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How to Influence Yourself for Success: The Ultimate Internal Competition

Top performers in any field say that the ultimate competition is not with others, but within ourselves

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Conventional wisdom emphasizes that we compete with others. We compete with other companies in the marketplace whom we must beat in order to win and succeed. Top performers in any field, though, all say that the ultimate competition is not with others, but within ourselves.

How do we keep calm when our competitors play dirty? We have to master our own reactions to prevail. Further, how do we give a long-standing direct report some very tough feedback that they will feel hurt by, but if they don’t correct it could get them fired? The positive influence (+influence) warrior must master these moments of inner turmoil.   

In the journey to maximize +influence, we must win three competitions with ourselves:  

First is a competition between our persona (who we think we should be) and who we truly are — the imperfect but amazing being with all the basic human qualities, like courage, care, and compassion.  

Second is the competition between fear and love. Both are powerful emotions within us, vying for expression but ultimately stronger together.  

Third is between hope and giving up. Do we keep trying or give into that sense of tiredness from life’s inevitable trials and tribulations? 

Nobody sets out to be a fake person, but often we let our desire to either please or prevent discomfort for others prevent us from providing the reality check that’s necessary for positive movement. Tough performance feedback is a common example. 

We want to be caring, constructive managers and leaders. We worry whether we’re being too tough or whether we have enough evidence to support our intuition and messages. We hesitate to act on potentially serious issues, thinking that maybe allowing enough time might do it, or somebody else might step in, or the person might realize it himself or herself. 

This well-intended but oftentimes wishful thinking leads to a missed opportunity to help the person take stock of the reality of where they are and challenge and support them on how to change and grow.

How could we win the competition within ourselves to not give in to our worst instincts and to successfully access our better human qualities?

In doing so, these are the qualities we need to cultivate:  

1. Caring

There is a big difference between caring with a small c and Caring with a big C. With a small c, caring refers to having a concern for other people’s feelings in the moment, not wanting to hurt them, and not wanting them to experience negative emotions. This is human. 

We all abhor and avoid negative emotions. Caring with a big C considers the person’s productivity, satisfaction, and growth, now and for the foreseeable future — way beyond how they may feel in the moment and how they feel about you as the messenger. 

In moments of turmoil, ask yourself: What will really help this person be successful and satisfied in achieving the things that are important to them? What action, words, and thoughts from me could serve that noble purpose?

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” – Laozi

2. Courage

Courage also comes in small c and big C versions. Big C Courage is making the choice to do something that you fear, whereas small c courage is bearing the tough conversation and the negative emotions. Many +influence attempts aren’t made due to fear of losing a relationship, offending, or getting it wrong. Yet often, not acting is very costly as well. 

In moments of turmoil, ask yourself: What are the fears and concerns inhibiting me from thinking, feeling, and doing what’s needed to serve the other person’s (and overall) productivity, satisfaction, and growth? Are they rational or emotional? Rational fears are responsive to analysis and questioning. Ideally, confiding in another person can keep you honest. 

Emotional fears require you to reflect more deeply about what’s really important.     

3. Compassion

Some of the toughest moments for positive influence are when we’ve done ourselves wrong or others have done us wrong. Compassion plays a very central role in not getting lost in the intense emotions that try to take over. 

In these moments of turmoil, ask yourself: What could still be positive outcomes for others, myself, and the larger whole? 

Just when we want to judge, we want to lash out or just hide somewhere. Finding compassion (and humility) to acknowledge that it could very well be ourselves or anyone, really, who could have done these wrongs serves as an important reminder of the universality of human frailty, and also the opposite — the human strength to affect a different outcome. 

That sense of possibility that something can be different is the flickering light that can illuminate a whole dark cave. But first we must keep the candle in our heart burning brightly.  

Huijin Kong is Principal of LinHart Group, working with CEOs and future CEOs on their most difficult professional and personal issues. She was formerly with McKinsey, working with MNCs and local companies in the US, China, and India. Her new book with co-author Tsun-Yan Hsieh is Positive Influence: The First and Last Mile of Leadership (World Scientific Publishing Company, June 28, 2023). Learn more at www.positiveinfluence.life, or find out what MBAs learn from it here.

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Entrepreneurs

The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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Bridging the gap between employees and employers
Image Credit: Midjourney

In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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Entrepreneurs

What Makes an Entrepreneurial Leader? Traits of the World’s Best Innovators

Inside the mindset of entrepreneurial leaders who transform risk, passion, and vision into world-changing results.

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entrepreneurial leadership skills and traits
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When you think of Richard Branson (Virgin Group), Bill Gates (Microsoft), Steve Jobs (Apple), Rupert Murdoch (News Corporation), and Ted Turner (CNN), one thing becomes clear: they are not just entrepreneurs, they are entrepreneurial leaders. (more…)

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Entrepreneurs

Building a Business Empire: Lessons from the World’s Boldest Entrepreneurs

Learn essential lessons, success strategies, and mindset shifts every aspiring entrepreneur needs to overcome challenges and build a thriving business.

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how to build a business empire
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Back in July 2017, I attended a business seminar on entrepreneurship in India. With my appetite for learning and meeting new people, I wanted to explore the latest developments in the entrepreneurial world. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

Why Ideas Are More Valuable Than Resources for Entrepreneurial Success

Discover why ideas, not resources, are the true driving force behind entrepreneurial success, innovation, and lasting growth.

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Power of ideas in entrepreneurship
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History shows us that the greatest minds, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Stephen King, and countless others, faced failure early on. Yet, instead of seeing failure as the end, they treated it as a comma in their story, not a full stop. (more…)

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