Today, I live my life to the fullest. I do what I love to do, I am not afraid to take big steps, and I never let a little bit of doubt and fear stop me from getting to where I’m going.
I take risks and I literally create and shape-shift my own destiny.
This wasn’t always the case. There was the time when my regret had almost turned into a chronic depression and suffering. Living a life full of regret because of the things you did, or were afraid to do in the past, is really not a wise way to live.
Now, I am just a regular person like you. I am not a self-improvement guru with 10 New York Times best-selling books who claims to give you the salvation to all your inner demons.
I will just share the insights gained through my limited experience which might prove beneficial and useful to many people reading this article, including you.
But before we begin, please tell me…Are you waking up each morning with the feeling that your life is useless? Do you think that there’s no more purpose for you on this planet? If you do, this short and yet powerful post, might be the wake-up-call you’ve been longing for!
Enough fluff, let’s dive in!
Have You Asked Yourself What “To Regret” Actually Means?
Of course, you will find a zillion different answers to this question if you only look for them. I’ll tell you what it means to me so that you can try and reflect in your own life.
There’s a very famous quote from Les Brown that I happen to love and I’d like to share it with you…It goes like this:
“The graveyard is the richest place on earth! It is the richest place because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, and all because someone was too afraid, too scared to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”
“Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart.” – Basil Rathbone
I think that this incredible and forever true quote, gives the perfect answer and enlightenment to everyone trying to live a regret-free life. To regret deeply means to have the feelings of deep remorse and guilt because you’ve wasted your life. It is a feeling of nostalgia mixed with sadness and unhappiness because you never went after your dreams only because you let fear, doubt and worry stop you.
It can also be connected to the things that you did in the past that you weren’t supposed to do. It doesn’t end there. Mistreating someone and breaking their heart, cheating and being disloyal, missing that once in a lifetime opportunity for your career, all of these and many more contribute even more fuel to the fire.
Well I don’t want you to ever experience this demon. I was suffering with the constant feeling of regret for quite a while but eventually I learned how to rise like a phoenix from the ashes and do the things I always wanted to do.
That’s exactly why I’m sharing my message with you.
1. Can you overcome emotional pain from your past?
Understand this – what happened, happened. The past cannot be changed, so STOP wasting your life thinking about it!
Why? Why? It is so, so simple, and yet, WHY do so many people have a difficult time coping with this truth? We hold onto that past like a blind man holds onto his stick. We’re letting something that doesn’t exist in the real world, something that has ended and now lives only in our imagination, to destroy our lives.
It is all about controlling what we can control, and gaining wisdom to accept the things that we cannot change.
You can control your thoughts, your emotions, your behavior, your actions and your attitude, but you can’t control someone else’s thoughts and actions. You can control what you do today, and the next day, and the next month, and the next year, but you cannot control what happened in the past.
So start focusing! Don’t waste your energy and life in those “should have and should not haves” or “if only(s)”!
If only I married Tom and not Jack. I should have taken that promotion. I shouldn’t have moved to London. She shouldn’t have left me. I should have gone on a diet. If only I proposed to her that summer.
“If only I am wise enough, to stop this madness, right here, and right now, and do something useful with my life!” – That’s the only “if only” you should be concerned with!
Accept your past exactly as it is and start learning from your mistakes. Don’t use this as an excuse for your future wretchedness!
If it is so hard for you to accept and let go of the past, here’s a very good technique that works time and time again.
Close your eyes and travel back in time to the event that holds you back. See the picture that bothers you very clearly! Even if it is very painful and you can’t stand it, just do it. Then, start imagining how this event or situation is a picture drawn onto a big canvas. Everything around the picture is black. See it very clearly.
Next, start seeing the picture getting smaller and smaller as it was pushing away from you. See it going in the distance and slowly fading in the blackness.
When it is completely gone, say this affirmation to yourself – “I let go of my past completely! It no longer bothers me, and from this moment on, I am in complete control over my thoughts and feelings. I faithfully learn from my past mistakes, and I’ll never let this happen in the future. Thank You!”
That’s a very powerful NLP technique actually.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” – Hermann Hesse
2. Checking your references
I suggest that from now on, you do at least that – check your references. Most of the time, we’re not even aware of where our beliefs came from. We tend to think and behave in a certain way, and all of this is done by habit without any conscious thought.
Let me tell you a very short story that I read somewhere on the net…
Once upon a time, there was a very old monk living in the monastery and working faithfully every day. He was dedicated to serving God and his entire life he was trying to live in enlightenment and compassion. His job was to translate ancient texts which were just copies of the original ancient wisdom. They were doing that with centuries and passed the tradition from one generation of monks to the next one.
This monk was doing this his entire life for more than 70 years. One day, he suddenly got a strong desire to read some of the original documents. Although he was sure the copies of the copies were identical to the original text, some curiosity and intuition made him dig deep in the ancient papers.
A week later, the other monks found him half-dead, lying and weeping on the floor. He was so overwhelmed he couldn’t say to the monks what actually happened. After few hours of calming him down and bringing him back to life, he silently opened his mouth and whispered: “The ancient text says ‘celebrate’, and not ‘celibate!’…”
Please check your references. Ask yourself: Where do I have these beliefs from? Why do I listen to these people? Why do I think that my past mistakes are at the same time limitations to my potential for the future? Does my constant fearing and worrying really have a sound reason? Are the people that I’m following and listening to going in the direction I want to go in my life?
3. Just do it!
The title says it all. If you are having doubts and worries about making that change, this might be the best advice you can possibly have. It’s actually a powerful technique which Anthony Robbins shares on his 101 coaching sessions with clients.
Here’s what to do.
That’s it! If you want to change something and you are having second thoughts, just STOP thinking about it and then do it!
Let me give you an example.
I want you to stretch your right arm in front of you, right now, as you’re reading this article. Come on, just do it. Stretch it in front of you somewhere at shoulders level. Now hold it there for 10 seconds and simply let it go. Have you done it? Good!
Now let’s try something different… I want you to TRY to raise your arm and stretch it in front of you. Don’t actually DO it, just try it. Think about it and try to do it. You see, “trying” is only an excuse! You can’t “try” something… You will either stretch the arm in front of you, or you won’t! You will either “just do it”, or you won’t…it’s as simple as that!
The more thought you give to it, the slimmer the chances of doing something. It’s the same with the thoughts of regretting about your past. They stop you from doing many things in your life.
Step out of your comfort zone and do the things you’ve always wanted to do! We all get one bite of the apple. If you are tired of going in the same restaurant or café again and again, just change it. If you’ve always wanted to be a vegetarian and you let doubts stop you, just do it! Don’t try to lose weight and regret about your past by blaming your parents for it, just do it! Become slim!
Don’t be afraid to create that business just because you’re regretting your past mistakes and think that you’re too old for a big change like that. Just do it for God’s sake!
Remember, Les Brown was right! The Graveyard, really is the richest place in the world, so be careful not to contribute to its wealth!
4. A handful of activities you can do to seize your days
When was the last time you sang? Are you laughing and smiling often? Is your mood positive? Are you a cheerful person? The next time you take a shower – start singing! Sing from your heart! Do it in your car, when you go and when you come back from work.
Singing is one of the best ways to release your stale, negative energy balloons that are just waiting for a needle to pop them. It can be a healing and rejuvenating experience, so do this more often.
Smile. Laugh. It is scientifically proven that just by doing this you prolong your life and improve many aspects of your health. It will help you in letting go of the things that have been bothering you for a long time. Develop a winner and can-do attitude. Believe that you can do it!
Also, do something that scares you each and every day. Seriously! It’s the best way to get out of your comfort zone and to make permanent changes in your personality traits. Engage in meditation. Gain control over your mind and stop regretting your past actions. There really isn’t a single benefit from doing it, so why continue with the madness?
Stop giving yourself a hard time – live your life to the fullest – it’s the only one you’ve got! And don’t forget, you need to celebrate – not celibate!
How to Harness the Power of Your Personal Narrative
Are you “living up” or “living down” to your personal narrative? When you set out to achieve an important goal, you’ll come face-to-face with many obstacles, such as starting a new business and not having your prospects reply to your prospecting emails. Perhaps you’ve had an interview for a new job and learned you didn’t make the final round of applicants.
In those difficult moments, you have to have an internal conversation with yourself, known as self-talk. What do you say? How do you feel? You may find yourself succumbing to negativity or failing to believe in your own self-worth. If so, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all easily overwhelmed by our doubts and fears, because it’s what makes us human.
However, these feelings can not only shape a sense of identity, but also allow our doubt and fear to determine the outcome. When this happens, it’s vital to understand how to have the courage and conviction to move forward despite the obstacles. This includes moving forward in the midst of struggling, even when success seems lightyears away. This may seem daunting, but the answer is right in front of us. It lies in our personal narrative.
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney
What is a personal narrative?
A personal narrative is a life-script that is often followed without question or protest. The conversations you have internally, known as self-talk, make up the core component to our personal narrative. Your self talk represents a powerful belief system that’s baked into our day-to-day existence.
Each of us possess a personal narrative that encompasses a belief system that shapes us and what we see as possible in our lives. As a result, we either live up or live down to that personal narrative.
While a personal narrative is the starting place, it’s a powerful one. On one hand, when a negative narrative becomes suffocating, it can be hard to escape. This will lead you to foster the belief that you’re incapable of accomplishing something, ensuring that you’ll be less likely to continue to take the necessary steps in the direction of a dream.
Your narrative may be so powerful that you may just assume the worst, ending any possibility for you to put in the necessary time, effort and perseverance required to achieve a different outcome.
“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.” – Ralph Charell
Cultivating positive narratives
On the other hand, what if we possessed personal narratives that were more positive? This is not just positive thinking, because it is the practice of consciously cultivating a narrative that you could live up to instead. Imagine how a more positive narrative could support more preferable outcomes.
In life, this may sound like, “I plan to do well in this interview, so I am going to take every action to support that expectation – like working with a career coach.” Or it may sound like, “Because I am someone who tries hard even when I am overwhelmed or uncomfortable, I am going to ask for help if I feel stuck.” That way, when a challenge arises – as they always do, you will grow to trust in your ability to navigate it.
The more you practice this, the more you will come to realize that your personal narrative really represents the essence of who you are. Your self-talk will evolve into someone who plans to do well during an interview, a business meeting, or a workout class because you become someone who invests in their personal well-being as an extension of your self-concept.
Cultivating positive narratives is not a what-if situation. It is an intentional practice that everyone can benefit from. It provides the framework for who you can become. Most importantly, it’s the key to help us transform into the best version of ourselves, while defending our dreams against a spiral of fear or self-doubt.
So, what does your personal narrative sound like? And how can you live up to it? Share with us below!
5 Reasons It’s Important to Understand What You Want to Do With Your Life
No matter your age or your place in life, it is perfectly normal to not know exactly what your next steps should be. There are many factors that can contribute to this situation but it is always important to remember that everything happens for a reason and that this will help you build a much happier you.
There are many ways for you to understand what you should be doing with your life and there are just as many reasons why you should work towards getting a better understanding of those reasons.
If you wish to turn any situation around and start working towards finding your purpose, here are some of the most important reasons why:
1. You will be able to set long term goals for the future
Setting long term goals is one of the things that will help you feel more secure and certain about your future. Instead of relying on living day by day and trying to figure out what your next steps will be without having a future ultimate goal, you will now be able to plan accordingly so that your every step will bring you a step closer to making that dream come true.
One of the things many people forget though is that every plan, no matter how well-organized and planned out it is, will need to be adapted to every situation the person is experiencing. Knowing what your ultimate goal is will help you handle every change of plans with more confidence and will allow you to manoeuvre every situation and turn your problems into positive outcomes.
2. You will get rid of a lot of anxiety
One of the best things about finally getting a better understanding of what you wish to do with your life is that you will finally start feeling less anxious and unsure about the future. Having a certain plan you can follow and looking forward to making a big goal come true will help rid yourself of negative thoughts and allow you to be able to focus on achieving your dreams.
Anxiety is a very common problem in the time we live in and it can make a lot of people feel less productive and scared to take risks, especially in a professional manner. As a result, they tend to hold themselves back and do fewer things than they are capable of, simply because they are too scared to dare.
Realizing what you wish to do in your life and working towards achieving your goals will help you feel less stressed and even if you do, this type of anxiety could actually help you be much more productive and eager to do your best in order to make your dreams manifest into reality.
3. You will be much happier
Understanding what you wish to do in your life will truly help you finally figure out what you are meant to do in your life. For some people, it can help them find their purpose and give them a new perspective on everything they do in their everyday life.
This will help you feel a lot happier and will put your mind at ease, as you won’t have to continue wondering if the path you have chosen to follow is the right one for you or not. Feeling more certain of your decisions will help you feel a lot more confident and happier since you will feel strong enough to overcome anything that might come your way from now and on.
4. You won’t lose time or energy on smaller goals
Setting shorter goals without knowing what you are meant to do in the long run will cost you a lot of energy and time. This will happen as you will spend a lot of time planning out your every move and it will cause you to feel stressed and worried about every little thing going wrong.
Smaller goals will still be important but you won’t spend much time planning them as you would if you didn’t know what your end goal would be. Saving energy and preparing both mentally and physically for reaching your goal will help you achieve a much healthier outlook on dealing with everyday situations and it will make you more excited to complete your ambitions.
5. You will become an expert in one field
Last but not least, another important reason why you should try and understand exactly what you are meant to do in your life is that you will be able to focus all of your time and energy on learning as much as possible and growing only in one certain field.
The uncertainty of having a set goal for your future can make you feel like you need to know many different things in different fields in order to be able to succeed in life and make a living. While having knowledge in various fields is something that will prove to be useful, you will never fully be able to become an expert in one field and make a name for yourself in that sector.
A long term goal will allow you to either study or work full time on one subject you truly enjoy and are good at. This will help you build your reputation, make connections and allow yourself to enjoy and love the path you have chosen even more. As a result, you will be much happier and content with the end goal you have chosen and you will be able to work even harder to achieve all of your dreams.
Working towards a happier you
You might be at a point in your life where you feel like not a lot of things are truly worth your time but the truth is that every little thing you do will help you find what you are meant to do. This will help you feel happy and content and allow you to tackle every issue you come across with much less anxiety and fear.
You will find a lot of stability and comfort in setting a big and important goal for your future and this will allow you to start being more productive and happy to tackle every problem that might come your way. Your life will always be full of surprises and unplanned events but hard work and dedication on your goals will allow you to become the best version of you and enjoy every step of the way.
3 Ways to Stay Strong and Push Through When Hardships Arise
We all have trials and tribulations, and most times they are out of our control. I believe that’s why it can be so frustrating when trouble arises, because we feel powerless. But this isn’t true! How we perceive these times gives us power, and will ultimately dictate the quality of our lives.
Each event can have many interpretations. You can ask two people about a situation they both went through, and sometimes you’ll get two completely different answers! Most times this isn’t because one was being truthful and the other wasn’t, but because of how they perceived the events that took place.
That’s how powerful perceptions are, so why not use this power to our benefit? Instead of thinking on what was lost, think of what there is to gain. When you think positively, it helps you from not feeling stuck, and helps you look towards the future.
Below are three things to consider whenever a hardship comes your way:
1. This is an opportunity for me to grow
Viewing troubling times as an opportunity to improve and grow will give you a sense of freedom and happiness because you’ve decided to lead your life, as opposed to just accepting your life. Some people just accept the things that happen to them/around them. When you have this mindset, you are telling yourself there is nothing you can do in that situation, and you are giving away your power.
This will affect not only your mood, but also the people around you, especially if you’re a leader. They feed off your energy and body language. When you focus on growth, you can think more clearly on solutions, which is what you want. It’s ok to feel sad, frustrated, or confused. If you want to be successful, you will feel all of these, and quite often. When you do, recognize what your feeling, but don’t feed it. If you do, it will grow.
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
2. Don’t focus on the problem, find the solution
This sounds pretty simple but how many of us focus more energy on the problem and why it happened or who did it, instead of trying to focus immediately on the solution? I learned this in the military. If something goes wrong, my superiors were less concerned with who did it and more concerned with finding a solution to the problem, and as quickly as possible.
But I was once guilty of this thinking, and sometimes I slip back into that mode of thinking when my emotions are strong. Changing your mindset to focus on solutions will give you a sense of power, which will calm you, because you feel in control. This in turn, will help you think clearly and rationally, as opposed to emotionally. Furthermore, being in a more relaxed state of mind will allow you to absorb information more clearly so you can learn from the incident and become a better you.
3. Determine how the hardship improves your character
What was being tested during your hardship? Patience? Empathy? Communication? Understanding? Endurance? I remember working for a boss I did not like. He seemed to pick on me, and I couldn’t understand it. I went above and beyond what was asked of me, but people were still being promoted quicker than I was.
To give a little depth on my perception at the time, I was born and raised in Brooklyn NY. Not poor, but close to it. So respect is something that is valued greatly in neighborhoods I come from, because we don’t have much else. Respect was your money, and could get you things money couldn’t buy.
Now everyone wants respect, but me, I need it that much more. So when I felt he wasn’t giving me respect, I almost convinced myself to handle these matters. Imagine the people you train, passing you by and you know their work ethic doesn’t match yours. It sucked.
I talked to my dad, who always gives great council, and he told me it wouldn’t be wise. He told me to look for ways to grow, and I did. And let me tell you, during that time I learned things that cannot be taught in classrooms because you can only be learned through experience. My endurance was really challenged, but made me wiser and stronger, which made me better equipped to deal with future troubles I’d have. Because of those lessons, I was able to teach others about my experience and give wise counsel.
“Lead a life of your own design, on your own terms. Not one that others or the environment have scripted for you.” – Tony Robbins
When those times come, ask yourself where you’re weak and what you can you do to improve on that weakness. Finding something you’re not good at should make you happy, because it gives you a chance to improve! If you suck at something, do something about it! Don’t wallow in self-pity. It’s not a fruitful exercise.
When hardships come your way, your perception is a powerful weapon that you must manipulate, don’t let it manipulate you. Ask yourself how can this help you grow, what positive opportunity is hidden in the hardship and focus on the solution, not the problem. Doing these things will put the power back in your court. Give it a shot, it changed my life!
How do you keep your head up high when hardships arise? Share your thoughts and advice down below!
7 Essential Mindset Shifts From Gary Vaynerchuk That’ll Help You Have an Amazing Life
Gary Vaynerchuk is full of little gems to success if you listen with an open mind. His unfiltered way of sharing old school values mixed with modern day approaches is remarkably simple and highly contagious. In this world of instant gratification, everyone is focused on doing things faster in order to produce exponential results.
When our visions don’t become an instant reality, we play the comparison game and judge ourselves. This ultimately leads to a decline in our health and crushes our visions. Many of us want to be an overnight success but need a better psychological framework to endure the ride.
Here are 7 perspectives that Gary Vaynerchuk is currently popularising that can help your mindset game be stronger:
1. Aim for happiness
Gary Vaynerchuk’s definition of happiness is “being able to do what you want at all times.” This does not mean quit because your work doesn’t make you happy right now, especially if it is the stepping stone for your ideal lifestyle.
For a period of time you will need to grind and do tasks that are unenjoyable. If happiness is not within your metrics of success, you will eventually suffer from an irregularity in your mental or physical health, which in turn has a downward ripple effect on your valued relationships.
2. Enjoy paying your dues
Every industry has its own set of rules to work up the chain of command. You need to learn to love each role and responsibility that comes with that. Going in with a curious and enthusiastic energy is bound to shine through and show those around you how serious you are.
Be present and learn from every experience you encounter. This is a journey for bigger and better things but you need to put in the time, work and sacrifice to be rewarded. Life is all about what you put into it. You don’t know how these earlier stages will serve you in years to come, so take pride in the journey and appreciation for the lessons and people you meet along the way.
3. Obsessively love what you do
You should always be doing what you want, especially if you have a clearly defined purpose. Purpose is such an energizing force, regardless of whether you are earning $40,000 or $4,000,000. If you really love what you’re doing and it’s where you want to be then you’re already winning.
Always start with what you love because the only way you’re going to hustle hard enough is if you love it. It’s hard to get going around something you’re not passionate about. When you learn to love the game more than the trophy, the game gives you, and you’re on your way up.
“You have to understand your own personal DNA. Don’t do things because I do them or Steve Jobs or Mark Cuban tried it. You need to know your personal brand and stay true to it.”- Gary Vaynerchuk
4. Don’t be driven by the money
To do extremely well in the game of business without disrupting other pillars in your life, you must wake up each morning pondering what solutions need to be found today. You need to be wildly curious and driven by the game of business on a micro level while seeing the macro outcomes.
When you’re excited to play the game, you become absorbed in mastery over playing with your phone, gossiping with friends and watching mindless content. You relentlessly invest in yourself and your growth, which in turn is remunerated with wealth.
5. Have gratitude
Have you ever thought about the fact that the odds of being a human being are 400 trillion to one? You must create an unbelievably clear perspective of how lucky we are to be human. This in turn makes it a struggle to dwell on things that don’t matter.
Focus your attention on the things that you value and appreciate. Appreciate your good health and family, because you’ll value it more. Appreciate your gifts, friends, work and life. By doing this, your perception begins to shift. You see the blessings of your life, versus the broken parts.
6. Adversity is your superpower
Adversity and humble beginnings is an incredible framework to happiness, especially when you layer positivity and optimism around your difficulty. We all have hardships and various scenarios that throw us off balance along the way.
Our super power is when we use that as fuel to drive us to be less audacious and experience more, instead of being held back. What you think and focus on grows. Shift the perspective in your mind so your adversity doesn’t define you, but instead drives you.
“It’s insane to me to ask anybody to be what they’re not. Know what you know the best, love the most. That’s always going to be the answer to the thing that you have the best shot at winning at.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
7. Be excited everyday because you get to play
Learn how to start your morning well and continue that energy throughout the day. That vigour builds momentum that will allow you to actually make your mark. Be fired up that you have given yourself a clear vision and your making moves to play a strong game. This type of mindset gives you an intrinsic pull to do and be better daily rather than external motivation, which over time dies out.
Mindset is everything and it all falls down to your perspective of things. Don’t judge yourself by what you accomplish daily, instead, judge it yearly. It takes years of great creative work to be recognized. Be patient. In the meantime, look at your daily habits and ask yourself if they are causing you to evolve or revolve. Are you moving forward, or just moving in circles? Take constant action to move forward and be grateful you have the opportunity to play in the game of life.
What’s your favorite Gary Vaynerchuk mindset from the article? Share your thoughts below!
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