Life
3 Beliefs That Shape Your Confidence

As a coach & personal trainer I have the opportunity of working with people from multiple domains from high level lawyers to ambitious millennials.
By working with them, I have come to see patterns amongst those who are experiencing a continual stream of challenges and those whose pursuit to success almost appears like magic.
My primary focus is confidence and performance. Whether you realise it or not, you are all performing; in the workplace and in life. When confidence is low, performance suffers, when confidence is high, performance flows.
Central to confidence & performance is belief. This is what we perceive as being true. Neuroscientist and author of ‘Born to Believe‘ Andrew Newberg describes belief as: “ like a map, a neural representation of an experience that seems meaningful, real, or true”
Beliefs operate under the surface, meaning they influence outside your awareness. The way I describe it to my clients is, if confidence is the cake then belief is one of the ingredients.
“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better”. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’d like to share with you 3 common belief categories that shape confidence, both low and high:
1. Belief about self
Compare these two statements; “I am a highly confident and creative individual” and “I am a very shy and anxious individual”. Which one do you think is going to experience confidence naturally without trying (which is what confident people do, they don’t ‘try’ to be confident).
When I say beliefs operate outside of your awareness, the residue of that belief comes through in your language and how you act. When you say “I am a highly confident and a creative individual” and saying it feels as comfortable as a well worn pair of shoes, it will show in how you carry yourself and, as importantly, how other people will perceive you.
Belief about self question: “You are being filmed for a documentary. The viewers won’t see who you are but they will hear your voice. You have 10 seconds to describe who you are, GO!”
2. Belief about world
Compare these two statements; “The world is my oyster, there are so many opportunities around” and “Success is only for the elites, the rest of us get screwed over”. A day never goes by without a new conspiracy theory developing. The general idea is, we are being lied to and our lives are being run by a couple of people in a room somewhere over cigars.
There is a concept in NLP (Neuro Linguistic programming) that states whether you are ‘at effect‘ meaning your circumstances are the result of something external to you, or “at cause‘ meaning you are the main driver of your reality.
Your beliefs will reflect whether you are in the ‘at effect’ camp, or the ‘at cause’ camp . Problems can arise when you are ‘at effect’ and believe that if anything is to change in your life, something external (money, other people, politics) has to change first.
Belief about world question: “Think back to your last set back, failure, disappointment. How did you explain it to yourself? Notice whether your answer focuses on what YOU did, or what the OTHER factors were”

3. Belief about ability
Compare these two statements; “I hope I do well here” and “I have done all I can to do my best in this” Belief about ability can determine the level of self-consciousness you apply in your endeavor. The person who says “I hope I do well here” is only likely to say that if they are also concerned that they won’t’ do well. Yet the person who say “I have done all I can to do my best in this”, they’ve done all they need to do and they believe they’ve set the conditions for them to do their best.
Belief about ability doesn’t have to mean that you believe you ARE the best, it only has to mean you have the ability to do your best. In fact, an inflated belief that you are the best can be detrimental if the reality doesn’t match up with that belief!
Belief about ability question: “Choose an aspect of your life (health, business, relationships etc.) where you strive to be better, what thoughts come up for you when anticipating progress?”
Thank you for reading my article and would love to know what beliefs you think help YOU on your path to success?
Life
The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance
Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see? (more…)
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
-
Success Advice4 weeks ago
How to Focus Your Mind on Your Goals in 2023 Constructively
-
Life4 weeks ago
Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness
-
Entrepreneurs4 weeks ago
How to Lose a Team in 10 Days: Are You a True Leader?
-
Success Advice4 weeks ago
How to Develop a Following of Passionate Fans Even Before Launch
-
Success Advice3 weeks ago
How to Think Like a CEO for Your Future Success
-
Life3 weeks ago
3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning
-
Success Advice2 weeks ago
20 Ways You Can Become a Powerful Communicator
-
Success Advice3 weeks ago
Dead Men Tell No Tales: How to Navigate a Mutiny as a Leader in 10 Steps
6 Comments