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7 Ludicrous Lies You Keep Telling Yourself

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There are so many lies that society ingrained inside of you, that you adopted as you own. From your parents to your teachers, these lies snuck into your life, without you even realizing it.

Now it’s time to uncover them to achieve the success you truly deserve.

Here are 7 ludicrous lies you tell yourself that keep you away from success.

 

1. I shouldn’t fail

The most successful people fail and they fail often. If you want to speed up your path to success, take goal-aligned actions that are above what you think you’re capable of every single day.

Failing involves trying and moving out of your comfort zone.  If you avoid the risk of failing, you are setting yourself up for failure by default.

Remember:

“When we give ourselves permission to fail, we, at the same time, give ourselves permission to excel.” ~ Eloise Ristad

 

2. I shouldn’t be scared

We live in a society that tells us, “you must overcome your fears and radically eliminate them”. This makes us thrive towards an unrealistic state that we may never achieve.

Fear will only disappear when you do nothing, try nothing, be nothing.

It disappears when you stay within your comfort zone and avoid taking any kind of risks – but for that, you pay the price of a boring life.

The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is not their degree of fear – but how they respond to it.

As Stephen Pressfield famously wrote in the ‘War of Art’:

Stephen Pressfield Picture Quote

 (“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.”   ~Steven Pressfield)

Accept your fears and use it as a catapult for progress by doing what needs to get done.

 

3. I should be able to do it alone

Successful people create an environment that supports their goals and surrounds themselves with the right people.

You don’t have to do it alone and find all the answers yourself.  A friend of mine once said:

“The more you ask, the more you can get.”

If asking makes you feel uncomfortable, become a giver. A person that gives feels no discomfort in asking, they see it as a mutual exchange of love.

“The strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it.  ~ Rona Barret  (Retweet this)

 

4. My circumstances are my problem

People view the problems that they encounter external to themselves. They blame others for what is happening or not happening. They blame the economy, the environment or anything else they can find.

Life is a projection and your problems are mere delusions of your thinking. In the philosopher’s notes on ‘Love what is’ by Byron Katie, there is a great little story that goes like this:

Imagine you’re in the cinema watching a movie. When the movie starts, you notice some smudge on the screen. So, you get up and try to wipe it off – but it doesn’t go away. You try harder and harder, but nothing changes. You get frustrated and annoyed and can’t enjoy the movie anymore.

The problem was never the screen but rather the projector that had smudge on its lens. Your mind is the projector and your life the movie screen. If you see smudge on the screen , you don’t need to wipe down the screen – but the projector that projects it.

Don’t go through life thinking you need to change the “movie screen” – your life – instead change the projector by changing the way you think.

 

5. I shouldn’t struggle

Your struggles are not your problem – your response to them is.  Some say the word struggle derived from  Proto-Germanic “strūkōną” – “to be stiff”. When you struggle, you don’t flow with life, accept, and embrace life as it comes.

What if you see your struggles as gifts that give you the optimal opportunities to grow, develop and mature? Eliminate the idea of struggles and problems: Life either presents itself as “blissful experiences or as blissful opportunities to learn”.

“Education comes from within; you get it by struggle and effort and thought.“ ~ Napoleon Hill

 

6. I just need to fix my weaknesses

Your areas of strength offer the biggest room for personal growth. Instead of wasting your time fixing weaknesses, going from terrible to mediocre, spend your time and energy to develop excellence. This can only be achieved by focusing on your natural talents and developing them into strengths.

Successful people are not well-rounded,instead they capitalize on their strengths and manage around their weaknesses. By fixing your weaknesses, you ultimately aim for average. It’s not the path to glory.

Play to win instead of play not to lose.

“Emphasize strengths, don’t fix weaknesses.” ~ Tim Ferriss

 

7. I need to have the end in mind

Stephen Covey talked about beginning with the end in mind, having a clear focus on where you are heading. But constant thinking about your goals means being mentally in the future, disengaged from the current moment.

Being mindfully present in the now with focused attention on the task, is the key ingredient for high performance.

In his book ‘Overachievement’, psychologist John Eliot explains that overachievers act in the “trusting mindset”, being total engaged in what they are doing, without thought.

To live your best life, be present and mentally engaged in the now.  Success starts in this very moment, with the choices you make right now.

Yes, keep the end in my mind. Plan, dream and visualize – but have the “present moment” more present in mind. Will Smith was right when he said:

Will Smith Quote

Which lie are you telling yourself? Let me know in the comments below!

Maxine runs the The Leader of Tomorrow, a personal blog that is dedicated to help you become more successful by making the most of yourself and mastering your mind. If you want to know how to use your full potential - visit her at www.theleaderoftomorrow.com for more great content.

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15 Comments

15 Comments

  1. sacha

    Aug 18, 2015 at 10:55 am

    What an awesome post. Will be sharing. I needed to read this to co firm. That when we fail we are just setting ourselves up for success. (If we learn from our mistakes.)

  2. Cory

    May 21, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Man, this hit me and i am guilty of all and have been, it seems the more i gave into these lies the deeper my hole got until it got so deep I had another issue other than my lies. Finding direction is difficult and cannot be done alone. I have been so low, I think I am becoming better mainly through my realization of me rather than my issues. Last year was the worst year of my life, i was ready to just end everything, I was depressed and blamed my job so I quit only to realize it was not my job it was just me and not knowing what to do or where to go. Then the love of my life just stopped communicating with me and started talking to other guys later on revealing me quitting my job was why. I then really went low as I had invested my entire being int his person which I now realize was wrong. I just went down and down until one night I just yelled at God and said screw itI am gong to just end myself only to realize I could not even do that so I told my self I am such a coward and chump. But then I had a conversation with a a former colleague who just told me straight out what my problem was which was me. Not loving myself, not caring for myself, caring for everything and everyone around me but never me. I was making everyone and everything the center of my life rather me being he center of my own life. I am still on the journey but this year seems to be going better than last. I set a goal to have a car by last Thanksgiving 2014 in August 2014 and i got it. It is not the flashiest car by a longshot but it is my car, that gave me some courage to know that I could reach my goals by any means neccesary, right now I have a goal to reach over the summer and I believe I will and I can. Life is a journey but everyone has a different type of journey which is what I am realizing, you have to take what you get and build with it. I always fussed about how life was not fair and I was born into a failing situation already and attributed that to why I was 32 and had nothing. But it was not that it was because i bypassed so many oppotunities due to fear, I responded to fear, insecurities, disadvantages in a way that hurt me and what I could do. all I can say today is no more! Though I say that knowing I may mess up again but I say no more to the wrong responses anymore not because I will nto respond wrong again but so I can be reminded not to.

  3. Devorah

    Dec 31, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Amazing! Loved this article! Brings together so much of what I “preach” for living a calmer life.

  4. Allegra Burton

    Nov 21, 2014 at 12:09 am

    What a great article that challenges many of our well-held beliefs. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Alejandro Piñero-Delgado

    Oct 10, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    I´m sure that must people see themselves with some of this lies. I actually saw myself with the fourth and fifth lie. I always blame others for my troubles and constantly had a bad temper for all my failures. Nevertheless I´m trying to change my way of thinking and give me the opportunity to accept my life as it is and leave all the bad behind.

    Alejandro

  6. inspirepeace

    Sep 21, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Veeeery interesting Maxine! Some amazing points here that I have never thought about before.

    Thank you for this.

    Lewis

  7. James Simwanza

    Aug 14, 2014 at 10:19 am

    this post is just so great,point number strikes it even harder,it is what we tell ours selves that matters the most.”He who thinks he cant and he who thinks he can,are both usually right”Henry Ford

  8. Dinesh Tavasalkar

    Aug 13, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Wow this is an amazing inspiring post I have read after a long time. All seven lies are something
    we keep telling ourselves at some point or other. Needless to say you have clearly explained all the points.

  9. Granville Louw

    Aug 13, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    I. LOVE. THIS. So wonderfully written and full of wisdom.
    These are all things I’ve been working on a lot lately, and just when I think I’ve got one down, I notice myself feeling small, limited and unworthy again, and I realize it’s because I’m believing one of my many lies.

    It takes a lot of vigilance and self-awareness to notice the lies and to have the presence of mind to challenge them. Sometimes it just seems so much easier to accept them…BUT what a sad, lonely and confined life that would be. Some are harder to stop believing than others — I’ve done a pretty good job of brainwashing myself in some respects — but I keep trying.

    Thank you for putting it out in such a positive, optimistic way! I sense that you have journeyed, like we all have, to this realization. Sometimes I believe that our inner critic builds up a protective layer around us by telling us negative things BEFORE the inevitable outsiders will.

    Be happy, love yourself, know that you deserve the best of everything, and treat yourself well! These are the lessons I’ve learned.

    • Maxine | The Leader of Tomorrow

      Aug 15, 2014 at 5:13 pm

      Hey,
      Merci!

      lt would definitely be easier to simply accept some of these lies – especially the ‘my circumstances are my problem’ lie but it would indeed be a dissatisfying life!

      Great lessons that you’ve learned! For me, loving yourself is also key to being happy!

      Thanks a lot for your comment!
      Maxine

  10. Liv

    Aug 12, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Along with the lies people often scare themselves away from starting anything new. Based of fear of failure and sometimes fear of success. Most never reach their full potential because they are afraid to start. Some think they are not capable,but most are capable but will never know because they were to afraid to begin.

    • JALAL KHAN

      Aug 13, 2014 at 11:27 am

      A good article.
      Must read for any one who wants to stretch and go beyond comfort zone to succeed.

    • Maxine | The Leader of Tomorrow

      Aug 15, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      Hey Liv,

      so true and also sad that most people don’t even give things a try and start. It’s amazing what people are capaple of if they just get going and keep pushing forward.

      Thanks for sharing!
      Maxine

      • ian

        Sep 18, 2014 at 6:13 pm

        Not sure to say this I ,am at my lowest even tried sucide. Nobody knows but I,am trying yet again but A small voice in my head is saying do not do this its not going to work. You see I went to the uk with the intention of earing a living am home again feel like I failed.Have An idea for a business Am currently working on it doing the relevant courses to get their.Hope this works for me

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Life

8 Things You Can Do to Rise Above Failure and Attain Success

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Highly successful people have tasted failure more than success. Whether its Nikola Tesla or Michael Jordan, everyone had his/her fair share of failures before rising to the pinnacle of success. Yet, most people I know are averse to the idea of failure.

When ambition fuels your desires, you become so conscious about avoiding failure that you forget to learn how to cope with it when you actually experience it. So, when you come face-to-face with adversity, it often overwhelms you.

This brings us to the question, how can you train yourself to overcome these difficulties and use them to your advantage? Here’s how:

1. Acceptance is important to overcome failure

When the going gets tough, one of the most frustrating things you may get to hear is “stay positive.” The idea of positive thinking has been misconstrued, misused, and abused continuously. Contrary to popular belief, positive thinking has nothing to do with smiling and being happy with everything that happens to you all the time. Anyone who preaches that is either lying or crazy.

Use positive thinking to learn, grow, and evolve from the experiences we gather in life. Positive thinking simply means that if you are faced with a setback, you work hard to overcome the challenges. When you experience hardships, it is alright to feel upset and disappointed. Our objective, however, is not to stay down.

2. Be honest with yourself

The most crucial part of dealing with a failure involves pausing for a couple of minutes and pondering over what happened. You need to be completely honest with yourself on why it happened.

It is easy to pull out the Smartphone, turn on the laptop or find other forms of distraction. Most people would do anything to distract themselves and keep their eyes shut to the mistakes they have made.

However, if you don’t confront, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, then you are setting yourself up for failure again. Albert Einstein famously stated that it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. If you don’t derive a lesson out of mistakes and failures in life, then you are doomed to keep repeating them, whether you realise it or not.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

3. Don’t beat yourself up over a temporary setback

When you have experienced a setback, many of you may succumb to the feeling that you’ll always keep failing. It is easy to convince yourself that you are indeed a failure. Don’t let such destructive ideas or thoughts creep into your head. Instead, keep reminding yourself that just because you failed today, it doesn’t mean you’d fail the next time as well.

It is also important that you treat your failure as a passing phase. When you keep moving forward, focus on the right things, and keep learning. Perceiving the setback as a temporary phase rather than something permanent is vital to developing an optimistic attitude in life.

4. Focus on nurturing and improving yourself

Failures don’t discriminate, and it comes to everyone at some point. The trick lies in learning to deal with it and what you do about it that makes all the difference. In many cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t prepared, didn’t invest time on planning or was ill-equipped. It can also be because Lady Luck decided not to shower her favours.

Except for the last one, the rest of the issues can be fixed. Prepare a list of all the things that you think resulted in your failure. Start working on them one at a time. Do everything in your capacity to rectify, improve, resolve, and develop.

5. Find inspiration and support in abundance

Interacting with someone close can be more helpful than you think. You can also learn from people who have been through similar situations and have achieved what you hope to. Gain insights on how they managed to sail through the setbacks or low-points before and during the moment of success.

Or you can gain the motivation or enthusiasm by listening to someone else from an audiobook or podcast for maybe 30-60 minutes. It doesn’t have to be focused on your current setbacks.  Change your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.

6. Adopt a constructive approach and learn from the adverse situation

Consider it as valuable feedback and take home something you can implement in the process of overcoming your failure. The following are some of the questions you need to ask yourself:

  • What is the lesson for me?
  • How can I rectify myself to avoid making the same mistake and do better next time?
  • What can I do to enjoy guaranteed success?

You don’t need to rush through the process. Some of the answers may be immediate, while others might take an hour, a day or even a week to pop up. The significant thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective. Also, you need to be constructive about things rather than getting stuck with denial, negativity and apathy.

7. Stop mulling over and move on

Processing the situation and accepting it is the ideal way to deal with failures. Any individual who has experienced failures will know that it is quite easy to stay stuck in the loop of similar thoughts. In fact, this may go around and around for weeks or even months.

Now, in order to be free from this trap, the one habit that might help you is the set of questions like the ones shared above. You can also create a rough plan for how you wish to move forward from here. So, take some time to sit down and write them down.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

8. Purge out all the negativity

Another impactful way to handle the emotional meltdown and the thoughts that emerge from experiencing failure is to purge out all the negativity. In order to let everything out, you need to confide in someone close to you. There are two ways to go about it: Engaging in a conversation with someone will allow you to see it from a different perspective. The person you talk to can assist you in grounding yourself in reality again and motivate you to look for a way forward.

Or you can simply vent about it while the other person who is listening can sort things out for you. He/she can help you accept what happened and boost your spirit by instilling a sense of hope.

The significant thing to remember is that while you can’t stop obstacles from appearing in life, you can devise smart ways to handle them. If you persevere, you can easily discover opportunities that have been waiting for you on the other side. Now, as you become more efficient at dealing with the failures, you will allow yourself to see the positive side in even the toughest of scenarios.

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Life

How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life

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Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:

1.    “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2.    “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)

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Life

The Truth About the Law of Attraction

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When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!

For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.

The law of attraction is a funny thing.

It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.

However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.

Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.

What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”

This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.

You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.

It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.

Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.

The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!

How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.

That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.

The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.

See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne

The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1

1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”

Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.

2. Be flexible

Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.

3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.

The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.

Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.

It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.

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Life

7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions

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A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.

Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.

But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.

The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.

1. Take a step back

You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of ​​the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.

“Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision.” – Tony Robbins

2. Breathe

The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.

3. Pay attention

Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.

The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.

Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.

4. Discern untruths

It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.

5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them

To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.

6. Be as present as possible

There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” – John C. Maxwell

7. Make your emotions your allies

Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.

Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself.  This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.

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