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You Can Only Solve Your Problems if You Can See Your Problems

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Last month I got a call from a friend who was dealing with a whole slew of problems. His business was slowing down, he ran out of money, his wife left him along with his eight-year old daughter and he started drinking again. This situation seemed insurmountable. He’d spent the last few weeks alone in the dark recesses of his mind in an empty house.

On that call, I could feel he was at rock bottom, so I talked to him as a friend, not a pseudo psychologist. Then I shared with him a method I developed years ago to help clarify, face and solve my own problems.

What I’ve found over the years is that when a problem plagues me, it is much less painful when I can clear away all the crap in front of it such as the noise of unidentified emotions and thoughts surrounding it. I call it The Boxing Method, and since it worked for me, I started sharing it with others.

Here are the 3 steps to my method:

1. Draw the boxes

Grab a sheet of paper and draw 3 boxes horizontally, on the same level and of the same size to ensure one is not more meaningful than the other. Next, on top of each box, label them with the following words, in no particular order: Work, family and happiness.

The boxes are merely repositories for those thoughts (i.e. the noise and emotions) that come to mind when thinking about the problem we are confronted with. This gives the thoughts a home, and by doing so, enables us to turn off the noise surrounding the problem itself.

“A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever.” – Jessamyn West

2. Start writing the words and thoughts

Write any word(s), no matter how illogical, that immediately comes to mind when thinking about the problem. As they come to you, write them in the most appropriate box.

For instance, when I was doing this with my buddy, the first words out of his mouth were “wife left me” and “I’m a loser.” In fact, he spit out 23 others before we were done. We slotted each into the appropriate box. For example, “Wife left me” went into the family box, while “I’m a loser” went into the happiness box.

You don’t need to get it perfect, so don’t overthink this as perfection is far from the end goal here. When finished, if you end up with an empty box, excellent. An empty box is just as meaningful as a box filled to the brim.

WARNING: As these words come to mind, you may start to doubt them, and feel stupid and embarrassed. The words you’re using may not seem to mean anything, however they are the noise and chaos we are looking to rid from our minds. Ignore it all and visualize yourself simply as a scribe for your mind.

3. Let it marinate

Once you’re done, step away from your work of art, and leave it for at least a day. When your mind is ready, it will pull you back to it. This happened to me recently when I was “Boxing” a problem I had last month. It sat for over two weeks on my bookshelf in my office, until, I laid remembered it was there, and I got back to work on it.

Boxing issues is a huge part of the journey to success in solving a problem. Your mind takes the simple exercise of boxing and begins to work on it as the chaos and noise clears. The cobwebs are pulled down and now you can see the door in front of you.

Find your mental key

Now it’s time to fashion the mental key to unlock the door and enter. The key to solving your problem was probably there all along, and it was just clouded by meaningless thoughts and emotions. I’m happy to say my buddy has opened a few doors since we last spoke. His wife is moving back in and he just landed a couple new clients. With the boxing method, he was to see his problems for what they truly are.

“Don’t let mental blocks control you. Set yourself free. Confront your fear and turn the mental blocks into building blocks.” – Dr. Roopleen

What do you think of The Boxing Method I have created? Would love to hear your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Jay Lieberman is the host of the Conejo Valley Advice Givers Podcast Show, co-author of the Value-Driven Approach To Sell Real Estate, and co-founder of the charitable giving group Impact Club Conejo Valley. Jay writes various articles and shares personal stories centered around simplifying the challenges of daily life, calming the noise in our heads, and methods of clear thinking. He also holds various board and committee memberships in his local community relating to education, youth programs, and in the real estate industry. He graduated from University of California at Irvine in 1992 with a degree in Psychology, graduated from Southwestern Law School in Los Angeles in 1995, and currently runs a real estate brokerage team and is managing partner at a real estate law firm in Los Angeles, CA. You can reach Jay on Facebook or through his website.

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How Your Friends Determine Whether You Succeed or Not

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Can anyone do without having friends? We all have our friends, we share ideas with them, talk together, have fun, and fight. Yes, that’s the baseline of friendship. But, do you know that aside from you, your friends can determine whether you achieve success or not?

There are two things in friendship which are the ability to ”love” and the ability to “influence”. This means you are loved and you are influenced. How do your friends affect your success in life? How are they one of the biggest deciding factors of your success? Let’s find out.

What type of friends do you keep? 

First, what type of friends do you keep? Who do you call your best friend? There are two different kinds of friends, good friends, and bad ones. A lot of people have lost their pathway to success and some have also found their road to success all because of the friends they keep, the people they mingle with. 

Who is your best friend? Answer carefully. Having a best friend means you find each other compatible and understanding. Analyze who your best friend is. If your best friend has not motivated you to do something positive, if who you call your bestie has never given you positive advice, lastly if your best friend has never informed and advised you on your shortcomings, then you don’t have a best friend.

This quote tells us “birds of the same feather flock together”. Countless people have changed from their good nature into a bad one all because of friends. One thing to note is, “negative people move with negative aura”. If your best friend is filled with negativity inside-out then you will surely be affected by his/her negative aura.

They influence your success with positivity or negativity 

The friends you keep can either influence you with positivity or negativity because your friends have the power to change your kind of person completely. 

This is how your friends influence you:

  1. They influence you indirectly with what they do
  2. They influence you directly by teaching and giving you advice 

Yes, that is how they influence you. For instance, you watch a movie and you like the way the actor walks. The question is if you truly like the way the actor walks, won’t you try to imitate the actor? Of course, you will.

Just the way you imitate the actor is the same way your friends can influence you with their character. However, the funny part is, they don’t have to teach you to do things like them. You just find yourself imitating and copying them gradually.

An important question to ask is, are you imitating a good friend or a bad one? If you imitate a good friend then you will be good, but if you imitate a bad person, you will surely become a bad person.

Everyone wants to succeed, a good friend will always teach, enlighten, and motivate you for success. A bad friend will only motivate you to do evil things (smoking, drinking, fight, envy,).

And you should know that things like that are a great enemy of success and even of God. So, if you have these bad elements in your life, how will you achieve success? There is no way!

And also, they can teach and advise you directly. But, what do your friends teach you? When you ask them for advice do they inspire you positively or teach you the bad stuff.? A lot of people have regretted lifelong decisions just by listening to the advice of friends. 

The company you keep has the power to influence and change you. Never forget that a positive influence will teach, motivate, and brush you up for success. While a negative influence will inspire you to become a bad person, change your good nature, and leave you with regrets in the end.

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The 3 Step Process to Building a Profitable Pitch

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As a communication coach, one of the top questions entrepreneurs ask me is how to deliver a winning pitch to potential investors. They want to know if there’s a magic formula to get an investor to say yes and buy into their dream and their business. (more…)

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The 4 Pillars of Wealth and Abundance

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Have you ever wondered what the formula for a wealthy and abundant life is? Many people have. Lots has been written about the subject of wealth creation and living an abundant life. It was a breaking point in my journey and pursuit of success when I found out that there is a clear path to achieve success in life. Thanks to those who have shared their journey, we can clearly see and follow the principles of prosperity. (more…)

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Here Are 4 Reasons Why You Should Have a Podcast, Youtube Channel or Online Show

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Confidence comes from a place of strong understanding of self. After close to three years on radio, I’ve grown from a shy introvert to a shy introvert with an extrovert persona. When the mic is turned on, I can channel a version of myself that some say is attractive, strong, and of course, confident but it wasn’t always this way.

What I want to share with you is what I discovered on this journey into broadcast that you can apply to your life, your ventures, and your personal development. This doesn’t require any fancy gear. It does require a leap of faith on your part because once you go down the road of media; it can change your life.

1. Perceived Expertise

When you go to a doctor, you expect their knowledge will guide them to a solution to your problems. When you have a show, you become your listeners’ doctor. For all the multiple thousands, maybe millions, of YouTube channels, podcasts, and user-created content in the world, each person that gets behind a mic takes a position on their passion, their opinions, and their themes.

They challenge the status quo for the benefit of their listeners in hopes to entertain and educate. With consistency on your side, those fans place you on a platform and give you permission to influence them.

2. Global Acknowledgement

One of the benefits to increasing confidence is when you receive thank you notes from people you may never meet. The feeling of enriching someone’s life from halfway around the globe, provides validation you’re enhancing someone else’s life with your wisdom and your wit.

The very first time I was told I was making a difference in someone’s life in a country other than my own, I felt like I caused massive impact that transcends my circle of influence. When you experience just how much you can cause impact and it comes back to you, it’ll change your worldview.

“Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Backed By Numbers

One of the most exciting ways to measure success is to quantify your growth. It’s not enough to just broadcast. Having subscribers and downloads helps to know, numerically, how well you’re doing. Word of caution. This can be a way to set yourself up for distress because of number envy but if you understand what the numbers mean; you can control the narrative of the numbers.

The major number that makes most people smile is 10,000. I’d advise it to be 1. Here’s why. As you grow in your industry, so does your reach. If you learned that the one person that subscribed totally changed for the better because of you, wouldn’t that be worth the effort?

4. Effective Communication

While it’s not talked about much, having a show is documentation. You create a dynamic account of your life, your industry, and the pulse on what’s important simply by having a show. When you find a channel to improve your communication skills, you demand attention and people will listen to you. You become more trusted as a leader and people will follow you once they believe you can lead them to their wants and needs.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

These insights have helped many people become leaders and, ultimately, move others to their best selves. It’s worked for me and I hope it works for you. At the end of the day, it’s all about showing up and showing out.

Have you ever thought about having a radio show? If so, what would you talk about? Let us below!

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