Success Advice
14 Things That Every Wall Street Newbie Needs to Know For Internship Success
Nowadays the best way to prepare for an internship is to know as much about the experience BEFOREHAND, as possible. There are so many little things that matter in a Wall Street internship…..and the more educated you are, the better off you’ll be.
Every minute in the office matters and every little bit of knowledge puts you one cut above the next man. In this dog eat dog world we live in its always good to know how you should and shouldn’t act on Wall Street if you hope to one day be a permanent staff member, making plenty of cash in the Boiler Room. We share with you 14 Things That Every Wall Street Newbie Should Know.
Wall Street Internship Advice
#1: Cold calling is hell
We all know it because we’ve all done it. Asking strangers for money on the phone is probably the worst thing you’ll do in your career, but it builds tenacity and forces you to develop an enormous tolerance for rejection.
If you’re perceptive, cold calling will teach you the one sacred truth you need to succeed in this world: Life is a straight-up numbers game, baby.
#2: Beware of egos
Lots of people on Wall Street have enormous egos. When they talk to you, an intern, they don’t actually expect you to speak to them in return. You just need to listen and nod attentively—like you’re hearing the great riddles of the universe solved for your benefit. This may sound demeaning but it isn’t. Not having to talk much or commit to anything is one of the biggest benefits of your internship.
#3: Your boss will lend you money
It sounds shocking, but it’s true. Not only that, he’ll feel good about it because it will make him feel powerful and strong. (For an explanation, see next item.)
#4: Avoid eye contact on the street
Never make eye contact with anyone on the street carrying a clipboard. Even if you come from one of the really polite sections of the country, like the South, you’ll eventually adjust to it.
Just stare at the sidewalk when you walk by anyone who looks like they may be conducting a survey or collecting signatures. (Note: You’ll know when you’ve gotten it right when you’re walking to Penn Station and you get ignored by the guys handing out discounted tickets to the Empire State Building: With enough practice, they’ll know you’re not a tourist from a hundred yards away.)
#5: You are not your boss’ friend
Drinking with your managing director on a Thursday night will only create a false sense of intimacy and equality: Your MD will feel compelled to overcompensate for drunkenly telling you about his fraternity days by icily shunning you on Friday morning.
#6: Your boss knows when you’re hungover.
Nobody buys it when you’re throwing up in the bathroom on a Friday morning with the “Stomach Flu”. Not for one second. We were young once too.
#7: Teamwork = interns make copies
When your boss tells you “It doesn’t really matter what your role is—it just matters that you’re part of the team” he’s struggling to keep a straight face.
#8: Prepare to be disliked
Some people will dislike you if you look like you were one of the cool kids in high school—especially if they weren’t.
#9: You will be judged by your school
People do judge you by where you went to college. (Paradoxically, this is especially true of people who are a little ashamed about where they went to school. Those who attended elite liberal arts colleges typically harbor no illusions about the practical value of their education.)
#10: You’re not as funny as Bess Levin.
Circulating a “comical” email that makes fun of your coworkers as a homage to Bess will get you fired nearly as fast as showing up to the office drunk.(For example, don’t do this.)
#11: You’re not as clever as John Carney
When Carney takes an outrageously contrarian position , he’s got a file cabinet full of GAO statistics and case law citations to support his argument. When you take the same heterodox position, you’ll sound hopelessly uninformed—or just plain unhinged.
#12: How to know when it’s bedtime
After 2 a.m. nobody will remember to text you the address of the bar they’re meeting at.
#13: Beware of social media.
#14: This is as good as it gets
As hard as this may be to believe, people are actually being nice to you. When you return as a first-year associate—and they’re paying you real money—it will be a different story because then they’ll own your soul.
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