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8 Tips to Developing Better Boundaries in Your Life

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Boundaries have, for some time now, been elevated and promoted as a necessity to high-performance and productivity. By setting boundaries, people are allowed to focus on whatever they want and ensure a greater likelihood of achieving it. However, a life of boundaries, high-performance, and productivity are not solely for the Type-A high-achiever. Boundaries are for everyone.

Boundaries are for everyone because everyone is a performer, and everything we do can either be productive or not. We are all performers in the sense that we all have roles, relationships, and responsibilities. In all three, we can either be “performing” well or not-so-well. For example, you can be a great friend, a good friend, or an okay friend. A high-performance friend then is most likely someone loyal, who listens, and who loves well. Likewise, In many of our activities, whether it is going on vacation or having a meal with a friend, these activities can be highly productive or not.

In every aspect of life, we should strive to be high-performing and highly-productive. From home to work, people should receive our best. Whether it’s a vacation or lunch, you should be able to confidently say, “that was productive!”

Here are 8 tips to developing better boundaries:

1. Make a plan and stick to it

We often say yes to or get distracted thinking about things we shouldn’t, because we didn’t have a plan. We had a vague plan to do these things and then said yes to something else, thinking we can do them later. Unfortunately, that time later was supposed to be used for something important. 

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for, gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.” – Henry Cloud

2. Focus on purpose over the present

It is said that if everything is necessary, then nothing is important. If you do not have a purpose, a list of priorities, it will be tough to decide what to do. To be highly-productive, you will have to be highly-purposeful. Focus on your purpose over your present (urgent but not important demands). For example, if you want to be a great friend, remember that being a good friend means being attentive and present to them. Hopefully, that will stop you from checking your phone.

3. Have a social bubble

For all you extroverts out there who can’t say no to social interaction, make social bubbles. To fight the pandemic, governments have encouraged its people to have a bubble, a small group of people they commit to only seeing indoors. However, you likely have many people you wish to go for a walk with or even call. Consider having another bubble of people you only go for walks with and one for people you Zoom. By doing this, you can maintain social interaction and time toward your main priorities.

4. Set limits

Maybe you don’t like planning or can’t do it for everything. Instead, trying setting yourself limits to things. Limit the number of walks and meals you have and the time spent eating or on a screen. Have a limit to how many people you see each week or how many day trips you have a month.

5. Make a mess

Suppose you are super focused on getting your priorities done. In that case, you may discover that whatever is at the bottom of the priority list doesn’t get done – things like vacuuming the floor, cleaning the dishes, and cooking. To become exceptionally productive, you will have to let some things slide. Don’t do the dishes every time or even every day. Don’t cook every meal and meal-prep instead.

6. Humble yourself

You are not that important. The world and the happiness of people do not rest on your shoulders. If you remember these two truths, you will find it easier to say no to people’s demands. One of the reasons we say yes too often is because we think the world will end if we don’t. We must get it into our hearts and bones that is not the case at all.

“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal and necessary.” – Doreen Virtue

7. Schedule it for later

For some people or things, you shouldn’t say no but only later. “I can’t hang out this weekend, but how about the next?” Maybe someone asks you for help at work. First, ask if it has to be addressed now, and then ask if you can get back to them later that day or even the next.

8. Be a coach

Sometimes people come to you for questions—about work or life. As a talker, you love to give your opinion and to give them advice. Restrain yourself. Instead, ask them some questions to help them find a solution for themselves. Or, challenge them to seek a solution on their own. Tell them to watch that helpful video on youtube or read that insightful book.

Boundaries are challenging because most of us like to say yes. Many of us have been taught to be flexible and attentive to others and judge those who are not. What anyone who struggles with boundaries must remember at the end of the day is that by saying no to things, you are saying yes to the important things. And when you give the necessary time to those important things in your life, your life and the lives of those dearest to you, get better.

Ryan Lui is a high-performance coach who helps business leaders raise their performance so they can reach their goals. He understands that worthy goals require work and a high-performing person. Therefore, he helps people increase their focus, move forward, and go faster towards fulfilling their great and good goals. Ryan resides in the beautiful Pacific NorthWest. He loves black coffee in the morning, riding his bike through the city, and talking to people about their personality type. Connect with him at ryanlui.com.

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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time. (more…)

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The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

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When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

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​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

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Practicing Self-Devotion: 3 Ways Towards a More Mindful and Compassionate You

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I can still hear the voices of my older relatives and my elementary school teachers telling me “be disciplined”, “keep at it”, to give time and energy towards what we want. As a young, impressionable child, I believed all those things because well, they made sense. They worked. And honestly, I felt like it’s the only way to flourish. (more…)

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