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Sometimes You Have to Ditch Your Vision to Discover Your Calling

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You manifested your vision, and now you’re living your deepest calling. Or, at least, that’s what you tell yourself. But you don’t sleep well. Your body feels sluggish and unsteady. Your appetite is nearly non-existent, as are your self-care routines. Worst of all, the intense workload is creating physical or attentive distance between you and the people and activities you love.

Still, the thought of leaving is inconceivable. After all, this was your vision; how could it have led you astray? And how could there possibly be a greater calling for you than this?

This scenario played out in my life years ago, when I followed a vision to open up a yoga studio. It is only now, having left that world to become an author and freelance writer, can I see how my vision prevented me from discovering my true calling for far too long.

Heeding a Calling

“There is no greater gift to give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.” – Oprah

You’ve got a great vision for yourself. You picture yourself doing this far into the future. But is it a vision that is in support of your greater calling? Or is it merely a shiny ball, keeping you distracted and too busy to fulfill something richer? Here are four questions to ask yourself to find out:

1. Where did the vision originate?

A true calling is often so unusual and unique, it will make your ego—which is more comfortable with conformity and mix-and-match creations— quake in its boots. True callings originate far beyond an ego’s temporary hungers for validity and approval. If the vision originated to soothe your ego’s lack of confidence or as a way to gain desired acceptance, it’s likely not a true calling but a temporary vision. On the other hand, if your vision scares you (and your ego), it might well be the real deal.

2. Who is the vision trying to please?

A vision can be born out of other people’s opinions and expectations for us without us actually knowing it. For example, you envision yourself becoming a doctor because your parents were doctors. You plan to go into theater or sports because that’s what the people around you enjoy. You might be a natural at something, even if it would be better as a hobby.

A calling, on the other hand, is pure and untouchable. It doesn’t try to please anyone but merely seeks expression. And that’s okay, because when you find your calling, it won’t matter to you what anyone thinks. One hint: A powerful calling is often more in line with what society needs rather than what it wants.

3. How far can you trace the vision back?

Our calling is an innate part of us; it was born when we were. But, as we grow older and get inundated with societal influences, our early loves and passions can get buried or silenced. 

Then, moving through life, we might become infatuated with some new thing, and immediately determine that that’s our vision for the future. But like many doomed love affairs, an infatuation often cools and interest wanes. 

Not so with a calling. You’ll know something is a true calling if it never goes away, no matter what we might cover it up with temporarily. Try thinking back to what you loved most as a child. Were you a natural peacemaker? Did you love organizational or strategic games? Did you take diligent notes? Your childhood loves and innate talents can give you a clue as to what your true calling is.

4. What kind of payment/sacrifice is your vision asking for?

Both a temporary vision and a deeper calling will demand certain sacrifices from us to bring them to fruition. But what, exactly, are they demanding? Are they demanding you walk away from people and activities you love? Are they overshadowing your needs for leisure, travel, or other personal desires? If your vision forces you to choose between the other activities and people you love, it might not be a true calling.

True callings magically and seamlessly weave all the parts of ourselves together into a cohesive sense of rightness. Keep in mind this simple wisdom: Temporary visions can swallow us whole. True callings make us whole.

Finding your calling can provide a sense of wholeness and rightness that breathes life into the deepest, truest voice within you. When in the throws of following a vision, it can be easy to assume you’ve found your calling. But even the most potent vision is not necessarily a reflection of our calling. So, look closely at where your vision originated, who it is pleasing, how far you can trace it back, and what kind of payment it is demanding. Then and only then can you gain the clarity you need and, if necessary, ditch your vision to make space for your calling.

Keri Mangis is an author and freelance writer/speaker. Her work has appeared in Elephant Journal, Addicted2Success, The Good Men Project, Mindful Word, Thought Catalog, The Edge Magazine, Essential Wellness, and others. She writes about culture/society, spirituality, personal growth, transformation, and empowerment. She is the award-winning author of Embodying Soul: A Return to Wholeness. Learn more about Keri’s journey here.

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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