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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time.

What is going on with these communications? The answer is the difference between knowing your message and delivering your message; those are two very different things.

Effective communication is about using both.

One of the main causes of miscommunication with the spoken word has little to do with the words themselves. Research done by Prof. Albert Mehrabian (UCLA) in the 1970s showed that people overwhelmingly interpret what someone says, not just by the actual words spoken, but by the speaker’s body language and tone of voice that accompany them. His famous breakdown, known as the “7–38–55 rule, suggests that when someone is ‘taking in’ your message, here is what their brain takes into account: 7% words, 38% sound, and 55% look. This doesn’t mean that the words aren’t important, but rather, if your sound and look do not match or support the words, the words will not be believed.

Think about it. If I walked into the room and told you that I was “happy to be here today and looking forward to working with you,” but I sounded as if I was already bored and this was taking up time that I could be using to do something else, you wouldn’t believe my words. If I spoke the exact same words while having a smile on my face, making eye contact with you, and behaving like I was genuinely looking forward to working with you, there would be no disconnect, and you would stay engaged.

We have a bad habit of just opening our mouths and responding or of opening our mouths and reciting something we memorized. When we do those things, we take the human component out of the mix, and we are left with only the words, which on their own, don’t mean a whole heck of a lot and can be easily misinterpreted.

There is nowhere that is demonstrated more perfectly than in texts or emails. When I only have words to convey a message, it is easy for those words to be misread. Why? Because, when you take out the human components of vocal tone and behavior, the words are just information without any meaning attached to them. When I only have words without any meaning accompanying them, I am going to read those words based on my current situation. In other words, if I’m having a bad day, they can be read one way and if I am having a great day, they can be read another way.

We do this all the time. The result? Miscommunication.

So what can you do to make sure your messages, words, and ideas don’t get misinterpreted? Two big things.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

Take one breath and connect to your message

Take a breath before you open your mouth and think about how you feel about what you are about to say. Take just a moment to connect with your message. Is what you’re about to say a good thing? A bad thing? A suggestion? Are you speaking up to inform or to argue? Are you wanting to learn more about what someone else just said or are you ready to move on with the conversation?

By taking a moment to connect with how you feel about what you are about to say, your brain will help you with the appropriate tone of voice and behavior cues. When you don’t do this, you are on autopilot, and autopilot takes choice out of the mix. It causes you to react (autopilot) instead of respond (be intentional).

Use words that “set the tone”

When you are texting and emailing, feel free to include words that “set the tone.” For example, if I send you a text that reads, “I can’t handle that right now, you’re going to have to do it on your own,” that could be read as you don’t care, you don’t want to help, you are abandoning me or you are mad at me for even asking because you think I should have just taken care of it on my own to begin with.

WOW! That’s a lot of extra “stuff” to throw on top of a handful of words, isn’t it? But that’s exactly what happens. (Notice that nobody ever adds positive stuff, do they?) 😉

But, if I added just a tiny bit of context to my text (by taking a moment to think about it), it might completely avoid miscommunication and a bad situation. By doing this, I might type this instead, “I am so swamped right now, sorry. I know you can handle it! We’ll connect later,” none of those snarky or negative feelings accompany my message. I just ‘get it.’

When you start paying attention to the meaning behind your words, you can make choices in the moment that help your “audience” understand your message clearly the first time they hear or read it. That is what differentiates effective communicators from average communicators.

Robin Sacks teaches smart people how to shift their self-talk, body language, and mental attention, so that they show-up in a more powerful, confident, and effective way, no matter what the situation or who is in the room. Professionally, she is an award-winning journalist, award-winning author, professional speaker and confidence coach. Personally, she's a mom, wife, and friend. Robin has facilitated personal and professional development programs focused on Public Speaking, Executive Presence, and Self-Confidence internationally for companies including Microsoft, Panera, and American Greetings. Her own professional experience includes being an on-air talent for NBC and ABC network affiliates, during which time she trained Emmy award nominees and an Emmy award winner. Robin's coaching clients range from young athletes to Fortune 500 Executives. Get inspired anytime at https://www.robinjsacks.com. If you're ready to jump right in, check out her online course, Owning Your Confidence.

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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harsh truths for young men
Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Finances

From Debt to Financial Independence: A Practical Roadmap Anyone Can Follow

It’s about having control over your money and not letting money control you.

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The 21st century has brought incredible opportunities but also new challenges. Rapid technological change, global uncertainty, and shifting lifestyles have made many people think more deeply about financial freedom. (more…)

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