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Success Advice

Why People Don’t Understand Success And Drop Out Of Life

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Understanding Success

It’s so easy to get stuck on the hamster wheel of life and never get anywhere near being successful. Until you start viewing success as a fundamental part of your life, you will continue to be blinded by failure.

Success is not hard to grasp when you take the time to understand what those who have it do to attract success in their life. Promise me you won’t drop out from life and at least spend a few minutes to understand what you need to be successful.

Below are the 9 things people don’t understand about success:

 

1. It takes over your life

When you have carved out a path for success, it takes over your life. There is nothing else in the world you want to do, and you shoot distractions down with sniper rifle precision. If success is not taking over your life, then you haven’t discovered what your dream is just yet.

For me, now that I have discovered what success is, I won’t let anything get in my way. No person, no business, no roadblock, and no amount of failure. I will spend morning, noon, and night trying to find ways to inspire the world through entrepreneurship and personal development.

The path to success fills your mind with nothing but thoughts of what it’s going to be like when you achieve your dream. Having said that, you have to learn to enjoy the journey in the meantime otherwise you may never feel successful.

 

2. You’ll learn more about success through failure

Stop being afraid of failure. Failure is the best thing that can happen to you, and if you don’t understand it, then you’re screwed. Successful people are best friends with their failure, and they embrace what they can learn from it.

entrepreneur-failThere is no failure really, only lessons to be learned. If all you ever have is success then you’re kidding yourself; you’re not really successful, and you’re just pretending you are. Your mind can only be tricked by something you don’t believe in for so long.

Eventually, your mind will reveal you as a fraud, and you will be left holding a dream that means nothing to you and makes you feel lifeless.

 

3. Move on from failure quickly

When failure happens – and it will – teach yourself to move on quickly and not stay on a downward spiral. Failure can keep you pinned to the ground for a long time if you let it. As you encounter failure, acknowledge it and then divert your attention back to your dream.

“The better you get at shifting your attention away from negative experiences in your life, the quicker you will reach success”

 

4. Stop procrastinating

The fastest way to drop out of life is to procrastinate. The most precious resource you have is time, and if you waste it, no amount of money can bring it back. Forget about the shopping mall; the shops are not going anywhere.

They will always be there to sell you things you don’t need that take you away from gratitude and make you feel like you need more when you don’t. The one thing that is standing between you and your success is action. Take action consistently and eventually, something will stick.

The amount of people I meet that have an excuse for everything in their life and business blows my mind.

“Excuses kill your success if you allow your mind to create them. Use your excuse making creativity to do something remarkable in the world instead”

 

5. Sell and sell hard

its_about_sellingThe point that everyone misses except sales people is this; we’re all sales people whether we like it or not. To be successful, you have to be able to sell ideas and dreams to other people. Stop ignoring this fact and concentrate on implementing it into your life.

Whenever you get the chance to sell, do it, and do it as hard as you can. Put all of your passion and body behind the pitch and don’t worry about the outcome. The more you sell, the better you will get at it.

We all sucked at selling initially until we mastered our minds ability to deliver through our limitless amounts of energy. Creating positive energy through sales is what attracts everything to you that will make you successful.

 

6. Dream big

It frustrates me how small our dreams have become. Why can’t you achieve worldwide success? Tell me. I believe you can if your dream and vision are big enough. Think of the craziest dream you can, and then start work on it today. Block out the noise of people’s opinions and focus on the belief you have about your ability to achieve it.Dream Big Gym Workout

Small dreams will get you nowhere and make you mediocre. By being mediocre, you automatically disqualify yourself from being successful. I want to be a worldwide game changer and inspire the world through personal development and entrepreneurship.

I want to have a best-selling book and spend every day I have hanging around world leaders. I want to build a team of people who are obsessed with helping others. All of this is possible because I have wrapped these achievements in a big dream. Even if I don’t achieve each mini goal it doesn’t matter because by default, I will at least get a few of them which is better than getting none.

 

7. Add value no matter what

Standing around waiting for the world to give you something will not make you successful. You must become obsessed with adding value in everything you do. Get better at adding value as much as you can.

The greater the value is that you can add to people’s lives, the more value you get towards your dream. There are too many people waiting to receive handouts. Don’t be one of them and become a master at adding value in some useful form.

 

8. Stop being scared

I have bad news for you. Somewhere in the world right now as you are reading this, there is something horrible happening. A murder is being committed, a war is being started, and someone is losing a loved one.

You can’t stop these horrible things from happening, as they are part of our human existence. What you can do is stop being scared and not let fear take over your life. Channel the energy you put into your fear towards carving out your own path to success.

As long as you are scared, it’s unlikely you will take the calculated risks needed to get what you want. We all get scared. Those of us who can be scared and then can quickly change our physiology into confidence, are the ones who achieve unstoppable success.

 

9. Try 1000 things

Get good at trying 1000 different things until you find what works. I have tried everything from djing, to sport, to business, and failed a hundred different ways. The only way I found success was when I became relentless at trying everything.

Eventually, if you trial enough opportunities, you will find the one or two that form the basis of your dream. As you pursue these few activities, you will need to try many different ways to reach your goal. It’s not a matter of skill but a matter of trying lots of strategies to succeed.

Too many people don’t try enough paths in life and then wonder why they fail. There is always a solution to every problem as long as you get good at being prepared to keep having a go and changing your approach.

What are you going to do to be successful? Let me know on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook.

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared millions of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around personal development and entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net

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11 Comments

11 Comments

  1. Charlene Rhinehart

    Aug 16, 2016 at 5:35 am

    The power of the words used in your first point confirmed that I was reading an original Tim Denning article! You always provide the right article at the right time. It’s amazing how that happens. I’m in the experimentation phase of my new adventure which means that failure is inevitable but I’m so grateful for the feedback that will allow me to be 10X better than the person I was yesterday. Failure is a disguised opportunity that most people don’t take advantage of. Thanks for sharing your wonderful insights!

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 17, 2016 at 2:32 am

      Thanks Charlene for the very nice comment. It’s great to see you increasing your failure rate so that you can become more successful. Keep me updated with your progress.

  2. Bryan Oliver

    Aug 14, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    Love the Try 1000 Things approach. This is a great perspective. To your other points, so many are scared to fail to the point where they don’t even try anymore. Appreciate the great insight.

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 14, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      Bryan we all suffer from fear of what might happen. What I encourage people to do is challenge that fear and understand the pain that will occur if you don’t stop being afraid. Thanks for your feedback!

  3. Laikha Aziz

    Aug 13, 2016 at 3:24 am

    The hardest one is the first step you take to seperate yourself from the crowd.

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 14, 2016 at 11:06 pm

      Laikha leaving the crowd behind is always hard but you have to have the courage to do so.

  4. Toño

    Aug 13, 2016 at 3:24 am

    Beautiful morning and beautiful food for my mind in the form of your article 🙂 Felt a little bit out of my theme but you got me back! It’s funny when sometimes you just feel unsettled even though everything seems to be working fine yet still you are not quite there yet and some little detail can get you high in no time. I’m glad you posted your article just in the right moment for me. Happiness 😀

    I like your view on failure as I started to dig into this topic very deep. I’m working on the mindset that failure is the only way to success and that you most likely will fail your path forward, in a positive, learning, full of experience way! I also begin to understand the concept we cannot destroy the energy but we can transform it. We can channel it whatever it works for us, that’s what alchemists do, right?

    I also adore your Dream Big statement, and wholeheartedly agree on that! Aim ridiculously high, set up dreams that will inspire you and wake up at night with pulsing heart and smile on your face. I love it and was dreaming since my early childhood. Kinda forgot that habit since then but now I am getting back at it, with pleasure should I add!

    Your last point on trying 1000 things makes me think. How can we possibly discover what our purpose is if don’t try different things instead of doing one routine over and over again? It’s wonderful how easy this idea is yet it is not so common. I will try it out, as I was stuck with sales for years, and even though, we always sell something to someone, as you mentioned above, I realized it is highly important to sell things/ideas/products only when you believe they will do good for others and bring high value to them (yep, another point of yours, spot on).

    I find it very healthy to change your environment, daily routine and your thing you do daily so you never get tired or boring and so you can motivate not only yourself but others on your amazing journey 🙂

    I’m going to nature again today, just about to pack my things after finishing reply and enjoy the life. Was visiting my grandmother last weekend, spent time outside the city, and enjoyed it so very much! So will do the same today, as mountains are calling and I should go haha.

    Have a wonderful weekend, Tim, thank you so very much for the top read and my motivation, was needed it! Stay well and healthy, much love and appreciation, my friend!

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 13, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Toño you got the message perfectly. There is no success without failure period. You don’t just stumble upon success because you are lucky. You find success by becoming more of who you are and developing every single day. You’re right when you say your dreams should wake you up. You must be so in love with your dream that it becomes part of you and for this to happen it has to be gigantic.

      The other advice I have for you Toño is that if you are going to sell anything, it must be not only something you believe in, but something you are passionate about. If you don’t link your sales ability to your passion then people won’t be influenced to buy from you and they will stick with the old way of doing things.

      Speak soon Toño

  5. Lawrence Berry

    Aug 13, 2016 at 2:55 am

    There is one thing that you are right about, if you want more success in your life, you have to become obsessed with it. It has to be a part of your life. Not just a one time thing, but an everyday dream that you grasp like your last breathe. A lot of people don’t have the mindset to become successful but these tips can sure help someone achieve that right kind of mindset.

    • Toño

      Aug 13, 2016 at 3:27 am

      Good comment, Lawrence, I like it! Obsession with success should follow all day long, through all your life. You have to literally breathe and live it till the very end. And you should enjoy it as well, so if you won’t get what you wanted at least you had big fun!

      Thank you.

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 13, 2016 at 10:55 pm

      Lawrence thanks for sharing your wisdom. You are spot on when you say that focusing on success is crucial. What you focus on is what will become present in your life. Success takes dedication and hard work to achieve and you need to want it for the right reasons. It all starts with mindset.

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
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I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills.

Here are the 3 P’s for you to develop greater leadership skills based upon my findings:

1. Passion

If there is one thing that I found in most leaders, it is passion. They love what they do, they love talking about what they do and they love getting others involved in what they do. Passion has different ways of emoting. Some people move very quickly on stage with arms flaying, voice pitching from a diminuendo to a crescendo with 100 giant television screens behind them.

Remember Steve Jobs when the iPhone was being introduced? I’ve seen other people standing behind the podium speaking from written notes but the emotional intensity in the room grew thick and reaching the level of static discharge. I’ve seen everything in between. There is an old saying that we have a leadership theory and that is, “if you think you’re leading and you turn around and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk!” It is passion that prevents that from happening.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

You may be asking yourself how you can develop more passion in your life and in your leadership repertoire. The answer to that is fairly simple but the application can be somewhat deceptive in its apparent simplicity. If you wait to feel passionate before you act passionate, you’re allowing outside circumstance to control your emotions. However, if you begin to act passionate even if, by chance you don’t feel it, you will begin to. Thus, it is better for us to act our way into a new set of feelings than it is for us to feel our way into a new set of actions.

2. Planning

All leaders are planners; it’s a requirement of the job. By virtue of leading it means that you must be planning for the future. Planning can in fact be learned and is not that difficult of a process. If you want to become a better planner study chess. Notice I did not say play chess, although that will be the natural outcome of your studying. Study chess and notice how the minds of the great masters develop a strategy and implant tactics around that strategy. Chess is an amazing process to develop planning skills.

Another thing you can do is think about how you planned your last vacation, or even a weekend getaway. Think about the steps you took, the research you did based on those steps and their outcomes. Both the study of chess and personal planning will assist you in developing planning for your leadership skills.

3. Persistence

Leaders never give up! If there is something they want, they find a way around, over, or through the obstacle. Too many people never develop their full leadership birthright because of the mental script running through their minds saying, “It’s too tough for me. I Should just go home and get a good nights sleep.” Leaders know that the only possibility of failure is in giving up. If you fall down 10 times but get up on the 11th, you have not failed 10 times – you have succeeded. Period!

You may be wondering how to develop that no nonsense, I will not be denied attitude of persistence. The real question is not how do I develop persistence, but how do I develop the courage to go after what I want? Persistence is a by-product of courage! When there is something that should be yours, developing the impassioned desire to obtain that through raw courage will develop sheer persistence.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

Maybe I should’ve included a 4th P with this article. That of POWER! The best thing I can say about power is that if you want a more powerful leadership dynamic, develop a repertoire that contains passion, planning and persistence. The three of them combined will be a powerful leadership punch that should lead you to getting what you want and assisting others in believing that they should follow you because there is great value in you leading them.

How do you define a leader? Comment below!

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Success Advice

The Secret Power of Storytelling That You Need to Know

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What does the power of storytelling mean to you? Do you visualize your mom or dad telling you a bedtime story, or do you think about an enjoyable summer read? Every single conversation that we have with an individual or group is us sharing a story about the past, present and future. If we have a product or service that we offer to others, we tell a story about it when we do a pitch or a presentation.

The reason why we tell stories is because we know the power of stories. We know how being able to tell a captivating story can affect and change the lives of the people for better or worse. Hitler used stories about the Jews in the 1930’s which caused Germany to rally the youth and the German people to go to war, and in England, the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, used the power of stories to rally the British in a movement of never surrendering to the Germans.

Not everyone knows how to tell stories

Our abilities to tell captivating stories is one of the greatest assets we possess. However the problem is that not everyone has the skills to be a good storyteller, and the ability to be a good storyteller is critical in our success whether it’s in our personal or business life.

The power of storytelling goes way beyond just our everyday conversations, it goes far beyond simply giving facts and data. Stories emotionalize information. They bring life and depth to otherwise bland material, and they allow people to connect with the message in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Tony Robbins, the world famous motivational speaker and strategist interviewed Peter Guber, the Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment whose films has earned more than $3 billion and over 50 Academy Awards nomination. Guber stated “emotion combined with information becomes memorable and actionable.  Where were you on 9/11? Chances are that you can remember exactly where you were when you learned about the tragic events that transpired that day. But if you had to think where you were the day before that – that memory is probably hazier. Because information attached to pain or pleasure creates an emotional connection that resonates within you.”

He goes on to also say “Keeping in mind that a story is not a monologue, but a dialogue, helps you to give your audience proprietorship. They become emotional owners of the story you are telling. Then they become advtes –oca of your product, your service, your business, your brand.”

The power of storytelling can transform lives when useful and relevant information is combined with emotions. The next time you speak to another person regardless of the situation, remember you are being a storyteller, because you are in the process of transferring information to that person or group.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” –Tahir Shah

Our most powerful tool

Our ability to communicate effectively is the most powerful tool we have, and when we strategically use our communication skills to transfer bland information into masterful stories we also have the power to transform lives.

If done correctly, our stories will have a massive effect on our listening audience. It will inspire and influence them. It will move them to act. So never underestimate the power of storytelling. Make it relevant–connect emotionally, create a dialogue, and you will see why the power of storytelling is the most powerful tool you have.

Don’t just take my word on for it, Look at some of the greatest leaders throughout history

You will see that they all had the ability to tell stories and bring people together through their words. The greatest motivational speakers in the world use the power of storytelling to emotionalize their audience, because there is no quicker or more effective way to get your audience engaged.

Les Brown who has been one of my mentors and one of the greatest motivational speakers that has ever lived, uses stories masterfully. He shares stories about his upbringing in Miami, and how he and his twin brother were adopted at birth and he is somehow able to transition those stories into whatever relevant topic needs to be heard by his audience, but he first draws them in with his stories.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, the list is endless, but one thing they all have in common is their ability to tell stories masterfully. Some of the greatest philosophers have told us that there is a blueprint for success, and obviously storytelling is part of that blue print.

There is no greater power that we possess than the ability to transform regular words into captivating stories that can take your audience on whatever journey you want to take them on.

Being a great storyteller is like being a puppet master, because when you can draw people in to your stories you will have your audience on a string taking them on any emotional roller coaster. The secret power of storytelling is to be treated with respect, because with great power comes great responsibility, and this power should only be used for good.

Do you enjoy storytelling? If so, do you have any techniques or advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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Success Advice

5 Signs You’re on the Right Path to Success

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success
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Every successful person had his own moment(s) of doubt. The road to success is full of obstacles and sweet hardships that will frequently make you stop and ask, ‘Am I on the right track?’ Even legends and billionaires had moments like that. Just imagine how 62 year old Colonel Sanders felt when he was rejected time and time again trying to franchise his famous chicken recipe.

It felt harsh and I bet he stopped, at least for a moment, to question his entire existence, not just the success of his business idea. But I also bet that there were probably some signs that told Sanders —and any other successful person— ‘You`re going to make it, just hang in there.”

Here are the 5 signs that will tell you whether you`re going to be successful or not:

1. You’re good at the consistency game

I don`t like the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and I believe that a restless hare would smash them both, but there`s a reason why that slow tortoise crossed the finish line; It`s called consistency.

Success eventually favors the most consistent, and if you`re not disciplined with the things that make you successful, then your chances to succeed are slimmer than Marlon Brando`s chances of winning the lottery (Marlon Brando is dead, and one of every 175 million tickets wins the lotto).  

Systems and routines (i.e., consistency), predict success, so take a look at your habits. Are they positive? Do you practice them regularly? If the answer to both questions is “Yes,” then sooner or later you`re going to be successful.

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis

2. You stopped having a toxic relationship with money

Success is no longer a zero-sum game to you; opportunities are everywhere, and there`s room for everybody to make money, including you. When you check the news, the success of other people no longer makes you envious. A celebrity buying a new mansion or a $150 million contract for a LeBron or Federer-like athlete, doesn`t bother you but instead makes you believe there`s plenty of money out there for ambitious, hard-working people like you. When you switch from worrying about not having enough money to having faith that you will make the money you want, then you know you`re on the way to success.

3. You know the right people

Another sign is having a big social network. I read it somewhere that business owners prefer to hire those they know over those who are skilled. Sounds skewed, I know, but it helps a lot if you combine your technical skills with excellent people skills. To want success is more like wishing to enter a nightclub on a busy Friday night. If you know the bouncers or have enough skills to befriend them, you won`t stay long in the line. The same thing happens in business, the more people you know, the easier it will be to find the right job, get proper funding and save time waiting in the line.

Social skills will help you more than you can ever imagine. There`s a guy I used to work with, he`s not that good looking, but he`s the slickest I`ve ever seen. When that guy hit rock bottom, he dropped out of school, bought a one-way ticket to Dubai, became a real estate agent and made his first million before reaching 30. I`ve also read about Michael Bloomberg who used to come to work at six in the morning to distribute coffee and tea to CEOs who come to work early when others are sleeping. For $.99 each, Bloomberg befriended at least a dozen bigwigs who later helped him launch a billion dollar business after he quit Wall Street.

4. You know what makes you tick

The successful people are better than most people at understanding themselves and overcoming —to a greater extent—the five foundations of poverty: sleep, fear, anger, laziness, and procrastination. They have worked on themselves so deeply and have made so many mistakes that they now know their soft spots as well as what motivates them.

Do you know what makes you sad, angry or excited? Do you know when you`re more likely to cheat on a diet or skip a workout? What are your strengths? Can you motivate yourself at will? And how? Having answers to most or, preferably, all of these questions will help you tap into your full potential and sets you on the path to massive success.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” – Michael John Bobak

5. You have faith

Faith in the yet to be seen, is a huge sign of success. When you think about the future, there should be a positive energy around you that says “I`m gonna make it.” You may not know exactly when you`re going to succeed, but you`re sure it’s a matter of time. This faith, or certainty, comes from having a solid plan – It`s when you know your goal, how you`ll achieve it, and how you`re going to react if things go south and deciding to believe in the unknown

If you think about it, hard work doesn`t always come as the first cause of success. It`s the faith that you`ll achieve the goal that makes you work hard, and thus, achieve the goal. I was reading a book on Michael Jordan by Roland Lazenby —who also wrote Kobe Bryant`s biography— and it stopped me that part of Jordan`s extraordinary success goes to expectations.

He expected every single ball he shot to go in. Jordan used that mindset over and over and didn`t stop when one of his shots was missed. He merely understood that even though nobody wins all the time, believing you`ll win every single time makes you win most of the time, which is enough to get a career like his. The most prominent success sign is the certainty. To believe, and act, as if you`re going to succeed, and then let that belief lead manifest into actions.

What are some things you do to say on track? Comment below!

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Success Advice

Instead of Always Trying to Be Right, Do This Instead

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A colleague of mine was obnoxious, over eager, and completely out of line. Yet, all of this was overshadowed by the fact he was just plain wrong. If he were to go through with it, it would derail the company by at least 6 months. Yet, arguing with him when he was in this state was of no use. While hitting him over the head with the laptop seemed appealing for a second, it was probably not a great long-term strategy for the business or my laptop.

Galileo once said, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged matters and negotiations.

When you are right, you become attached to that idea. It’s so clear, how can they not see it? Yet, your meticulously clear logic might as well be written in braille as your focus intensifies on proving yourself right, instead of reaching an agreement.

Below are 3 ways you can step out of your emotions and help someone find the right answer when money and time are on the line:

1. Separate the Person From the Issue

Imagine if a four-year-old child was adamant about something. You wouldn’t try to reason logically for hours in such a case. When trying to speak through a person’s emotions, often you might have better luck with the four year old.

In order to break this barrier you must stop seeing them as the problem and see the issue at hand. Instead of seeing the other person as stupid or obnoxious, try viewing them as simply lost or misguided. The job now becomes not to prove them wrong, but to guide them to the truth. Adopting this mindset changes your entire approach as you get out of your own emotions and take control of the situation.

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.” – Stephen Covey

2. Show Them A Mirror

Somewhere in between trying to hammer a point, both sides usually forget to listen. No matter the situation, you must make sure that person is never you. Instead, shift the focus from “me vs you” and make it completely about the other person. Really listen and validate their emotions, creating enough trust and safety to begin a real exchange. Make sure they feel heard and slow the conversation down. When you slow the process down, you also calm down.

Remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. About 93% of communication is nonverbal, thus maintaining your body language immediately provides an edge. A playful (not childlike or mocking) voice puts someone in a positive frame of mind, where they are more likely to collaborate and problem solve.

Always remember to repeat back the most important three words from their sentence and make them elaborate on whatever they said. The more a person is allowed to speak, the more they feel heard. The more they feel heard, the more open they are to receive new information.

3. Lead With Empathy, Not Sympathy

Taking the time to make sure the other side feels heard and understood does not mean you bend to their will. It does not mean you give up, agree, feel sorry for, or even compromise. Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s perspective and the vocalization of that recognition. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

When you can label a person’s emotions in an argument, you seize the chance to discover what is behind those feelings. As you begin to drill down, you gain leverage. This should be done very gracefully. Instead of saying, I think you’re angry and being stubborn, trying saying, It seems like you are feeling frustrated because you really care about this and wish it was moving along quicker.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” – Roy T. Bennett

Using labels, you mold their feelings into words, moving information from the emotional part of the brain to the rational. Whatever behavior a person may be presenting, there is always an underlying feeling triggering it. Your job is to make the person aware of that feeling. The faster you do this, the faster you eliminate the risk of a complete breakdown in communication.

After their emotions are labeled, asking how or why calibrated questions allow them to solve their problems for you. In order to do this effectively you don’t need to study every type of calibrated question there is, but rather adopt a specific mindset. You are not their opponent, but a guide, leading the lost to the truth. Your truth.

In my case, the presenting behavior of my colleague was an obnoxious know-it-all attitude. However, the underlying emotion was fear of falling behind. Once I was able to stop asking the question, “Why is he doing this to me?” and focus on looking deeper, the conversation took a turn. The conversation was no longer about my ideas versus his, but about him and his fear.

Instead of arguing with me, he spent the rest of the time, essentially, arguing with himself. After helping him dissect his fear in the rational part of the brain, he realized that many of the worst case scenarios were highly improbable and acting hasty might exacerbate things. Most importantly, at the end of the conversation, he said, “I think I made the right choice.”

He believed that the decision was entirely his. He never acknowledged the fact that I was right and announced to everyone the sudden spark of genius that hit him. Yet, at the end of the day you need to ask yourself what is more important to you; being right or doing whatever it takes to win.  

How do you handle conflict? Let us know your tips and advice in the comments below!

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Motivation

7 Powerful and Inspiring Words of Encouragement to Help Lift You Up

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When you’re going through tough times, all you need is sympathy. You just need someone to tell you how strong you are and how you can cope with the situation. Essentially, you’re waiting for a soothing voice that can calm your inner storm and genuinely help with your troubles. (more…)

I am Eliana Jags, Co-Founder & Author at beinginsightful.com. I'm passionate about writing motivational and inspirational articles. Before I became a full-time blogger, I was a Software Engineer but left the job to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer and thus I've committed myself completely to my passion of writing. You can connect with me on my Facebook page here.

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11 Comments

11 Comments

  1. Charlene Rhinehart

    Aug 16, 2016 at 5:35 am

    The power of the words used in your first point confirmed that I was reading an original Tim Denning article! You always provide the right article at the right time. It’s amazing how that happens. I’m in the experimentation phase of my new adventure which means that failure is inevitable but I’m so grateful for the feedback that will allow me to be 10X better than the person I was yesterday. Failure is a disguised opportunity that most people don’t take advantage of. Thanks for sharing your wonderful insights!

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 17, 2016 at 2:32 am

      Thanks Charlene for the very nice comment. It’s great to see you increasing your failure rate so that you can become more successful. Keep me updated with your progress.

  2. Bryan Oliver

    Aug 14, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    Love the Try 1000 Things approach. This is a great perspective. To your other points, so many are scared to fail to the point where they don’t even try anymore. Appreciate the great insight.

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 14, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      Bryan we all suffer from fear of what might happen. What I encourage people to do is challenge that fear and understand the pain that will occur if you don’t stop being afraid. Thanks for your feedback!

  3. Laikha Aziz

    Aug 13, 2016 at 3:24 am

    The hardest one is the first step you take to seperate yourself from the crowd.

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 14, 2016 at 11:06 pm

      Laikha leaving the crowd behind is always hard but you have to have the courage to do so.

  4. Toño

    Aug 13, 2016 at 3:24 am

    Beautiful morning and beautiful food for my mind in the form of your article 🙂 Felt a little bit out of my theme but you got me back! It’s funny when sometimes you just feel unsettled even though everything seems to be working fine yet still you are not quite there yet and some little detail can get you high in no time. I’m glad you posted your article just in the right moment for me. Happiness 😀

    I like your view on failure as I started to dig into this topic very deep. I’m working on the mindset that failure is the only way to success and that you most likely will fail your path forward, in a positive, learning, full of experience way! I also begin to understand the concept we cannot destroy the energy but we can transform it. We can channel it whatever it works for us, that’s what alchemists do, right?

    I also adore your Dream Big statement, and wholeheartedly agree on that! Aim ridiculously high, set up dreams that will inspire you and wake up at night with pulsing heart and smile on your face. I love it and was dreaming since my early childhood. Kinda forgot that habit since then but now I am getting back at it, with pleasure should I add!

    Your last point on trying 1000 things makes me think. How can we possibly discover what our purpose is if don’t try different things instead of doing one routine over and over again? It’s wonderful how easy this idea is yet it is not so common. I will try it out, as I was stuck with sales for years, and even though, we always sell something to someone, as you mentioned above, I realized it is highly important to sell things/ideas/products only when you believe they will do good for others and bring high value to them (yep, another point of yours, spot on).

    I find it very healthy to change your environment, daily routine and your thing you do daily so you never get tired or boring and so you can motivate not only yourself but others on your amazing journey 🙂

    I’m going to nature again today, just about to pack my things after finishing reply and enjoy the life. Was visiting my grandmother last weekend, spent time outside the city, and enjoyed it so very much! So will do the same today, as mountains are calling and I should go haha.

    Have a wonderful weekend, Tim, thank you so very much for the top read and my motivation, was needed it! Stay well and healthy, much love and appreciation, my friend!

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 13, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Toño you got the message perfectly. There is no success without failure period. You don’t just stumble upon success because you are lucky. You find success by becoming more of who you are and developing every single day. You’re right when you say your dreams should wake you up. You must be so in love with your dream that it becomes part of you and for this to happen it has to be gigantic.

      The other advice I have for you Toño is that if you are going to sell anything, it must be not only something you believe in, but something you are passionate about. If you don’t link your sales ability to your passion then people won’t be influenced to buy from you and they will stick with the old way of doing things.

      Speak soon Toño

  5. Lawrence Berry

    Aug 13, 2016 at 2:55 am

    There is one thing that you are right about, if you want more success in your life, you have to become obsessed with it. It has to be a part of your life. Not just a one time thing, but an everyday dream that you grasp like your last breathe. A lot of people don’t have the mindset to become successful but these tips can sure help someone achieve that right kind of mindset.

    • Toño

      Aug 13, 2016 at 3:27 am

      Good comment, Lawrence, I like it! Obsession with success should follow all day long, through all your life. You have to literally breathe and live it till the very end. And you should enjoy it as well, so if you won’t get what you wanted at least you had big fun!

      Thank you.

    • Tim Denning

      Aug 13, 2016 at 10:55 pm

      Lawrence thanks for sharing your wisdom. You are spot on when you say that focusing on success is crucial. What you focus on is what will become present in your life. Success takes dedication and hard work to achieve and you need to want it for the right reasons. It all starts with mindset.

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
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I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills.

Here are the 3 P’s for you to develop greater leadership skills based upon my findings:

1. Passion

If there is one thing that I found in most leaders, it is passion. They love what they do, they love talking about what they do and they love getting others involved in what they do. Passion has different ways of emoting. Some people move very quickly on stage with arms flaying, voice pitching from a diminuendo to a crescendo with 100 giant television screens behind them.

Remember Steve Jobs when the iPhone was being introduced? I’ve seen other people standing behind the podium speaking from written notes but the emotional intensity in the room grew thick and reaching the level of static discharge. I’ve seen everything in between. There is an old saying that we have a leadership theory and that is, “if you think you’re leading and you turn around and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk!” It is passion that prevents that from happening.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

You may be asking yourself how you can develop more passion in your life and in your leadership repertoire. The answer to that is fairly simple but the application can be somewhat deceptive in its apparent simplicity. If you wait to feel passionate before you act passionate, you’re allowing outside circumstance to control your emotions. However, if you begin to act passionate even if, by chance you don’t feel it, you will begin to. Thus, it is better for us to act our way into a new set of feelings than it is for us to feel our way into a new set of actions.

2. Planning

All leaders are planners; it’s a requirement of the job. By virtue of leading it means that you must be planning for the future. Planning can in fact be learned and is not that difficult of a process. If you want to become a better planner study chess. Notice I did not say play chess, although that will be the natural outcome of your studying. Study chess and notice how the minds of the great masters develop a strategy and implant tactics around that strategy. Chess is an amazing process to develop planning skills.

Another thing you can do is think about how you planned your last vacation, or even a weekend getaway. Think about the steps you took, the research you did based on those steps and their outcomes. Both the study of chess and personal planning will assist you in developing planning for your leadership skills.

3. Persistence

Leaders never give up! If there is something they want, they find a way around, over, or through the obstacle. Too many people never develop their full leadership birthright because of the mental script running through their minds saying, “It’s too tough for me. I Should just go home and get a good nights sleep.” Leaders know that the only possibility of failure is in giving up. If you fall down 10 times but get up on the 11th, you have not failed 10 times – you have succeeded. Period!

You may be wondering how to develop that no nonsense, I will not be denied attitude of persistence. The real question is not how do I develop persistence, but how do I develop the courage to go after what I want? Persistence is a by-product of courage! When there is something that should be yours, developing the impassioned desire to obtain that through raw courage will develop sheer persistence.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

Maybe I should’ve included a 4th P with this article. That of POWER! The best thing I can say about power is that if you want a more powerful leadership dynamic, develop a repertoire that contains passion, planning and persistence. The three of them combined will be a powerful leadership punch that should lead you to getting what you want and assisting others in believing that they should follow you because there is great value in you leading them.

How do you define a leader? Comment below!

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Success Advice

The Secret Power of Storytelling That You Need to Know

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What does the power of storytelling mean to you? Do you visualize your mom or dad telling you a bedtime story, or do you think about an enjoyable summer read? Every single conversation that we have with an individual or group is us sharing a story about the past, present and future. If we have a product or service that we offer to others, we tell a story about it when we do a pitch or a presentation.

The reason why we tell stories is because we know the power of stories. We know how being able to tell a captivating story can affect and change the lives of the people for better or worse. Hitler used stories about the Jews in the 1930’s which caused Germany to rally the youth and the German people to go to war, and in England, the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, used the power of stories to rally the British in a movement of never surrendering to the Germans.

Not everyone knows how to tell stories

Our abilities to tell captivating stories is one of the greatest assets we possess. However the problem is that not everyone has the skills to be a good storyteller, and the ability to be a good storyteller is critical in our success whether it’s in our personal or business life.

The power of storytelling goes way beyond just our everyday conversations, it goes far beyond simply giving facts and data. Stories emotionalize information. They bring life and depth to otherwise bland material, and they allow people to connect with the message in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Tony Robbins, the world famous motivational speaker and strategist interviewed Peter Guber, the Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment whose films has earned more than $3 billion and over 50 Academy Awards nomination. Guber stated “emotion combined with information becomes memorable and actionable.  Where were you on 9/11? Chances are that you can remember exactly where you were when you learned about the tragic events that transpired that day. But if you had to think where you were the day before that – that memory is probably hazier. Because information attached to pain or pleasure creates an emotional connection that resonates within you.”

He goes on to also say “Keeping in mind that a story is not a monologue, but a dialogue, helps you to give your audience proprietorship. They become emotional owners of the story you are telling. Then they become advtes –oca of your product, your service, your business, your brand.”

The power of storytelling can transform lives when useful and relevant information is combined with emotions. The next time you speak to another person regardless of the situation, remember you are being a storyteller, because you are in the process of transferring information to that person or group.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” –Tahir Shah

Our most powerful tool

Our ability to communicate effectively is the most powerful tool we have, and when we strategically use our communication skills to transfer bland information into masterful stories we also have the power to transform lives.

If done correctly, our stories will have a massive effect on our listening audience. It will inspire and influence them. It will move them to act. So never underestimate the power of storytelling. Make it relevant–connect emotionally, create a dialogue, and you will see why the power of storytelling is the most powerful tool you have.

Don’t just take my word on for it, Look at some of the greatest leaders throughout history

You will see that they all had the ability to tell stories and bring people together through their words. The greatest motivational speakers in the world use the power of storytelling to emotionalize their audience, because there is no quicker or more effective way to get your audience engaged.

Les Brown who has been one of my mentors and one of the greatest motivational speakers that has ever lived, uses stories masterfully. He shares stories about his upbringing in Miami, and how he and his twin brother were adopted at birth and he is somehow able to transition those stories into whatever relevant topic needs to be heard by his audience, but he first draws them in with his stories.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, the list is endless, but one thing they all have in common is their ability to tell stories masterfully. Some of the greatest philosophers have told us that there is a blueprint for success, and obviously storytelling is part of that blue print.

There is no greater power that we possess than the ability to transform regular words into captivating stories that can take your audience on whatever journey you want to take them on.

Being a great storyteller is like being a puppet master, because when you can draw people in to your stories you will have your audience on a string taking them on any emotional roller coaster. The secret power of storytelling is to be treated with respect, because with great power comes great responsibility, and this power should only be used for good.

Do you enjoy storytelling? If so, do you have any techniques or advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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Success Advice

5 Signs You’re on the Right Path to Success

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Every successful person had his own moment(s) of doubt. The road to success is full of obstacles and sweet hardships that will frequently make you stop and ask, ‘Am I on the right track?’ Even legends and billionaires had moments like that. Just imagine how 62 year old Colonel Sanders felt when he was rejected time and time again trying to franchise his famous chicken recipe.

It felt harsh and I bet he stopped, at least for a moment, to question his entire existence, not just the success of his business idea. But I also bet that there were probably some signs that told Sanders —and any other successful person— ‘You`re going to make it, just hang in there.”

Here are the 5 signs that will tell you whether you`re going to be successful or not:

1. You’re good at the consistency game

I don`t like the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and I believe that a restless hare would smash them both, but there`s a reason why that slow tortoise crossed the finish line; It`s called consistency.

Success eventually favors the most consistent, and if you`re not disciplined with the things that make you successful, then your chances to succeed are slimmer than Marlon Brando`s chances of winning the lottery (Marlon Brando is dead, and one of every 175 million tickets wins the lotto).  

Systems and routines (i.e., consistency), predict success, so take a look at your habits. Are they positive? Do you practice them regularly? If the answer to both questions is “Yes,” then sooner or later you`re going to be successful.

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis

2. You stopped having a toxic relationship with money

Success is no longer a zero-sum game to you; opportunities are everywhere, and there`s room for everybody to make money, including you. When you check the news, the success of other people no longer makes you envious. A celebrity buying a new mansion or a $150 million contract for a LeBron or Federer-like athlete, doesn`t bother you but instead makes you believe there`s plenty of money out there for ambitious, hard-working people like you. When you switch from worrying about not having enough money to having faith that you will make the money you want, then you know you`re on the way to success.

3. You know the right people

Another sign is having a big social network. I read it somewhere that business owners prefer to hire those they know over those who are skilled. Sounds skewed, I know, but it helps a lot if you combine your technical skills with excellent people skills. To want success is more like wishing to enter a nightclub on a busy Friday night. If you know the bouncers or have enough skills to befriend them, you won`t stay long in the line. The same thing happens in business, the more people you know, the easier it will be to find the right job, get proper funding and save time waiting in the line.

Social skills will help you more than you can ever imagine. There`s a guy I used to work with, he`s not that good looking, but he`s the slickest I`ve ever seen. When that guy hit rock bottom, he dropped out of school, bought a one-way ticket to Dubai, became a real estate agent and made his first million before reaching 30. I`ve also read about Michael Bloomberg who used to come to work at six in the morning to distribute coffee and tea to CEOs who come to work early when others are sleeping. For $.99 each, Bloomberg befriended at least a dozen bigwigs who later helped him launch a billion dollar business after he quit Wall Street.

4. You know what makes you tick

The successful people are better than most people at understanding themselves and overcoming —to a greater extent—the five foundations of poverty: sleep, fear, anger, laziness, and procrastination. They have worked on themselves so deeply and have made so many mistakes that they now know their soft spots as well as what motivates them.

Do you know what makes you sad, angry or excited? Do you know when you`re more likely to cheat on a diet or skip a workout? What are your strengths? Can you motivate yourself at will? And how? Having answers to most or, preferably, all of these questions will help you tap into your full potential and sets you on the path to massive success.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” – Michael John Bobak

5. You have faith

Faith in the yet to be seen, is a huge sign of success. When you think about the future, there should be a positive energy around you that says “I`m gonna make it.” You may not know exactly when you`re going to succeed, but you`re sure it’s a matter of time. This faith, or certainty, comes from having a solid plan – It`s when you know your goal, how you`ll achieve it, and how you`re going to react if things go south and deciding to believe in the unknown

If you think about it, hard work doesn`t always come as the first cause of success. It`s the faith that you`ll achieve the goal that makes you work hard, and thus, achieve the goal. I was reading a book on Michael Jordan by Roland Lazenby —who also wrote Kobe Bryant`s biography— and it stopped me that part of Jordan`s extraordinary success goes to expectations.

He expected every single ball he shot to go in. Jordan used that mindset over and over and didn`t stop when one of his shots was missed. He merely understood that even though nobody wins all the time, believing you`ll win every single time makes you win most of the time, which is enough to get a career like his. The most prominent success sign is the certainty. To believe, and act, as if you`re going to succeed, and then let that belief lead manifest into actions.

What are some things you do to say on track? Comment below!

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Success Advice

Instead of Always Trying to Be Right, Do This Instead

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stop trying to be right
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A colleague of mine was obnoxious, over eager, and completely out of line. Yet, all of this was overshadowed by the fact he was just plain wrong. If he were to go through with it, it would derail the company by at least 6 months. Yet, arguing with him when he was in this state was of no use. While hitting him over the head with the laptop seemed appealing for a second, it was probably not a great long-term strategy for the business or my laptop.

Galileo once said, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged matters and negotiations.

When you are right, you become attached to that idea. It’s so clear, how can they not see it? Yet, your meticulously clear logic might as well be written in braille as your focus intensifies on proving yourself right, instead of reaching an agreement.

Below are 3 ways you can step out of your emotions and help someone find the right answer when money and time are on the line:

1. Separate the Person From the Issue

Imagine if a four-year-old child was adamant about something. You wouldn’t try to reason logically for hours in such a case. When trying to speak through a person’s emotions, often you might have better luck with the four year old.

In order to break this barrier you must stop seeing them as the problem and see the issue at hand. Instead of seeing the other person as stupid or obnoxious, try viewing them as simply lost or misguided. The job now becomes not to prove them wrong, but to guide them to the truth. Adopting this mindset changes your entire approach as you get out of your own emotions and take control of the situation.

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.” – Stephen Covey

2. Show Them A Mirror

Somewhere in between trying to hammer a point, both sides usually forget to listen. No matter the situation, you must make sure that person is never you. Instead, shift the focus from “me vs you” and make it completely about the other person. Really listen and validate their emotions, creating enough trust and safety to begin a real exchange. Make sure they feel heard and slow the conversation down. When you slow the process down, you also calm down.

Remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. About 93% of communication is nonverbal, thus maintaining your body language immediately provides an edge. A playful (not childlike or mocking) voice puts someone in a positive frame of mind, where they are more likely to collaborate and problem solve.

Always remember to repeat back the most important three words from their sentence and make them elaborate on whatever they said. The more a person is allowed to speak, the more they feel heard. The more they feel heard, the more open they are to receive new information.

3. Lead With Empathy, Not Sympathy

Taking the time to make sure the other side feels heard and understood does not mean you bend to their will. It does not mean you give up, agree, feel sorry for, or even compromise. Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s perspective and the vocalization of that recognition. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

When you can label a person’s emotions in an argument, you seize the chance to discover what is behind those feelings. As you begin to drill down, you gain leverage. This should be done very gracefully. Instead of saying, I think you’re angry and being stubborn, trying saying, It seems like you are feeling frustrated because you really care about this and wish it was moving along quicker.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” – Roy T. Bennett

Using labels, you mold their feelings into words, moving information from the emotional part of the brain to the rational. Whatever behavior a person may be presenting, there is always an underlying feeling triggering it. Your job is to make the person aware of that feeling. The faster you do this, the faster you eliminate the risk of a complete breakdown in communication.

After their emotions are labeled, asking how or why calibrated questions allow them to solve their problems for you. In order to do this effectively you don’t need to study every type of calibrated question there is, but rather adopt a specific mindset. You are not their opponent, but a guide, leading the lost to the truth. Your truth.

In my case, the presenting behavior of my colleague was an obnoxious know-it-all attitude. However, the underlying emotion was fear of falling behind. Once I was able to stop asking the question, “Why is he doing this to me?” and focus on looking deeper, the conversation took a turn. The conversation was no longer about my ideas versus his, but about him and his fear.

Instead of arguing with me, he spent the rest of the time, essentially, arguing with himself. After helping him dissect his fear in the rational part of the brain, he realized that many of the worst case scenarios were highly improbable and acting hasty might exacerbate things. Most importantly, at the end of the conversation, he said, “I think I made the right choice.”

He believed that the decision was entirely his. He never acknowledged the fact that I was right and announced to everyone the sudden spark of genius that hit him. Yet, at the end of the day you need to ask yourself what is more important to you; being right or doing whatever it takes to win.  

How do you handle conflict? Let us know your tips and advice in the comments below!

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