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The Art of Saying No

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It’s time to fall in love with the word no. Your boundaries depend on it. As the saying goes, “Just say no.” Sounds so easy right?! No – one word, two letters, and a complete sentence. People regurgitate this phrase near and far, implying it’s able to be said with complete ease. Many write advice columns and social media posts on boundaries and you guessed it…learning to “say no” is at the top of the list for how to uphold boundaries. I too have written an article on boundaries and included similar guidance, but the truth is that the simplest advice is almost always easier said than done.

Let’s break it down. When you say “yes” to someone’s request, your time, energy, resources etc. are now committed to someone or something else. While the person asking has been freed from their desires, you have been tethered. As life is ever-evolving, there will always be someone or something that needs your time. So, in order to stay true to your wants, dreams and goals, there will come points in time where you will need to say no. The challenge when you choose to say no though is that it is almost always met with a barrage of questioning – pinning you into a corner of explanation. The irony is that no is a complete sentence and the reality is that no does not require an explanation.

One of the first questions someone is likely to ask once they have been on the receiving end of a “no” is “why?” Why won’t you help them? Why would you refuse them? This is typically the time that emotions kick in as you are triggered from the accusatory questions. You start to question whether or not you are being selfish and if you really should have said no. You’re now getting defensive, feeling obligated to justify and explain your response, knowing deep down it is the best thing for you.

“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho

You try to walk the fine line of acceptable behavior for the dynamic of the situation, trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings and appearing not to be selfish. However, the reality is this – no does not have to be a negotiation. It can be a ruling. How you choose to engage after you have said no determines which category the “no” falls into.

To bolster your resolve in remaining true to your “no”, consider these steps:

  1. Remind yourself it’s not about you. The person asking the question is looking to shift the responsibility to you instead of accepting an answer that was contrary to what they wanted. At the end of the day – both parties are responsible for their decisions – and decisions are never guaranteed.
  2. The first “no” is the hardest no. When you start to draw boundaries and tell people no, naturally they are going to be caught off guard. After all, they are used to you being a “yes” person. Give them grace to observe and accept your new more structured stance which includes saying no to things. While you may be concerned this could negatively impact your relationship with them, history has shown that boundaries are vital in establishing respect. So, on the contrary, this may strengthen your relationship.
  3. Be prepared for the firing squad of questions. If you are going to say no, a fair expectation is to presume that your no will be questioned. Remember that there is no reason to get emotional. You can simply hear the other person out and let them know you carefully considered their request but that was the healthy decision for you. Period. Do not be baited into a lengthy explanation. Remember – it is not a negotiation. 

In short, your goals are worth holding space for which requires the use of “no” from time to time. You can’t do everything for everyone else and still expect to have enough time to dedicate to your goals. You need to be energized and centered in pursuit of your life. So you need to make sure your energy is moving forward and in alignment with your vision, and not hung up on bringing someone else’s vision to life.

Ken Kladouris is an esteemed wealth advisor and published author who believes you should be living your life, by design. Charting his own course in the wealth management industry, Ken has earned the respect of his peers and the trust of his clientele. Developing his signature tailor-made approach, Ken has been able to successfully assist countless clients in charting their course to financial abundance. This has allowed the men and women Ken is proud to serve the ability to infuse more life into their years here and now – not just in retirement. Ken’s book, “Get There!”, was developed as a tool that helps individuals discover the clarity they need to design their financial future. Learn more by visiting Ken’s website or connecting with him on LinkedIn.

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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harsh truths for young men
Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Finances

From Debt to Financial Independence: A Practical Roadmap Anyone Can Follow

It’s about having control over your money and not letting money control you.

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The 21st century has brought incredible opportunities but also new challenges. Rapid technological change, global uncertainty, and shifting lifestyles have made many people think more deeply about financial freedom. (more…)

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