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Why the Primal Necessity of Showing the Real You Leads to Success



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In today’s society, where conformity has become the norm, it has become tough to find real people. In our efforts to fit in we dress, behave, and eat the same as everyone else, forgetting our individuality is what makes us remarkable. Of course, acting in a certain way makes you fit in with particular crowds.

But why would you want to be the same as everyone else when you can stand out by being unapologetically real? Research indicates that people who show their authentic selves are more successful than those who try to fit in with the crowd. Read on to find out why the primal necessity of showing a real you leads to success.

Accept yourself as you are

In recent times, authentic people are the minority, but, fortunately, more people are learning the benefits of remaining unique and going against the norm. You have a purpose that nobody who has ever lived or who will ever live doesn’t have. Being unapologetically real leads you to discover your purpose. Until you conclude peace with yourself and let yourself be yourself, you, most likely can’t build a strong relationship with somebody who you like.

You are confident

Being confident is not easy, and the best place to develop and improve it is by starting at the source, you. Being yourself makes you a unique person. You can identify your strengths as well as weaknesses, which enables you to have higher self-esteem. Your weaknesses can no longer be used against you because you have already accepted them. You can stick up for your beliefs without caring what anyone will think of you.

Confidence in your true abilities pushes you to take risks that a person who is used to conforming to societal standards would not. Furthermore, confidence attracts confidence. A confident, authentic person draws people who have the same qualities which gets you a supportive group of friends.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brene Brown

You have an open mind/passionate

One of the best benefits of being the real you is that you have an open mind. You accept that you can’t have control over your thoughts all the time and hence are more open to ideas. The beliefs of others don’t confine you, and you accept that you are not all-knowing. You pile up ideas on ways to approach different situations hence strengthening yourself. By having an open mind, you know that mistakes happen and that there is the possibility of failure. You use your mistakes as an opportunity to learn other people’s perspectives and make yourself better.

You live in the moment

Tomorrow is not promised. Why would you take for granted this gift of life by wasting it trying to be someone you are not? The best time to be the real you is now. When a person decides to live in the moment, their lives become happier and more satisfied. Enjoying every little time you have now makes you more present-minded. Instead of spending your time regretting or worrying about your past or what the future may bring, why don’t you simply enjoy the present you have?

We sometimes make the mistake of having expectations on ourselves that are too high to achieve leading to disappointments. Many people give up when things don’t work out the way they would like. Maybe you have been waiting for that promotion for a year now, but it doesn’t seem to be happening. Accept your reality and keep working hard towards your goal trusting that it will happen eventually.

You are authentic

As it is about art portraits ‘be an original.’ An original is worth more than a fake. Although there is no easy road to success, you can make your journey easier by being authentic. Authenticity means that your decisions are not affected by pressures from outside influences. It means going against the norms and standing for your beliefs. Genuine people become successful. Decision making becomes a bit easier because you are better able to say no to things you don’t support.

You trust your instincts more and can differentiate between honest people and those that are not. When building a business, you definitely don’t want to be surrounded by people who are dishonest with you. People will trust the quality of your work. People who don’t feel the need to make excuses for their mistakes are admirable.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

You don’t owe anyone anything

Do you often feel the need to explain your actions to people? Or are you one of those who apologize for everything? It is about time you stop doing that. You don’t owe anyone anything. Be unapologetically yourself, you will be happier. Why should you apologize for being you? We usually ask for so little for ourselves forgetting that we deserve all the love, kindness and care that we give to others.

When you embrace that and love the reflection you see in the mirror, you become more confident and can go for your goals knowing you deserve it. You hear people say things like, ‘I owe my boss a lot for giving me this promotion,’ or ‘I owe my spouse a lot for sticking with me’. Don’t mistake gratitude for debt. If you worked for it, you deserved it. You don’t owe anything to anyone except yourself.

You remember how to dream

Living your life as someone you aren’t can be very stressful and might even feel like a battle you have to fight every day. Your thoughts become constrained to a particular way of thinking. However, once you embrace the real you, life becomes a bit easier. You are less stressed, and you can be creative and passionate about dreams you have been locking away.

Can you imagine just how happy you’d be if you lived your life doing what you love? Why would you want to live in this world fulfilling other people’s dreams and putting yours on hold? You were born to shine. You will be doing an injustice to the world by hiding that light.

It is both mentally and physically exhausting going about every day of your life pretending to be something you aren’t. Walk in your own shoes that fit instead of walking in someone else’s that may be too small for you. If you can’t be yourself who else can you be?

Kevin Whalez is a relationship coach specializing in breakups and divorce and a freelance blogger as well. He is into writing articles where he gives give recommendations on how to handle mental and health issues. He currently runs Potency Up resource.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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