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The Art of Winning Friends and Building Bridges

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I have come across a few people in my life who are gems but they hardly communicate with others. They are hidden gems but fail to discover themselves and communicate with others due to their introversion. Generally, the people who talk more, write less while the people who talk less, write more; and the people who talk more, listen less while the people who talk less, listen more. Of course, we cannot judge people based on external appearance. In this regard, we will discuss the art and craft of starting a conversation, making friends, and building bridges.

When you meet someone, smile and introduce yourself. Extend your hand and say ‘Hi’. Identify one specific positive trait in the person and underscore it with authenticity. You gain trust and confidence from the person. Find out his/her interests and passions and start a conversation if you know those areas. If you don’t have any knowledge in that area, express your enthusiasm to learn from the person.  If the other person is not in the mood of starting any conversation, respect the person and leave the place coolly with a smile. 

Tips to make friends

When you want to grow in your life, you must ask. When you want to ask a favor from others, you must create conversation to build a rapport. Hence, understanding the psychology of the people and appreciating their behavior will help you connect with them instantly. Here are some tips for your arsenal to initiate conversation and make friends:

  • Be passionate about the people. 
  • Observe the body language of the person. If you find it positive, make eye contact, smile, and move towards the person to start a conversation.  
  • Create a positive impression and positive vibes.   
  • Be generous to compliment people.  Avoid usage of negative words and adjectives. Instead, use positive words and the right adjectives to impact others. Mark Twain rightly remarked, “A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”  
  • Make small talk and demonstrate your authenticity to listen and converse. 
  • Create a common ground to continue your conversation. 
  • Avoid asking personal questions about marital status and salary. Draw a line clearly and be within it before you create your conversation. 
  • Avoid asking close-ended questions that involve a one-word response. Instead, ask open-ended questions to enable the person to open up and communicate. 
  • Ask general and neutral questions. Don’t bombard with too many probing questions that sound interrogating people. 
  • Encourage them to talk about themselves. Dale Carnegie rightly remarked, “Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”  
  • Don’t offer unsolicited advice. You must build your credibility before you offer your advice to others. 
  • Choose neutral topics that suit people irrespective of gender and community. Stay away from gender, religious and political aspects to avoid controversies.  
  • Keep cultural aspects in view when you converse with strangers to avoid being misunderstood. 
  • Use your presence of mind to exit from the conversation if it is leading to controversies.  
  • If you are good at humor, use it to make the person laugh. But don’t experiment if you are not an expert in humor because it boomerangs. 
  • Stick to ethics and etiquette to create an everlasting impression on others. Your quality of conversation is more important than the quantity of conversation.

When you talk to people, you learn something from them. You can also help them by sharing your expertise and experience. When you speak more, you listen less. When you speak less, you listen more. Hence, encourage the person to speak so that you can listen. Instead of seeking your approval and validation, identify positive traits in others, enlighten and elevate them. Approve and validate them to enhance your influence and impact. 

“A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years mere study of books.” ―Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Life is an experiment!

I am not a party animal. I rarely socialize with others because my passion for writing books takes a lot of time. At times, I find it difficult to get along with women. When I analyzed the reasons, I realized that it is due to my military background. I served in Indian Air Force where I interacted with men, not women. I still feel shy to interact with women. I tried to interact with women but I found it challenging. Most times, I fear being misunderstood by them.

If you fail to connect with a specific stranger, don’t lose your heart. Try to converse with another stranger. Some people are not keen to converse because of their attitude, nature, and moods. They may be dis-interested to talk to you due to perceptions. 

I am not a technology expert and I am keen to update myself. Hence, when I find young people in the gym and other places, I talk to them to understand the technology and how it is revolutionizing the world. I seek their advice to connect with them. In this way, I update myself on technology and give importance to the person. I personally opine that millennials are often misunderstood as lazy people. But the fact is that they are undoubtedly smart and brilliant and follow the road less traveled.

Fear of failure, rejection, and criticism are the main reasons why people often don’t converse with others. Life is an experiment and you must learn by trial and error method. There is nothing wrong with experimenting to lead an exciting life. If you succeed, you influence others otherwise you learn a lesson. Hence, don’t hesitate to talk to strangers. However, keep the cultural and gender aspects in view when you converse with others. 

Technology cannot replace human relations

With growing technology, people are busy with their gadgets rather than interacting with others. There is less social interaction and more social media interaction. Probably the millennials presently and the people in the future will find it challenging to get along with people. It appears that friendship will become a rare commodity in the future as people make gadgets as their friends. It is time they changed their mindset by preferring human relations to digital relations. 

It is time we emphasized social interaction and created meaningful conversations to build bridges with others. To summarize, the conversation is an art and craft that can be learned easily. It is not a talent but a skill that can be honed if you are passionate about networking and building relations. Every professional must converse and communicate with others. Hence, cultivate this art and craft to connect with others instantly to influence and inspire them to excel as leaders. 

Professor M.S. Rao, Ph. D., is a 21st-century Philosopher and the Father of “Soft Leadership.” He is an International Leadership Guru and the Founder of MSR Leadership Consultants, India. He has forty-four years of diversified experience, including military, and is the author of fifty-four books, including the award-winning See the Light in You.

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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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Bridging the gap between employees and employers
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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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