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Success Advice

3 Ways to Learn From Failed Relationships to Strengthen Your Leadership Style



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When thinking about your leadership style, images of boardrooms, Zoom calls, and mentorship meetings might immediately spring to mind. But your leadership isn’t just expressed in work-based situations. The way you show up as a leader touches all areas of your life. And your relationships—especially your failed relationships—can give you the greatest insight into how you can become a stronger leader. Here’s how to take those failures and turn them into gold.

1. Get Curious

Curiosity is one of the greatest attributes a leader can have. According to research, it keeps your mind nimble and creative while remaining open to new ideas and solutions, as well as promoting more positive relationships in the workplace. In fact, the more questions you ask of others, the more likely they are to see you as competent and caring. Utilizing this curiosity, there are a few things you can do to see where your failed relationships can lead to better leadership skills in the future. 

The first step, get curious about your part in relationships that have ended. If you’re being as objective as possible, was there something you did that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship? Did your words and actions make the other person feel valued and appreciated? Did you get curious about that person, their interests, and things that were important to them? Did you ask them questions about their experiences, feelings, thoughts, and insights? Did you value their input and contribution? 

If you aren’t sure about any of these things and you feel it would be helpful (and safe), reach out to past partners (personal and professional), as well as former friends or colleagues, and ask for their input. It may give you insight into places where you’ve developed patterns of relating to others that work against you in your leadership roles. 

For example, if you were to speak with a former friend, you may be surprised to find that during their relationship with you, they often felt unheard or dismissed. These types of experiences can breed feelings of resentment, leading to a breakdown of the relationship. If you were to receive that kind of feedback, get curious about where you may be doing this in your other relationships, including at work when you’re leading the team. 

A team that feels unheard or dismissed is a team that stops asking questions, becomes afraid to innovate, and loses their commitment to the company because their contribution is undervalued. The more curious you are about the shortcomings in your failed relationships, the more likely you are not to repeat those same mistakes in your relationship with your team.

“Curiosity is the engine of achievement.” – Ken Robinson

2. Get Honest

First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself in this process. Are there blind spots that need to be addressed? Is there an area of your communication or behavior that you’ve gotten feedback on from former partners, friends, or family members that you’ve ignored or felt triggered by? These may be things that have made you feel misunderstood or things that make you feel frustrated with a sense of “here we go again!”. While you don’t have to accept these things as wholly true for you, they may be worth examining to see if there’s maybe a kernel of truth that could support you in growing your awareness to become a better leader. 

It’s important to note that everyone has blind spots. Remaining open to discovering them and working through them is what separates leaders from the pack. Leadership is about being able to make healthy decisions for the collective while setting an example for the behavior you expect from the group. However, you can only do that if you learn how to listen intentionally and invest in your personal growth. These may not be the most fun aspects of yourself to unearth, but uncovering where your blind spots are and being honest with yourself about where you need to learn how to do better will make all of the difference in your leadership style. 

As you go through this process, remember, it’s not personal. All of this feedback and all of these discoveries are coming up to help you grow. It’s in this process that you will become a stronger leader, and your team will respect you more for it. 

3. Get Clear

Now that you have the information you needed from your failed relationships, it’s time to put an action plan in place. If you did reach out to former partners, friends, colleagues, or family members, thank them for their experience and transparency. Give apologies and make amends where necessary, and remember this is not information for you to punish yourself with. This feedback is simply data for you to filter through so that you can take action to become a better leader. 

Ask yourself:

  • What are the patterns or traits that are most pressing to shift now?
  • What can I do to shift these habits in a healthy way?
  • Do I need support to make these shifts, and if so, what does that look like? Therapy? Coaching? Charts? Etc.
  • How am I going to hold myself accountable for making these shifts?
  • How can I implement a feedback system that allows my team members to feel safe, but also be heard?

Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll have created your list of priorities, identified the support system you need, and noted the systems of change and accountability that will support you in this process. 

Looking at past failures can be difficult, especially when it comes to relationships. But this is an opportunity to strengthen your present and future relationships so that you can step more into your leadership role with the confidence that you’re doing right by your team.

Deidre Sirianni is a TEDx Speaker, leadership coach, and spiritual guide, serving a community of impact-driven entrepreneurs, coaches, leaders, and visionaries on their journey of healing, integrating change, and making a significant impact through their work. Deidre uses her over 10 years of experience in leadership development, holistic wellness, and human behavior to help clients overcome self-sabotaging behaviors and unresolved trauma that holds them back from being fulfilled and reaching their goals. Deidre has supported hundreds of people around the world on their journey of realizing their full potential. She’s spoken on global stages such as Envision Festival, Impact Festival, Consciousness Hacking, Influence, and her genius has been featured in Lululemon, Novus TV, and Alive Magazine. If you know that you have a big message to share with the world and you have trauma to heal, blocks to remove, behaviors patterns to transform, and gifts to activate within you, then click here to learn more.

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Success Advice

How to Ignite the Spark Within for Future Success

All of us come to this world with our own reserve of magic unfortunately, not everyone can unleash it



Igniting your spark
Image Credit: Midjourney

What is it that makes some people great leaders while others remain followers? What magic do they have that others don’t? What special blessing gives them the power to bring significant change?  (more…)

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How Your Beliefs Can Supercharge or Sabotage Your Success

Your life is dictated by beliefs and biases that drive your thinking, behaviors, and decisions



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Success Advice

How to Break the Cycles of Mediocrity and Manifest Your Greatness

There is no greatness without becoming and there is no becoming with authenticity



Image Credit: Midjourney

In just a few weeks, we will be wrapping up 2023. Can you believe it? This year has been absolutely incredible for me.

I have seen amazing doors opened, new relationships formed and I am seeing dreams realized in my life. While this seems like the hallmarks of a great year, this has also been the most challenging year of my life. With all of the change happening in my life, I have been forced out of my comfort zone and challenged to grow in every area of my life.

I can truly say that I have made the most of my moments this year and I have used everything as a catalyst for maximizing my greatest potential.

As a revolutionary leader, I have the pleasure of consulting and advising leaders around the world to fulfill purpose, realize their greatest potential and make an impact.

I want to share some insights with you that will help you to break cycles of mediocrity and manifest your greatness

Everything legal must come through the matrix

I am sure that some of you are wondering why I am using the term matrix. However, what you have to understand is that I am trying to make a highly complex spiritual principle practical to understand.

Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, every life has an origin and I believe that origin is divine and begins with eternity. You are birthed from eternity and into time to fulfill a unique purpose and assignment in your lifetime and generation.

The matrix is simply the portal or vehicle that brings something out of the invisible realm and into tangible form. The problem with much of the teaching today is that it excludes the matrix. We are told to believe that success is instantaneous and overnight.

Nobody talks about how a dream progresses through stages beginning with visualization and ultimately culminating in manifestation. Without a matrix or portal then everything that you attempt to birth and build will be illegal.

The matrix not only makes you legal but it gives you the authority and power to function as the greatest expression of who you were created to be. 

Every matrix has an incubation process

While many people admire and respect me today, I remember a time when nobody knew who I was or the significance of my message. How did I get to where I am today? I got here through an incubation process.

In other words, everything that has been destined for your life is incubating and awaiting a set time of manifestation. The problem is that most people live their entire lives idle and never initiate the incubation process.

What do I meany by that? Most people are living reckless and very few people are living intentionally. I am amazed at the number of people I have conversations with that have no vision, goals or strategies for their lives. They show great promise and they have undeniable potential.

However, without development they will die with their dreams still in them.

Everything that has been destined for your life must be incubated and converted to become realities born to time. 

“Visualize this thing that you want, see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blueprint and begin to build.” – Robert Collier

You must give expression to that which is not yet born to time

When you think about a matrix or a prophetic incubation process, you have to understand that potential is often unrealized and untapped. In other words, your potential is in raw form and your potential cannot serve you as long as it is untapped.

The thing that makes me valuable is that I have the ability to convert potential into power. I have done it in my own life and I have empowered leaders around the world to do the same. How do you convert potential into power?

First, it is important to note that you have to perceive potential. If you cannot perceive your potential then you can never cultivate your potential. In addition, you must take the time to cultivate your potential. We often get excited about our capabilities; however, we never expand our capacity in order to realize our greatest potential.

In other words, the strength of your potential is only discovered through your willingness to stretch. The more we are challenged the more we are empowered to expand our capacity for greatness. Most of all, you must begin to express your potential. The expression of potential is different for every person.

For example, the expression of my potential is best demonstrated through the thoughts, ideas, products, services, books, etc.

For another person the expression of potential may look like a screenplay, artwork, sports, scientific discoveries, medical breakthroughs, etc.

Regardless of the form of expression, I know that you will live empty and unfulfilled until you make the decision to express your potential. The expression of your potential gives voice to your dreams, life to your vision, significance to your moments and activates your true power.

You must manifest your greatness

As a revolutionary thinker and leader, my work has impacted people around the world. I am grateful that my life is a source of empowerment to so many people. However, before anyone could ever benefit from my life, I had to make a non-negotiable decision to become who I was born to be.

I wish I could tell you that this journey is easy and that you will get there overnight. However, in a world that celebrates us for doing we are often criticized for being. As a result, I wasted a lot of time trying to be who other people wanted me to be instead of being who I was born to be.

There is no greatness without becoming and there is no becoming with authenticity. It is through our bravery to be vulnerable that we ultimately manifest our greatness. We do not bless the world by being a duplicate. We bless the world when we honor our difference. When you honor your difference you honor your potential.

Ultimately, your difference is how you manifest your greatness.

When you present anything but your authentic self to the world, you are playing small and you are robbing the world of your significance. Manifesting your greatness requires you to master your gifts.

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Success Advice

Here’s a Young Man’s Antidote for the Uncertainty of the Modern World

Why do a lot of young guys lack confidence in today’s world? 



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