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5 Simple Ways Anyone Can Hack Resilience

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resilience

Anytime we suffer a gut punch, it’s easy to lose track of the goal and zero in on what went wrong, “why me” thinking, and everything we’ve lost along the way. To bounce back, we have to change our mindset from “shoulda, coulda, woulda” to one that is forward-focused.

These five hacks below can help you achieve that elusive quality called resilience:

1. Be grateful

When you shift your perspective, you completely change your experience of the world around you. No matter what your situation, your mindset will always shape your reality. We all have challenges but if you look around, you can usually find someone who is dealing with challenges worse than your own. So to begin, we can be grateful for our challenges – they are teaching us how to deal with adversity, they are making us stronger, and in most cases they could be worse than they are.

Start by asking yourself, “In this moment, what am I grateful for?” Depending on your circumstances, your first response might be, “nothing.” If that’s the case, start with the smallest most basic thing you can think of and go from there. Recognizing your circumstances are fluid and identifying what you already appreciate creates a mindset for abundance. Being grateful for what you already have is the first step to hacking resilience because it allows you to open yourself up to receive even more.

2. Head butt adversity

Resilience isn’t just our capacity to stand there and take the slings and arrows of life, it’s the power and agility in which we respond. It turns out, we don’t have a limited amount of resilience and that’s good news because when bad things happen, over and over, layered on top of each other, our resilience doesn’t have to tap out.

We can build unlimited strength, agility, and speed in our response by learning to effectively “bounce,” and we can do that even before adversity hits. A situation only has the meaning you give it. You get to decide if it is something that will stop you in your tracks or if you will frame it as a challenge that offers a opportunity to learn and grow.

For every negative or difficult event that happens to you today, reframe the meaning you give it in your life. The circumstance itself has no power over you, but your response to it does. When a difficult situation arises, ask yourself these two questions: How could this be an opportunity in disguise and what does this make possible?

See yourself as the one in charge of your own fate, and seize that opportunity. Even in the difficult moments, by deliberately choosing the meaning you give to those moments and the power they have over you, you can build resilience and thrive.

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” – Ernest Hemingway

3. Cut yourself some slack

We get discouraged about our life when we compare it to others, something that has become especially toxic in the age of social media. What people post on Facebook is their “highlight reel.” The rest of their life is pretty ordinary so if you’re comparing the totality of your life with the highlight reel of others, you’re bound to feel a little alone and discouraged when bad things happen.

The truth is, we all have setbacks. Every single one of us with no exception. Allow yourself a little breathing room when adversity hits. Breathe deeply as often as possible, and give yourself a little time to catch your breath, lick your wounds, and come back swinging.

4. Discover the lesson

Everything that happens in our life is an opportunity for growth. If we allow every life event to shape us in a positive way, we will gain something, even from circumstances that seem to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Viktor Frankl was a Swiss psychiatrist who watched many of his fellow prisoners in Auschwitz commit suicide after losing their entire families to genocide. He too had lost his family and even contemplated suicide until one day he had a vision of himself on stage, speaking about how he survived, and he knew he still had something left to do. It gave him hope and the will to live, to survive and thrive, and discover meaning in the moment.

When we frame adversity as an opportunity to learn something about ourselves, it gives meaning to the suffering. This allows us to see put the suffering in context and no longer feel that our challenges are pointless.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Frankl

5. See the opportunities

A family member’s protracted illness may bring other family members closer as they team up to take care of their loved ones. Being let go from a mediocre job may lead to an opportunity you never would have seen if you were still working.

When bad things happen, we tend to assume that everything about the circumstance is negative. But this isn’t really true. No matter how terrible things have become, there is always something good that will come out of something bad. Always. The problem is we don’t usually see it in the moment, because we’re just not looking for it.

For every negative event you experience, the sooner you choose to seek and embrace the good that could come out of it, the quicker you will move forward and experience the resilience you never thought possible.

What do you do in order to overcome the struggles in your life? Let us know in the comments below!

Dr. Ann Vertel is a Business and Success Psychologist, keynote speaker, corporate trainer, and 20-year Naval Officer. She’s worked with thousands of high-performers including Doctors, Lawyers, Entrepreneurs, C-Suite Executives, and U.S. Navy SEALS, helping them achieve their highest potential. She also consults with corporations on leadership and personal development, helping them grow leaders who think bigger, act bolder, and take charge of their success. Learn more at AnnVertel.com.

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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