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The One Deadly Self Improvement Mistake We Must All Avoid



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Like all self help junkies, I was self obsessed about goals. Goals like becoming a millionaire before 30. I started my personal development journey when I was 23. At first I was super optimistic and I couldn’t wait to change the world! But over the years, things started to change.

Since graduating college, I had a bitter taste of what “the real world” is like. I hate to say it but, no amount of books can get you ready for real life challenges. Yes, you may find a guide that will help you navigate the path, but to endure the path, you’re on your own on that one. Despite getting all the “expert” information in our heads and taking action, the lack of persistence in millennials like me, can be credited to one big mistake.

Thinking That Reading the Top 1% Material Makes You the Top 1%

Just because you read personal development books, watch videos on starting a business and listen to life-hacking podcasts, you are no more special than the next person. It is very easy to get caught up with this idea, that just because you’re in a special group of people who spend time on education instead of entertainment (the Top 1%) – that somehow you are magically part of the Top 1%.

For example, I would look at stats that show 20 somethings growing tech companies and becoming billionaires.I started to think I’m in that special group of people that make it. I would look at stats of 99% of businesses fail in the first 5 years and jump to conclusions that those 99% of people weren’t knowledgeable enough and that I, with all my business reading and education will be in the Top 1% that will make it.

I’d look at divorce rates and assume that the 50% who fail at their marriages didn’t think it through. They never picked up a book on relationship dynamics or watched a video on how to make a marriage last. In short, they’re dumb and I’m smart. Or put it another way, I was an ignorant and arrogant person who seemed to know it all.

“Every beautiful mind has great dreams, but rarely is anyone ever ready to work hard for their dreams.” – Terry Mark

Here’s the thing, reading all the books, enrolling in all the courses and attending the seminars doesn’t make you a pro. You may become a Top 1% expert, but you’re not a Top 1% expert practitioner. Don’t fall for the Top 1% trap as some gurus even explicitly say that you’re in the Top 1% for watching their videos or joining their courses. They say things like most adults don’t ever read a book after finishing college and “insert other flattering elite statistic here.”

It’s very easy to scoff at people who fail, especially when you think you have all the answers, but when you’re put in a similar situation and things fail unexpectedly, then you realize you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

It happens to the best of us, even the smartest and most experienced people fail. You’re not the chosen one who has a special shield handed down by the gurus, and immune to all these human flaws. You will fail, and everyone does. The trick is not to think that you somehow get special treatment from the universe simply because you picked up a book somewhere.

The Number One Dream Killer

Social media mogul, Gary Vaynerchuk was once asked in one of his vlogs – what’s the difference between those who make it (people like The Rock) and those who don’t. Knowing him by now, most of his followers would expect something like “hard frickin work” or “hustle 24/7” or “grind.”

His answer was “Zero entitlement.” Whether you admit or not, quite a number of gurus out there instill a certain sense of entitlement in you, thinking you’re special because you have insider information, their information.

The dangers of this entitlement mentality is that you will give up much sooner rather than later. You will think “I’m supposed to at least be mildly successful at the first try, knowing how much I know.” Your expectations are set so high that you get demotivated, discouraged and down each time you flop. Eventually, you give up altogether.

“Entitlement is a delusion built on self-centeredness and laziness.”

A Bulletproof Way To View The World

Not long ago, I came across a tweet that silenced the entitled brat in me. It went: “One thing I have learned, running a company, working in VC, and raising/supporting a family: difficult and complicated is the default situation. Hoping for anything else is delusional. Must instead expect hard things and always be willing to face them head on.”

It was written by venture capitalist Nick Grossman and it couldn’t be further from the truth. It is only foolish for us to think that success is going to be easy or at least easier. However, it’s not, and the sooner we realize it, the better off we are at actually achieving it.

How do you make sure you’re self-aware? Let us know in the comments below!

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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