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3 Mindsets You Need to Transform Your Listening Skills and Build Stronger Relationships

Having meaningful conversations starts with being present, curious, and empathetic

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“Your problem isn’t talking,” my speech therapist said. “You just get so caught up in what you’re going to say and how other people perceive you, you don’t truly listen to anyone.” As a shy kid with a debilitating stutter who prided himself on his listening skills, this is the last thing I wanted to hear. But ultimately, my therapist was right.

Our ability to verbally communicate effectively and build connections with others is rooted in how well we dig in, absorb, and understand the thoughts, feelings, challenges, and desires of others. After all, if we aren’t catching what other people are saying, it’s impossible to add value to a conversation.

Much of the advice we’re given to be a better listener is to be an active listener. In my two-decade career in communication and entrepreneurship, the best listeners choose to be present, curious, and empathetic. 

As with any qualities that sound nice, suspending our ego and putting our agenda aside in favor of prioritizing the person in front of us is hard. Here are three mindsets you can adopt to make becoming a stronger listener easier as you build meaningful relationships with others.

Be More Present by Adopting the Mindset of a Feather

I’m sure being alive two hundred years ago wasn’t easy, but our modern world often feels out of control. Between work, money, family, health issues, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life, it’s amazing we have the headspace to listen to anyone. 

However, it’s not just our present concerns and future worries that pull us away from being in the moment in conversations. We may not think about it very much, but we all carry with us a vast catalog of past experiences that silently influence our interactions. 

The more we can unpack these concerns, and enter a conversation in a state of lightness—like a feather—the better we can create the space for connections with others.

Maybe you carry concerns about money with you. Or maybe the mental boulder that impedes you from listening is work stress. Or maybe at times you worry too much about what other people think of you. 

Take inventory for one week. Track your internal chatter and write down the thoughts and worries you consistently carry into conversations that pull you away from truly listening to people.

This isn’t about downplaying the importance of these thoughts and concerns. They’re valid. It’s about making the choice to put them aside in the moment so you can better zero in on the person in front of you. 

By choosing the mindset of a feather, the door opens for us to be blown away by the people we meet.

“The art of conversation lies in listening.” –Malcolm Forbes

Be More Curious by Adopting the Mindset of a Biographer

Building connections with people is an art, and like with all art, everyone will have a different interpretation. 

For me, its essence lies in creating the space for people to reveal themselves. It’s setting the foundation for identifying how your story and the story of the person in front of you best collide.

Sure, we can kick off conversations by asking people for their story, but this question can often feel too big as we struggle with where to begin. 

Instead, to get to the heart of who someone is, adopt the mindset of a biographer whose job demands asking thoughtful questions and listening to people’s responses as they slowly piece together their experiences, interests, and tastes.

During my first conversation with Kim Dabbs, author of You Belong Here and Global Director of ESG and Social Innovation at Steelcase, she asked me, “Where do you call home?” It’s a small shift in language from the typical question “Where are you from?” but it got me talking about the places I’ve lived and why small-town Spain brings out the best in me. 

Similarly, asking a question about what kind of music people were into during high school allows them to think back to what they were like growing up, while reflecting on how their tastes have evolved. 

Then, you can ask specific follow-up questions to dive deeper into their background and experiences.

Biographers take years to research someone and collect bits of their story one piece at a time as their relationship evolves and strengthens. Don’t be afraid to get to know other people in small bites.

Be More Empathetic by Adopting the Mindset of a Smart Parrot

My job as a communication strategist, leadership lecturer, and career coach is to make my clients and students feel seen and heard. 

One way to accomplish this is reflective listening. This isn’t simply repeating back what people say, but taking a moment before summarizing what you’ve heard in your own words. 

In other words: being a smart parrot that can put one plus one together.

If someone is going on about how awful their boss is and how much work they have on their plate, rather than downplay their feelings, one-upping them with your own challenges, or offering advice on how to fix it, summarize what you heard. 

This could come in the form of “It sounds like you’re overwhelmed from…” Or, “It seems like you have a lot on your plate…”

When someone is sharing their worries and concerns, we want to jump in and help. Though well-intentioned, this can often backfire. Much of the time when people talk, they simply need to let things out and to feel like someone is there for them. 

It’s not about the information. It’s about people feeling understood and connected. The phrase, “What I’m hearing…” also allows people to dial in to ensure they’re communicating correctly, and if not, it gives them space to clarify themselves.

If you don’t understand something, Denise Young Smith, former Chief of HR at Apple and author of When We Are Seen, recommends saying, “This is new to me and I want to understand it. 

Can we start again…,” which I think is a nice way of letting people know that we’re listening and we care.

What Could I Learn if I Just Keep Listening?

Being told we need to be better listeners can feel like homework – the conversational equivalent of someone telling us to eat more brussel sprouts – but it’s homework worth doing. 

Listening is the true foundation for building meaningful connections with others. By learning to be an active listener, you open the door to becoming the kind of person people respect and gravitate towards.

Michael Thompson is a career coach, leadership lecturer at EAE Business School in Barcelona, Spain, and strategic communication advisor to top business leaders worldwide. Growing up, his stutter and social anxiety kept him from pursuing his goals. By turning his supposed weaknesses into his greatest strengths, he developed a system of principles to help people express themselves more confidently and build meaningful relationships without sacrificing their nature. His work has appeared in numerous publications, including Fast Company, Insider, Forbes, INC, MSN, and Apple News. His new book is Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out (Rowman & Littlefield, July 16, 2024). Learn more at https://michaelthompson.art/book/.

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Transform your forgotten bio link into a high-impact gateway that fuels engagement, clicks, and conversions across every social platform.

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Personal Development

These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident

Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.

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Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.

But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.

Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.

1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task

Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.

After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.

Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.

But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.

2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First

Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.

Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”

For example, if you’re a writer:

  • Research your topic at night.

  • Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).

  • Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.

You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.

3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace

Focus is the foundation of success.

According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.

Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.

Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.

4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”

This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.

If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.

5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills

Knowledge compounds over time.

Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.

I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.

Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.

  • A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.

  • A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.

Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.

7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You

I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.

If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.

Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.

Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.

8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions

Good mentors can fast-track your growth.

While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.

If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.

9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations

Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”

Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.

When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.

10. Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.

If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.

A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.

Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.

11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Your beliefs shape your reality.

For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.

Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.

Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.

Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.

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