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3 Ways To Handle Negotiations With Difficult People

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From the boardroom to the car showroom or simply rescheduling a flight, we negotiate every day. Really, any time we want something from someone, whether it’s money, an act of kindness, respect, or anything else, we are negotiating. And some of the people we negotiate with seem to have “make my day” written all over them.

But, while you really would like to make their day; you also want to persuade them to make your day. And to achieve that kind of win-win outcome requires something a little more subtle than the .44 magnum Dirty Harry relied on in Sudden Impact.

Here are three types of phrases you can add to your arsenal to help people become more receptive to your suggestions:

1. Leading phrases that defuse

Your typical difficult person isn’t just being difficult with you. It’s their default modus operandi.  So while leading with phrases such as, “It seems to me …”, “This is just my opinion …”, “I may be wrong about this …” may seem counter-intuitive, even “weak,” it really accomplishes two things.

First it surprises them, because that isn’t how most people handle them, and it soothes their ego. As you know, a person’s ego will often stand in the way of their being receptive to another’s idea. These phrases act as softeners to their ego.

You’re not saying, “I’m right and you’re wrong.” That’s what they’re used to. Instead, you are allowing for the definite possibility that you might not be correct. Quite opposite from causing the other person to doubt the truth of your statement, it will actually cause them to drop their guard and become a lot more open to it. Counter-intuitive? Yes. Effective? Absolutely.

Second, it will open your mind. You’ll not only be asking if you are right, or in the right, these phrases program your subconscious to be open to other solutions and resolutions. So you might end up with a better situation (think two cupcakes instead of one) than you were even negotiating for.

“Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning. Without it, your relationship goes cold.” – William Paisley

2. Seek first to understand

I don’t think anyone phrased it any better than Dr. Stephen R. Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when he wrote, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Difficult people are often behaving the way they do because they need to be heard, they’re trying to cut you off at the pass, so to speak, by being insistent on their position right from the beginning.

Try another type of softening phrase like “for my own clarification …” and “I’m just curious about …” which suggest that you are sincerely interested in their point of view (even though you may not agree with it.)

Of course, if it leads to your difficult person being less defensive and explaining their point of view in more rational terms it also gives you a better chance of speaking to their real objections and working toward a resolution that is a win for everyone involved.

 

3. Offer to do your part

You might not expect a phrase suggesting that the other person tell you what to do would put you in the power seat, but it does.

In non-manipulative, or what we call “positive persuasion,” a phrase like, “What can I do to help?” or “Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?” both defuses their firepower and puts the ball in their court to offer constructive feedback. It’s similar to the tactic used by hostage negotiators who will come right out, whether by bullhorn or telephone, and ask the hostage-taker, “What is it you’d like to have happen?” or “What is it you want to accomplish through this?”

You may not be negotiating a life or death situation, but keep your cool, present a calm, self-controlled front, and simply ask the question. Typically, they will be happy to give you the answer, and the conversation will tend to take a much more mutually beneficial direction.

“Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” – Og Mandino

Just as a professional boxer uses the parry which, properly executed, allows the fighter to deflect an oncoming jab with the slightest flick of the wrist, these phrases take the force that your difficult person is throwing your way and defuses it. Often you’ll find that using these phrases even gives you the advantage.

Have you personally used any of these phrases? Did they help? Please give us your feedback in the comment section below!

Bob Burg is a world-renowned speaker and best-selling author. His book, The Go-Giver, coauthored with John David Mann, is a Wall St. Journal Business Bestseller which has sold more than 500,000 copies. Their newest book is The Go-Giver Leader. Burg hosts “The Go-Giver Podcast. www.thegogiver.com

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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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Why one-size-fits-all leadership doesn’t work
Image Credit: Midjourney

Leadership has always been as much about people as it is about performance. Ken Blanchard, in his influential book, “The One Minute Manager”, put it simply: different strokes for different folks. (more…)

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Success Advice

What Every New CEO Must Do in Their First 100 Days (or Risk Failure)

Your first 100 days as CEO could define your entire legacy, here’s how to make every move count

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Image Credit: Midjourney

When Tim Cook took over from Steve Jobs at Apple, the world watched with bated breath. Jobs wasn’t just a CEO; he was a visionary, an icon, and a legend of innovative leadership. (more…)

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Entrepreneurs

The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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Bridging the gap between employees and employers
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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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Entrepreneurs

What Makes an Entrepreneurial Leader? Traits of the World’s Best Innovators

Inside the mindset of entrepreneurial leaders who transform risk, passion, and vision into world-changing results.

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