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3 Step Method to Elevate Your Leadership Through Listening

Listening connects us to others and builds relationships

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Listening connects us to others and builds relationships. As clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud noted: “When we are emotionally and relationally connected to others, stress levels in the brain diminish. Put simply, relationships change brain chemistry.”

In our workplaces, creating these bonds requires listening with empathy: the ability to imagine and understand others’ experiences. Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, used the phrase “empathetic understanding” to describe our capability to understand other people’s thoughts, feelings, and struggles.

As leaders, there’s no doubt we’re willing to listen empathetically. But how do we ensure we’re doing so effectively?

A leader’s guide to listening with empathy

Recent research has shown that there’s a proven model leaders can turn to. It’s called active-empathic listening (AEL), and it builds upon the work of Carl Rogers. When employees work with leaders who practice AEL, they report being more satisfied with their work and experience higher overall well-being.

The first step is sensing – This means being completely attentive and involved in the moment. Sensing is being fully present with your heart, your mind, and your body. It’s positioning yourself to show the other person you’re sensitive to what they’re saying. You listen to what’s being said—and what’s left unsaid.

You can accomplish this by:

  • Moving away from your desk and sitting with the person in an approachable setting.
  • Putting away your phone.
  • Asking your administrative assistant, if you have one, to hold all calls or other interruptions.
  • Giving the other person your undivided attention.

The second step is processing – This is any attempt on your part to reassure the other person that you are, in fact, listening deeply. You may share direct assurances that you’ll remember what the person says.

You can accomplish this in the following ways:

  • Provide reassurances, such as: “I want to make sure I understand you fully.”
  • Write down notes to show the other person you’re present and working to remember their message.
  • Check for meaning by saying, “Tell me more about what you mean when you said….”
  • Acknowledge—and speak out loud—the points of agreement and disagreement between you and the other person: “I see three areas where we seem to agree and one area in which we have a disagreement. What do you think?”

All of these behaviors are designed to show the other person that you’re listening deeply.

The third step is responding – Here, you use your communication skills to acknowledge the other person’s ideas. Responding involves behaviors such as nodding or leaning in. More importantly, it includes actions that demonstrate understanding.

You can achieve this by doing the following:

  • Ask direct questions to probe and check for understanding: “Tell me more about what this means from your perspective.”
  • Restate what the other person has said. For instance, you might say, “If I heard you correctly, you’re having a difficult time at work. You feel lost about your role, and you need clearer expectations. I can understand how this would be challenging. I think I can help.”

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” – Dean Jackson

Listening with empathy transforms relationships

Listening with empathy improves all relationships, from professional associations to close family connections. In a recent interview we conducted for a project on communication and happiness, Amare, a local business leader, shared a story about a powerful moment between herself and a family member.

“I had a breakthrough with a family member recently,” Amare said. “For years, I’d tried to let the past be the past. I thought I’d forgiven this person, but I realized I hadn’t.” She took a moment to collect her thoughts.

“I was still angry and bitter. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t say, ‘OK, I forgive you.’ I wasn’t able to listen to what this person was saying because I was always on the other end thinking, ‘Well, this is what you did to me,’” she said with force.

Then, Amare made an intentional shift. She changed her mindset as a listener. She tried to see, hear, and feel the experience.

Amare told the other person, “OK, I’m going to let you tell me. I’m going to take my opinions and my preconceived ideas about what I think you think, and I’m just going to listen to you.”

As she listened, so did her family member.

Amare explained that she was finally able to share her honest feelings: “I was completely honest, but not in a way to hurt her, but saying this is truly how I feel.”

And then the magic happened. Her family member reacted, “Oh, I get it.”

“It was the first time she ever really heard me [and] it was the first time I was really able to hear her,” Amare said with relief.

“From that time forward,” Amare explained, “our relationship has really changed and evolved, and I don’t feel that anger and bitterness anymore. It’s gone. It feels so good not to be carrying that around, not to have that on my shoulders anymore.”

When people listen to one another more deeply, they become more connected. They transcend their perceived differences. “Real communication,” as Carl Rogers explained, “occurs when we listen with understanding. When we listen deeply.”

Alexander Lyon, Ph.D., is a professor, author, consultant, and speaker known for his popular YouTube channel, Communication Coach Alex Lyon. Julien C. Mirivel, Ph.D., is an award-winning teacher, author, and professional speaker recognized as a founding scholar of positive communication. Their new book is Positive Communication for Leaders: Proven Strategies for Inspiring Unity and Effecting Change. Learn more at PositiveCommunicationForLeaders.com.

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Personal Development

These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident

Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.

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Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.

But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.

Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.

1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task

Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.

After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.

Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.

But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.

2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First

Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.

Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”

For example, if you’re a writer:

  • Research your topic at night.

  • Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).

  • Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.

You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.

3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace

Focus is the foundation of success.

According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.

Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.

Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.

4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”

This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.

If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.

5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills

Knowledge compounds over time.

Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.

I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.

Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.

  • A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.

  • A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.

Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.

7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You

I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.

If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.

Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.

Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.

8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions

Good mentors can fast-track your growth.

While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.

If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.

9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations

Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”

Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.

When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.

10. Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.

If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.

A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.

Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.

11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Your beliefs shape your reality.

For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.

Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.

Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.

Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.

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