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7 Questions to Ask Yourself to Keep Your Character In Check



how to build character

In this day and age, it often feels like people are far more obsessed with their Facebook newsfeed lives than actually plugging in to what matters. With the rise of social media & sleazy dating apps, have we forgotten what makes a life worth living?

While these forces can be used for good, it’s vital to check in on your character more than you check in on Snapchat. After all, what really matters when it’s all said and done?

Below are 7 critical questions to make you reflect on your character in today’s world:

1. Do you help when nobody is watching?

Take a step back and put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a change. Remember how it feels to be the new guy? We’ve all been there in one way or another and it makes a world of difference to have someone extend a helping hand. You never know how much of a positive impact you could make on someone’s life by simply giving them the time of day. Those little things can actually change a person’s life.

“Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” – C.S. Lewis

2. Do you look for glory or seek to be a good person?

Most of us care what people think to a degree. After all, it pays to have people like you in the business world or in any world for that matter. Yet, if you’re constantly trying to look good for the higher ups, how does that really make you feel? Do you sleep better at night knowing that your words are merely skin-deep?

Ultimately, being a good person will always connect you to the right people in the end. And those people will have your back instead of turning on you later.


3. Are you obsessed with who you are?

On the road to success, it’s easy to become obsessed with your own self-image, forgetting what really matters. Yet, it’s not all about you. While you’re in the gym getting ripped and ready to take on the world, remember why you started. Maybe it was to help others with their confidence or to become a role model to the little guy. Hustle hard, but don’t make it all about you. You’re happiest when you make life about others.


4. Do you remember where you came from?

There are way too many grown adults that act like they’re still trying to sit at the cool table in the high school cafeteria. Why waste your life being that superficial? If we could stop trying to impress, we could actually have a real conversation about real things that matter. Don’t ever get too self-righteous to think you’re better than others. Embrace where you came from, because it’s way better to be real than to waste life trying to win over people that only care about all the wrong things.   


5. Do you believe in grit?

Nothing in this world can replace hard work. At times, it may feel like you’re spinning your wheels and nothing’s paying off, but true grit will ALWAYS get you through. Throughout your life, you won’t always love your work, but giving it 100% anyway says a lot about your character. Working hard in the little jobs now will push you to do more of the work you love and make you appreciate it later.  


6. Do you believe giving is what matters most?

If you make success only about yourself, you will ultimately end up being unfulfilled. If you look back on your life at the times you were most full of joy, it was likely when you focused on giving to others. Contrarily, during times of depression, you were likely nitpicking everything about yourself. The moral of the story here is that focusing outward will give your life far greater meaning.

“The secret to living is giving.” – Tony Robbins

7. Do you have faith in something greater?

Lastly, we must ask ourselves, did we make this life about something greater than just ourselves? Give this life everything you’ve got, but remember to make your mission about something bigger than yourself. Working towards something greater will give you that last leg of energy when you’re so close to giving up. Make your story about something beyond your own success and you will create a life worth living.

Which question do you think is most important to your character? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Jessica Brewer founded Think Train to help entrepreneurs execute an online presence through digital marketing. Her passion lies in helping companies & individuals pinpoint their purpose & further this message via online mediums. Follow her on instagram @jess_l_brewer or check out her website at to learn more.



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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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