Life
How a hardcore prisoner taught me the cycle of change…
Wish there was a guide for motivation that told you what to do and when?
There is, and it’s called the Cycle Of Change.
Originally designed to assess and treat substance abuse, the cycle of change describes the process you will go through to change your behavior, and how your level of motivation fluctuates throughout that process.
Precontemplative – not even thinking about changing
Contemplative – realising something might need to change
Planning – figuring out how to change
Action – making the changes
Maintenance – making the changes consistent over time
Lapse – having thoughts that put you at risk of going backwards
Relapse – giving up and reverting back to your old behavior
By determining where you are in the cycle you can figure out what the most effective actions are for you to take.
Motivation fluctuates over time. You may assess yourself as being at a certain stage one day, only to then move forward or backwards to a different stage shortly after that. This most often happens when something in your environment presents either a new challenge or more inspiration.
THE CYCLE OF CHANGE IN ACTION
Any of you can research the cycle of change, so today I’ll do something different. I’m going to share a true-life story of someone I worked with as she travelled through the entire cycle.
To ensure privacy, let’s just call her “Joan”.
Joan was a high risk offender I worked with for a number of years and, sadly, is not one of my success stories. However her journey will allow us to go through the entire cycle of change model, from pre-contemplative through to relapse.
When Joan was first released from prison she was tough to work with. The many years of ingrained gang-mentality, combined with a long-standing hatred for “the system”, meant I needed to bring out the big guns in order to motivate her.
What was complex in this case was that she actually made a lot of money from crime, which financed her fun-filled and hedonistic lifestyle.
When she first came in it was obvious that she did not see herself as having any issues. This was a woman with “F*** the Police” tattooed on her face.
Joan had been running a highly profitable car theft ring, and had such a great underworld reputation that prison was actually a pretty enjoyable experience for her. Therefore, the idea that she needed to change had genuinely never occurred to her.
This placed her in the pre-contemplative stage.
PRECONTEMPLATIVE STAGE
Action required: Get uncomfortable about staying the same.
After a few sessions it was obvious there was no “ammunition” for me to work with regarding the costs and benefits of crime for her. She loved crime! But as time went on and we built a rapport, I learned that she had four children.
One thing that is almost universal about the offenders I have worked with is they almost never want the same life for their children (yes ok, there are some very shocking exceptions). I decided to work on this new angle.
I had assisted her to find housing and employment, and had given her some solid support for solving problems. We also had a frank discussion, where we “unpacked” her history with government agencies and the justice system. I acknowledged how she felt.
After all of this she started to trust me a little. This allowed me to introduce the concept of completing exercises to examine her life, to see if anything could be better.
Together we predicted the path that her eldest son would take in life. On one side, I got Joan to predict what would happen to him if she kept up her life of crime.
Joan was quite straightforward and it was easy to see that her boy would get involved in drugs, end up in gangs, and quite likely go to prison.
On the other side we predicted what would happen to him if she quit offending immediately. It was touching to see that she had quite high hopes for her son, with him completing school, getting a university qualification, and supporting his sisters by starting his own business.
I left Joan to mull over our discussion for a week. When she came back, she said that she was starting to see that she needed to do something to at least plan for the future of her children. She was now in the contemplative stage.
CONTEMPLATIVE STAGE
Action required: Motivational work; take advantage of this opportunity and create hope in change.
Focusing on her son, we went through and listed everything he would need from Joan to achieve the lifestyle she wanted him to have. This was tricky ground, because a lot of his financial needs could be supported through crime. We might have ended up coming to the conclusion that she had to keep offending to support her son.
Instead I had her look at other types of support he would need. Joan came up with ideas like transport to extra-curricular activities, helping with his homework, backing for a business loan, and so on.
I think at that stage she didn’t even realize we had basically agreed that she needed to stay out of prison, i.e. she had to stop offending. As you’ll soon see, I made some false assumptions here that ended up costing us both.
We had now moved tentatively into the planning stage.
PLANNING STAGE
Action required: Figure out how to make the change possible and achievable.
Whether Joan was aware of it or not, she had now completed the foundation of the plan for her to stop offending and stay out of prison. In order for her to take action on this plan, I needed to motivate her.
We dedicated the next few sessions to motivational interviewing and exercises, where I slowly increased her confidence so she could write her goals. Eventually the plan was clear:
- I will complete the Better Start [name changed] parenting course by end of July
- I will complete a certified course in catering, starting July 15th, so that I can get better employment
- I will spend 1 hour every night helping my children with their homework and talking with them about their school life
Once she became more motivated we went about the practical aspects of putting these goals into action.
ACTION STAGE
Action required: Encourage continued action through praise and support, and build on results.
Joan did well, was soon gainfully employed and began enthusiastically sharing stories about the increasing quality of her family time. She even bought her son in to tell me about what he had been learning at school.
MAINTENANCE PHASE
Action required: Overcome obstacles while embedding change through new routines.
While there were a few small hiccups here and there, Joan kept this helpful behavior going for quite a few months and moved into the maintenance phase. Even the Police commented on her improvements.
If only the story ended there…
LAPSE
Action required: Stop and figure out what caused lapse thinking. Implement strategies to get back on track.
Joan had her first lapse. She had been at a friend’s place when an argument occurred. Her friend had some unhelpful things to say about Joan’s new outlook on life. Given that Joan was known for assaulting Police severely enough to hospitalize them, this friend must have been intoxicated, reckless or plain old crazy.
Joan managed to remove herself from the situation, but the next time she reported in to me I could see the dark storm-cloud over her head. She was cursing more than usual, and her body language was tense and menacing.
After some gentle questioning, Joan disclosed the incident and admitted that she had been contemplating ordering others to commit serious violence against her new enemy. This was a serious lapse which thankfully had not resulted in action.
We did some exercises on managing high risk situations, and Joan left with a clear “relapse prevention” plan, which detailed how to avoid the friend as well as how to deal with the situation should Joan accidentally run into her.
Unfortunately, I had misjudged the situation.
I had thought that by dealing with the specific threat to her success I helped neutralize the problem. What I missed was the core issue in the lapse: Joan was back to using crime to solve problems.
I had not even contemplated that she might be applying this negative style of thinking to other problems in her life. Sure enough, one week later she failed to report in to me, because she had relapsed.
RELAPSE
Action required: Start over again, learning from the last attempt’s mistakes.
I checked her up on the computer-system and found out she had been remanded in custody with active theft charges. Turns out she re-engaged her old criminal network and started stealing again.
Even though I had trained myself not to get emotionally attached to the outcomes with clients, I felt disappointed. It’s hard to see months of hard work go down the drain, but at least I learned a very valuable lesson:
Problem-thinking always affects more than one area of your life!
Life
The Hidden Cost of Mental Noise: Why Stillness is the Ultimate Founder Hack
If you are an entrepreneur, you are likely intimately familiar with the voice in your head. It is the narrator that constantly evaluates, plans, worries, and strategizes. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself: Do I really need a narration to experience my life?
We have normalized an extreme level of internal chatter. The cost of not letting this mental noise quiet down is immense.. it impacts your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. If you spend your entire life projecting into the future or agonizing over the past, you arrive at the end of your life with a strange vacuum. You missed it. You were never actually there.
There are traps keeping founders stuck in mental chaos and there is a simple practice of stillness that can unlock unprecedented clarity, authentic success and profound peace.
Here is how to step out of the noise and find your exact place in the world.
The Evolutionary Trap of “Hustle”
Most of the noise in your head originates from your limbic system’s effort to survive. Our neurology evolved to protect our bodies by using past experiences to predict the future. This system operates in milliseconds, scanning for threats and ensuring we maintain our “status” within the tribe, because thousands of years ago, a loss of status meant exile and death.
Today, the environment has changed faster than our biology. The “tiger” we are running from is no longer on the Serengeti; it is in our minds. It is an angry client email, a drop in social media engagement, or the fear of a failing launch.
When you constantly scan for the next new thing to boost your status, you are running a biological program designed for survival, not for thriving. You end up objectifying everyone and everything.. treating people and environments simply as resources to be manipulated for your own ends. This zero-sum game completely destroys your intrinsic sense of connection and joy.
Dopamine vs. Serotonin: The End of Seeking
The only reason anyone does anything is to try to feel better than they do right now.
In our culture, we are highly addicted to the dopamine cycle: we want something, we get it, the dopamine dries up, and we instantly want the next thing. We are on a perpetual rat wheel, convinced that we just haven’t found the “right” level of success yet.
But if you get quiet and ask yourself why you want a specific goal (like more money, food, or status), the underlying answer is always a feeling state: pleasantness, relief, or satisfaction. Ultimately, what you are seeking is an end to seeking.
Stillness is the shortcut. It reduces the tension in your body and mind, allowing you to experience the exact peace you are hustling so hard to achieve, right here in the present moment.
Stillness as a Competitive Advantage
Stillness is not about sitting on a mountain for ten years; it is a practical, volitional state control that you can practice hundreds of times a day.
When you get still, you stop defending the mental abstraction of yourself. You step out of the “vehicle” of your ego. This creates a massive expansion in your scope of context. The wider your context, the more options you have. And the more options you have, the more freedom you possess to make truly powerful business and life decisions.
The Micro-Practice of Stillness:
- Relax the body: Release the physical tension (especially in your jaw and gut). Tension is a signal to your brain that something is wrong.
- Breathe: Ground yourself in the physical sensation of the present moment.
- Stop the story: Let go of the narrative, the past, and the future. Just be here.
You don’t stay here forever. You zoom out to gain peace and perspective, and then you zoom back in to execute on your business with renewed clarity and energy.
Discovering What Actually Drives You
When you get quiet, what needs to be heard grows loud.
We all have ideals about who we think we are, but values are what actually drive our behavior. Often, when entrepreneurs get still enough to look at the values truly driving their actions, it can be shocking. You might realize you value “feeling good about yourself” more than you value the truth, or that you value “appearing successful” more than actual financial freedom.
As reductionist as it sounds, understanding that your values directly cause your behavior is incredibly liberating. Once you take the judgment out of it.. removing “right,” “wrong,” “good,” and “bad”—you can finally assess where you are. If you don’t know where you are, you will never get to where you want to go.
Find Your “Me-Shaped Hole” in the World
There is a unique shape in the world that only you can fill. It isn’t a pre-packaged corporate job or a trendy startup model. It is the intersection of what you absolutely love and what the world needs.
How do you find it? Stop looking at what everyone else is doing to gain status. Quiet down and feel what you are intrinsically drawn to do.
Ask yourself: Would I do this even if I wasn’t getting paid?
When you find that authentic path, the universe conspires to help you. It requires the courage to embrace your individuality and the patience to keep showing up. But when you stop trying to fit into a mold and start operating from a place of deep, authentic stillness, you don’t just survive—you thrive.
Life
What to Do When a Loved One Dies: A Step-by-Step Guide for Families
When someone you love dies, the world does not pause to let you grieve. Within hours, there are calls to make and decisions to face, often while you are in shock and running on no sleep. It can feel like being handed a to-do list in a language you do not speak.
So what actually needs to happen, and in what order? Having a clear, calm sequence to follow can lift some of the weight at the hardest possible time. This guide walks through the practical steps, gently, so you can take them one at a time rather than all at once.
In the First Hours and Days
The very first steps depend on where the person passed away, and the good news is that others usually help you through them.
If the death happens in a hospital or care home, the staff will guide you and handle the immediate medical formalities. If it happens at home, you will need to contact a doctor or the relevant authorities so the death can be formally confirmed. In an unexpected death, calling emergency services is the right first move.
Once that is done, a few early tasks follow naturally:
- Contact close family and friends, and lean on them to help spread the news
- Choose a funeral home, which will collect the person and become a key source of support
- Begin looking for any documents that record the person’s wishes for their funeral
There is no need to rush the bigger decisions in these first hours. Give yourself permission to move slowly.
Getting the Documents You Will Need
One piece of paperwork underpins almost everything that follows, so it helps to understand it early. The death certificate is the official document you will need again and again, for banks, insurers, government agencies and the estate.
Your funeral home can usually help you register the death and obtain copies. A useful tip that saves stress later: order several certified copies at the outset, because many organisations insist on an original rather than a photocopy.
Keep these somewhere safe and organised. You will be surprised how often you reach for them over the following months.
Arranging the Funeral
With the immediate practicalities underway, attention turns to saying goodbye. This is emotional work as much as logistical, so accept help freely.
Start by looking for any wishes the person left behind, whether in a will, a letter or simply things they once told you. A funeral home will walk you through the choices around burial or cremation, the type of service, and the costs involved. It is completely reasonable to ask for an itemised price list and to take a trusted friend or relative along to help you think clearly.
Lean on your community here. People genuinely want to help, and funerals are one of the times it is right to let them.
Handling the Estate and Legal Steps
Once the funeral has passed, the practical matter of the person’s estate comes into focus. This is the part families most often find confusing, and it is worth knowing you do not have to face it alone.
The estate is everything the person owned and owed, and someone has to gather it, settle debts and taxes, and distribute what remains. If there is a will, it names an executor to do this. If there is no will, the situation is more complex, and this is far more common than people assume. Around half of Canadian adults say they do not have a will, according to the Angus Reid Institute. When someone dies without one, provincial law decides who inherits, which can surprise families and take longer to resolve.
This is often the point where professional help makes the biggest difference. Speaking with a Probate lawyer in Vancouver or in your own area can clarify what needs to happen and take real weight off an executor’s shoulders.
Westcoast Wills & Estates is a Metro Vancouver firm that helps executors and families through probate and estate administration. The probate process, where a court confirms the will and the executor’s authority, can take months, so patience and good records matter more than speed here.
Notifying the Right People and Organisations
A quieter task runs alongside everything else: letting the necessary institutions know. Working through this steadily prevents headaches later.
The list usually includes:
- Banks, and any pension or investment providers
- Government agencies, including tax and benefits offices
- Insurance companies, for life, home and vehicle policies
- Utilities, subscriptions and any ongoing memberships
- Employers, if the person was still working
Take it one organisation at a time, and keep a simple note of who you have contacted and when. There is no prize for doing it all in a day.
Looking After Yourself Through It
This is not an afterthought, it belongs on the list. Grief and paperwork are a punishing combination, and you cannot handle either well if you are running on empty.
Accept every offer of help, whether it is a cooked meal, a lift, or someone sitting with you while you make calls. Delegate tasks to family where you can. And be patient with yourself, because grief does not follow a schedule and there is no correct way to feel. If the weight becomes too much, reaching out to a grief counsellor or your doctor is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Conclusion
Losing someone is one of life’s hardest experiences, and the practical demands that come with it can feel cruel in their timing. Breaking it into steps, handled one at a time, makes the impossible feel manageable.
Deal with the immediate needs first, gather the documents, say goodbye in a way that honours them, and get good help with the estate. Above all, be gentle with yourself. This article is general information, not legal advice, so consult a qualified professional about your specific situation and the rules where you live.
Life
Title IX Accusations on Campus: What College Students Need to Know Before an Allegation Derails Their Future
You spent years building toward this moment: the acceptance letter, the scholarship, the dream of graduating and stepping into the life you mapped out. Then, without warning, a Title IX allegation lands on your doorstep.
For thousands of college students across the United States every year, a campus misconduct complaint does not just disrupt a semester. It can strip away financial aid, erase scholarship eligibility, trigger academic suspension, and permanently damage an authority’s reputation before a career even begins. If you are a student who values growth, achievement, and protecting what you have worked for, understanding Title IX is not optional; it is essential.
What Is Title IX, and Why Does It Apply to You?
Title IX is a federal civil rights law enacted in 1972 that prohibits sex-based discrimination in any educational program or activity receiving federal funding. While the law was originally written to ensure equal athletic and academic opportunities for women, its scope has expanded dramatically. Today, Title IX governs how colleges and universities investigate and adjudicate allegations of sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, and dating violence on campus.
According to the U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, every institution receiving federal funds- virtually every college in the country- is legally required to have a designated Title IX Coordinator and a formal grievance process for handling complaints.
That means the moment a complaint is filed against you, your school is legally obligated to investigate. The process moves fast, and the consequences are serious.
The Campus Process Is Not the Same as a Criminal Trial, But It Can Lead to One
One of the most dangerous misconceptions students hold is that a Title IX hearing is informal or low-stakes. In reality, a campus investigation can run parallel to or even precede a criminal investigation by law enforcement. The U.S. Department of Justice makes clear that schools and law enforcement operate independently, meaning you could face disciplinary action from your university and criminal charges simultaneously.
Campus disciplinary proceedings do not carry the same procedural protections as criminal courts. There is no presumption of innocence baked into the system. Investigators appointed by your institution serve the institution, not you. Evidence standards differ, and the burden of proof is often a “preponderance of the evidence” standard, meaning just over 50% likelihood is far lower than the “beyond a reasonable doubt” threshold used in criminal courts.
A finding of responsibility in a campus proceeding can result in suspension, expulsion, and a disciplinary notation on your academic transcript that follows you into every graduate school application, authoritative licensing board review, and background check for the rest of your life.
Five Things You Must Do Immediately If You Are Accused
The hours and days immediately following an accusation are the most critical. Here is what every student must prioritize:
- Say nothing without legal counsel present. Do not speak to the Title IX Coordinator, your university’s investigators, campus security, or local law enforcement until you have spoken with an attorney. Anything you say, even in an informal conversation, can be used against you in both the campus proceeding and potential criminal proceedings.
- Do not contact the complainant. Even if the accusation feels like a misunderstanding that a single conversation could resolve, any contact can be framed as witness tampering or harassment, compounding your situation significantly.
- Preserve all evidence. Text messages, emails, social media exchanges, photographs, location data, and witness contact information can all be critical to your defense. Do not delete anything.
- Request all documents from the school. Under the regulations issued by the Department of Education, you have the right to the evidence gathered against you. Know those rights and exercise them.
- Retain experienced legal representation immediately. The overlap between Title IX proceedings and criminal law is complex. You need an attorney who understands both systems. For students in the region, consulting with an experienced legal defense team in New Jersey who are familiar with both campus disciplinary processes and state criminal law is a critical step in mounting a credible defense.
Your Future Is Worth Protecting. Treat It That Way
The self-improvement community talks a great deal about resilience, reinvention, and getting back up after setbacks. But the most effective form of resilience is preparation, knowing what can threaten your goals before it does.
A Title IX accusation, handled without proper legal guidance, does not just pause your success story. It can end chapters you have not even written yet. The U.S. Department of Education’s student resources outline how findings of misconduct affect federal financial aid eligibility, a reality that can make completing your education financially impossible even if you later clear your name.
Protecting your future means taking every threat to it seriously, from day one.
If you or someone you know is facing a Title IX allegation, whether on a New Jersey campus or anywhere in the country, do not navigate it alone. Understand your rights, document everything, and get qualified legal counsel in your corner before the process moves forward without you.
Your goals did not disappear when the accusation was filed. The question is whether you will fight for them.
Life
5 Power Moves Successful People Make Immediately After a Serious Accident in Florida
High performers aren’t defined by the good days. They’re defined by what they do in the first 48 hours after everything goes sideways. A serious car accident, a fall at a job site, a collision on I-95 these are the moments that test whether you actually operate with the discipline you claim on your LinkedIn bio.
Florida’s roads are unforgiving. Between the tourist traffic, the seasonal snowbirds, and some of the busiest highways in the country, serious accidents happen here more often than most people want to admit. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, Florida consistently ranks among the states with the highest number of traffic-related injuries and fatalities each year.
Success isn’t about avoiding the crash. It’s about what you do the moment after it happens. Here are five power moves the sharpest operators make when a serious accident threatens to derail everything they’ve built.
1. They Get Medical Attention First
Adrenaline is a liar. Plenty of ambitious people walk away from a wreck feeling “fine,” then wake up two days later unable to get out of bed. Soft tissue damage, concussions, and internal injuries frequently don’t show symptoms until well after the adrenaline wears off.
Successful people don’t gamble with their most valuable asset: their body. They go to the ER or urgent care immediately, even if they feel okay. The CDC’s Injury Center has published extensive data showing that delayed treatment after motor vehicle accidents is directly linked to worse long-term outcomes. Beyond the health risk, skipping care creates a paper trail gap that insurance companies will exploit later to argue the injury “wasn’t that serious.”
2. They Document Like a Founder Documents a Pitch
Entrepreneurs know that the story you can prove beats the story you can tell. The same logic applies at the scene of an accident. High performers instinctively start capturing evidence: photos of the vehicles, the road conditions, visible injuries, license plates, and the surrounding scene before anything gets moved or cleaned up.
They also get names and contact information for every witness on site, because memories fade and people move. This isn’t paranoia; it’s the same instinct that makes someone successful in business: control the narrative before someone else controls it for you.
3. They Understand the Rules of the Game Before They Play It
Florida operates under a no-fault insurance system, which means your own Personal Injury Protection (PIP) coverage is supposed to kick in regardless of who caused the accident but only up to a point, and only if specific deadlines are met. Miss the reporting window and that coverage can disappear entirely, according to guidelines published by the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles.
Smart operators don’t wing this. They understand that insurance is a business built on minimizing payouts, and the rules are written in a way that rewards people who know them and punishes people who don’t. Before signing anything or giving a recorded statement, they get educated on exactly what they’re entitled to.
4. They Refuse to Negotiate Alone
This is the move that separates people who protect their future from people who get quietly taken advantage of. Insurance adjusters are trained negotiators whose job is to settle claims for as little as possible, as fast as possible, often before an injured person even knows the full extent of their damages.
Successful people don’t try to out-negotiate a professional on their own turf. They bring in representation. If you’re anywhere near Palm Beach County, working with legal professionals experienced in accident cases in Lake Worth means you have someone in your corner who deals with these tactics daily, understands local courts, and knows how to build a claim that reflects the true cost of the accident: medical bills, lost income, and the less obvious impact on your ability to work and perform.
Treating this like any other high-stakes negotiation where you never show up without leverage is exactly the mindset that protects six-figure outcomes instead of settling for a lowball check.
5. They Treat Recovery as a Comeback Strategy, Not a Setback
Here’s the mindset shift that separates the people who bounce back stronger from the ones who stay stuck. A serious accident isn’t just a physical event; it’s a disruption to income, momentum, and identity. The people who recover fastest treat the weeks and months after an accident the way they’d treat any major setback in business: they build a plan.
That means lining up medical care, legal support, and financial breathing room as a system, not a scramble. It means communicating clearly with employers, clients, or business partners instead of going dark. And it means giving themselves permission to actually heal instead of pushing through pain to “stay productive,” which almost always backfires and extends recovery time.
The accident isn’t the story. What you do in the days immediately after it is. The people who come back from serious injuries stronger, financially intact, and clear-headed are the ones who moved fast, documented everything, understood the system they were operating in, and refused to face it alone.
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