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5 Ultimate Drivers of True Success

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what does success mean

Everyone has their own definition of what success looks like, feels like, and will allow them to do, be, and have.  But many times, success is viewed as something “out there” – if we strive enough and work hard enough, we’ll get.  

The truth is, success is always an inside job; it’s a combination of understanding what speaks to you from your core so you can transform those messages into something real on the outside.

Here are the 5 drivers that will help you ask the right questions and set you up for ultimate success:

1. Know your values

People are endlessly attracted to shiny new business ideas only to have their enthusiasm burn out in a few weeks or months. Their interest wanes, they’re muddled in disillusion, and they can’t actually remember what made them so attracted to the idea in the first place. Many times this is because the shiny business idea didn’t actually reflect their values; it didn’t reward them on a deep enough level to keep them going through the highs and lows that come with starting or maintaining something, even if it’s profitable.  

You can sidestep this problem and get really clear on what you value by asking the following questions:

  • What routines do I have each day that are most sacred?
  • What do I most cherish in my personal and professional life?
  • What three things reward me most?
  • What types of behavior do I believe to be “right” or “good”?

Time spent jotting down ten to fifteen important values can help you understand what will motivate, reward, and drive you most – and whether what you’re chasing is really your version of success or someone else’s.

“Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave them all over everything you do.” – Elvis Presley

2. Notice your need for approval

Everyone needs to feel validated and appreciated but when this need overshadows your ability to work and live in ways that leave you feeling satisfied and successful, you may find yourself questioning everything – most of all, yourself.  

When this happens, take a step back and ask the following:

  • What behaviors do I engage in that cause me the most inner conflict?
  • Who do I have the most conflict with in my personal life and why?
  • Who do I have the most conflict with in my professional life and why?
  • Am I living and working in ways that feel authentic or am I “faking it”?  If I’m “faking it” – why and for whom?
  • If I am totally honest about what I want – both personally and professionally – who would I be the most scared / anxious/ nervous to tell and why?

When thinking about success, take a moment to be honest and determine if the vision you have for success is your own or one that will be met with approval by others.  And remember, you can have a vision you’re excited about and that is wholeheartedly approved of by others.

By noticing your need for approval, you can figure out where you may be hindering yourself by avoiding a difficult conversation, making an unpopular decision, or not getting in touch with what’s really important to you.

 

3. Get rid of distractions

One of the most influential quotes I’ve ever read takes a bottom line approach to both life and work. It was famously said by Jim Rohn, “Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.”

If you want to be truly successful, you must embrace the concept that time is your most valuable asset.  And in order to maximize this asset, you must eliminate distractions. Start by looking at your current routines and streamline or eliminate anything non-essential. Can you delegate something at work to someone else on your team? If you’re a one person show, is there a way to batch certain tasks together to do them more efficiently?

Can you outsource a few things that aren’t in your wheelhouse and use that time to make progress on something else?  Install time tracking software on your tech tools that allows you to monitor how much time you spend surfing sites that have no direct personal or business benefit and start limiting that surfing.

Then, figure out what you can add into your new open time blocks that will generate the most value – both in terms of job productivity and through a personal sense of satisfaction.

 

4. Combine your passions in new ways

One of the most fun ways to feel successful is by solving problems or creating new products by combining one or more of your passions. Think about what you like, what you’re good at, what you value, and what people ask you to help them with. Even if these things aren’t part of your current job.

Then try and link two or more of those things together to create something new and useful. Think about how excited you’ll be if what you do allows you to express yourself in a way that benefits others on a deep level. Combining passions also gives you a larger base of ideas to work from, increases your opportunity for collaboration, and can provide you with more than one revenue stream.

“It is the ultimate luxury to combine passion and contribution. It’s also a very clear path to happiness.” – Sheryl Sandberg

5. Embrace change and unpredictability

Lastly, understand that the only constant in life and work is change, and with that comes unpredictability.  As you learn and grow – both personally and professionally – know that your definition of success will change. Think of the unpredictability that life brings as a new opportunity to experience who you are in both your personal life and your career.

Which one of these do you feel is most important and why? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Brooke Davis is a Certified Wellness Inventory coach and writer. She is the founder of Roots of Abundance, an online personal development company, where she helps mid-career women manage chronic stress, overwhelm, and burnout. Learn more about Brooke at www.rootsofabundance.com or on Instagram at @rootsofabundanceco.

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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