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The 3 Types of Confidence You Need to Know and Understand

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the different types of confidence
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We’ve all heard it before, confidence is everything. Those that seem to have it, have it all. They, themselves, are not necessarily perfect human beings, but they seemingly have the charisma to attract whatever they want in life.

I remember way back in middle school during those awkward years looking at some of the popular kids questioning what they had that I didn’t. Were they just amazing at sports or were they cool since they wore the coolest designer clothes? What was it that they had that others didn’t?

I thought about it and came to the conclusion that they really weren’t any better than anyone else. They simply possessed the “I know I’ve got it” factor. They walked around with a certain swagger. For what reason you might ask? I’m not entirely sure. But, I realized people like them – that look like they have it all – all seem to have confidence.

So, I figured confidence must be the secret sauce to attracting good things in life. Look at some of the most successful people in this world – They all seemed to have confidence even when others didn’t believe in them. While some people might hypothesize confidence only comes as a result of excelling in certain areas, I decided that confidence was going to come first. I figured if I can be self-assured, I’ll simply attract good things in life.

So from then on, confidence was going to be my thing. No questions – From standing up straight to speaking with certainty, I decided I would learn everything I could about confidence so that it would become part of my very identity.

Here are the 3 types of confidence one can have:

1. Self-Centered Confidence

We’ve all seen what I like to call self-centered confidence or just straight cockiness. This level of self-praise is a bit nauseating for everyone around that person. It’s a result of self-obsession. Basically, the world revolves around this person, so when things are going well, they are cocky and when things are not going their way, they are secretly insecure. This type of confidence is unwarranted because it assumes “I’m better than you” for no reason. In my book, no one’s better than me and I’m no better than anyone else.

“At the end of the day, the king & the pawn go in the same box.” – Italian Proverb

2. Perfection-Seeking Confidence

The next type of confidence is what I like to call Perfection-seeking confidence. The thought here is that if I perform in all of these areas, then I will be confident. This is exactly what I subscribed to in middle school. I figured, if I work really hard in all these areas and simply exemplify confidence, I will in turn be unshakeable.

You see this type plastered all over the internet these days – There is so much messaging out there about independent women or guys that hustle like no other. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve always been inspired by girl power. I dreamt about becoming a career woman who made things happen.

But, what about those times when you’re stuck in a job you don’t like? Can you still label yourself as an independent, powerful woman then? How does that affect your identity? You need a different kind of confidence that will be there not only when you’re doing well, but also when you’re at your worst.

3. Faith-filled Confidence

This brings me to the last and ultimate kind of confidence. Faith-filled confidence, which is not dependent on outside circumstances, but an underlying faith that tomorrow can be better than today through hard work and grit. This is the type of confidence that brings you peace in understanding that you might not have it all together today, but you trust that you have the values to get you there.

This is the type that might say, “Hey I might currently suck at this particular skill, but I know I’ll get there eventually.” It brings you peace. It’s the type of confidence that can carry you when the going gets tough. It’s not focused on yourself, but a belief that whether through friends, family, God or the good of this world, everything will eventually be all right. It’s saying, “Like wine, I’ll get better with time.”

“It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” – Oprah Winfrey

In all, not all confidence is created equal. There are various types, but not all of them will take you where you need to be. So ask yourself – which type of confidence are you seeking? Are you seeking the kind that places yourself at the forefront or are you seeking an inner peace type of confidence that trusts in the good of tomorrow beyond yourself? This will make all the difference. 

Jessica Brewer founded Think Train to help entrepreneurs execute an online presence through digital marketing. Her passion lies in helping companies & individuals pinpoint their purpose & further this message via online mediums. Follow her on instagram @jess_l_brewer or check out her website at www.thinktrain.io to learn more.

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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