She asked if Thursday still worked, and I said yes while I was reading a sentence in another window.

I heard the yes leave my mouth. I also heard that I had not looked at Thursday. Thursday had a call I had moved twice, a draft that was late, and the particular optimism of a man who believes a gap will appear if he agrees to the gap. I put the phone down and wrote “Thu” on a scrap, as if the scrap were a calendar. It was not. It was a promise I had already spent.

This is the version of dating nobody puts in the profile. Not the travel, not the ambition, not the line about building something. The part where you are good at the first dinner, because the first dinner has a start time and an end, and then you are unreliable at the third, because the third is competing with a customer who writes at 9 p.m. and expects a reply that sounds awake. You tell yourself you are protecting the relationship by not talking about the work. What you are protecting is the story that you can do both without either of them noticing.

I have been the person on the other side of that, too. Not as a founder. As the one watching someone check the corner of the table every time a plate arrived. You can feel the room change when a phone is face down and still running the evening. The conversation gets polite. Polite is how a date ends without anyone having to say it ended.

The first dinner is a terrible witness. I have sat across from people who were funny, specific, and on time, and then disappeared into a launch for eleven days. I have also been that person, which is worse, because you get to keep the memory of having been good company. The memory is not what they are dating. They are dating the Tuesday you do not narrate. On that Tuesday the phone is in your hand between every task, and “I’ll reply in a minute” is a sentence you say to yourself so often it stops meaning a minute.

We already have the harsher list, the one about what it is actually like to date someone who is building a company. I am not adding another warning label. I am talking about the hour before you text back. The hour where you know a same-day “running late” is becoming your personality, and you send it anyway because the call ran long and the apology is faster than the reschedule.

The reschedule is the part I got wrong for a year. I treated a moved plan as a small tax. It is not small to the person who left work on time, who told a friend they had plans, who is now standing outside a place you are twenty minutes from. After the third one, they stop arranging their week around you. They do not announce it. They just stop offering Thursdays.

I used to explain this as a season. Seasons are real. A product launch, a hire, a month where the money is tight and every call feels like it could tip the thing. The lie is the open-ended season. I have watched men, and I have been one, describe three years as a season. The person across the table cannot plan a birthday around a season with no last day. They can survive a bad month if you say it is a bad month. They cannot survive a personality you keep calling temporary.

What the work takes is not only the evening. It takes the attention you were going to use to remember that her sister was having a test on Friday, or that he does not drink on weeknights, or that the restaurant you picked last time was too loud and they were kind about it. Forgetting those things reads as indifference, even when the cause is a tab you did not close. Indifference is what people leave over. Not ambition. Ambition is easy to admire from a distance. It is harder to sit beside when it keeps standing you up.

There is a smaller dishonesty I got away with for longer than I should have. I would talk about the company on the date as if talking about it were the same as including them. A story from the day, a name they will never meet, a problem I had already decided. They would nod. I would feel close. We had not made a single decision together. Closeness that only runs one way is a presentation. Presentations go well and still do not become a life.

The phone is the prop in all of this, which is why I keep coming back to it. Face down is not a boundary. It is a courtesy that lets you feel the buzz in the table. I started leaving it in the coat. Not as a bit. Because I could not trust the face-down version of myself to stay in the room after the first notification. The coat is a stupid solution. It worked better than the speech I had prepared about being present.

What changed besides the coat was a rule I could keep on a bad week. One night that did not move, picked before the week filled in, and a reply that went out the same day even if the reply was no. No is cleaner than a yes you will edit on the sidewalk. I had spent years being a yes in rooms that did not need me, and then having nothing left for the room that did. The page on stopping that reflex is about work. It applies here with worse consequences, because a colleague will book you again and a person you like might not.

Saying no to a date is not the failure. The failure is the yes that becomes a rain check, then a shorter evening, then a person who stops suggesting things because suggesting things has started to feel like chasing. If you cannot do Thursday, say so on Monday. Offer a night you have already looked at. If the month is genuinely impossible, say the month is impossible. Adults can hear that. What they cannot use is a string of almosts.

The other mistake was treating apps as the problem or the cure. They are a door. If you open the door and then vanish for five days because a launch ate the week, the door is not what failed. I send people who are actually going to show up to Hinge, because the prompt format makes it harder to hide behind a skyline photo and a job title, and a job title is the whole facade when the company is what you have instead of a life. Bumble will put the first move on the other person. The League will narrow the room. A group chat and a friend who will tell you the truth will beat all three if you will not leave the office. Use the one you will answer. An unread match is not a personal life.

There is a way to use those apps that makes the problem worse, and I did that too. I would match on a Sunday night when the work had gone quiet and I felt the lack of a person, and then I would not answer on Monday because Monday was the job. The other person experienced that as interest that expired. I experienced it as a week. Those are not the same event. If you are going to be unreachable from Monday to Thursday, do not spend Sunday collecting people who will spend Monday wondering if the conversation was a mood.

Friends will tell you to “make time,” which is advice from someone whose time is not currently a customer. Making time, in the week I am describing, means a night that is on the calendar before the customer writes. It means a reply that does not wait for you to feel caught up, because caught up is not a state this kind of work arrives at. It means telling the truth about the month instead of renting optimism by the evening.

The woman from that Thursday is not my wife. I do not say that to tidy the story. I say it because the evening I am describing was a real mess, and the life I have now is a different one. I am happily married. It worked out. It did not work out because I got better at answering from inside another window. It worked out with a woman who got the version of me that had already learned the coat, the same-day no, and the night that did not move.
If you are in the season I was in, do not promise Thursday from a tab you have not closed. Look at the day. Say the no while it is still early enough to be kind. Leave one evening that belongs to the person in front of you, and leave the phone in the coat, not face down like a compromise. The company will still be in there in the morning. The right person will not have to stand outside a restaurant to find out if you meant the yes.

Here’s a video of mine on how I navigated dating and relationships while building a successful business:

Getting married is an exciting time filled with love and dreams, but it also requires a lot of planning. As you start this new chapter, remember that preparation is key to a strong wedding day and marriage. From finding the right venue to creating a shared vision for your future, the choices you make now will impact your life together.

Marriage is not just about celebrating love; it’s also about creating habits that help you both on your journey. It brings together your individual plans and shared goals. Let’s look at how you can get ready for your wedding and build a happy marriage.

Open Communication

Communication is essential for a healthy relationship. As you plan your wedding, take time to talk with your partner about your expectations and fears about marriage. This might be a little scary, but discussing the future helps you connect more deeply.

Set regular times to check in with each other. Share your thoughts openly so you can both express your concerns and dreams. The goal isn’t to fix every problem, but to strengthen your bond before the wedding. Creating a space where you both feel heard will deepen your connection over time.

Couples Counselling

Couples counselling Vancouver can be a helpful resource for engaged couples. It offers a safe space to explore your relationship and understand how your backgrounds affect your interactions. This does not mean there are problems. It’s a chance for growth and understanding.

Working with a counsellor helps you discuss topics like finances and family traditions in a supportive setting. Learning to see your partner’s point of view and finding common ground can improve your relationship. Many couples leave counselling sessions feeling more connected and better prepared for future challenges. It’s not just a solution for problems. It’s about building a strong foundation for your life together.

Budgeting Wisely

Understanding your finances is important as you plan your wedding. Start by making a budget that includes everything, from the venue to the flowers. This process should involve both of you and can help you grow closer.

Sit down together and look at your financial situation. Talk about how much you can realistically spend and what matters most to you. By figuring out your priorities, you can reduce stress as the big day gets closer. Creating a budget together promotes teamwork and respect, essential for a strong marriage.

Planning Together

Planning your wedding can feel overwhelming, but it’s also a great chance to work together. Divide tasks based on your strengths and preferences. If one of you is good at décor and the other at organization, assign responsibilities accordingly.

Hold regular planning meetings to stay organized and build excitement for the day. These sessions can strengthen your partnership in unexpected ways. Combining practicality and creativity makes planning enjoyable and shows you can work as a team.

Creating Shared Goals

Talking about future goals is vital as you prepare for marriage. Whether it’s career plans, travel dreams, or thoughts about having children, aligning your visions can deepen your connection. Keep this conversation ongoing and adjust as life changes, but initial talks are crucial.

Explore your individual dreams and then see how they fit together. Picture where you want to be in five or ten years and plan how to reach those goals as a couple. This collaboration strengthens your relationship and creates a supportive environment for your marriage.

Self-Care Focus

In the busy time of wedding planning, don’t forget to take care of yourselves. Remind each other to find time for relaxation and enjoyment. Doing things that recharge you individually helps you bring your best selves to the relationship.

Whether it’s reading a book or going out with friends, putting self-care first benefits both partners. When you feel happy and balanced on your own, it positively affects your partnership. Check in with each other about your emotional well-being during the planning process to ensure consistent support.

Build a Support Network

Don’t hesitate to ask friends and family for help while you plan your wedding. A good support network can lessen the stress that often comes with planning. Surrounding yourselves with loved ones who care about your happiness creates a positive atmosphere as the big day approaches.

Trust your relationship counselling network to provide help, support, and inspiration. Whether it’s sharing wedding ideas or lending a hand, these connections can bring joy during a busy time. Sharing the experience can make your engagement feel less overwhelming and more celebratory.

As you get ready for your wedding, remember that these moments are about nurturing your relationship as much as the event itself. What truly matters is the connection you build along the way. Embrace the journey and let it reflect your love.

Most high-performing men I know approach fatherhood with a quiet dread. They worry the sleep deprivation will blunt their edge. They worry their ambition will soften. They worry the version of themselves that built the career, the company, or the reputation will get diluted.

The research suggests something different is happening.

According to work by psychologist Dr. Darby Saxby and others studying the paternal brain, the transition into fatherhood triggers measurable biological changes. These aren’t losses. They’re adaptations.

The brain actually changes shape

One of the more surprising findings is that new fathers tend to lose some gray matter volume in parts of the cortex involved in mentalizing — the ability to understand other people’s thoughts and feelings. On the surface that sounds like decline. In practice it appears to be pruning.

The brain seems to streamline certain networks so it can process social and emotional information more efficiently. Men become better at reading subtle cues. That skill shows up at home with a baby, but it also shows up at work when you’re leading people, negotiating, or trying to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface of a conversation.

Testosterone drops — and that might be useful

Hands-on fathers typically see their testosterone fall by around 25%. In a culture that treats high testosterone as an unqualified good, this can feel like a threat. Biology appears to have a different priority.

Higher testosterone supports competition and status-seeking. A moderate drop seems to support bonding and reduce conflict at home. Men who land in the mid-range tend to adapt better than those whose levels stay extremely high or crash too low. Extremely low levels have been linked to higher risk of depression in new fathers.

The shift isn’t about becoming less driven. It’s about the drive getting redirected.

Parenting as cognitive training

Raising young children is relentless practice in emotional regulation, perspective-taking, and staying calm under pressure. Some researchers have described it as a form of social-cognitive workout. Studies have even linked having two or three children with markers of a younger brain age later in life.

Physical play — the rough, energetic kind many fathers naturally do — also spikes oxytocin. That hormone supports bonding and appears to have protective effects on the brain, including reducing certain kinds of inflammation.

None of this means fatherhood is easy or that every man experiences these changes the same way. It does suggest the brain is more plastic in response to caregiving than most of us were taught.

What actually helps

The men who seem to handle the transition best treat it less like an interruption and more like a major operational shift. A few practical things stand out:

They talk through roles and expectations with their partner before the baby arrives, instead of assuming it will sort itself out under pressure.

They build some kind of support network instead of trying to white-knuckle it alone.

They protect sleep as much as possible, knowing that chronic sleep debt compounds everything else.

They stay involved in the unglamorous parts of care rather than outsourcing all of it. The bonding happens in those ordinary moments more than in the highlight-reel ones.

Fatherhood doesn’t remove ambition. For many men it changes the timeline and the definition of what success is for. The short-term intensity is real. The longer-term rewiring appears to favor men who can hold both drive and presence at the same time.

The question isn’t whether fatherhood will change you. It will. The more useful question is whether you’ll work with the change or spend years trying to pretend it isn’t happening.

Here’s a great video on Diary of A CEO where you will learn what happens to a Father’s brain when he has children

I’ve watched three close friends go through divorce in the last two years. What surprised me wasn’t the crying or anger or late-night calls. The complete paralysis from not knowing what to do next was what actually froze them in place.

You wake up one Tuesday and realize your marriage is over.

Then what.

The 72-Hour Window Nobody Talks About

My college roommate separated from his wife last spring and spent exactly 72 hours in productive chaos. He cried, called his mom at 2am, moved clothes to his brother’s place in garbage bags. But then he hit a wall that had nothing to do with feelings.

He didn’t know if he needed a lawyer immediately or if waiting would be fine. Wasn’t sure whether talking to his wife about splitting their stuff would hurt him later. Had no idea if their situation qualified as simple or if paperwork would drag on for 18 months.

For people going through a divorce in ontario, this confusion plays out in specific ways. Your situation might be straightforward—no kids, separated the required time, you both just want it done—but the forms feel designed to confuse you.

Money Makes You Do Strange Things

My friend Sarah is a nurse who makes decent money. She was convinced she needed a $4,200 retainer just to start divorce paperwork. We sat at her kitchen table one night and I asked her to walk me through what she actually needed done.

Turns out she and her ex agreed on everything already. They’d been separated 14 months, no property fights, no child custody battles. They literally just needed legal paperwork processed and filed.

She ended up spending $347 total.

I’m not saying lawyers aren’t worth what they charge for complicated situations. But sometimes we throw money at problems because we’re scared and don’t know what else to do.

The Shame Spiral Costs You Time

My brother waited 11 months longer than he should have to file anything. He was embarrassed. Kept thinking if he waited another month maybe they’d figure it out.

Divorce feels like a public announcement that you failed. In those months of waiting he paid for a storage unit he didn’t need at $89 monthly, kept joint accounts open that caused three separate arguments, and missed a work opportunity because he wasn’t mentally present enough to interview well.

You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.

What Actually Helps

I’m not a therapist or lawyer. But I’ve been close enough to this process to see what actually made things easier.

Accurate information about your specific situation beats general advice every time. Knowing the actual timeline helps you plan everything else—when you can move, when you can start dating again without feeling weird. Having one clear next step is worth more than 50 vague possibilities.

Some divorces need courtroom battles and aggressive legal strategy. But some divorces just need someone to check your paperwork and tell you if you filled out section 7(b) correctly.

Knowing which kind you’re dealing with matters more than anything else.

Your marriage ending doesn’t mean your whole life has to fall apart in the process. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is just get the paperwork done so you can start the actual healing part instead of staying stuck in legal limbo.