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3 Beliefs That Shape Your Confidence

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3 Beliefs That Shape Your Confidence

As a coach & personal trainer I have the opportunity of working with people from multiple domains from high level lawyers to ambitious millennials.

By working with them, I have come to see patterns amongst those who are experiencing a continual stream of challenges and those whose pursuit to success almost appears like magic.

My primary focus is confidence and performance. Whether you realise it or not, you are all performing; in the workplace and in life. When confidence is low, performance suffers, when confidence is high, performance flows.

Central to confidence & performance is belief. This is what we perceive as being true. Neuroscientist and author of ‘Born to Believe‘ Andrew Newberg describes belief as: “ like a map, a neural representation of an experience that seems meaningful, real, or true

Beliefs operate under the surface, meaning they influence outside your awareness. The way I describe it to my clients is, if confidence is the cake then belief is one of the ingredients.

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better”. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’d like to share with you 3 common belief categories that shape confidence, both low and high:

 

1. Belief about self

Compare these two statements; “I am a highly confident and creative individual” and “I am a very shy and anxious individual”. Which one do you think is going to experience confidence naturally without trying (which is what confident people do, they don’t ‘try’ to be confident).

When I say beliefs operate outside of your awareness, the residue of that belief comes through in your language and how you act. When you say “I am a highly confident and a creative individual” and saying it feels as comfortable as a well worn pair of shoes, it will show in how you carry yourself and, as importantly, how other people will perceive you.

Belief about self question: “You are being filmed for a documentary. The viewers won’t see who you are but they will hear your voice. You have 10 seconds to describe who you are, GO!

 

2. Belief about world

Compare these two statements; “The world is my oyster, there are so many opportunities around” and “Success is only for the elites, the rest of us get screwed over”. A day never goes by without a new conspiracy theory developing. The general idea is, we are being lied to and our lives are being run by a couple of people in a room somewhere over cigars.

There is a concept in NLP (Neuro Linguistic programming) that states whether you are ‘at effect‘ meaning your circumstances are the result of something external to you, or “at cause‘ meaning you are the main driver of your reality.

Your beliefs will reflect whether you are in the ‘at effect’ camp, or the ‘at cause’ camp . Problems can arise when you are ‘at effect’ and believe that if anything is to change in your life, something external (money, other people, politics) has to change first.

Belief about world question: “Think back to your last set back, failure, disappointment. How did you explain it to yourself? Notice whether your answer focuses on what YOU did, or what the OTHER factors were”

Self-belief

3. Belief about ability

Compare these two statements; “I hope I do well here” and “I have done all I can to do my best in this” Belief about ability can determine the level of self-consciousness you apply in your endeavor. The person who says “I hope I do well here” is only likely to say that if they are also concerned that they won’t’ do well. Yet the person who say “I have done all I can to do my best in this”, they’ve done all they need to do and they believe they’ve set the conditions for them to do their best.

Belief about ability doesn’t have to mean that you believe you ARE the best, it only has to mean you have the ability to do your best. In fact, an inflated belief that you are the best can be detrimental if the reality doesn’t match up with that belief!

Belief about ability question: “Choose an aspect of your life (health, business, relationships etc.) where you strive to be better, what thoughts come up for you when anticipating progress?”

 

Thank you for reading my article and would love to know what beliefs you think help YOU on your path to success?

Aaron Morton is a coach and founder of The Confidence Lounge. He helps ambitious individuals increase their confidence and optimise their performance in their careers. He writes about practical and science based solutions to being the best performer you can be. Aaron has recently released his first program called Confidence Reloaded, which is a systemised program to double your confidence in 90 days.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. James Hughes

    Jul 21, 2015 at 4:36 am

    Great article.
    Read this this morning at 530 am.
    I’ve been doing this wake up at 5 am everyone morning for over 1
    Month now. And articles like this have helped me to do it.
    3 very simple thoughts here to master.
    Thanks
    James Hughes

  2. susan fardell

    Jul 16, 2015 at 6:58 am

    Thank you Aaron for your blog, I found it very valuable in identifying areas that I need to be working on.

  3. Robb Mann

    Jul 1, 2015 at 11:21 am

    I agree with these beliefs to bolster self-confidence. Thank you so much for posting them, what a great reminder to manage my beliefs. The test questions you provided were excellent. I would add one belief if I could… It has to do with all three but especially ‘belief about self’. The belief I would add is implied in your statement; “I have done all I can to do my best in this” The belief I would add is; “preparation is a key ingredient to my confidence”. Since I believe it, I think it’s necessary to state it clearly. I know I’m only expounding on your implied thought with the statement of belief about self, I just want to do my part to keep myself and others from deluding ourselves with “over-confidence”.

    Hope that adds value to the discussion,
    Robb Mann

  4. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 30, 2015 at 11:50 pm

    I really like this article. Belief about yourself, the world, and your abilities are all things that shape your confidence. When you think you can accomplish something, your actions begin to match up with your belief system and it seems as though the universe is opening doors for you. When you dont have belief, your actions portrays a certain type of disbelief and lack of confidence that repels people and opportunities. Great post.

  5. Elita Torres

    Jun 28, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Great article. I would add, “Belief about Others” which ties into “Belief about World”. If you have a tendency to naturally distrust people, it can shape your view on the world as well. A tendency to have a negative view on others, tends to reflect back to you.

    I also wanted to add that I recently found your blog and I am glad I did.

    • Aaron Morton

      Jun 29, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Thanks Elita,

      Glad you have found my blog and hope it provides a lot of value for you.

      You are correct in that ‘belief about others’ would fit into belief about world. We are social creatures so a world without other people is rare. This is why solitary confinement is commonly used as a form of punishment.

      Aaron Morton
      The Confidence Lounge

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Life

Don’t Want To Feel Like A Failure Anymore? Stop Doing These 6 Things

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It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? All those great and accomplished people telling you that FAILURE is a necessity on your way to success. Yeah, that’s easy for them to say; they’re already ‘on the other side’! You on the other hand, are still struggling all day everyday to get your business lifted off the ground and are really not that sure if you’re indeed going to make it.

There’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you don’t have the stuff to make it all happen. Not now and not ever. You feel like a failure…it’s holding you back and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well you could do yourself a favor and start dealing with it by doing the following things:

1. Stop Denying You Feel Like A Failure

Telling yourself things are going great when they’re not is one of the biggest, though most useless, coping mechanisms human beings deploy in rough times. Common denial signals among entrepreneurs: trying to regain more control by working even more hours and on the other side compensating this by letting go of all this control by partying and drinking way too hard.

What you’re doing is denying yourself the opportunity to actually feel what’s going on and acknowledge the problem; that both you and your business are in a bad place. Without acknowledging it, it’ll be pretty difficult to actually STOP feeling it. And remember, just because you feel like a failure, this does not mean that you indeed ARE a failure!

2. Stop Making It Bigger Than it Really Is

This is one of those other ‘fun’ things human beings do; we blow things way out of proportion in our heads! In business, when you lose that big client you’ve been working on for weeks, it feels like it’s the end of the world. You start doubting yourself, your strategy, your entire business model right up to the point where you barely sleep because you’re working on pivoting the whole thing.

But what if that customer simply didn’t have the money to go for your service anyway? Or what if they just decided to go for someone who is cheaper but who offers less quality? Does that mean there’s something wrong with YOU? Or that this was the ONLY customer out there and that you’re now doomed forever?

Of course not, it simply means that THIS CUSTOMER wasn’t a match. It’s a bit like dating actually…So if you take this into consideration, could it be that you just feel like a failure instead of really not succeeding in that what you want to at this point in time?

3. Stop Thinking You’re The Only One Who Feels Like This

You’re not! With the possible exception of the true sociopaths, that feeling you’re feeling is very normal to EVERYONE. It might not seem like it on the outside – because people don’t like to acknowledge this remember – but I can guarantee you that it’s true. But unlike 99% of the world’s population, YOU’RE not going to let this feeling stop you in your tracks. Are you?

4. Stop Thinking You’re Supposed To Be Superhuman

In fact, it’s very likely that you’re already doing, learning and succeeding at WAY more than most other people are. But for entrepreneurs, somehow, that never seems to be enough. You don’t just want to be successful after a few years of hard work (which is normal). You want to be successful after only a few months. Because you’re special…or at least you think you are…

Well, here’s the truth: you ARE special! But…it’s just not very likely that you’re one of those – very very rare – entrepreneurial superstars that – seemingly – just added some hot water and got instant business success as a result.

5. Stop Being So Incredibly Stubborn

Entrepreneurs are stubborn…almost by default. It’s what makes them push forward in the hardest of times. But…if you’re not doing the right things right you might just be hammering a square peg through a round hole. Which will only add to that frustrated feeling you’re already having. So why not stop being so stubborn for a moment, stop hammering away on that what obviously is not working and ask for help?

No matter who you ask – a business mentor or coach, a befriended entrepreneur – someone with a neutral perspective on you and our business will be very likely to see what’s going on with a lot more clarity than you can and can guide you to a place that will feel a whole lot more comfortable.

6. Stop Being Afraid Of Failure

I know, I know, you’ve heard this a million times before and you wouldn’t be in this pickle if you could do this. Right? I’m right there with ya!

But, if you get really rational about it, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • You might have to get a ‘real’ job for a while and start over on the side;
  • You might not be able to afford your rent anymore…but with Airbnb on the 1 hand and couchsurfing on the other, you should be able to work it out somehow;
  • You’ll have all the more experience to start over a whole lot faster;
  • You’ll be no less respected by anyone because it’s clear you gave it your all;
  • In a few years, when you’re an established and supersuccessful entrepreneur you’ll also have a cool failure story to tell;
  • None of your limbs will fall off;

Now that’s not too bad for a plan B is it? Failure is such a negative word. And the associated feeling is terrible and numbing. But really…how is giving it your all and not succeeding really the same as failing? Shouldn’t the definition of failure not be along the lines of ‘not even trying’ or ‘giving up when it gets hard’?

In other words: stop beating yourself up over this!

There’s really no need to feel like a failure at all because you’re sticking your neck out, you’re trying to make a difference and you’re still moving upward on that treacherous entrepreneurial mountain.

And that…is what success REALLY is.

Those Who Failed Their Way To Success

Quotes To Live By:

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie

“Success is stumbling form failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t let success go to your head and failure to your heart” – Will Smith

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Some people will achieve great things. Others won’t. But why is that? We’re all just “talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe,” as Joe Rogan puts it. So why do some “talking monkeys” build 7 or 8 figure businesses, travel the world, and live the life of their dreams while the rest of us… well, wish we were living the life of our dreams. (more…)

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