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8 Tips to Developing Better Boundaries in Your Life

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Boundaries have, for some time now, been elevated and promoted as a necessity to high-performance and productivity. By setting boundaries, people are allowed to focus on whatever they want and ensure a greater likelihood of achieving it. However, a life of boundaries, high-performance, and productivity are not solely for the Type-A high-achiever. Boundaries are for everyone.

Boundaries are for everyone because everyone is a performer, and everything we do can either be productive or not. We are all performers in the sense that we all have roles, relationships, and responsibilities. In all three, we can either be “performing” well or not-so-well. For example, you can be a great friend, a good friend, or an okay friend. A high-performance friend then is most likely someone loyal, who listens, and who loves well. Likewise, In many of our activities, whether it is going on vacation or having a meal with a friend, these activities can be highly productive or not.

In every aspect of life, we should strive to be high-performing and highly-productive. From home to work, people should receive our best. Whether it’s a vacation or lunch, you should be able to confidently say, “that was productive!”

Here are 8 tips to developing better boundaries:

1. Make a plan and stick to it

We often say yes to or get distracted thinking about things we shouldn’t, because we didn’t have a plan. We had a vague plan to do these things and then said yes to something else, thinking we can do them later. Unfortunately, that time later was supposed to be used for something important. 

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for, gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.” – Henry Cloud

2. Focus on purpose over the present

It is said that if everything is necessary, then nothing is important. If you do not have a purpose, a list of priorities, it will be tough to decide what to do. To be highly-productive, you will have to be highly-purposeful. Focus on your purpose over your present (urgent but not important demands). For example, if you want to be a great friend, remember that being a good friend means being attentive and present to them. Hopefully, that will stop you from checking your phone.

3. Have a social bubble

For all you extroverts out there who can’t say no to social interaction, make social bubbles. To fight the pandemic, governments have encouraged its people to have a bubble, a small group of people they commit to only seeing indoors. However, you likely have many people you wish to go for a walk with or even call. Consider having another bubble of people you only go for walks with and one for people you Zoom. By doing this, you can maintain social interaction and time toward your main priorities.

4. Set limits

Maybe you don’t like planning or can’t do it for everything. Instead, trying setting yourself limits to things. Limit the number of walks and meals you have and the time spent eating or on a screen. Have a limit to how many people you see each week or how many day trips you have a month.

5. Make a mess

Suppose you are super focused on getting your priorities done. In that case, you may discover that whatever is at the bottom of the priority list doesn’t get done – things like vacuuming the floor, cleaning the dishes, and cooking. To become exceptionally productive, you will have to let some things slide. Don’t do the dishes every time or even every day. Don’t cook every meal and meal-prep instead.

6. Humble yourself

You are not that important. The world and the happiness of people do not rest on your shoulders. If you remember these two truths, you will find it easier to say no to people’s demands. One of the reasons we say yes too often is because we think the world will end if we don’t. We must get it into our hearts and bones that is not the case at all.

“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal and necessary.” – Doreen Virtue

7. Schedule it for later

For some people or things, you shouldn’t say no but only later. “I can’t hang out this weekend, but how about the next?” Maybe someone asks you for help at work. First, ask if it has to be addressed now, and then ask if you can get back to them later that day or even the next.

8. Be a coach

Sometimes people come to you for questions—about work or life. As a talker, you love to give your opinion and to give them advice. Restrain yourself. Instead, ask them some questions to help them find a solution for themselves. Or, challenge them to seek a solution on their own. Tell them to watch that helpful video on youtube or read that insightful book.

Boundaries are challenging because most of us like to say yes. Many of us have been taught to be flexible and attentive to others and judge those who are not. What anyone who struggles with boundaries must remember at the end of the day is that by saying no to things, you are saying yes to the important things. And when you give the necessary time to those important things in your life, your life and the lives of those dearest to you, get better.

Ryan Lui is a high-performance coach who helps business leaders raise their performance so they can reach their goals. He understands that worthy goals require work and a high-performing person. Therefore, he helps people increase their focus, move forward, and go faster towards fulfilling their great and good goals. Ryan resides in the beautiful Pacific NorthWest. He loves black coffee in the morning, riding his bike through the city, and talking to people about their personality type. Connect with him at ryanlui.com.

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How Your Psychological Blind Spots Keep You Stuck in Life

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Sometimes, life doesn’t seem to make any sense. Albert Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Here’s the funny thing. We will say that line about someone else, have a good chuckle, and then DO THE SAME THING OURSELVES! This time, it’s not that funny, is it? I know. I’ve done it myself. (more…)

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3 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself and Live an Optimized Life

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The secret to happiness lies in the way you live your life. People think of happiness as some destination they’ll reach when they’ve accomplished the hundred things on their life to-do list. Happiness is often associated with money, material possessions, or even great relationships. (more…)

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These 7 Daily Resolutions Can Change Your Life

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We all strive to be better every day. Most of us want a new day to bring something new, and we plan for it as well. Of course, the execution is debatable as procrastination is real and it becomes an overwhelming feeling at times. Also, not to forget the customary practice of making resolutions on new year’s eve!  All of us are fascinated by the thought of preparing long lists of resolves to mark the beginning of a new year. Not sure how many people are able to translate these resolutions into functional realities. (more…)

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4 Reasons Why Content Is Pivotal For Mental Health Healing

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One of the most important things for an entrepreneur’s mental health is expressing their feelings, thoughts, and emotions. This is where content creation and writing becomes pivotal. Whether you read something that resonates with you or you write a compelling blog post, the act of expressing yourself through content can help to put a smile on your face and make you feel better about things.

Most entrepreneurs don’t spend as much time taking care of their mental health as they should. Over the course of your career, you will experience a lot of ups and downs; these emotions have the potential to take a toll on your mind and body if you don’t learn to manage them properly.

Here are four reasons why expression through content is pivotal for healing, slowing yourself down, and giving yourself grace when the going gets tough.

1. Content can be a form of self-expression

When you are an entrepreneur, you frequently face feelings of insecurity, doubt, fear, apathy, and exhaustion, just to name a few. Some days it feels like no one is on your business’s side and everyone else has it all figured out. On those days some of us try to look at our website’s analytics to cheer up. 

But an even more freeing task is creating content. You create content to improve your business and reach more people’s lives. But, there is something special that happens when you write with the intention of expressing your thoughts and feelings — you open a door to yourself. 

Content is inherently personal, which means content creators open themselves up when they share their thoughts on a platform. Everything from the title of the post, the keywords they choose to include, and even the content itself helps you to understand who the author of that post truly is. And as an entrepreneur, this can be an important experience because it allows others to empathize with you.

2. Self-reflection will lift you up

As you think through what to write about and how to express yourself, the process of self reflection is a valuable step you need to go through. You’re able to reflect on the blessings you have, assess what you learned from the negative experiences, and create a plan on how to maintain the positive experiences you’ve had. 

There are a few ways that self reflection can help you with mental health healing. The act of reflecting on your experiences helps to create clarity in feelings, thoughts and emotions which will eventually lead into acceptance for what has happened or is happening currently without feeling overwhelmed by it all. This process also leads people towards finding new things they enjoy doing. Self reflection is therapeutic and can be implemented anytime you feel the need to overcome overwhelm.

“Writing in a journal each day allows you to direct your focus to what you accomplished, what you’re grateful for and what you’re committed to doing better tomorrow. Thus, you more deeply enjoy your journey each day.” – Hal Elrod

3. A sense of belonging and camaraderie

It is important to have a support network of people who will listen and understand what you are going through. When you post a blog or upload a video on YouTube, there are others who feel the same way and experience a sense of connection with you.

When you put time, attention and thoughtfulness into your writing, it is amazing when someone reads what you’ve written and comments on it thanking you or expressing how they resonate with what you’re going through. It’s hard to put into words how powerful it feels when someone who has gone through the same experience and reads your words then reaches out.  There is power in expression but miracles happen when people bond over a similar experience.

4. Library of content to share with more people

It can be very difficult to know what content to share with people as the symptoms of mental health disorders (anxiety, depression, etc.) vary from person to person. But as you accumulate more and more content, this will increase the number of articles or videos available for readers to choose from depending on their specific purpose. It also builds your personal library of resources you’re able to share to different people you encounter or engage directly with.

As chaotic and distracting social media can be, it can also be a beacon of hope with the right content. Many people share viral posts, or content that interest them. Since your content is valuable and personal, the more you share it, the more likely it is to be shared with the right audience.

You never know who is watching (reading)

Your content is speaking to someone and even though they may not be actively engaged, their experiences with your work are impacting them. Think about the last time you watched TV: did everyone in the room have something entertaining to say? 

You never know who’s watching because there’s always somebody reading your posts or viewing your videos-even if they just skim through it briefly. This is why creating content worth consuming is critical, not only to get you out of your funk, but also to serve your audience.  Be authentic and stay true to yourself; make every post count as an opportunity for connection with your best self and for potential readers to bond with you.

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