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How to Influence Yourself for Success: The Ultimate Internal Competition

Top performers in any field say that the ultimate competition is not with others, but within ourselves

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Conventional wisdom emphasizes that we compete with others. We compete with other companies in the marketplace whom we must beat in order to win and succeed. Top performers in any field, though, all say that the ultimate competition is not with others, but within ourselves.

How do we keep calm when our competitors play dirty? We have to master our own reactions to prevail. Further, how do we give a long-standing direct report some very tough feedback that they will feel hurt by, but if they don’t correct it could get them fired? The positive influence (+influence) warrior must master these moments of inner turmoil.   

In the journey to maximize +influence, we must win three competitions with ourselves:  

First is a competition between our persona (who we think we should be) and who we truly are — the imperfect but amazing being with all the basic human qualities, like courage, care, and compassion.  

Second is the competition between fear and love. Both are powerful emotions within us, vying for expression but ultimately stronger together.  

Third is between hope and giving up. Do we keep trying or give into that sense of tiredness from life’s inevitable trials and tribulations? 

Nobody sets out to be a fake person, but often we let our desire to either please or prevent discomfort for others prevent us from providing the reality check that’s necessary for positive movement. Tough performance feedback is a common example. 

We want to be caring, constructive managers and leaders. We worry whether we’re being too tough or whether we have enough evidence to support our intuition and messages. We hesitate to act on potentially serious issues, thinking that maybe allowing enough time might do it, or somebody else might step in, or the person might realize it himself or herself. 

This well-intended but oftentimes wishful thinking leads to a missed opportunity to help the person take stock of the reality of where they are and challenge and support them on how to change and grow.

How could we win the competition within ourselves to not give in to our worst instincts and to successfully access our better human qualities?

In doing so, these are the qualities we need to cultivate:  

1. Caring

There is a big difference between caring with a small c and Caring with a big C. With a small c, caring refers to having a concern for other people’s feelings in the moment, not wanting to hurt them, and not wanting them to experience negative emotions. This is human. 

We all abhor and avoid negative emotions. Caring with a big C considers the person’s productivity, satisfaction, and growth, now and for the foreseeable future — way beyond how they may feel in the moment and how they feel about you as the messenger. 

In moments of turmoil, ask yourself: What will really help this person be successful and satisfied in achieving the things that are important to them? What action, words, and thoughts from me could serve that noble purpose?

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” – Laozi

2. Courage

Courage also comes in small c and big C versions. Big C Courage is making the choice to do something that you fear, whereas small c courage is bearing the tough conversation and the negative emotions. Many +influence attempts aren’t made due to fear of losing a relationship, offending, or getting it wrong. Yet often, not acting is very costly as well. 

In moments of turmoil, ask yourself: What are the fears and concerns inhibiting me from thinking, feeling, and doing what’s needed to serve the other person’s (and overall) productivity, satisfaction, and growth? Are they rational or emotional? Rational fears are responsive to analysis and questioning. Ideally, confiding in another person can keep you honest. 

Emotional fears require you to reflect more deeply about what’s really important.     

3. Compassion

Some of the toughest moments for positive influence are when we’ve done ourselves wrong or others have done us wrong. Compassion plays a very central role in not getting lost in the intense emotions that try to take over. 

In these moments of turmoil, ask yourself: What could still be positive outcomes for others, myself, and the larger whole? 

Just when we want to judge, we want to lash out or just hide somewhere. Finding compassion (and humility) to acknowledge that it could very well be ourselves or anyone, really, who could have done these wrongs serves as an important reminder of the universality of human frailty, and also the opposite — the human strength to affect a different outcome. 

That sense of possibility that something can be different is the flickering light that can illuminate a whole dark cave. But first we must keep the candle in our heart burning brightly.  

Huijin Kong is Principal of LinHart Group, working with CEOs and future CEOs on their most difficult professional and personal issues. She was formerly with McKinsey, working with MNCs and local companies in the US, China, and India. Her new book with co-author Tsun-Yan Hsieh is Positive Influence: The First and Last Mile of Leadership (World Scientific Publishing Company, June 28, 2023). Learn more at www.positiveinfluence.life, or find out what MBAs learn from it here.

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Did You Know

How to Turn a Simple Link-in-Bio Into a Powerful Brand Hub

Transform your forgotten bio link into a high-impact gateway that fuels engagement, clicks, and conversions across every social platform.

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Social media is one of the greatest marketing tools in 2025. According to a recent study, some 86% of marketers globally use platforms like Facebook and Instagram for advertisements, while 94% use it for content distribution.  (more…)

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Personal Development

These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident

Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.

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Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.

But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.

Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.

1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task

Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.

After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.

Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.

But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.

2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First

Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.

Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”

For example, if you’re a writer:

  • Research your topic at night.

  • Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).

  • Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.

You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.

3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace

Focus is the foundation of success.

According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.

Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.

Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.

4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”

This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.

If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.

5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills

Knowledge compounds over time.

Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.

I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.

Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.

  • A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.

  • A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.

Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.

7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You

I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.

If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.

Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.

Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.

8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions

Good mentors can fast-track your growth.

While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.

If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.

9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations

Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”

Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.

When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.

10. Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.

If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.

A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.

Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.

11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Your beliefs shape your reality.

For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.

Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.

Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.

Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.

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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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Why one-size-fits-all leadership doesn’t work
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Leadership has always been as much about people as it is about performance. Ken Blanchard, in his influential book, “The One Minute Manager”, put it simply: different strokes for different folks. (more…)

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