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You’ve Broken Your New Year’s Resolution. Now What?



New years resolution

When was the last time you really thought about what you wanted to accomplish in the next 12 months? Most of us will take part in the somewhat dated ritual of coming up with New Year’s Resolutions, but do we really know what they mean? 12 months is a long time, and many people stick to a New Year’s Resolution for less than a month before they drop out.

Often times, New Year’s Resolutions are just subtly veiled attempts at fixing what you don’t like about yourself. I’m overweight, so I should resolve to go to the gym every day. I’m depressed, maybe I should try mindfulness. It’s easy to get caught up in the Christmas sugar rush and the New Year’s buzz and think that resolutions are going to be easy-peasy. But history will tell us that New Year’s Resolutions are some of the hardest things to accomplish.

Enter John Doerr and the concept of OKRs, or Objectives & Key Results. If someone sits you down and asks you to to describe your long term objectives and key result areas, would you know how to respond? Likely not, but by starting to think in this way you might start to develop an appreciation for the hard work that goes into forming long terms goals, and how much strategic thinking goes into coming up with the best ways to reach those goals.

John Doerr is a venture capitalist from Kleiner Perkins in Menlo Park, California who often speaks about the importance of setting far reaching goals tied to specific tactics and actions. In his TED Talk on the real secret to success, Doerr outlines how powerful setting specific goals and targeted actions can be to achieving long term success.

I’ve long been a fan of the OKR method, both for its simplicity and its effectiveness. If you don’t know much about it, the fine people at Google have put together a fantastic overview of how to set OKRs.

Now, if you’re looking for ways to develop more far-reaching goals for yourself or your organization, check out these four ways to identify the perfect OKRs:

1. Develop an annual outlook

Don’t try to stretch too far when you set your OKRs. Start with objectives that you can reach in a year in a stretch, rather than objectives that you MIGHT reach in 3-5 years. Breaking down objectives into the perfect size is often an art, as you don’t want to go too short (one month) or too long (2-3 years).

Goals that are too short term run the risk of not being inspiring enough to drive action, while long term objectives are harder to grasp.

“The greater danger for most of us isn’t that our aim is too high and miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo

2. Focus on the purpose, mission and vision

Spend time asking yourself what the main thing is you’re talking about in this situation. What is the topic at hand? Perhaps more importantly, what is in scope, and what is out of scope? Make sure the objective is something that inspires you and your team, rather than just you.

Imagine standing up in front of a group of people and talking about the same topic, over and over again, over the space of a year. If the idea of this doesn’t excite you, it’s best to choose a topic or a theme that is better suited to your interests.

3. Break down the vision

Once you’ve defined your vision clearly, determine what it will take to get there. Take your time on this step. Define and agree on the results and the actions that are required to reach that long-term objective.

Outline 1-3 key actions and results which will drive success of the objective. If there are over 5 key actions necessary to reach success, it may be necessary to break out that large objective into multiple smaller objectives.

“We aim above the mark to hit the mark.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

4. Create a culture of check-ins and catch-ups

Get into the habit of having weekly and monthly check-ins so that people are aware of the progress being made on each objective. This is a good opportunity to get other people involved and interested in what you’re working on and share what you’ve been excited about in recent weeks. The hard part about this is maintaining consistency and making sure you don’t miss a week or two.

The power of OKRs is incredible if implemented correctly, and I would recommend them to anyone who has previously (successfully or unsuccessfully) attempted to adopt a New Year’s Resolution for the betterment of themselves and their team.

How are you going to make sure you stay on track with your resolutions for this year? Share your thoughts and advice for others below!

McVal is the founder of We Write For Growth, a platform for businesses to connect with talented writers and researchers and growth hackers. He is also the author of How to Make $2,000 a Month Online and Start Up your Life: Why we don’t know what we want, and how to set goals that really matter. McVal writes about motivation, decision making, and strategic thinking. He graduated from UC Santa Barbara in 2011 with a degree in Spanish, and has since worked as a market researcher and business consultant in Washington D.C., New York City and London. You can reach him on Twitter @mcval or on IG @mcvaliant. 

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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