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The Art of Saying No

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It’s time to fall in love with the word no. Your boundaries depend on it. As the saying goes, “Just say no.” Sounds so easy right?! No – one word, two letters, and a complete sentence. People regurgitate this phrase near and far, implying it’s able to be said with complete ease. Many write advice columns and social media posts on boundaries and you guessed it…learning to “say no” is at the top of the list for how to uphold boundaries. I too have written an article on boundaries and included similar guidance, but the truth is that the simplest advice is almost always easier said than done.

Let’s break it down. When you say “yes” to someone’s request, your time, energy, resources etc. are now committed to someone or something else. While the person asking has been freed from their desires, you have been tethered. As life is ever-evolving, there will always be someone or something that needs your time. So, in order to stay true to your wants, dreams and goals, there will come points in time where you will need to say no. The challenge when you choose to say no though is that it is almost always met with a barrage of questioning – pinning you into a corner of explanation. The irony is that no is a complete sentence and the reality is that no does not require an explanation.

One of the first questions someone is likely to ask once they have been on the receiving end of a “no” is “why?” Why won’t you help them? Why would you refuse them? This is typically the time that emotions kick in as you are triggered from the accusatory questions. You start to question whether or not you are being selfish and if you really should have said no. You’re now getting defensive, feeling obligated to justify and explain your response, knowing deep down it is the best thing for you.

“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho

You try to walk the fine line of acceptable behavior for the dynamic of the situation, trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings and appearing not to be selfish. However, the reality is this – no does not have to be a negotiation. It can be a ruling. How you choose to engage after you have said no determines which category the “no” falls into.

To bolster your resolve in remaining true to your “no”, consider these steps:

  1. Remind yourself it’s not about you. The person asking the question is looking to shift the responsibility to you instead of accepting an answer that was contrary to what they wanted. At the end of the day – both parties are responsible for their decisions – and decisions are never guaranteed.
  2. The first “no” is the hardest no. When you start to draw boundaries and tell people no, naturally they are going to be caught off guard. After all, they are used to you being a “yes” person. Give them grace to observe and accept your new more structured stance which includes saying no to things. While you may be concerned this could negatively impact your relationship with them, history has shown that boundaries are vital in establishing respect. So, on the contrary, this may strengthen your relationship.
  3. Be prepared for the firing squad of questions. If you are going to say no, a fair expectation is to presume that your no will be questioned. Remember that there is no reason to get emotional. You can simply hear the other person out and let them know you carefully considered their request but that was the healthy decision for you. Period. Do not be baited into a lengthy explanation. Remember – it is not a negotiation. 

In short, your goals are worth holding space for which requires the use of “no” from time to time. You can’t do everything for everyone else and still expect to have enough time to dedicate to your goals. You need to be energized and centered in pursuit of your life. So you need to make sure your energy is moving forward and in alignment with your vision, and not hung up on bringing someone else’s vision to life.

Ken Kladouris is an esteemed wealth advisor and published author who believes you should be living your life, by design. Charting his own course in the wealth management industry, Ken has earned the respect of his peers and the trust of his clientele. Developing his signature tailor-made approach, Ken has been able to successfully assist countless clients in charting their course to financial abundance. This has allowed the men and women Ken is proud to serve the ability to infuse more life into their years here and now – not just in retirement. Ken’s book, “Get There!”, was developed as a tool that helps individuals discover the clarity they need to design their financial future. Learn more by visiting Ken’s website or connecting with him on LinkedIn.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
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Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
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“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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