too random. For the most part, you likely have no idea who’s going to be at the next networking event that you plan to attend. You don’t know if the people that you talk to will be in a position to help you achieve your goals.

“Personal relationships are always the key to good business. You can buy networking; you can’t buy friendships.” – Lindsay Fox

Is Research Creepy?

Take time to plan ahead. Do your best to determine which people have the greatest potential to assist you in accomplishing your professional objectives. Research these people and try to learn how you can meet, connect and build ongoing relationships with them.

As you do so, be sure to keep in mind what Ferrazzi says about “finding a way to lead with generosity”. When reaching out to these people, your first concern should be how to add meaningful value to their lives so that you can establish a positive relationship.

There are those who would probably consider this type of behavior to be borderline stalking. After all, the plan is to diligently study a group of people, some of whom are probably strangers. You want to learn about their likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies, family, friends, etc.

When you think about it this way, it is admittedly a little bit weird. That said, keep in mind that your goal is to create a mutually beneficial relationship by leading with generosity and value. In other words, you’re studying these people in order to learn how to best help them.

Obviously, there are boundaries that you don’t want to cross. Be tactful and respect privacy. Luckily, these days, you can often learn plenty with things like Google, social media and company websites. For the most part, this is information that the person has chosen to publicly share with the world.

In the end, this type of planning may still make you a little uncomfortable. But, honestly, those who refuse to leave their comfort zones tend to have a low propensity for success. If it makes you feel any better, think of yourself as a spy gathering vital intel that will help you accomplish your mission to do good and fight for justice.

What Do You Want Out Of Life?

In your efforts to create and execute your own “Relationship Action Plan” (RAP), remember that this is about achieving your goals… which means you need to have goals. Those goals need to be specific, well thought out and realistic. They also need to have deadlines. (Otherwise they’re just dreams.) 

“I list what I’d like to accomplish three years from today. I then work backward in both one-year and three-month increments to develop mid-and short-term goals that will help me reach my mission.” – Keith Ferrazzi

Where Do You See Yourself In 3 Years?

Imagine what you could accomplish after three years of executing a well thought out Relationship Action Plan!

You probably spent somewhere between one and two decades in school developing and increasing what you know. Now you can add to that knowledge by expanding who you know, so you can achieve the kind of success that we all want.

What do you think is most important: what you know or who you know? Let us know by commenting below!

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Success Advice

The Ugly Truth About Success and Why You’re Not Achieving It

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success

As human beings, most of us have this tendency to overcomplicate things. Maybe you’ve had this experience of trying to find success, but for some reason, it keeps eluding you.  In our pursuit to win, hardly anyone tells us the ugly truth about why most of our dreams seem to evade us.

Today, I’m going to share with you why so many people are held back from fully realizing their dreams as well as how to overcome those obstacles.   

By creating a resolve to not make these three mistakes and falling prey to these common weaknesses – we can shift our success and assure that our goals are attained. Getting to the finish line isn’t as hard as you think – that is, if you don’t let yourself fall into these three traps.

1. You Don’t Follow A Plan Long Enough

In today’s society, we’re used to microwave results – we are accustomed to zapping our results. Push a button and voila your food is ready. Watch a movie and just like that in two hours the hero has experienced pain, sadness, and triumph. Sadly though, success doesn’t happen with a push of a button or in a two-hour window.

An example of where I fell prey to this ‘fast results mentality’ was when I wanted to create my ideal body. I hired trainers, tried systems, diets, and fads, yet none of it worked…or so I told myself. But the reality was this: I gave up too soon. It was never the plan, the diet, or the trainer. It wasn’t my lack of expertise or lack of potential. The only thing that stopped me was my inability to stick to a plan long enough.

In my conversations with Jack Canfield, Elliott Hulse, Robert Kiyosaki and numerous highly-successful individuals, I’ve learned they all made a plan and stuck to it for years. If you want to achieve greatness, you must make the plan and then work that plan every single day. Be consistent and be willing to let the results blossom with time.

“Plan your work and work your plan.” – Napolean Hill

2. We Don’t Hold Our Belief Long Enough

Einstein was once asked if he was a genius, to which he gave a simple response:  “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” I love his response.

To live out and embody is one that has taken me a long time to understand. You see, for a long time I’ve had this terrible habit, it’s a habit I don’t want to admit to anyone I ever had. For decades, I’ve been a quitter. Not just outwardly, but in faith, I’ve tended to quit.

If you’re struggling to achieve some great result, it’s likely you’ve also come across this stumbling block. Losing faith too soon can make us quit when in reality a few more steps could mean reaching Graceland.

After working hard at attaining my ideal body, I finally achieved it. The plan was simple when I stuck to it because I ate specific food and worked out. I repeated this process every day for several years. It wasn’t instantaneous or easy, but it was simple. The same goes for writing, creating wealth, and creating just about anything – create a plan and work that system day-after-day.

It’s not sexy, but it’s the truth. Big wins are a bunch of small actions taken on a regular basis. A home is built one nail, one board, one screw at a time. Create a plan and work that plan.

In the world of Hollywood and marketing, we often dress up success in a fancy costume, fancy perfume, and an elegant story. But at the end of the day, every dress is stitched the same with threads of hope, intense hours of sewing, and focused labor.

3. We Don’t Seek Roads That Have Been Paved For Us

One of my favorite coaches of all time is Anthony Robbins. One of my favorite quotes from him is this: “Success leaves traces.” In my desire to achieve greatness, I’ve made one fatal mistake time after time. That mistake was always seeking to get there on my own, in my own way, without the help of anyone.

If I had listened to Anthony, I would have looked for those traces and followed them to the finish line. For those of us who are strong, capable, and want to achieve greatness, the desire to ‘do it our way’ can be our greatest strength or hindrance.

In my case, it made my work a lot harder. When I first tried to sell high-end consulting, I thought I could just figure it out. I didn’t want to listen to anyone, hire anyone, or study. I had achieved so much in business I thought I could do it my way. In doing so, I delayed my success.

Once I admitted to myself and others that I didn’t know how to pave the road to success in this area I opened up new roads to success. I was introduced to people who had already paved a way and thus made my work much easier. Instead of whacking my way through the weeds and wild growth of my own ignorance, I was shown the highway to success, and instead of weed-whacking, it was like driving a Ferrari down I-90.

“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” – Tony Robbins

If you’re having a tough time achieving some results, I want you to have a finely tuned mind and heart which will take perseverance, follow-through, and faith. Lastly, it’s going to help you immensely if you can find a pre-paved path. If you want the highway to success, it does exist, it just takes looking for pre-paved paths and then working the plan to get there.

How are you making sure you become successful in life? Please share your thoughts below!

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Success Advice

Always Choose Love, Not Fear

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A few weeks ago, I met a woman that seriously changed my perspective. It was one of those chance encounters that I believe was meant to happen for a reason.

This woman had been involved in the same tragedy that I had been caught up in. As I shared my story, I quickly realized that hers was much more challenging. Her sister had lost her young baby to a man on drugs. Once she told me this, I was lost for words.

How does one even comprehend that situation? How do you not choose fear? How do you choose not to hate? These were the questions I pondered afterward.

Here’s why you should choose love:

 

1. Love conquers fear

As humans, the easiest decision we can make is to choose love. Love destroys our fear and helps us see a deeper meaning in everything that happens in life. Love is the ever-conquering force in our life that will happen if we let it.

When you’re surrounded by love, it’s impossible to be conquered by the crippling disease that is fear. Love restarts the heart like a defibrillator. Fear causes a heart attack that can kill you if you let it.

Always choose love over fear.

 

2. Everything happens for a reason

When this young girls sister lost her baby, she chose to believe that it was meant to happen for a reason. She chose to believe that the loss of life would mean something far greater than death itself. This opinion was the result of love being the only answer she could comprehend.

After the tragedy, her community got around her and showed her more love than she had ever known. The death of her nephew started her entire family on a different path.

“While they couldn’t control the circumstances of the young baby’s death, what they could control was love”

They allowed the love that everybody showed them to take them to an entirely different level. Some days were good and other days were a nightmare.

Through it all, they chose to believe in love. Love is nothing more than a belief. It can only enter your life when you believe it exists. You must be accepting and you have to give love at the same time. They are the rules of the love game.

 

3. Think love not hate

When this tragic event occurred, it would have been so easy to hate the man hooked on drugs who caused this young baby to die. This girl taught me that hate has no place in the healing process. As a matter of fact, hate has no place in our lives.

Feelings of hate can cause us to go into a downward spiral. This spiral involves us becoming very selfish and only focusing on our own needs. From this place, we can’t do the inner work required to come back from adversity. Train your brain to always assume love as the default reason for everything.

“Spending our precious energy and time on this planet hating others for things we can’t control, will block us from our dreams”

Hate will transport us to a land far far away that resembles hell. Hell is where your nightmares come true, your fears are born and the person you become is something you despise for eternity.

 

4. Love is the best feeling in the world

There are lots of types of love but no matter what; love is the best feeling in the world. When you choose love your life seems extraordinary. You feel like you are on cloud nine and nothing can stop you. Love helps you to connect with your fellow human beings on an entirely different level.

Your success in life compounds because love attracts everything you could ever want in your life. You can’t be pissed off at the world when love is your default choice.

Love is what brings us closer together. Love is what creates human life through the coming together of a man and women. Love is what lights us up and fuels our intuition. Seek out love and you’ll know what it feels like to be invincible. If the worst happens, and a young baby close to you is killed, you’ll have all the answers.

 

5. Choose love by giving love

The best gift you can give while you’re alive is love. It costs nothing, but it takes every part of you to give. If a tragedy like the one described above occurs, you have the opportunity to give love.

When you do so, and you go through a difficult time, love finds its way back into your life. Choosing love is the beginner level: giving love is the expert level.

There are so many ways to give love. You could:

– Hug someone
– Do something nice for someone
– Write something beautiful to someone
– Be there for someone who is going through a tough time
– Smile at someone who looks down

The list is endless. Love is endless. Your capacity to give love is endless. What comes into your life can also be endless when you choose love. Think about that for a minute.

 

6. Love can cause a deranged man or women to see the light

 

If you talked to a terrorist and told them that you loved them, what would happen? While I don’t know for sure, what I do know is that there is a possibility you could interrupt their pattern. Part of the reason they do what they do is that they haven’t felt love.

Because they lack love in their life, they have adopted a set of false beliefs in the hope that this will fill the void they feel, due to the lack of love they’ve experienced.

 

“Terrorists, criminals and people on drugs, all have one thing in common: they need to be shown what love is so they can conquer the fear that’s been controlling their life – the fear that’s driven them to madness and to harm people”

 

***Final thought***

It’s time to wake up and stand for love. It’s what we were born to do. It takes no effort when we try it. Love can save us from just about anything. Love is about understanding that we are all on the same mission and that ultimately we are all part of the same cause and the same existence.

When you understand the idea of love, your consciousness goes to another level. People may begin to think that you’ve transcended their reality and that you have loads of wisdom. What’s really happened is that you’ve discovered the most powerful force on Earth: LOVE.

RIP to the young mothers baby. Love will transcend everything and bring you happiness again. I hope you can find it in your hearts to one day forgive the mean that caused you so much pain. Show him the love that he’s been lacking so desperately.

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