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Sing a Song of Character: 8 Traits That Build a Strong Character

Character brings meaning, value, and vision to the world around us

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Whether we’re leading a business or living our life, character brings meaning, value, and vision to the world around us. It guides us and centers us.

Character is made up of many notes. We don’t all have to sing in an identical pitch; that would be impossible, and, frankly, not at all melodic. But in order to sing a leadership song that is rich, resonant, and harmonious, certain notes must be sung by us all. These common qualities of good character add up to strong leaders.

1. Honesty

Do you always speak the truth and behave honorably … even when no one’s looking?  When you fall short (and we all do occasionally), what tools and resources, both internal and external, do you have close at hand to guide you back on track and keep you in check? Can you trust yourself to self-correct?  And how are you training your employees to be the most honorable humans they can possibly be? How has honesty been woven into the fabric of your organizational culture?

2. Grit

Grit is determination and the will to succeed because hard work is, well, hard! You have to get in and do it with no excuses, no pity parties, no turning back just because something is difficult.

When I was 25 years old, my company relocated me to Europe. Arriving at my new flat, I was tired, lonely, hungry, and discombobulated from having to drive from the airport, after a twelve-hour flight, on the “wrong” side of the road … in a stick shift, which was new to me! And then, I locked myself out of the flat! I sat on the street curb, tears in my eyes, thinking, Maybe I’ve made a mistake. Maybe this move just wasn’t right for me. Maybe I’m not up to the task.

But then I forced myself to tap into that “gritty place” deep within me, where lived my self-confidence, resilience, and determination. Somehow, I stood up, wiped away my tears, and found a way into my new flat. And in that moment, I launched my life as a leader.

3. Humility

As you lead and live, remember that it’s not about always being right; it’s about always doing right. Leaders must be sure our employees know that we are aware of our own flaws and foibles. When we bristle at criticisms or take a little too much pleasure in proving someone wrong, we shortchange ourselves, the people we are leading, and the companies we work for. 

In truth, it feels wonderful to openly admit to an  employee, “You were right, and I was wrong. Thank you for teaching me.” It feels even better if you make this healthy admission in front of a group!

4. Openness

Resist the urge to surround yourself only with people who agree with you, who echo what they know you want to hear and are more interested in seeking your approval than expressing their own unique voices and concerns.

And even beyond resisting surrounding ourselves with sycophants, we must also actively seek dissenting opinions and encourage different ideas. Leaders who are comfortable, confident, and intelligent enough to seek opinions different from their own have learned how to move beyond their own interests and egos and stand in a more expansive place.

Be careful, though, because our subconscious bias can trick us into placing more value on the employee who is always agreeable than the one who occasionally (and respectfully) rejects the status quo. The trick is to retrain your brain so that it does not react negatively to pushback or opinions different from your own.

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” – John Wooden

5. Neutrality

Gossip, blaming, and backbiting are both mean-spirited and unbecoming of a leader. Rising above such small-minded activities yourself is noble and necessary—but not sufficient. Leaders must also rise and conquer by canceling the culture that encourages such negativity in the first place, establishing an environment of zero-tolerance. If you see it or hear it happening, call it out. Take a stand. Discipline and/or remove employees who display this detrimental and demoralizing behavior.

6. Boldness

Uncomfortable situations will arise in the workplace that will require your attention, discernment, and involvement. It’s always best to address these issues head-on, not only for the good (and the growth) of your employees, but also to explore and expand your leadership skills.

Starting a new job early in my leadership career, I had an employee I’d been told needed to be terminated immediately. However, I decided that before I took that action, I would assess the situation myself.

In the first meeting I attended with this employee—a big meeting involving numerous managers and the company CEO—she fell asleep. Really asleep! Afterwards, I immediately pulled her aside and respectfully but firmly told her that if she wanted to continue growing in her job and be professionally successful, falling asleep in any meeting would not do! I said that if it happened again—or if it became clear that she was not performing her duties—she would be terminated. 

I urged her to think about what other issues might be at play; perhaps there was something she was missing.

Well, she went to the doctor shortly thereafter and learned that she was severely diabetic, which was causing her extreme fatigue. With that news, she thanked me for being straightforward but respectful, for handling an uncomfortable situation with dignity, compassion, and grace, and for “waking her up”—in more ways than one.

7. Investment in others

For a variety of reasons, managers and leaders are often reticent to give their employees meaningful and continuous feedback. But we need to look at feedback not as a quarterly duty or an annual, paperwork-driven obligation, but as an ongoing investment in our people and a constant part of our organizational culture. 

Without it, how will your team be led and guided? How will they know when to adjust and/ or recalibrate? The manager who doesn’t provide open, honest feedback to every employee, regardless of their protected class or status, is doing that employee and the organization a grave disservice.

8. Bravery

Often the worst experiences produce the most valuable lessons. Knowing what not to do often informs and guides our thinking as we evaluate what we should do.

I think back on my first romantic relationship, when I was a teenager. In retrospect, he was awful: controlling, demanding, jealous, and domineering. But even when the relationship became abusive, I stayed. It took me a while, and an extraordinary amount of courage, to finally walk away from that toxic relationship.

I used to feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself for suffering through the pain and indignity for as long as I did. But nowadays I understand the vital, enduring life lessons I took away from that relationship, lessons I bring into my leadership experience. 

That profoundly negative experience taught me profoundly positive lessons. I learned much about what kindness is by seeing what kindness is not. Courage in adversity has lessons of its own.

Mastering these character notes will help you grow as a leader. You might hit a little dissonance now and then (we’re all human!), but just keep practicing and you will bring harmony to your life and work.

Barbie Brewer, author of Live and Let Lead began her career in Silicon Valley during the dot.com boom of the ’90s and is now an industry-leading expert in developing critical areas of modern business performance and culture, including remote and hybrid workforces. As Chief Culture Officer at GitLab Inc., Brewer contributed to the all-remote SAS company’s growth from 150 employees to over 1,000 in more than 60 countries. She was Vice President of Talent for Netflix when the streaming service expanded from 20 million subscribers to over 150 million and she is currently Chief People Officer for Safe Security. Learn more at Barbiejane.com.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
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Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
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“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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