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Don’t Like Your Story? Here Are 8 Steps to Reboot Your Life and Start Again

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Create your own story
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Most of the habits, routines, and rituals we practice as adults were learned at an early age. Some of these behaviors serve us well while others create barriers to our personal progress and professional success. And though it’s true that you aren’t responsible for all the awful lessons you might have learned during your youth, as an adult you are ultimately accountable for your choices and habits.

So, what happens when much of what you learned was essential to your childhood survival but is now getting in the way of your ability to thrive? You … can start … again.

Here are eight steps to help you launch your new mindset:

1. Write a deep and meaningful love letter to yourself

Grab a pen and some paper, turn on some relaxing music, get in a comfortable position, and get prepared to write the most profound and meaningful letter of your life. As you begin to write, try to recall your childhood hopes and dreams. Write about the level of commitment you will make to yourself. Write about how you’ll forgive and help yourself stand whenever life knocks you down. When you write, be as detailed as possible. Your love letter will have a tremendous ongoing impact on your life. Don’t rush through it. Just sit with your thoughts for a while.

2. Nurture yourself like a well-loved child

See your younger self as a child that you are responsible for protecting, nurturing, guiding and providing care for. Make it a habit of speaking lovingly and kindly to the child you carry within you. Your interactions with the world can be rough, but you can choose gentleness when caring for your own emotional well-being.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou

3. Use a vision board to practice visualization

A vision board is used to display images representing whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. Similar to visualization, vision boards work in line with the principles of The Law of Attraction. Create a vision board and let your imagination soar. Free your mind to allow for every possibility. Know there are no limits except the ones you have imagined.

4. Take your visualization to epic proportions by writing your future story

This exercise is in line with the work you’ve done on your vision board. It’s about hoping for the future and believing in yourself. As you write your future story, you’ll need to abandon your self-limiting beliefs. Tell the story as you would to a friend who hasn’t seen you in five or more years. As you write your future story, share the achievements that made you proud and tell your friend about the many changes you have made and the obstacles you overcame to get where you are in that moment.

5. Invest in a planner/journal and take your dreams from wishing to measurable goals

Planners and journals are great tools that are too often overlooked. There’s a belief that, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail” and also a belief that “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” Planners help to minimize the risk of failure by helping you identify milestones and tackle potential issues. Working with a journal also helps you to document wins, work through challenges and brainstorm solutions. As you use your planner, revisit your vision board and future story and bring it all together.

6. Make your home, and workspaces work for you

Whether it’s your home or workspace, make it personal, nurturing, supportive and comfortable. These are the spaces where you live out your days. Every sight, sound, and smell has an effect on both your body and mind. Make your areas work to empower you, boost your productivity, and nurture your imagination. Make it look and feel like the you that you are striving to become.

7. Show yourself love by practicing excellent self-care

If you want to test your self-love, look at how well you practice self-care. We give time and attention to the things we care most about. And we tend to care most about the things we give our time and attention to. Practicing self-care includes getting enough physical activity, eating well, caring for our emotional well-being, being kind to ourselves with our self-talk and doing the extras like caring for our skin and getting massages. The last two items might appear minor, but notice how much we tend to touch those we love.

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” – Diane Von Furstenberg

8. Develop and practice a ritual with mantras, motivation, and meditation

Why mantras, motivation, and meditation? Mantras because you can make mindset changes by repeating motivational and empowering phrases to connect with your thoughts and rewrite your subconscious beliefs. Motivation because you can seek clarity in your goals and empower yourself to take action to achieve your dreams. Meditation because you can strive to feel centered and find peace of mind.

Reboot your life and begin again by retraining your brain to adopt a healthier, more positive mindset and discovering more functional habits. Give these eight recommendations a shot, then pay close attention to the changes you’ll begin to notice within your mind, throughout your body, and in your surroundings.

Marcia Hylton is a digital marketing consultant. Marcia’s career in digital marketing began with first ten years in the corporate world leading digital marketing for large corporations including the largest healthcare organization in the US. For the ten years following her corporate career, Marcia ran her own national award-winning digital marketing agency. During this time, Marcia was also a co-host on one of the most highly-rated Houston-area business-talk radio shows (The Price of Business on CBS and Bloomberg radio). For additional resources visit www.upyourdigitaliq.com or www.marciahylton.com.

Life

7 Ways You Can Increase Your Concentration Right Away

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In today’s world, an overabundance of information and a large number of distractions is making it increasingly difficult to concentrate on performing the necessary tasks. In this article, I propose 7 simple methods that will train your ability to concentrate, while not taking you from your usual activities. (more…)

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5 Simple Hacks to Help You Develop the Habit That Will Transform Your Life

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It’s excruciating when we know what’s killing us but we can’t do anything about it because as you know, it is not easy to pull the brake on a high way. According to Napoleon Hill, “remember this always – the best (and one might say the only) way in which old habits may be removed is to form new habits to counteract and replace the undesirable ones”. (more…)

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Life

Why Do We Have An Unconscious Bias and How Can We Manage It?

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When I hear someone using my name once in a while throughout the conversation we are having, I cannot stop myself thinking “this person must have read Dale Carnegie’s books or must have been influenced by someone who read them…” Have you just recalled a similar moment and it felt nice?

As Dale Carnegie famously said, “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and the most important sound in any language”. Why did Dale Carnegie highlight the importance of an individual’s name to that person in his “How to Win Friends and Influence People” book published in 1936?

Each and every one of us wants to feel special and unique. I guess he recommends using the person’s name in the conversation because that is one of the easiest ways to grab that person’s attention so that we can enhance the chances of getting our point across. However, I am more interested in this from the other side; hearing our names directly addresses our individuality, our need or desire to feel special and unique.  

Let’s park this one for now and we will come back. 

Categorization is essential to our survival

There is countless scientific research telling us about how our brains recognize similarities and put things into categories, which has been crucial to our survival in evolution and still helps us with a lot of things from learning new things to coping with the continuous influx of massive amounts of information through our senses. 

The continuous influx of information is mostly handled by our subconscious mind rather than conscious. It is estimated that our brains receive about 11 million bits of information every second through our senses, of which only 40-50 bits can be processed by our conscious mind. We process more information than we are aware of. The magic here is the subconscious mind.

An example is when you are at a very loud party where you hear a lot of words flying around without you recognizing each one of them, then suddenly, you immediately catch it when you hear your name. Your subconscious had been processing all of those words, without your awareness, but informed your conscious mind when your name was out there because it was relevant to you.

In order to most effectively process this much information and inform the conscious mind with only the relevant ones, our subconscious employs categorization as one of its strategies.

When our ancestors encountered some deadly predators in the African savanna, their subconscious prompted their conscious mind to immediately fight or flight by categorizing the information gathered through their senses into “predator / life threat / take action”. Most probably we are not descendants of the ones that were frozen rather than fighting or flighting! 

Although it is a completely different situation, the same strategy applied in remembering lists. Let’s look at the below two lists.

  1. lion, eagle, shark, leopard, hawk, whale, panther, falcon and dolphin 
  2. lion, leopard, panther, eagle, hawk, falcon, shark, whale and dolphin

The second list is easy to remember because it is reordered into relevant groups even though the content of the both lists are identical.

Subconsciousness is the magic and categorization is one of its key strategies. It is essential to our survival, learning new skills and processing information as well as bringing back the information we had processed and stored. 

This amazing skill has its drawbacks

As a result of our brains’ categorization strategy, we also categorize people, especially if we don’t know them as well as our closest ones.

Imagine I am sitting at the table next to yours while you are having your favorite coffee and working on your computer or reading your novel at your neighborhood coffee shop. I stand up, very calmly grab your bag, and start walking away. Your reaction might be quite different depending on my outfit. It could be much more vocal and harsh if I have a dirty T-Shirt and a pair of torn jeans on. However, if I have some navy colored, 3-piece suit and well-pressed white button up shirt on, you might even say something like “Excuse me, you might have picked up my bag by mistake”. (There is an experiment done by social psychologists which reported similar results)

Similarly, I would not be surprised to hear that my co-worker’s spouse is very skilled and knowledgeable in English grammar and literature because he is an English teacher. However, I would not expect it from my co-worker herself because she is an outstanding chemical engineer.  

This is defined as unconscious bias or stereotyping, as a result of our subconscious brain’s categorization strategy. The outfit I have at the coffee shop impacts your response to my action, because it puts me into a different category in your mind depending on my outfit. My co-worker’s and her spouse’s backgrounds make me put them into different categories, which might mislead me sometimes.

Just like we categorize things, it is very natural that we categorize people.  

The key question here for me is; how do we truly treat people as individuals so that they feel unique, just like as they would want, while we know that our brains categorize people

We can overcome unconscious bias 

Leonard Mlodinow, in his enlightening book “Subliminal”, suggests that “if we are aware of our bias and motivated to overcome it, we can.” That doesn’t mean that we need to fight our brain’s categorization strategy. We just need to employ our conscious mind more when we are working or dealing with individuals. 

Our unconscious bias might tell us scientists are bunch of technical nerds who cannot understand abstract concepts that marketers are talking about or it might say that marketers are some daydreamers who need to be grounded by scientists to the real world all the time. I am an engineer and I love thinking in abstract terms and I worked with quite a lot of marketers who thought primarily in factual and concrete terms. 

Spending some effort to learn more about individuals will help overcome unconscious bias. Gathering more information and qualities about them will make it easier for us to treat them as individuals rather than a member of the category we put them in our minds. 

The moral of the story here is to recognize the fact that our brains do categorize, and it is essential; but also, to recognize that every individual wants to feel unique. When we appreciate these two and keep reminding them to ourselves, we are one step closer to figuring out our own way to overcome unconscious bias and treat people more like individuals. 

What was the most interesting part of this article for you? Share your thoughts below!

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Life

The Problem Is Not Actually the Problem: Here’s Why

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With my understanding of the Three Principles, which is deepening month-by-month, I’m becoming more curious about whether the ‘problem’ that we think we have, is really a problem. Not for one second am I dismissing a persons’ experience; I’m human after all and I encounter challenges and what I think are ‘problems’ just like the next person. (more…)

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