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3 Beliefs That Shape Your Confidence

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3 Beliefs That Shape Your Confidence

As a coach & personal trainer I have the opportunity of working with people from multiple domains from high level lawyers to ambitious millennials.

By working with them, I have come to see patterns amongst those who are experiencing a continual stream of challenges and those whose pursuit to success almost appears like magic.

My primary focus is confidence and performance. Whether you realise it or not, you are all performing; in the workplace and in life. When confidence is low, performance suffers, when confidence is high, performance flows.

Central to confidence & performance is belief. This is what we perceive as being true. Neuroscientist and author of ‘Born to Believe‘ Andrew Newberg describes belief as: “ like a map, a neural representation of an experience that seems meaningful, real, or true

Beliefs operate under the surface, meaning they influence outside your awareness. The way I describe it to my clients is, if confidence is the cake then belief is one of the ingredients.

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better”. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’d like to share with you 3 common belief categories that shape confidence, both low and high:

 

1. Belief about self

Compare these two statements; “I am a highly confident and creative individual” and “I am a very shy and anxious individual”. Which one do you think is going to experience confidence naturally without trying (which is what confident people do, they don’t ‘try’ to be confident).

When I say beliefs operate outside of your awareness, the residue of that belief comes through in your language and how you act. When you say “I am a highly confident and a creative individual” and saying it feels as comfortable as a well worn pair of shoes, it will show in how you carry yourself and, as importantly, how other people will perceive you.

Belief about self question: “You are being filmed for a documentary. The viewers won’t see who you are but they will hear your voice. You have 10 seconds to describe who you are, GO!

 

2. Belief about world

Compare these two statements; “The world is my oyster, there are so many opportunities around” and “Success is only for the elites, the rest of us get screwed over”. A day never goes by without a new conspiracy theory developing. The general idea is, we are being lied to and our lives are being run by a couple of people in a room somewhere over cigars.

There is a concept in NLP (Neuro Linguistic programming) that states whether you are ‘at effect‘ meaning your circumstances are the result of something external to you, or “at cause‘ meaning you are the main driver of your reality.

Your beliefs will reflect whether you are in the ‘at effect’ camp, or the ‘at cause’ camp . Problems can arise when you are ‘at effect’ and believe that if anything is to change in your life, something external (money, other people, politics) has to change first.

Belief about world question: “Think back to your last set back, failure, disappointment. How did you explain it to yourself? Notice whether your answer focuses on what YOU did, or what the OTHER factors were”

Self-belief

3. Belief about ability

Compare these two statements; “I hope I do well here” and “I have done all I can to do my best in this” Belief about ability can determine the level of self-consciousness you apply in your endeavor. The person who says “I hope I do well here” is only likely to say that if they are also concerned that they won’t’ do well. Yet the person who say “I have done all I can to do my best in this”, they’ve done all they need to do and they believe they’ve set the conditions for them to do their best.

Belief about ability doesn’t have to mean that you believe you ARE the best, it only has to mean you have the ability to do your best. In fact, an inflated belief that you are the best can be detrimental if the reality doesn’t match up with that belief!

Belief about ability question: “Choose an aspect of your life (health, business, relationships etc.) where you strive to be better, what thoughts come up for you when anticipating progress?”

 

Thank you for reading my article and would love to know what beliefs you think help YOU on your path to success?

Aaron Morton is a coach and founder of The Confidence Lounge. He helps ambitious individuals increase their confidence and optimise their performance in their careers. He writes about practical and science based solutions to being the best performer you can be. Aaron has recently released his first program called Confidence Reloaded, which is a systemised program to double your confidence in 90 days.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. James Hughes

    Jul 21, 2015 at 4:36 am

    Great article.
    Read this this morning at 530 am.
    I’ve been doing this wake up at 5 am everyone morning for over 1
    Month now. And articles like this have helped me to do it.
    3 very simple thoughts here to master.
    Thanks
    James Hughes

  2. susan fardell

    Jul 16, 2015 at 6:58 am

    Thank you Aaron for your blog, I found it very valuable in identifying areas that I need to be working on.

  3. Robb Mann

    Jul 1, 2015 at 11:21 am

    I agree with these beliefs to bolster self-confidence. Thank you so much for posting them, what a great reminder to manage my beliefs. The test questions you provided were excellent. I would add one belief if I could… It has to do with all three but especially ‘belief about self’. The belief I would add is implied in your statement; “I have done all I can to do my best in this” The belief I would add is; “preparation is a key ingredient to my confidence”. Since I believe it, I think it’s necessary to state it clearly. I know I’m only expounding on your implied thought with the statement of belief about self, I just want to do my part to keep myself and others from deluding ourselves with “over-confidence”.

    Hope that adds value to the discussion,
    Robb Mann

  4. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 30, 2015 at 11:50 pm

    I really like this article. Belief about yourself, the world, and your abilities are all things that shape your confidence. When you think you can accomplish something, your actions begin to match up with your belief system and it seems as though the universe is opening doors for you. When you dont have belief, your actions portrays a certain type of disbelief and lack of confidence that repels people and opportunities. Great post.

  5. Elita Torres

    Jun 28, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Great article. I would add, “Belief about Others” which ties into “Belief about World”. If you have a tendency to naturally distrust people, it can shape your view on the world as well. A tendency to have a negative view on others, tends to reflect back to you.

    I also wanted to add that I recently found your blog and I am glad I did.

    • Aaron Morton

      Jun 29, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Thanks Elita,

      Glad you have found my blog and hope it provides a lot of value for you.

      You are correct in that ‘belief about others’ would fit into belief about world. We are social creatures so a world without other people is rare. This is why solitary confinement is commonly used as a form of punishment.

      Aaron Morton
      The Confidence Lounge

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Life

How To Make The Next Big Decision In Your Life.

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At regular intervals in your life, you have to make that challenging next big decision.

Life goes along just fine until one day you instinctively know that you have to make a giant change. This change comes about because we need to keep growing. Otherwise we die inside.

Making that next big decision has been something I’ve had to become an expert in over the last 12 months. I had to make the following big decisions:

– Am I always going to be a salesperson or can I go back to being a leader again?
– Is it possible to overcome my fear of public speaking so I can inspire people?
– Is traveling the world something I’m always going to be stopped from doing?
– Where is my love life going? Will I always be single or with someone who’s not right?

These have been very tough decisions to make.

I’ve had some epic failures trying to answer these questions. Here are some examples:

– I tried becoming more technical in my career. I hated it. I only enjoy high-level technical info.
– I gave a few speeches and sucked big time. My face was as red as a tomato.
– I went on a few overseas trips and fear nearly got the best of me.
– I made a bold move to go on lots of dates and find a girl that was right for me. Most of my attempts failed – except one.

Right now, the reason I’m writing this blog post is because I need to change my career. I’ve stopped learning. I’m starting to think I know everything in my field of expertise. I’ve become comfortable. I’m experiencing frustration because I’m surrounded by the wrong people.

These are all warning signs that it’s time to make the next big decision in your life.

 

Making the next big decision is playing on the offense.

Playing on the offense means that you are being proactive. It means you are skating to where the puck in Ice Hockey is going, not where it is right at this point in time.

The moment you start playing defense and protecting your position, you stop growing.

“Standing still is like being in the middle of a battlefield with no gun and no ammo and hoping not to get shot”

To stay on the offense, you have to recognize the signs I mentioned above and then make that big decision. When you’re forced to make that next big decision, that’s when you’re screwed. Being forced to make the decision means that you no longer have time on your side.

You end up settling for second best because you are in a hurry to make that big decision and you can’t proactively figure out what’s right for you. You don’t get the chance to speak with your network or your mentors and sense check what your next move is going to be.

 

Become comfortable with not having all the answers.

Making the next big decision will require you to be okay with not having all the answers. While you can do your research and speak to people who you trust about the decision, you won’t know the outcome until you try.

Maybe you’ll hate your next career move.
Maybe starting a business is the worst idea for you.
Maybe marrying that person will end in divorce.

It’s impossible to know the answers beforehand so you have to understand that things could go your way or they could end in disaster. This is a positive.

“You either get what you want, or you get to learn one of those life lessons that will help you become more self-aware and make you more resilient”

 

Not making that big decision is far worse.

You’ll know when you’ve reached the crossroad. Deep down you’ll know when it’s time to make that next gigantic step. Ignoring the signs is far worse than making that big decision and then having it all blow up in your face.

Failing to make that big decision ends up in regret.

“Regret slowly eats away at your confidence and your ability to be courageous”

Your head becomes full of white noise that drowns out the good ideas and clear thinking that will make you successful.

Go and meet people who are seventy years of age and older at a retirement village. Listen to their regrets and the decisions they wish they made. This will give you perspective. Continually dreaming about where that next big decision could lead is a waste of your energy.

Try something new for three months and then if it doesn’t work out it’s cool. There are thousands of opportunities and there is no one thing, no one person, no one idea, no one business that will give you everything you want.

 

Prepare and execute.

Big decisions creep up on you like a snake ready to bite you in the ass for disrupting its sunbaking session with your loud ass walking. If you don’t prepare, then you’ll get taken by surprise. Get good at writing lists on your phone.

Be prepared for the possible outcomes of your big decision and work out if there are more positives than negatives.

Once you are prepared, face into the decision and execute. Take the island and burn the boats behind you. Rip up your Plan B and execute like your life depends on it (well it does actually).

 

Be prepared to be blindsided.

That’s right. Surprises are going to happen. You can plan and still have the whole decision blow up in your face. Be prepared for stuff to come out of nowhere and risk everything you’ve put on the line.

I’m about to make my next career move and there are going to be things I can’t see. People are always going to tell you that working with them in their business is going to be amazing. They sell you the dream work-life balance, how great the people are, how you’re going to change the world.

It’s near impossible to know if they’re full of the brown stuff, but that’s okay. Trust your gut. If it all falls apart, then you get to make the next big decision far quicker than you expected.

In my case, I’ve had so many big decisions go wrong that I’ve become an expert in making big decisions and preparing for the myriad of outcomes that could transpire.

 

When would now be a good time?

That’s what I tell myself when I’m faced with a big decision. The best time to decide is right now. It will never be the right time. You’ll never have enough knowledge, you’ll never be perfect, you’ll never be ready, the economy will never be right.

So if there’s never a good time, then the best time has to be now. You can’t predict the future so you may as well focus on right now and take the wild bull that is your life by the horns.

Act with courage and now will always be a good time. Keep jumping at pretend shadows and you’ll never make a decision.

 

Failing to make decisions is what’s stopping you from moving forward.

If you feel you’re not where you want to be or you’re unhappy with any part of your life, it’s because you haven’t made the big decisions.

You’re fat? Change your diet and go to the gym.
You’re broke? Learn to control your spending.
You’re unhappy? Decide to stop focusing on yourself and focus on others.
You’re poor? Go on the Internet and find ways to make extra money.

There’s always an answer to your problems. The answer is always to make the next big decision with courage. The answer is always to believe in yourself. Everything will work out for the best. Trust me.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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5 Ways to Tap Into Your Intuitive Wisdom as You Design a Successful Life

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wisdom

Success, true success, can only be experienced when you are living life based on your particular design. The best way to know and design a life based on this is to be in constant connection with the wisdom present within you. Wisdom that goes beyond yourself and that, very possibly, put you together originally. People call it different names and intuition is a great way to describe it.

As a spiritual person, you know the power of the intuition. Being able to live from a place of wisdom beyond yourself allows you to find solutions that surprise and delight. These solutions also give you a sense of quiet power as well as you know you are never alone and always completely guided.

For me, intuition changed my life. It took me from working my pharmacist job with no hope for a respite to being a business owner and spiritual teacher living a purpose-driven life.

Here are 5 ideas for you to support your journey to living a more intuitive life:

1. Daily Practice

There can sometime be the assumption that unless something comes to one naturally, then it is not theirs to develop. That is nonsense. Most, if not all, good habits have to be developed. A consistent practice is needed, if you are to experience the benefits of a new skill.

Success is a habit. Each morning, I wake up earlier than my household (Usually 4am) and I sit in silence. I connect with source. I seek guidance for the day ahead. This is a habit I’ve developed.

Each day, the things you make time for are designing or destroying your life. Could you find an extra 20 minutes each day to practice quieting yourself down and connecting with the wisdom within you? Be consistent with the timing each day for long enough to build a habit. Some say 21 days, others say 40 days. For this habit, I would suggest that you make a decision to do it daily and at some point, it becomes a normal and natural part of your life whatever else is going on.

“At any moment, the decision you make can change the course of your life for the better.” – Tony Robbins

2. Quiet Yourself

We live in a very busy world – There is always something happening around you. Always some stimulation to distract you. You have to consciously choose to create space to be quiet. As mentioned earlier, you want to take 20 minutes or so a day to develop a practice and in that time, learn to still your thinking as much as possible, learn to tune into flow.

I use breathing and sometimes, candles to do this. I sit in silence staring at a candle and allowing intuitive flashes to come through or I simply pay attention to my breathing until I feel a stillness come over me. Any errant thoughts that try desperately to get my attention, are written in my journal with the intention of dealing with them later. This calms me down as the thoughts feel as though they are being acknowledged.

3. Suspend Judgement & Disbelief

As you begin working your intuition muscle, you will wonder if you are just talking to yourself or if you are making things up. In the session, refuse to humour that thinking. Instead, make a note of what you are feeling, seeing and hearing. You can have an intuition buddy and you can run things by them after the session to see what they intuitively feel but while you are choosing to tap into source within, suspend all judgement and allow what comes through to come through. It is a very tentative thing to sense your intuition and if you keep rejecting what tries to come through you, the flow will feel stuck.

“Failure is not a single cataclysmic event. You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement repeated every day.” – Jim Rohn

4. Come with Intent

This is something I teach clients because having a question you are seeking an answer to, can help with the calming of the mind. Sometimes, the intention is simply to develop my relationship with the source and so my intent is to listen. I generally then start with ‘Please speak to me’. Other times, there is something I specifically want to know the answer to and so I lead with that question. Having an intention keeps you focused.

5. No Desperation

Unfortunately, if you are too desperate about getting a specific answer, you will find it hard to still your mind. It is best to be in an open and receptive mood. How can you do that when you are actually desperate for an answer?  

Something I would do then, is to let calmness be my intention. I would seek guidance on how to still myself and reduce the feeling of desperation which also then has the effect of allowing me to think more clearly anyway. The other thing I do is write out my vision and goals first and keep my mind on those. If you focus on the need, you remain in the need and you remain reactive to the need. If you focus on the vision and the goal, then you become creator which is your true nature anyway.

Which of these 5 things will you implement today?

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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4 Essentials to Keep You From Staying Satisfied in Life

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satisfaction

It may sound morally objectionable to not want to stay satisfied in life; however, truth be told, it is actually unethical and morally wrong to not pursue what you really want in life and realize your maximum potential.

The people around us in life, whether it’s family, friends, business associates, people under our leadership, or people in our communities, look at our lives and are impacted. They see how we live out our dreams, and how we overcome the obstacles of life and business. This inspires them to do more, better, or different in their own lives. The reality is, many people’s inspiration and reason to excel is resting on us.

With this great responsibility on our shoulders, that is the first reason we must always strive for more and never be satisfied: someone’s success is depending on your success.

In the tough times or even the times we have reaped the harvest of our hard work, always know we must keep going. Yes, savor the victory, but know that this is not the end. We must keep going. If you don’t do it for you at least think of the people that are watching you and observing your life and do it for them.

Here are some practical tips on how to be continually motivated and not easily satisfied with our successes:

1. Frequently Self-Reflect

Socrates famously stated that an unexamined life is not worth living. We should ask ourselves if THIS (certain point in our lives) is our best that we have to offer. If we are being honest with ourselves, we will truthfully answer, NO. Nonetheless, we must not beat ourselves up nor constantly criticize ourselves but always remind ourselves that there is always room for growth.

Life is all about growth and development, and the goal of all development is to realize our true potential. All organisms grow and when they stop growing, you can be pretty sure that their stage for destruction has set in. Humans are probably the only creatures that do not stop growing. While we have stopped growing physically, our other aspects such as psychology, social standing, ambitions and other areas do not stop growing at all.

“The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.” – Wayne Dyer

2. Explore The World

You’ve probably heard of people who’ve stayed their entire lives in their birthplace. These types of people sometimes cannot believe the stories they hear from others that have travelled or lived in various places.

To truly see other people and parts of the world, other than where you come from is a must. Not only does it allow one to appreciate what you do have, but it challenges you to want to do more with your life and not settle. Some of the biggest moments of growth for many people happen when they attend missionary trips, participate in community service, business conferences, and even vacationing in other cities or even countries.

This occurs because your everyday existence and routine of life is challenged. You meet other people who may not be where you are in life or are doing exceptionally more than you. Either way, the first can remind you to always be hungry, and the other can remind you that you are not there yet and there is still more to success and growth; we still have room to grow.

So, travel, meet new people, and stretch your understanding of what life looks like and  what is attainable.

3. Be Curious

Most have heard the old saying when you were young, that “curiosity killed the cat.” Take that saying as a caution not a rule. We should be like children in the level of our curiosity. Curious children ask a lot of questions, and sometimes some of these questions even surprise adults. Because of their powerful curiosity, children think differently compared to adults and therein lies the power of having curiosity as a child.

Some very smart children are not satisfied with some answers adults give them at times, because they intuitively know that either the adult didn’t know the answer or they didn’t understand the topic at all. Don’t be satisfied, and always be eternally curious. Research topics that you know little to nothing about, and be open-minded to topics you are familiar with.

4. Be A Perfectionist

Don’t be satisfied with the present way of doing things. Progress would not happen if we did not tinker with doing things better. Consider textile weaving. People of long ago made textile for clothes using traditional weaving. If we had been satisfied with this way of making textile, we would not have discovered modern technologies of spinning and weaving to produce textiles to clothe billions of people across the world.

So never adopt a mindset that anything is ever perfect with no room for improvement. Systems and processes can always be improved.  

It is hard to work with a perfectionist, but without the perfectionist, we would not have the comfort of modern life. Machines are designed for perfection. An imperfect machine would not work, and even if it could be made to work, it would be hazardous to operate. Perfectionists are not satisfied with mediocre output. They always want the best.

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” – Michael Jordan

A study published in the “Journal of Personality” entitled “On the Development of Perfectionism: The Longitudinal Role of Academic Achievement and Academic Efficacy,” by Lavinia E. Damian and colleagues showed that academic achievement predicted relative increases in both perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns. This is an important development because it suggests that as people become better and better, their level of perfectionistic pursuit also increases.

Never succumb to the mindset of people who achieve some level of success and say “I have arrived” and “I have made it.” For when we accept this, we have placed a ceiling over our potential and a limit on the truly limitless opportunities that await us. Always strive to be, do, achieve, reach, see, and grow more.

How are you making sure you continue to grow daily in order to be great? Share with us some tips in the comments below!

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Life

3 Necessities That Will Help You Think Big and Stay Positive

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think big, stay positive

To think big and keep hope during difficult times is not easy. When you can’t afford to pay your bills, you haven’t had more than two hours of sleep in a few nights, and you are experiencing some relationship challenges, it can be tough to believe that things will ultimately work out. The ability to see beyond your current circumstances and understand that everything will eventually come together is the life of an entrepreneur.

When you think of a business owner, you frequently also picture the status symbols of success such as money, cars, homes, and other material possessions. However, there is another side to the entrepreneurial lifestyle that deserves attention. Gary Vaynerchuk talks about the 7pm -2 am dream shift, where you dedicate time to work on your business outside of other work and family responsibilities. Committing to a schedule like this is extremely hard.

According to a Fast Company article, businesses that survive past the first year have dropped from 569,419 in 1994 to 106,789 in 2016.  The challenges that often accompany the triumphs of working for yourself can feel insurmountable.

What are three necessities for you to think big and remain positive?

1. Surround yourself with good people

For many of us, it is common to hear and read about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive and productive people. My mother has stressed the importance of this trait since I was at least in kindergarten. When it comes to business, this is extremely important because others can expose you to different levels and types of success. Good people can push you to perform at your best and confirm your sanity when you are at your worst.  

“Choose your friends wisely, and also choose friends that you can trust.” –Elyn Saks

2. Commit to lifelong learning

In this competitive age, you must be willing to grow through a consistent effort of learning new talents and developing skills. As Tim Denning states “without willpower, your mind will take the road of least resistance. Practice teaching your mind discipline.” Reading books, learning new skills and techniques are essential habits of the entrepreneur. They can enable you to develop the ability to think beyond your current personal or business position.  

3. Go within to discover what’s out there

As an entrepreneur, you will need to have a reason for your business that digs deep into your soul. That’s a massive concept, and it is true. In the introduction, I mentioned that the lifestyle of an entrepreneur is not easy. Often times, a daily dosage of meditation or prayer is necessary to make it to the end of the day.

Without something within you like a burning desire to make an impact or the feeling that you work is part of a higher calling, the temptation to quit will be too strong. My recommendation is prayer and meditation to identify your purpose for business and to empower you through the difficult times.

“Discipline is the bridge between goal and accomplishment” – Jim Rohn

So, what are the practical steps to big thinking and positivity? The details of the process will be different for everyone, but universally it begins with the creation of daily goals and ends with consistent execution. The small steps lead to larger victories.

Once you have the right people in your circle, the self-discipline to continue learning, and a profound reason to succeed, the next step is to make things happen. You can have all the resources and mindsets in place, but if you are not willing to take action, it is useless. Use today as an opportunity to make progress on transforming your dream into a reality.

How do you stay positive? Comment below!

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Life

How To Make The Next Big Decision In Your Life.

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At regular intervals in your life, you have to make that challenging next big decision.

Life goes along just fine until one day you instinctively know that you have to make a giant change. This change comes about because we need to keep growing. Otherwise we die inside.

Making that next big decision has been something I’ve had to become an expert in over the last 12 months. I had to make the following big decisions:

– Am I always going to be a salesperson or can I go back to being a leader again?
– Is it possible to overcome my fear of public speaking so I can inspire people?
– Is traveling the world something I’m always going to be stopped from doing?
– Where is my love life going? Will I always be single or with someone who’s not right?

These have been very tough decisions to make.

I’ve had some epic failures trying to answer these questions. Here are some examples:

– I tried becoming more technical in my career. I hated it. I only enjoy high-level technical info.
– I gave a few speeches and sucked big time. My face was as red as a tomato.
– I went on a few overseas trips and fear nearly got the best of me.
– I made a bold move to go on lots of dates and find a girl that was right for me. Most of my attempts failed – except one.

Right now, the reason I’m writing this blog post is because I need to change my career. I’ve stopped learning. I’m starting to think I know everything in my field of expertise. I’ve become comfortable. I’m experiencing frustration because I’m surrounded by the wrong people.

These are all warning signs that it’s time to make the next big decision in your life.

 

Making the next big decision is playing on the offense.

Playing on the offense means that you are being proactive. It means you are skating to where the puck in Ice Hockey is going, not where it is right at this point in time.

The moment you start playing defense and protecting your position, you stop growing.

“Standing still is like being in the middle of a battlefield with no gun and no ammo and hoping not to get shot”

To stay on the offense, you have to recognize the signs I mentioned above and then make that big decision. When you’re forced to make that next big decision, that’s when you’re screwed. Being forced to make the decision means that you no longer have time on your side.

You end up settling for second best because you are in a hurry to make that big decision and you can’t proactively figure out what’s right for you. You don’t get the chance to speak with your network or your mentors and sense check what your next move is going to be.

 

Become comfortable with not having all the answers.

Making the next big decision will require you to be okay with not having all the answers. While you can do your research and speak to people who you trust about the decision, you won’t know the outcome until you try.

Maybe you’ll hate your next career move.
Maybe starting a business is the worst idea for you.
Maybe marrying that person will end in divorce.

It’s impossible to know the answers beforehand so you have to understand that things could go your way or they could end in disaster. This is a positive.

“You either get what you want, or you get to learn one of those life lessons that will help you become more self-aware and make you more resilient”

 

Not making that big decision is far worse.

You’ll know when you’ve reached the crossroad. Deep down you’ll know when it’s time to make that next gigantic step. Ignoring the signs is far worse than making that big decision and then having it all blow up in your face.

Failing to make that big decision ends up in regret.

“Regret slowly eats away at your confidence and your ability to be courageous”

Your head becomes full of white noise that drowns out the good ideas and clear thinking that will make you successful.

Go and meet people who are seventy years of age and older at a retirement village. Listen to their regrets and the decisions they wish they made. This will give you perspective. Continually dreaming about where that next big decision could lead is a waste of your energy.

Try something new for three months and then if it doesn’t work out it’s cool. There are thousands of opportunities and there is no one thing, no one person, no one idea, no one business that will give you everything you want.

 

Prepare and execute.

Big decisions creep up on you like a snake ready to bite you in the ass for disrupting its sunbaking session with your loud ass walking. If you don’t prepare, then you’ll get taken by surprise. Get good at writing lists on your phone.

Be prepared for the possible outcomes of your big decision and work out if there are more positives than negatives.

Once you are prepared, face into the decision and execute. Take the island and burn the boats behind you. Rip up your Plan B and execute like your life depends on it (well it does actually).

 

Be prepared to be blindsided.

That’s right. Surprises are going to happen. You can plan and still have the whole decision blow up in your face. Be prepared for stuff to come out of nowhere and risk everything you’ve put on the line.

I’m about to make my next career move and there are going to be things I can’t see. People are always going to tell you that working with them in their business is going to be amazing. They sell you the dream work-life balance, how great the people are, how you’re going to change the world.

It’s near impossible to know if they’re full of the brown stuff, but that’s okay. Trust your gut. If it all falls apart, then you get to make the next big decision far quicker than you expected.

In my case, I’ve had so many big decisions go wrong that I’ve become an expert in making big decisions and preparing for the myriad of outcomes that could transpire.

 

When would now be a good time?

That’s what I tell myself when I’m faced with a big decision. The best time to decide is right now. It will never be the right time. You’ll never have enough knowledge, you’ll never be perfect, you’ll never be ready, the economy will never be right.

So if there’s never a good time, then the best time has to be now. You can’t predict the future so you may as well focus on right now and take the wild bull that is your life by the horns.

Act with courage and now will always be a good time. Keep jumping at pretend shadows and you’ll never make a decision.

 

Failing to make decisions is what’s stopping you from moving forward.

If you feel you’re not where you want to be or you’re unhappy with any part of your life, it’s because you haven’t made the big decisions.

You’re fat? Change your diet and go to the gym.
You’re broke? Learn to control your spending.
You’re unhappy? Decide to stop focusing on yourself and focus on others.
You’re poor? Go on the Internet and find ways to make extra money.

There’s always an answer to your problems. The answer is always to make the next big decision with courage. The answer is always to believe in yourself. Everything will work out for the best. Trust me.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared hundreds of thousands of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around success, personal development, motivation, and entrepreneurship. During the day Tim works with the most iconic tech companies in the world, as an adviser, to assist them in expanding into Australia. By night, Tim coaches his students on the principles of personal development and the fundamentals of entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net or through his Facebook.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. James Hughes

    Jul 21, 2015 at 4:36 am

    Great article.
    Read this this morning at 530 am.
    I’ve been doing this wake up at 5 am everyone morning for over 1
    Month now. And articles like this have helped me to do it.
    3 very simple thoughts here to master.
    Thanks
    James Hughes

  2. susan fardell

    Jul 16, 2015 at 6:58 am

    Thank you Aaron for your blog, I found it very valuable in identifying areas that I need to be working on.

  3. Robb Mann

    Jul 1, 2015 at 11:21 am

    I agree with these beliefs to bolster self-confidence. Thank you so much for posting them, what a great reminder to manage my beliefs. The test questions you provided were excellent. I would add one belief if I could… It has to do with all three but especially ‘belief about self’. The belief I would add is implied in your statement; “I have done all I can to do my best in this” The belief I would add is; “preparation is a key ingredient to my confidence”. Since I believe it, I think it’s necessary to state it clearly. I know I’m only expounding on your implied thought with the statement of belief about self, I just want to do my part to keep myself and others from deluding ourselves with “over-confidence”.

    Hope that adds value to the discussion,
    Robb Mann

  4. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 30, 2015 at 11:50 pm

    I really like this article. Belief about yourself, the world, and your abilities are all things that shape your confidence. When you think you can accomplish something, your actions begin to match up with your belief system and it seems as though the universe is opening doors for you. When you dont have belief, your actions portrays a certain type of disbelief and lack of confidence that repels people and opportunities. Great post.

  5. Elita Torres

    Jun 28, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Great article. I would add, “Belief about Others” which ties into “Belief about World”. If you have a tendency to naturally distrust people, it can shape your view on the world as well. A tendency to have a negative view on others, tends to reflect back to you.

    I also wanted to add that I recently found your blog and I am glad I did.

    • Aaron Morton

      Jun 29, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Thanks Elita,

      Glad you have found my blog and hope it provides a lot of value for you.

      You are correct in that ‘belief about others’ would fit into belief about world. We are social creatures so a world without other people is rare. This is why solitary confinement is commonly used as a form of punishment.

      Aaron Morton
      The Confidence Lounge

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Life

How To Make The Next Big Decision In Your Life.

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At regular intervals in your life, you have to make that challenging next big decision.

Life goes along just fine until one day you instinctively know that you have to make a giant change. This change comes about because we need to keep growing. Otherwise we die inside.

Making that next big decision has been something I’ve had to become an expert in over the last 12 months. I had to make the following big decisions:

– Am I always going to be a salesperson or can I go back to being a leader again?
– Is it possible to overcome my fear of public speaking so I can inspire people?
– Is traveling the world something I’m always going to be stopped from doing?
– Where is my love life going? Will I always be single or with someone who’s not right?

These have been very tough decisions to make.

I’ve had some epic failures trying to answer these questions. Here are some examples:

– I tried becoming more technical in my career. I hated it. I only enjoy high-level technical info.
– I gave a few speeches and sucked big time. My face was as red as a tomato.
– I went on a few overseas trips and fear nearly got the best of me.
– I made a bold move to go on lots of dates and find a girl that was right for me. Most of my attempts failed – except one.

Right now, the reason I’m writing this blog post is because I need to change my career. I’ve stopped learning. I’m starting to think I know everything in my field of expertise. I’ve become comfortable. I’m experiencing frustration because I’m surrounded by the wrong people.

These are all warning signs that it’s time to make the next big decision in your life.

 

Making the next big decision is playing on the offense.

Playing on the offense means that you are being proactive. It means you are skating to where the puck in Ice Hockey is going, not where it is right at this point in time.

The moment you start playing defense and protecting your position, you stop growing.

“Standing still is like being in the middle of a battlefield with no gun and no ammo and hoping not to get shot”

To stay on the offense, you have to recognize the signs I mentioned above and then make that big decision. When you’re forced to make that next big decision, that’s when you’re screwed. Being forced to make the decision means that you no longer have time on your side.

You end up settling for second best because you are in a hurry to make that big decision and you can’t proactively figure out what’s right for you. You don’t get the chance to speak with your network or your mentors and sense check what your next move is going to be.

 

Become comfortable with not having all the answers.

Making the next big decision will require you to be okay with not having all the answers. While you can do your research and speak to people who you trust about the decision, you won’t know the outcome until you try.

Maybe you’ll hate your next career move.
Maybe starting a business is the worst idea for you.
Maybe marrying that person will end in divorce.

It’s impossible to know the answers beforehand so you have to understand that things could go your way or they could end in disaster. This is a positive.

“You either get what you want, or you get to learn one of those life lessons that will help you become more self-aware and make you more resilient”

 

Not making that big decision is far worse.

You’ll know when you’ve reached the crossroad. Deep down you’ll know when it’s time to make that next gigantic step. Ignoring the signs is far worse than making that big decision and then having it all blow up in your face.

Failing to make that big decision ends up in regret.

“Regret slowly eats away at your confidence and your ability to be courageous”

Your head becomes full of white noise that drowns out the good ideas and clear thinking that will make you successful.

Go and meet people who are seventy years of age and older at a retirement village. Listen to their regrets and the decisions they wish they made. This will give you perspective. Continually dreaming about where that next big decision could lead is a waste of your energy.

Try something new for three months and then if it doesn’t work out it’s cool. There are thousands of opportunities and there is no one thing, no one person, no one idea, no one business that will give you everything you want.

 

Prepare and execute.

Big decisions creep up on you like a snake ready to bite you in the ass for disrupting its sunbaking session with your loud ass walking. If you don’t prepare, then you’ll get taken by surprise. Get good at writing lists on your phone.

Be prepared for the possible outcomes of your big decision and work out if there are more positives than negatives.

Once you are prepared, face into the decision and execute. Take the island and burn the boats behind you. Rip up your Plan B and execute like your life depends on it (well it does actually).

 

Be prepared to be blindsided.

That’s right. Surprises are going to happen. You can plan and still have the whole decision blow up in your face. Be prepared for stuff to come out of nowhere and risk everything you’ve put on the line.

I’m about to make my next career move and there are going to be things I can’t see. People are always going to tell you that working with them in their business is going to be amazing. They sell you the dream work-life balance, how great the people are, how you’re going to change the world.

It’s near impossible to know if they’re full of the brown stuff, but that’s okay. Trust your gut. If it all falls apart, then you get to make the next big decision far quicker than you expected.

In my case, I’ve had so many big decisions go wrong that I’ve become an expert in making big decisions and preparing for the myriad of outcomes that could transpire.

 

When would now be a good time?

That’s what I tell myself when I’m faced with a big decision. The best time to decide is right now. It will never be the right time. You’ll never have enough knowledge, you’ll never be perfect, you’ll never be ready, the economy will never be right.

So if there’s never a good time, then the best time has to be now. You can’t predict the future so you may as well focus on right now and take the wild bull that is your life by the horns.

Act with courage and now will always be a good time. Keep jumping at pretend shadows and you’ll never make a decision.

 

Failing to make decisions is what’s stopping you from moving forward.

If you feel you’re not where you want to be or you’re unhappy with any part of your life, it’s because you haven’t made the big decisions.

You’re fat? Change your diet and go to the gym.
You’re broke? Learn to control your spending.
You’re unhappy? Decide to stop focusing on yourself and focus on others.
You’re poor? Go on the Internet and find ways to make extra money.

There’s always an answer to your problems. The answer is always to make the next big decision with courage. The answer is always to believe in yourself. Everything will work out for the best. Trust me.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

5 Ways to Tap Into Your Intuitive Wisdom as You Design a Successful Life

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wisdom

Success, true success, can only be experienced when you are living life based on your particular design. The best way to know and design a life based on this is to be in constant connection with the wisdom present within you. Wisdom that goes beyond yourself and that, very possibly, put you together originally. People call it different names and intuition is a great way to describe it.

As a spiritual person, you know the power of the intuition. Being able to live from a place of wisdom beyond yourself allows you to find solutions that surprise and delight. These solutions also give you a sense of quiet power as well as you know you are never alone and always completely guided.

For me, intuition changed my life. It took me from working my pharmacist job with no hope for a respite to being a business owner and spiritual teacher living a purpose-driven life.

Here are 5 ideas for you to support your journey to living a more intuitive life:

1. Daily Practice

There can sometime be the assumption that unless something comes to one naturally, then it is not theirs to develop. That is nonsense. Most, if not all, good habits have to be developed. A consistent practice is needed, if you are to experience the benefits of a new skill.

Success is a habit. Each morning, I wake up earlier than my household (Usually 4am) and I sit in silence. I connect with source. I seek guidance for the day ahead. This is a habit I’ve developed.

Each day, the things you make time for are designing or destroying your life. Could you find an extra 20 minutes each day to practice quieting yourself down and connecting with the wisdom within you? Be consistent with the timing each day for long enough to build a habit. Some say 21 days, others say 40 days. For this habit, I would suggest that you make a decision to do it daily and at some point, it becomes a normal and natural part of your life whatever else is going on.

“At any moment, the decision you make can change the course of your life for the better.” – Tony Robbins

2. Quiet Yourself

We live in a very busy world – There is always something happening around you. Always some stimulation to distract you. You have to consciously choose to create space to be quiet. As mentioned earlier, you want to take 20 minutes or so a day to develop a practice and in that time, learn to still your thinking as much as possible, learn to tune into flow.

I use breathing and sometimes, candles to do this. I sit in silence staring at a candle and allowing intuitive flashes to come through or I simply pay attention to my breathing until I feel a stillness come over me. Any errant thoughts that try desperately to get my attention, are written in my journal with the intention of dealing with them later. This calms me down as the thoughts feel as though they are being acknowledged.

3. Suspend Judgement & Disbelief

As you begin working your intuition muscle, you will wonder if you are just talking to yourself or if you are making things up. In the session, refuse to humour that thinking. Instead, make a note of what you are feeling, seeing and hearing. You can have an intuition buddy and you can run things by them after the session to see what they intuitively feel but while you are choosing to tap into source within, suspend all judgement and allow what comes through to come through. It is a very tentative thing to sense your intuition and if you keep rejecting what tries to come through you, the flow will feel stuck.

“Failure is not a single cataclysmic event. You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement repeated every day.” – Jim Rohn

4. Come with Intent

This is something I teach clients because having a question you are seeking an answer to, can help with the calming of the mind. Sometimes, the intention is simply to develop my relationship with the source and so my intent is to listen. I generally then start with ‘Please speak to me’. Other times, there is something I specifically want to know the answer to and so I lead with that question. Having an intention keeps you focused.

5. No Desperation

Unfortunately, if you are too desperate about getting a specific answer, you will find it hard to still your mind. It is best to be in an open and receptive mood. How can you do that when you are actually desperate for an answer?  

Something I would do then, is to let calmness be my intention. I would seek guidance on how to still myself and reduce the feeling of desperation which also then has the effect of allowing me to think more clearly anyway. The other thing I do is write out my vision and goals first and keep my mind on those. If you focus on the need, you remain in the need and you remain reactive to the need. If you focus on the vision and the goal, then you become creator which is your true nature anyway.

Which of these 5 things will you implement today?

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

4 Essentials to Keep You From Staying Satisfied in Life

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satisfaction

It may sound morally objectionable to not want to stay satisfied in life; however, truth be told, it is actually unethical and morally wrong to not pursue what you really want in life and realize your maximum potential.

The people around us in life, whether it’s family, friends, business associates, people under our leadership, or people in our communities, look at our lives and are impacted. They see how we live out our dreams, and how we overcome the obstacles of life and business. This inspires them to do more, better, or different in their own lives. The reality is, many people’s inspiration and reason to excel is resting on us.

With this great responsibility on our shoulders, that is the first reason we must always strive for more and never be satisfied: someone’s success is depending on your success.

In the tough times or even the times we have reaped the harvest of our hard work, always know we must keep going. Yes, savor the victory, but know that this is not the end. We must keep going. If you don’t do it for you at least think of the people that are watching you and observing your life and do it for them.

Here are some practical tips on how to be continually motivated and not easily satisfied with our successes:

1. Frequently Self-Reflect

Socrates famously stated that an unexamined life is not worth living. We should ask ourselves if THIS (certain point in our lives) is our best that we have to offer. If we are being honest with ourselves, we will truthfully answer, NO. Nonetheless, we must not beat ourselves up nor constantly criticize ourselves but always remind ourselves that there is always room for growth.

Life is all about growth and development, and the goal of all development is to realize our true potential. All organisms grow and when they stop growing, you can be pretty sure that their stage for destruction has set in. Humans are probably the only creatures that do not stop growing. While we have stopped growing physically, our other aspects such as psychology, social standing, ambitions and other areas do not stop growing at all.

“The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.” – Wayne Dyer

2. Explore The World

You’ve probably heard of people who’ve stayed their entire lives in their birthplace. These types of people sometimes cannot believe the stories they hear from others that have travelled or lived in various places.

To truly see other people and parts of the world, other than where you come from is a must. Not only does it allow one to appreciate what you do have, but it challenges you to want to do more with your life and not settle. Some of the biggest moments of growth for many people happen when they attend missionary trips, participate in community service, business conferences, and even vacationing in other cities or even countries.

This occurs because your everyday existence and routine of life is challenged. You meet other people who may not be where you are in life or are doing exceptionally more than you. Either way, the first can remind you to always be hungry, and the other can remind you that you are not there yet and there is still more to success and growth; we still have room to grow.

So, travel, meet new people, and stretch your understanding of what life looks like and  what is attainable.

3. Be Curious

Most have heard the old saying when you were young, that “curiosity killed the cat.” Take that saying as a caution not a rule. We should be like children in the level of our curiosity. Curious children ask a lot of questions, and sometimes some of these questions even surprise adults. Because of their powerful curiosity, children think differently compared to adults and therein lies the power of having curiosity as a child.

Some very smart children are not satisfied with some answers adults give them at times, because they intuitively know that either the adult didn’t know the answer or they didn’t understand the topic at all. Don’t be satisfied, and always be eternally curious. Research topics that you know little to nothing about, and be open-minded to topics you are familiar with.

4. Be A Perfectionist

Don’t be satisfied with the present way of doing things. Progress would not happen if we did not tinker with doing things better. Consider textile weaving. People of long ago made textile for clothes using traditional weaving. If we had been satisfied with this way of making textile, we would not have discovered modern technologies of spinning and weaving to produce textiles to clothe billions of people across the world.

So never adopt a mindset that anything is ever perfect with no room for improvement. Systems and processes can always be improved.  

It is hard to work with a perfectionist, but without the perfectionist, we would not have the comfort of modern life. Machines are designed for perfection. An imperfect machine would not work, and even if it could be made to work, it would be hazardous to operate. Perfectionists are not satisfied with mediocre output. They always want the best.

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” – Michael Jordan

A study published in the “Journal of Personality” entitled “On the Development of Perfectionism: The Longitudinal Role of Academic Achievement and Academic Efficacy,” by Lavinia E. Damian and colleagues showed that academic achievement predicted relative increases in both perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns. This is an important development because it suggests that as people become better and better, their level of perfectionistic pursuit also increases.

Never succumb to the mindset of people who achieve some level of success and say “I have arrived” and “I have made it.” For when we accept this, we have placed a ceiling over our potential and a limit on the truly limitless opportunities that await us. Always strive to be, do, achieve, reach, see, and grow more.

How are you making sure you continue to grow daily in order to be great? Share with us some tips in the comments below!

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Life

3 Necessities That Will Help You Think Big and Stay Positive

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think big, stay positive

To think big and keep hope during difficult times is not easy. When you can’t afford to pay your bills, you haven’t had more than two hours of sleep in a few nights, and you are experiencing some relationship challenges, it can be tough to believe that things will ultimately work out. The ability to see beyond your current circumstances and understand that everything will eventually come together is the life of an entrepreneur.

When you think of a business owner, you frequently also picture the status symbols of success such as money, cars, homes, and other material possessions. However, there is another side to the entrepreneurial lifestyle that deserves attention. Gary Vaynerchuk talks about the 7pm -2 am dream shift, where you dedicate time to work on your business outside of other work and family responsibilities. Committing to a schedule like this is extremely hard.

According to a Fast Company article, businesses that survive past the first year have dropped from 569,419 in 1994 to 106,789 in 2016.  The challenges that often accompany the triumphs of working for yourself can feel insurmountable.

What are three necessities for you to think big and remain positive?

1. Surround yourself with good people

For many of us, it is common to hear and read about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive and productive people. My mother has stressed the importance of this trait since I was at least in kindergarten. When it comes to business, this is extremely important because others can expose you to different levels and types of success. Good people can push you to perform at your best and confirm your sanity when you are at your worst.  

“Choose your friends wisely, and also choose friends that you can trust.” –Elyn Saks

2. Commit to lifelong learning

In this competitive age, you must be willing to grow through a consistent effort of learning new talents and developing skills. As Tim Denning states “without willpower, your mind will take the road of least resistance. Practice teaching your mind discipline.” Reading books, learning new skills and techniques are essential habits of the entrepreneur. They can enable you to develop the ability to think beyond your current personal or business position.  

3. Go within to discover what’s out there

As an entrepreneur, you will need to have a reason for your business that digs deep into your soul. That’s a massive concept, and it is true. In the introduction, I mentioned that the lifestyle of an entrepreneur is not easy. Often times, a daily dosage of meditation or prayer is necessary to make it to the end of the day.

Without something within you like a burning desire to make an impact or the feeling that you work is part of a higher calling, the temptation to quit will be too strong. My recommendation is prayer and meditation to identify your purpose for business and to empower you through the difficult times.

“Discipline is the bridge between goal and accomplishment” – Jim Rohn

So, what are the practical steps to big thinking and positivity? The details of the process will be different for everyone, but universally it begins with the creation of daily goals and ends with consistent execution. The small steps lead to larger victories.

Once you have the right people in your circle, the self-discipline to continue learning, and a profound reason to succeed, the next step is to make things happen. You can have all the resources and mindsets in place, but if you are not willing to take action, it is useless. Use today as an opportunity to make progress on transforming your dream into a reality.

How do you stay positive? Comment below!

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