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Here’s Why Splitting Personalities at Work and Home is Causing Unhappiness

When your external you reflects your internal you, you find true success, happiness, satisfaction, and contentment

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Image Credit: Midjourney

We hear it all the time: to accelerate in our careers, we need to fit within a certain mold. We need to play the role — to dress and talk and behave a certain way. Once we’re back home, we can switch into an entirely different person and be “ourselves.” 

We’re challenged to play so many different roles in our everyday life. We have to be smart, intelligent, and on our A game at work. Then we have to be patient, understanding, and the ideal role model in front of our kids, along with our fun, kind, and present self with our friends. We’re a different person behind closed doors, a different person at work, and a different person with friends, family, kids, parents, etc. In playing all those roles, how do we truly know who we are as a person?  

This is the reality of most people. Why? Because for so long the notion that behaving in different ways around different people has been ingrained in our minds as traditional practice. In fact, being able to be all these different personalities is viewed as an admirable “skill.”  

I don’t know about you, but for me, this traditional practice is exhausting! It’s not admirable. In fact, it’s completely inauthentic. Further, doing it takes no courage. None. All you have to do is conform to a system that’s already in place, formed by societal, familial, or cultural norms. You’re only playing your role. That’s easy. There’s nothing admirable or special about it.  

By comparison, going against the norm, being one person at all times regardless of the situation or the people you’re around, takes courage. It requires you to regularly break norms and be completely confident, secure, and free in how you act. Oftentimes, you may find yourself on an island, but guess what? It’s your island. You own it. You own your true self.  

The real you probably exists somewhere in the center of all the different personas you take on every day. But there’s only one true you. And that means the things you struggle with or that trigger a certain reaction in your personal life are also going to provoke a similar reaction in your professional life. If there’s an attitude that irks you at home, it’s likely to have the same effect in the workplace no matter how hard you try to hide beneath layers of professionalism and diplomacy. 

“When you are authentic, you create a certain energy, people want to be around you because you are unique.” – Andie MacDowell

We try to keep our “professional” self and “home” self in two separate drawers where they can’t possibly blend. Even through COVID, when our “home” was also our principal place of business, we still tried to keep the personal and professional neatly separate. It was a near impossible endeavor when our work was our home and our home was also where we worked.  

Part of this struggle for both employers and employees is how do we incorporate both. How, as an employer, do we create an atmosphere that encourages authenticity? How, as an employee, can we align these two parts of our lives together? Part of the answer lies in a mindset shift. This means breaking away from the traditional thinking that our personal and professional personas are separate. We must begin to acknowledge that satisfaction is derived from within. We need to connect with our authentic selves and strive to be the best version of ourselves each and every day.  

It’s possible to accept and respect each individual exactly as he or she is — whether as Jane the employee/employer or as Jane the parent, spouse, sibling, or friend. Embracing team members for who they are without expecting them to smother their inner selves should be an organic part of your company culture. 

The beauty of this mindset shift isn’t that it only happens at one level of the organization. To be truly effective, it must be embraced at both the individual level and the organizational level. 

Work to shift your mindset through these approaches: 

  1. Realize that authenticity starts with you. Understand that it’s okay to be different. Arrive at work unapologetic, unafraid, and unencumbered by who you think you’re expected to be. Understand that it’s okay to be your authentic self.  
  2. Shed the facades. You cannot be two different people personally and professionally and still understand who you are. Develop an awareness of when you’re not saying or doing something that you truly believe. Ask yourself whether you’re trying hard to appease someone else or to fit a norm.  
  3. Embrace your uniqueness. There isn’t, nor should there be, a cookie-cutter employee. Each person is unique and comes with their own talents, idiosyncrasies, and flaws. Your differences contribute to the company’s diverse whole. 

When your external you reflects your internal you, and vice versa, you find true success, happiness, satisfaction, and contentment. The magnetism within your truthfulness and authenticity will pull the best out of you — and the best to you. 

Shuaib Ahmed, a legal defense attorney, is owner and president of ASA Law Group, LLC, and ASA Law Group, Inc. He is the author of the new book, Personal Business: Using the ASA Way to Build an Inspired, Purposeful Team (ForbesBooks, April 11, 2023), offering a tried-and-tested leadership approach that prioritizes the individual worker. Learn more at asalawgroup.net.

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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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Why one-size-fits-all leadership doesn’t work
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Leadership has always been as much about people as it is about performance. Ken Blanchard, in his influential book, “The One Minute Manager”, put it simply: different strokes for different folks. (more…)

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Success Advice

What Every New CEO Must Do in Their First 100 Days (or Risk Failure)

Your first 100 days as CEO could define your entire legacy, here’s how to make every move count

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leadership tips for new CEO
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When Tim Cook took over from Steve Jobs at Apple, the world watched with bated breath. Jobs wasn’t just a CEO; he was a visionary, an icon, and a legend of innovative leadership. (more…)

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Entrepreneurs

The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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Bridging the gap between employees and employers
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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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Entrepreneurs

What Makes an Entrepreneurial Leader? Traits of the World’s Best Innovators

Inside the mindset of entrepreneurial leaders who transform risk, passion, and vision into world-changing results.

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entrepreneurial leadership skills and traits
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When you think of Richard Branson (Virgin Group), Bill Gates (Microsoft), Steve Jobs (Apple), Rupert Murdoch (News Corporation), and Ted Turner (CNN), one thing becomes clear: they are not just entrepreneurs, they are entrepreneurial leaders. (more…)

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