For the last three years, I’ve been vulnerable and put myself out there. For some strange reason I have warmed to the idea and it’s become one of my habits. Each week I’ve published an average of three blog posts in an effort to share my life and business experience.
I’ve had to write these blog posts with an immense amount of vulnerability in order to affect people’s lives for the better. It’s been hard work. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions. It’s all been worth it though and I wouldn’t change a thing. These stories I’ve told have been me – warts and all.
As I evaluate what I’ve learned, the art of putting myself out there has become apparent to me. I do it because I want to inspire people.
I took some time to write all the things I learned by being vulnerable and putting myself out there.
1. Vulnerability is more powerful than giving up
You can be vulnerable and put yourself out there, or hide from your story and give up on life. Many choose to give up because vulnerability takes guts. Sharing your innermost fears and failures can be a daunting task.
You have to own your weaknesses to come out of your shell. By being vulnerable, you get to increase your certainty levels because you can stop hiding from the truth. The truth will set you free, so don’t be afraid of it any longer.
Instead of giving up, try being vulnerable first. Explore the uncharted lands through your vulnerability. The worst that can happen is that you fail, but that’s still better than giving up. In fact, anything is better than giving up.
2. It helps me conquer fear
Fear is all around us. We sleep with fear every night. We live with fear for breakfast. Fear comes over for dinner. Fear is with us on holidays.
We can’t avoid fear altogether. I believe we can use vulnerability to conquer it though. As I’ve become more vulnerable, I’ve noticed that when fear shows up at the door of my mind, I have more strength not to let it take over.
Each vulnerable act has shown me what it’s like to have fear build up and then dissipate when I take charge. Like vulnerability, fear is also a habit.
“Fear and vulnerability are a dance that goes together beautifully. Try that dance once in a while. Maybe even do the tango”
3. Shows I don’t care about opinions
Being vulnerable for three years has taught me to treat opinions differently. I value the opinions that push me forward, and I ignore the one’s that don’t serve any purpose. Being vulnerable makes me better at filtering what I choose to take notice of and what I chose to ignore.
Getting caught up in how others perceive you can ruin your perspective and make you doubt yourself. Choose vulnerability despite the fact you may be judged. You’ll thank me for it.
4. Tells me I’m comfortable with who I am (warts and all)
All of your success starts with you. It begins and ends with you. Vulnerability teaches us to be comfortable with who we are. We all have horrible, ugly warts in the form of weaknesses, failures, addictions, etc.
Once you are comfortable with your own warts and realize that we all have them, your mindset changes forever. You become one of those individuals who is unstoppable in the face of adversity.
5. It takes practice
Probably the biggest lesson for me is that vulnerability takes practice.
“At first, being vulnerable is like jumping into the freezing cold waters of the Antarctic seas in your underwear”
With practice, those cold seas begin to feel like a warm bath after a day at the snow. The first time I shared a vulnerable story online I was literally terrified. I looked at that blog post for hours wondering how it would be perceived. After many years, now I just publish posts that hopefully inspire, without caring how it may make me look.
As my habit of vulnerability has increased, so too has my success.
6. It’s infectious
It’s no surprise that true vulnerability is so rare. When you do it, you separate yourself into a league of extraordinary people. You’ll find that people gravitate towards you because you’re doing something they wish they had the courage to do themselves.
Rather than indulging in your own glory, teach people how they can have their very own glory. Stories that are vulnerable have a habit of being infectious. I believe these stories are infectious because vulnerability breeds truth.
Without vulnerability, many of the key truths of a story are hidden. This means we only get the advice and not the full journey of transformation that has occurred.
Next time you’re asked for your opinion, try being more vulnerable. Let us see below the icebergs deep blue waters. Let us peer into the window of your life. Now that’s infectious baby!
7. It demonstrates leadership
Leaders are the one’s who inspire by example. Leaders use vulnerability to show adversity and how it can be overcome. The purpose of this vulnerability is to help people take action. Taking action is hard work and most of us avoid it.
It’s easier to sip a glass of wine or overload on carbs than it is to work towards our goals. We can always achieve our goals tomorrow.
“The trouble is tomorrow never comes. Then one day you’re old, hairy, have gray hair, a pot belly and no energy to do anything other than complain about the news and how life is unfair”
Leaders use vulnerability to help break us out of our own paradigm. Vulnerability gets us out of our own head and helps us connect on a human level with each other. Once we interrupt the pattern of our previous habits, we then have the power to take action.
Leaders know this simple idea and that’s how they get us to do what we never thought was possible. I don’t know about you, but I want to be one of those leaders.
8. It’s inspiring
Want to know what inspires us? I’ve learned it’s vulnerability. People want to hear about your inner, most difficult moments in your life. Not for the personal secrets, but for the strategy on how you went from a challenging obstacle to winning the race. We’re addicted to the hero’s journey and that always requires vulnerability.
9. Vulnerability is courage
The reality is that being vulnerable can blow up in your face. There’s a chance of pain and we all do anything we can to avoid pain. By confronting danger, uncertainty, and intimidation, you develop a warrior-like strength.
I’ve had moments over the last three years where I thought I went too far. Each time I learned that I was wrong. Each moment made me more courageous and allowed me to be even more vulnerable. Your courage compounds like interest on your savings account, when you practice vulnerability.
Vulnerability is at the heart of being courageous. With courage, you can achieve anything. It’s like the sword you take into battle with you that is sharper than any other warriors. Nothing can overpower courage. You need vulnerability first though.
10. Numbing the pain doesn’t work
When you numb the pain and choose not to be vulnerable, you also numb the positive emotions as well. Unfortunately, our human mind can’t selectively numb only negative emotions. It needs to numb the positive and the negative emotions.
11. Without vulnerability, we fall for perfectionismSo if you choose not to be vulnerable, then you’ll most likely fall for perfectionism. Perfectionism is showing the world that nothing goes wrong and you have no flaws. The trouble with perfectionism that author Brene Brown points out is that it’s proven to lead to depression, anxiety, addiction and paralysis.
No wonder I was no messed up five years ago. I was trying to be perfect rather than be me. In my case, I discovered vulnerability by accident. Had I have known what I know now, I would have seen that I was trying to hide my flaws. I was trying to show everybody, someone I wasn’t.
Three years have passed since I took on the vulnerability challenge. I don’t regret it one bit and it’s shaped the person I’ve become. I’ve had so many opportunities because of it and I definitely believe that people respect me more because of it.
It’s not easy to do in the beginning, so you’ll need plenty of references like this article to make you understand why it’s so critical to your success. I’ve found that by only trying to impress myself, I’m able to be more vulnerable. The worst case when you are vulnerable is people don’t get it.
As long as you get it, the rest will happen naturally. Take off the mask. Live life to the fullest. Be vulnerable and put yourself out there.
If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
Why You Should Prefer Emails to Phone Calls if You Want to Be More Productive
“Email” and “productivity” rarely go together in a sentence. Emails have been declared as one of our largest time wasters. A McKinsey report stated that people spend around 2.6 hours each day responding to emails. That’s 13 hours a week, 52 hours a month and over 60 days a year! Imagine what you could’ve achieved in 60 days!
Emails also negatively affect our cognitive resources. When we think of responding to them while doing other important tasks, it takes up to 23 minutes and 15 seconds after being disrupted to return to full attention to a current task. Imagine how much our cognition and productivity gets fractured when we get distracted over and over again.
Constant emailing also drains us mentally. And at the end of a day, we realize that we’ve achieved nothing worth mentioning. With a phone call, you can sort issues and solve problems quickly, right? In theory, you’re right. But we live in a practical world where many variables come into play.
Below are three variables that make phone calls adversely affect our productivity, and why emails are a better alternative:
1. Wasting Time
Most “five-minute conversations” can quickly turn into 35-minute calls because people ramble about irrelevant aspects. This derailment, several times a day, severely limits the limited time and energy you have for important tasks.
Emails, on the other hand, force writers to streamline their thoughts and stick to the point. Emails can save you plenty of time and energy because you avoid lengthy phone calls. The constant strife to keep your own emails short and crisp also makes you a clearer thinker, which rewards you in other aspects of your life.
“It’s better to waste money, than it is to waste time. You can always get more money.” – Hal Sparks
2. Inaccurate Responses
An unexpected phone call can catch me caught off guard on a topic. I might respond emotionally or give an answer that doesn’t do justice to what I want to share. In a world dominated by panic buttons and fire-fighting, these don’t just stress me out but the caller as well.
Emails give me flexibility to prepare a coherent response and share it when I’m satisfied. If I feel a surge of emotion, I can sleep over the thought and share a better (more rational) response the next day. Many page-long email responses to emails that upset me have turned into a simple “thank you for your email” the next day.
3. Constant Back-and-Forth
Phone calls often are ineffective to solve business problems. Accounting for multiple people, their views, their timelines… One phone call can quickly turn into three.
Emails are quicker and more effective than even conference calls. They let you communicate with multiple people at the same time. You can share information, assign tasks and give status updates while being as specific as possible.
You must be wondering, “What about back-and-forth emails then? Why do we waste precious time on them?” Yes, email has earned a bad rap. But it’s not because of the medium; it’s because we handle it ineffectively.
A Better Approach to Emailing
For most people, constantly refreshing the inbox is part of the daily to-do list. It keeps them busy and gives them a kick of dopamine – the feel-good chemical.
Ironically, this quest to remain busy makes people compromise on taking action that can move them forward. Using emails prudently, rewards you with plenty of energy and mind space to focus on tasks that truly matter.
Here are three steps that benefited me without succumbing to the side effects of email:
1. Checking Them Less
I check emails just 3 times a day – at 9:30 AM, 12:00 PM, and 4:30 PM. If you don’t have the luxury to do the same, you can start by checking your emails for ten minutes at the end of each hour. Most senders expect a response in a little over an hour. So they won’t mind a slightly delayed response. This gives you 45 undisturbed minutes each hour to work on your core tasks.
2. Responding Quickly
People delay responding to emails at least 37% of the time, which turns finding emails and responding to them into additional tasks that cost time and lead to attention residue. Most emails take under two minutes to respond. When you can respond to an email, do so instead of putting it off. This won’t just put your mind at peace, it’ll also reduce the number of “did-you-see-this” follow-up emails in your inbox.
“I do love email. Wherever possible I try to communicate asynchronously. I’m really good at email.” – Elon Musk
3. The If-Then Technique
The If-Then technique helps you address multiple scenarios at once. For instance, an email that says, “Can we meet at 3:00 PM?” becomes, “Can we meet at 3:00 PM? If not, please advise three other times that work for you.”
This technique is also effective when you want to suggest ideas or provide instructions on alternative steps. For example, “Here’s Plan A. If it doesn’t work, connect with [name] and ask for [specific information]. If you don’t get what you need, inform me.”
I’ll admit. This sounds like more work in the current moment, but it drastically cuts down the number of trail mails, confused correspondences, and fire-fighting instances that occur due to miscommunication.
The If-Then formula is the single most effective technique I’ve learned from The 4-Hour Workweek. All of this doesn’t mean that you abandon phone calls, In fact, it’s better to use the phone for sensitive topics or if an email conversation gets dragged. But remain mindful to not let phone calls waste your time.
If you want to pursue a meaningful life, place a premium on your time. Do things that create time for you to pursue meaningful actions and avoid doing what pulls you away from them. In the knowledge economy, this is the key to success.
Do you prefer email or talking on the phone? Share your thoughts below!
4 Questions You Need to Answer Before You Reach the Level of Success You So Desperately Crave
It’s normal that every person in the world wants to reach success and happiness. Yet, everyone defines both of these things differently. For some, success is making a whole bunch of money while for others this can be to become a good parent. Happiness is defined differently as well. Some people need to own a jet, boat and 3 cars to be truly happy, while others are happy just to be able to wake up in the morning.
It doesn’t matter how you define success and happiness, the truth is, you want to achieve them both. But, to be able to reach success and happiness, you need to answer 4 questions for yourself.
Here are the 4 questions you need to answer before you can achieve success and happiness:
1. Where Are You?
No, not geographically. It doesn’t matter where you live. What matters is where are you in life. Where are you in your way to success and happiness. Let’s say you are lost in the woods. You know exactly where you want to go, but you don’t know where you are. Even a map doesn’t help you with that.
The same is true in life. You may have a goal, but until you truly define where you are in the moment, you can’t move toward this goal. So, step 1 on your way to success and happiness is to define where you are right now.
“Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.” – Jim Rohn
2. Where Do You Want to Go?
When you define where you are in life, then you can think of where you want to be.
There’s this saying: When you don´t know your final destination, you´ll end up somewhere you didn’t want to be. Until you don’t know clearly where you want to be in life and who you want to become, your life doesn’t have a true purpose.
Without purpose, there´s no motivation. Without motivation, there´s no energy. And without energy, you´re not living, you´re just existing. I am sure you know someone who looks like a walking corpse everytime you see them. Do you think this person lives a successful and happy life? Most likely not.
So, step 2 on your way to success and happiness is to clearly define your goal. What do you want to accomplish and who do you want to become?
3. Why Do You Want It?
Okay, you know the basics. You know where you are and where you want to be. But, as Rocky Balboa said, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.” And as you already know, life usually doesn’t go according to your plan. There will be hard times and to overcome those and not give up, you need to know WHY you do what you do.
You need to know WHY you want to accomplish your goals. When you answer this for yourself, you don’t struggle so much to motivate yourself. You will be motivated every minute of every day.
So, as a step 3, sit down and think of WHY you want to accomplish your goals. What’s the big purpose?
“We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.” – Tony Robbins
4. How Are You Going to Get There?
And finally, how are you going to get there? What’s your plan? You may know where you are, where you want to be and why you want to do it, but until you truly understand how you are going to get there, there won’t be much success and happiness in your life.
For example, you want to become a bodybuilder. You want to do it because you want to have big muscles and you want to look fit. But, you have no idea how to work out, how to build muscle and how to lose fat. Do you think, you´re going to be happy? No. As Tony Robbins says, “true happiness comes from progress.”
To make progress, you need to have a specific plan; how to get from point A (where you are) to point B (where you want to be). So, as a step 4, sit down and make a specific plan for how you’re going to get what you want in life.
In order to reach success and happiness, there are 4 questions you need to answer for yourself. Without answering them, you´re not going to get ahead in life, you´re just bouncing around. Success and happiness never come from just bouncing around in life.
Good news is, that these questions are really simple. It won’t take much time to answer them. Just be aware of where you are and where you want to be. Don´t forget to understand why you are pursuing your dream and finally, how are you going to get what you want.
Answer these 4 simple questions today and you won’t struggle with finding success and happiness in life anymore.
Which one of the above 4 questions resonated most with you and why? Share your thoughts and ideas below!
The Empathetic Heart: How The CHO of VaynerMedia Is Changing The Way We Work
A month after I had joined LinkedIn back in July of 2018, I sent Claude Silver a connection request and began following her content. One day she made a post saying “Ask and you shall receive, what can I do to help you today?”. I commented on that post asking for a 5 minute interview and to my surprise she agreed by asking me to send her a message (I was given a full hour). This was the first example of pure kindness I witnessed from Claude.
The first message you see on Claude’s website is: People need people. People need people that listen and then do something. That message spoke to me on an emotional level, and I believe it will speak to you too. I wanted to know how she created such an amazing culture, what being a “culture carrier” meant, and how the employees at VaynerMedia have been changed by her work there.
A culture carrier in Claude’s own words is “someone who is aligned with our values, I can’t teach someone to be kind they have to already be kind. The process of developing a culture carrier takes about 6 months. It’s about bringing people together and having strong core values of kindness and empathy.”
Gary Vaynerchuk, co-founder of VaynerMedia, is often referred to as a combination of hustle and heart. With the hiring of Claude and the work she has accomplished within the company, it speaks to the level of empathy that can be felt throughout the entire operation.
Although business can be a challenging, tough, and often cut-throat terrain, by putting employees first and providing honest feedback the company has grown to include offices in New York, Chattanooga, Los Angeles and London, and continues to dominate the market.
Below we’ll see 3 different ways the CHO of VaynerMedia is changing the way people work:
1. By being unafraid to share her own story
Claude has been an influential part of breaking the stigma surrounding vulnerability in the business arena. Not only does she openly share her own story, but she sits down with employees to better understand their vulnerabilities and how to use characteristics that previously would have been considered weaknesses as strengths.
When asked what her biggest adventure to date was she replied “Having Shalom (her daughter). I have had an amazing life, I moved, worked hard, landed an amazing job and fell in love but it didn’t come without its challenges.”
Claude is openly gay and is living proof your sexual orientation doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but your character, your track record, and if you leave people a little better off than before you met them. From Claude, business leaders, employees and entrepreneurs can learn to be more open both on social media and in person, allowing them to build more meaningful relationships and connect on a deeper level. A deeper connection can mean more leverage but it also means a more lasting impact on the world.
“Everyone has something they can share. I’m not famous. I don’t have anything that would be newsworthy, but I have stories.” – Tafta Johnson Watson
2. Committing to a strong value system
VaynerMedia has some serious values for such a large company and those values are expected to be upheld by every employee and visitor. Values like kindness, empathy, honesty, hustle and the art of not complaining.
With Claude holding the title of Chief Heart Officer, she is the guiding light for others. When recruiting, she says she “takes the time to evaluate an individual’s talents but most importantly their own heart”.
Gary Vaynerchuk is quoted as saying:”To me, there’s no debate that kindness is a strength. And it breaks my heart to know that so many people believe it’s a weakness. So many people are afraid that other people will take advantage of their kindness or make them feel “used.” But the truth is, those who take advantage of your kindness are weak on the inside. Feel bad for them, don’t let them make you feel bad about yourself“.
Both Claude and Gary teach aspiring entrepreneurs that it is okay to live with an open heart and that having the strength to commit to and live with a strong value system, will be a powerful tool during the hustle journey. It also allows you to go to bed at night actually liking the person that you are, nothing will kill a business faster than going to bed at night and hating yourself.
3. Listening with action
As mentioned above Claude’s slogan is: People need people. People need people that listen and then do something. As a woman who wears many hats, she is also an Outward Bound Instructor, taking individuals on amazing adventures in the outdoors.
Taking action on any given day can mean a number of different things but it speaks to her own character and driving force that she is able to not only guide people through the world of office politics but also through the serene and sometimes challenging wilderness.
Claude cultivates an environment of trust by first offering individuals her own trust. It is a huge and vulnerable action that leads to a relationship of love – heart – and productivity. Listening as an action is something that has the power to change an entire organization from an unproductive, toxic environment to one that promotes creativity, passion, inclusion and positivity.
“Relationships are leverage. If you give value to someone else first, you have leverage.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
To get the truest sense of how Claude was changing the way people work, I asked her co-workers to tell me what working alongside Claude has done for them. Here is one of the answers I received:
“During my time working alongside Claude, I’ve really come to appreciate her example of being a good listener. As a society, we tend to praise the power of speaking. But Claude demonstrates on a daily basis that the most important thing everybody wants is to be heard.” – Steve Babcock, Chief Creative Officer VaynerMedia.
I tried looking for images of Claude on her website and I think it speaks to how focused she is on holding space for others, because I couldn’t find a single full sized image of her to use. I googled. Writing this piece has opened me up to evaluate my own values and the way I connect with people in my daily life.
From this article, it is my own hope that entrepreneurs come to the understanding that although tenacity and true grit are really important, the whole of what Claude represents is something to strive towards. The “soft” skills you develop are humongous strengths and to truly impact an entire organization.
What’s the last random act of kindness you did for someone? Share with us below!
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