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Change Your Mindset

How to Let Go of Unconscious Patterns That No Longer Serve You

Spending more and more time going inward will free you to move forward.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

I was chatting with a friend of mine who was recently laid off. The experience has been overwhelming for him in a myriad of ways, including feeling inadequate and not good enough to get another job.

He scrolls through job postings on LinkedIn and sees jobs in his industry that might be a good fit but chooses not to apply to them. Why? It’s safer to reject himself before others have a chance to reject him.

In contrast, I have another friend who was recently laid off and she is enjoying this journey and using it as an opportunity to explore what might be next. She feels excited and ready to take on a new adventure. And, she’s having a ton of conversations with various people about what they do so she can compile a list of opportunities that would feel expansive to her.

What is the difference here? The exact same event occurred, but how these two friends are dealing with it, the thoughts, and emotions they are experiencing, and actions they are taking are so very different. 

I believe the answer can be found in the book, The myth of normal: trauma, illness & healing in a toxic culture, where author Gabor Maté MD explores two essential needs: attachment and authenticity.

The purpose of attachment, he states, “is to facilitate either caretaking or being taken care of.”

Authenticity is “the quality of being true to oneself.”

Attachment wins when we are young

When we are young, attachment wins because we need help to physically survive. Because we don’t have many tools when we’re young to help keep ourselves safe, we’ll often hide how we feel, even from ourselves. 

An example of this might be a parent who repeatedly yells at, talks down to and reprimands a child for not meeting their expectations. The parent, in so many ways, let’s the child know that they aren’t enough.

While the child may feel anger toward the parent, that’s not a safe feeling to feel because they need their help (attachment). So, they turn the anger inward – they may start being harsh with themselves each time they feel they didn’t meet an expectation. This helps protect them in a couple of ways. 

First, they don’t make the parent even angrier by showing their anger. And second, because they are taking the place of the parent, so the parent can see they are being harsh with themselves, and they can back off.

“The conscious mind determines the actions, the unconscious mind determines the reactions; and the reactions are just as important as the actions.” – E. Stanley Jones

Authenticity wins when we are older

But, as we get older, being authentic is a higher priority to us. Unfortunately, if we had to hide how we felt all those years, over time that chips away at our ability to be authentic. 

Dr. Maté states, “As these patterns get wired into our nervous system, the perceived need to be what the world demands becomes entangled with our sense of who we are and how to seek love. Inauthenticity is thereafter misidentified with survival because the two were synonymous during the formative years.”

In this example, we’ve got an adult who feels it isn’t safe to feel anger and is very hard on themselves when they feel they haven’t met an expectation. In fact, they may even decide it’s too scary to even try (like my friend who was laid off). 

And, they aren’t consciously doing it, so it’s difficult to consciously address it. All they know is they feel “stuck.”

An exercise to try if you’re feeling stuck

If you’re feeling stuck in some way, it’s likely a part of you that is working to keep you safe, day and night. So, what can be done? Go inward. Acknowledge and befriend this part. Find out what it needs. This will help you to integrate it and move forward. 

Here’s an exercise to try:

  1. Find a quiet time and calm your mind.
  2. Reflect on a recent event, conversation, etc. that felt uncomfortable to you. This might be a feeling of inadequacy, anxiousness, resentment, etc.
  3. Identify the emotion (anger, sadness, fear, disappointment, etc.) that comes up as you reflect on the situation.
  4. Identify where you feel this emotion in your body (chest, neck, stomach, throat, etc.).
  5. Identify what the sensation in your body feels like (shallow breathing, heaviness, burning throat, neck pain, etc.). Simply sit with this sensation. Feel into it.
  6. Thank the part for trying to protect you for so long. It only has good intentions.
  7. Ask this part, “What is it that you need?” Don’t try to force thoughts – the answer won’t come from your mind. Just sit with this question and see what comes up for you.

Continuing the integration

Spending more and more time going inward will help integrate these parts, which will free you to move forward. For example, at a time in my life when I was in the middle of a career pivot, I felt exhausted and foggy – unable to get any traction. 

During this exercise, I was able to identify a part of me that didn’t want a career change because it was too scary and unstable. Instead, it wanted to stay with what was known, dependable, and safe. So, I was able to use that information to decide what to do next. 

In my case, I decided to work a few hours with former clients as well as new ones. With this mix of work (both old and new), the exhaustion and fog dissipated.

Is there an area of your life where you feel stuck or don’t know what to do? Try this exercise and see what comes up for you.

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Change Your Mindset

The Art of Convincing: 10 Persuasion Techniques That Really Work

The knack for persuading others can act as a catalyst for change, open doors, forge alliances, and effect positive change

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how to be more persuasive

Persuasion is not as complicated as it may sound. In fact, it is something that we have been practicing since childhood. Do you remember convincing your parents to let you skip school, asking your teacher not to assign homework, or persuading your boss to give you a day off? Well, these are just small examples of what persuasion looks like. (more…)

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Personal Development

5 Key Reasons Why Perfectionist’s Procrastinate

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Procrastination Perfectionist Patterns

Hey there! I’m Joel Brown, a procrastination mindset specialist. In my world, it’s all about guiding my students through repatterning exercises to break free from the shackles that prevent them from scaling new heights in life.

Now, you might hear ‘perfectionist’ and think, “Ah, they’re destined for success!” But here’s the real deal: perfectionism is far from a superpower. It’s a sneaky villain in disguise, sapping emotional and physical strength, disrupting sleep, and fueling an endless cycle of rumination—all in the pursuit of getting everything ‘just right.’ This relentless chase is what we call the ‘Obsessive Idealist‘ procrastination type.

If you don’t know which out of. the 6 procrastination types you are then you can take this quick 3 minute procrastination type quiz on my Mindstrong Academy website.

Through my fourteen years of coaching, I’ve identified six procrastination types, but my journey started with a personal revelation—I am an Obsessive Idealist. I’ve been there, constantly toggling between creation and procrastination.

And today, I invite you to explore this path with me. If you’re nodding along, thinking, “That sounds like me; I’m a perfectionist too,” then stick around.

I’m about to shed some light on why you might be stuck in this cycle.

 

Here’s a perfectionist procrastination type video here of what I’m breaking down in this article for you:

The Obsessive Idealist: Unpacking the Perfectionist’s Paradox

First things first, make sure to take the procrastination quiz: mindstrongacademy.com/quiz to see where you stand. Now, let’s dive into the world of the Obsessive Idealist. Often labeled as high achievers or perfectionists, the core of their procrastination lies in the mind’s protective pause. It’s a shield against perceived threats, pitfalls of perfectionism, and the constant battle between the now and the future in our minds.

Here’s the paradox: what seems like a strength for high achievers can become a crippling hindrance. Obsessive Idealists are in a constant struggle to avoid failure, aiming for 100% perfection. But let’s face the truth—no one is perfect. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, athlete, or any individual striving for excellence, embracing imperfections and learning from failures are crucial steps.

 

The Traps of Being an Obsessive Idealist Procrastination Type

Analysis Paralysis: Overthinking every detail to the point of inaction is a common pitfall. It’s like trying to get everything perfect, but in reality, it backfires, stalling your progress.

The Unrealistic Standards Syndrome: Setting impossibly high goals is like chasing a mirage. It’s not just about being competitive; it can lead to unfair self-criticism and unrealistic expectations of others.

The Time Trap: Believing there’s never enough time to complete a task perfectly leads to constant postponement. This selective focus on strengths, while avoiding areas of improvement, limits your true potential.

Avoidance of Criticism: Dodging feedback hinders growth. It’s essential to learn to accept constructive criticism without internalizing it as a reinforcement of the “I’m not good enough” narrative.

The All-or-Nothing Lie: Believing that you must operate at full throttle or not at all is a dangerous misconception. Embracing the middle ground, like delegating tasks and seeking mentorship, is key to balanced success.

Embracing Imperfection: The Path to True Progress

 

In the MindStrong Academy, where I teach conquering procrastination, we focus on managing these patterns effectively. Currently, we’re offering a 7-day free trial, so don’t miss out on this opportunity to transform your mindset: MindStrongAcademy.com The Academy is more than just a course; it’s a community where you’ll find support, accountability, and tailored resources like a 31-day planner and visualization audios to realign your focus.

 

In conclusion, recognizing and managing your tendencies as an Obsessive Idealist is crucial. By addressing the deep-rooted “I’m not good enough” narrative and embracing imperfection, you can shift from a state of constant stress to one of harmonized power.

Remember, movement doesn’t always equate to progress. It’s about finding balance, embracing downtime, and allowing yourself the space to grow and learn.

I encourage you to take the quiz, join the MindStrong Academy, and start your journey towards a more balanced, successful life.

Let’s break free from the chains of perfectionism together!

 

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Change Your Mindset

Unlocking Success: Subconscious Reprogramming, Mindset, and Transformative Strategies for Improved Wellbeing and Business Performance

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brittany victoria

What if I told you that the negative thoughts or self-limiting beliefs that you may have, are not actually yours?

In this article, I will discuss subconscious programming and how it can be reprogrammed in a way that allows you to reach your greatest potential. I will also provide tips on how you can integrate this information as a leader within the workplace.

The subconscious mind is shaped before we begin forming our own conscious thoughts, and these conscious thoughts are influenced by the subconscious mind. This means that even the thoughts that you’re consciously having, are merely an extension of that pre-existing conditioning. 

When something becomes deeply ingrained within your mind through repetition, and there are other supporting thoughts that reinforce it, you will identify this information as your truth. These repeated thoughts become beliefs, and your actions will align to support and validate these beliefs.

The Importance of Observing Your Thoughts

If you continuously tell yourself that you aren’t capable or good enough, how likely are you to put in the effort to challenge this narrative? If you’ve always been a procrastinator and tell yourself that you always will be, you’re going to continue procrastinating. If you run into an obstacle and don’t believe you can overcome it, you’re not going to look for solutions or try your best to resolve it.

It’s extremely important for you to become an observer of your thoughts and understand the impacts of how those thoughts can impact your life, relationships, and overall outlook on life.

Here are some questions to help guide you:

– What are your recurring negative thoughts, and how are they impacting your performance and relationships? 


– How have these thoughts held you back from achieving your goals and living the life that you’ve always dreamed of? 


– What have these thoughts already cost you and what else will they cost you if they don’t change?

Societal conditioning, influenced by a lower level of collective consciousness, has made the experience of debilitating thoughts highly prevalent. It’s not your fault that you have them, but it is your responsibility to change them and choose better ones.

The Subconscious Must Be Reprogrammed 

Reprogramming the subconscious involves positive affirmations, visualization, and consistent repetition to replace negative beliefs with positive ones. You have to become aware of the thoughts that make you feel bad and do not serve your best interest.

What are the growth-oriented thoughts that would you rather have instead? Any time that a debilitating thought crosses your mind, always correct it with new thought that uplifts, encourages and empowers you. Be consistent, be patient and understand that your logical mind will not make this process easy for you at first.

Being Delusional vs. Consciously Creating a Better Reality for Yourself 

By definition, the term delusional means “holding false beliefs or judgments about external reality that are held despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary”. When you have held onto debilitating beliefs for so long and your previous actions have served as evidence to confirm their truth, it is inevitable that your logical mind will deem your new thoughts as delusional. This is where embracing change tends to become most challenging, as it involves confronting this resistance with unwavering commitment. 

 

What you have to understand is that your former beliefs and former actions do not dictate your future, unless they remain the same. As the old beliefs become obsolete and new beliefs take their place, there will also be new aligned actions that produce different results, and this will serve as evidence to support your new truth. That being said, the most delusional thing that anyone can do is elect to keep an unfavorable mindset that was programmed for them by external factors and willingly relinquish their own personal power as a result of it.

Success is Fundamentally Rooted in the Mindset

How we show up for ourselves and others, communicate with employees, and perform in business are deeply connected to our mindset and everything that has shaped it. Let’s delve into these interconnected aspects and explore five transformative tips that will catalyze positive change in the workplace. 

 

A growth-oriented mindset encourages resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to embrace challenges. On the other hand, a fixed mindset hinders progress and limits potential.

Tip 1: Embrace a Growth Mindset

  • Establish the belief that abilities can be developed.
  • View challenges as opportunities for learning and improvement.
  • Cultivate a positive attitude toward continuous growth and development.

Unpacking Trauma and Navigating the Impact

Unresolved trauma can cast a long shadow over our personal and professional lives. It shapes our reactions, influences decision-making, and impacts our interactions with others. Acknowledging and addressing trauma is essential for creating a healthier, more productive work environment.

 

Tip 2: Prioritize Trauma-Informed Leadership

  • Cultivate empathy and understanding for individual experiences.
  • Provide a safe space for open communication about trauma.
  • Implement support systems and resources for employees dealing with trauma.

 

Elevate Relationships and Sales Performance

To enhance relationships, communication, and sales performance, a holistic approach that intertwines mindset and trauma-informed practices is key.

 

Tip 3: Implement Empathy-Driven Communication

  • Train teams in active listening and empathetic communication.
  • Create an environment where open dialogue is encouraged.
  • Recognize and validate diverse perspectives, creating a culture of inclusivity.

Tip 4: Invest in Professional Development

  • Offer continuous learning opportunities for employees.
  • Develop leadership skills to enhance communication and relationship-building.
  • Prioritize sales training programs that align with evolving market dynamics.

Tip 5: Maintain a Positive Work Culture

  • Create a workplace where employees feel valued and appreciated.
  • Implement recognition programs to celebrate achievements.
  • Encourage a balance between professional and personal well-being.

By embracing a growth mindset, acknowledging and addressing trauma, and implementing empathetic, integrated strategies, individuals and organizations can create a transformative ripple effect. In this interconnected web of personal and professional growth, how we show up truly matters, influencing the outcomes we achieve and the impact we leave on those around us.

 

Enjoy the Journey 

As you embark on the empowering journey of subconscious reprogramming, remember that change takes time, and self-compassion is your greatest ally. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it be supportive friends, inspirational books, or mindfulness practices. Seek guidance from mentors who have walked a similar path and found success in reshaping their mindset. Embrace the discomfort that may arise during this process, for it signifies the shedding of old layers to make way for the new. Reflect on your progress regularly, celebrating even the smallest victories, and be patient with yourself as you navigate the intricacies of transformation. 

In the spirit of rewriting your narrative, I encourage you to take the first step today. Commit to a daily practice of positive affirmations, visualize your desired reality, and consistently challenge self-limiting beliefs. If you would like support along the way, consider joining like-minded communities, Facebook groups, and curate your social media to reflect these new changes you want to embody.

Remember, thoughts become actions, and actions reinforce beliefs. It’s never too late to embark on an empowering journey to reprogram your mind, and achieve the life you have always dreamed of!

For more tips and strategies on how to improve your mindset, follow me at @bigdivineenergy.

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Change Your Mindset

A Neuropsychologists 4 Habits for a Successful and Happy Life

A habit is a behavior that becomes automatic over time.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Today, the world we live in provides us with endless opportunities.

Consequently, these countless paths can take us down roads that can all too easily, make or break our lives. This, along with the increasing prevalence of AI, leaves many of us faced with the looming question of purpose…what makes humans successful and happy despite different circumstances? (more…)

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