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3 Ways to Learn From Failed Relationships to Strengthen Your Leadership Style

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When thinking about your leadership style, images of boardrooms, Zoom calls, and mentorship meetings might immediately spring to mind. But your leadership isn’t just expressed in work-based situations. The way you show up as a leader touches all areas of your life. And your relationships—especially your failed relationships—can give you the greatest insight into how you can become a stronger leader. Here’s how to take those failures and turn them into gold.

1. Get Curious

Curiosity is one of the greatest attributes a leader can have. According to research, it keeps your mind nimble and creative while remaining open to new ideas and solutions, as well as promoting more positive relationships in the workplace. In fact, the more questions you ask of others, the more likely they are to see you as competent and caring. Utilizing this curiosity, there are a few things you can do to see where your failed relationships can lead to better leadership skills in the future. 

The first step, get curious about your part in relationships that have ended. If you’re being as objective as possible, was there something you did that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship? Did your words and actions make the other person feel valued and appreciated? Did you get curious about that person, their interests, and things that were important to them? Did you ask them questions about their experiences, feelings, thoughts, and insights? Did you value their input and contribution? 

If you aren’t sure about any of these things and you feel it would be helpful (and safe), reach out to past partners (personal and professional), as well as former friends or colleagues, and ask for their input. It may give you insight into places where you’ve developed patterns of relating to others that work against you in your leadership roles. 

For example, if you were to speak with a former friend, you may be surprised to find that during their relationship with you, they often felt unheard or dismissed. These types of experiences can breed feelings of resentment, leading to a breakdown of the relationship. If you were to receive that kind of feedback, get curious about where you may be doing this in your other relationships, including at work when you’re leading the team. 

A team that feels unheard or dismissed is a team that stops asking questions, becomes afraid to innovate, and loses their commitment to the company because their contribution is undervalued. The more curious you are about the shortcomings in your failed relationships, the more likely you are not to repeat those same mistakes in your relationship with your team.

“Curiosity is the engine of achievement.” – Ken Robinson

2. Get Honest

First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself in this process. Are there blind spots that need to be addressed? Is there an area of your communication or behavior that you’ve gotten feedback on from former partners, friends, or family members that you’ve ignored or felt triggered by? These may be things that have made you feel misunderstood or things that make you feel frustrated with a sense of “here we go again!”. While you don’t have to accept these things as wholly true for you, they may be worth examining to see if there’s maybe a kernel of truth that could support you in growing your awareness to become a better leader. 

It’s important to note that everyone has blind spots. Remaining open to discovering them and working through them is what separates leaders from the pack. Leadership is about being able to make healthy decisions for the collective while setting an example for the behavior you expect from the group. However, you can only do that if you learn how to listen intentionally and invest in your personal growth. These may not be the most fun aspects of yourself to unearth, but uncovering where your blind spots are and being honest with yourself about where you need to learn how to do better will make all of the difference in your leadership style. 

As you go through this process, remember, it’s not personal. All of this feedback and all of these discoveries are coming up to help you grow. It’s in this process that you will become a stronger leader, and your team will respect you more for it. 

3. Get Clear

Now that you have the information you needed from your failed relationships, it’s time to put an action plan in place. If you did reach out to former partners, friends, colleagues, or family members, thank them for their experience and transparency. Give apologies and make amends where necessary, and remember this is not information for you to punish yourself with. This feedback is simply data for you to filter through so that you can take action to become a better leader. 

Ask yourself:

  • What are the patterns or traits that are most pressing to shift now?
  • What can I do to shift these habits in a healthy way?
  • Do I need support to make these shifts, and if so, what does that look like? Therapy? Coaching? Charts? Etc.
  • How am I going to hold myself accountable for making these shifts?
  • How can I implement a feedback system that allows my team members to feel safe, but also be heard?

Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll have created your list of priorities, identified the support system you need, and noted the systems of change and accountability that will support you in this process. 

Looking at past failures can be difficult, especially when it comes to relationships. But this is an opportunity to strengthen your present and future relationships so that you can step more into your leadership role with the confidence that you’re doing right by your team.

Deidre Sirianni is a TEDx Speaker, leadership coach, and spiritual guide, serving a community of impact-driven entrepreneurs, coaches, leaders, and visionaries on their journey of healing, integrating change, and making a significant impact through their work. Deidre uses her over 10 years of experience in leadership development, holistic wellness, and human behavior to help clients overcome self-sabotaging behaviors and unresolved trauma that holds them back from being fulfilled and reaching their goals. Deidre has supported hundreds of people around the world on their journey of realizing their full potential. She’s spoken on global stages such as Envision Festival, Impact Festival, Consciousness Hacking, Influence, and her genius has been featured in Lululemon, Novus TV, and Alive Magazine. If you know that you have a big message to share with the world and you have trauma to heal, blocks to remove, behaviors patterns to transform, and gifts to activate within you, then click here to learn more.

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Did You Know

How to Turn a Simple Link-in-Bio Into a Powerful Brand Hub

Transform your forgotten bio link into a high-impact gateway that fuels engagement, clicks, and conversions across every social platform.

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Social media is one of the greatest marketing tools in 2025. According to a recent study, some 86% of marketers globally use platforms like Facebook and Instagram for advertisements, while 94% use it for content distribution.  (more…)

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Personal Development

These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident

Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.

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Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.

But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.

Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.

1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task

Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.

After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.

Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.

But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.

2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First

Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.

Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”

For example, if you’re a writer:

  • Research your topic at night.

  • Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).

  • Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.

You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.

3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace

Focus is the foundation of success.

According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.

Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.

Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.

4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”

This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.

If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.

5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills

Knowledge compounds over time.

Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.

I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.

Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.

  • A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.

  • A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.

Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.

7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You

I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.

If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.

Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.

Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.

8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions

Good mentors can fast-track your growth.

While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.

If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.

9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations

Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”

Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.

When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.

10. Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.

If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.

A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.

Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.

11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Your beliefs shape your reality.

For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.

Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.

Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.

Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.

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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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Why one-size-fits-all leadership doesn’t work
Image Credit: Midjourney

Leadership has always been as much about people as it is about performance. Ken Blanchard, in his influential book, “The One Minute Manager”, put it simply: different strokes for different folks. (more…)

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