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3 Step Method to Elevate Your Leadership Through Listening

Listening connects us to others and builds relationships

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Listening connects us to others and builds relationships. As clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud noted: “When we are emotionally and relationally connected to others, stress levels in the brain diminish. Put simply, relationships change brain chemistry.”

In our workplaces, creating these bonds requires listening with empathy: the ability to imagine and understand others’ experiences. Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, used the phrase “empathetic understanding” to describe our capability to understand other people’s thoughts, feelings, and struggles.

As leaders, there’s no doubt we’re willing to listen empathetically. But how do we ensure we’re doing so effectively?

A leader’s guide to listening with empathy

Recent research has shown that there’s a proven model leaders can turn to. It’s called active-empathic listening (AEL), and it builds upon the work of Carl Rogers. When employees work with leaders who practice AEL, they report being more satisfied with their work and experience higher overall well-being.

The first step is sensing – This means being completely attentive and involved in the moment. Sensing is being fully present with your heart, your mind, and your body. It’s positioning yourself to show the other person you’re sensitive to what they’re saying. You listen to what’s being said—and what’s left unsaid.

You can accomplish this by:

  • Moving away from your desk and sitting with the person in an approachable setting.
  • Putting away your phone.
  • Asking your administrative assistant, if you have one, to hold all calls or other interruptions.
  • Giving the other person your undivided attention.

The second step is processing – This is any attempt on your part to reassure the other person that you are, in fact, listening deeply. You may share direct assurances that you’ll remember what the person says.

You can accomplish this in the following ways:

  • Provide reassurances, such as: “I want to make sure I understand you fully.”
  • Write down notes to show the other person you’re present and working to remember their message.
  • Check for meaning by saying, “Tell me more about what you mean when you said….”
  • Acknowledge—and speak out loud—the points of agreement and disagreement between you and the other person: “I see three areas where we seem to agree and one area in which we have a disagreement. What do you think?”

All of these behaviors are designed to show the other person that you’re listening deeply.

The third step is responding – Here, you use your communication skills to acknowledge the other person’s ideas. Responding involves behaviors such as nodding or leaning in. More importantly, it includes actions that demonstrate understanding.

You can achieve this by doing the following:

  • Ask direct questions to probe and check for understanding: “Tell me more about what this means from your perspective.”
  • Restate what the other person has said. For instance, you might say, “If I heard you correctly, you’re having a difficult time at work. You feel lost about your role, and you need clearer expectations. I can understand how this would be challenging. I think I can help.”

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” – Dean Jackson

Listening with empathy transforms relationships

Listening with empathy improves all relationships, from professional associations to close family connections. In a recent interview we conducted for a project on communication and happiness, Amare, a local business leader, shared a story about a powerful moment between herself and a family member.

“I had a breakthrough with a family member recently,” Amare said. “For years, I’d tried to let the past be the past. I thought I’d forgiven this person, but I realized I hadn’t.” She took a moment to collect her thoughts.

“I was still angry and bitter. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t say, ‘OK, I forgive you.’ I wasn’t able to listen to what this person was saying because I was always on the other end thinking, ‘Well, this is what you did to me,’” she said with force.

Then, Amare made an intentional shift. She changed her mindset as a listener. She tried to see, hear, and feel the experience.

Amare told the other person, “OK, I’m going to let you tell me. I’m going to take my opinions and my preconceived ideas about what I think you think, and I’m just going to listen to you.”

As she listened, so did her family member.

Amare explained that she was finally able to share her honest feelings: “I was completely honest, but not in a way to hurt her, but saying this is truly how I feel.”

And then the magic happened. Her family member reacted, “Oh, I get it.”

“It was the first time she ever really heard me [and] it was the first time I was really able to hear her,” Amare said with relief.

“From that time forward,” Amare explained, “our relationship has really changed and evolved, and I don’t feel that anger and bitterness anymore. It’s gone. It feels so good not to be carrying that around, not to have that on my shoulders anymore.”

When people listen to one another more deeply, they become more connected. They transcend their perceived differences. “Real communication,” as Carl Rogers explained, “occurs when we listen with understanding. When we listen deeply.”

Alexander Lyon, Ph.D., is a professor, author, consultant, and speaker known for his popular YouTube channel, Communication Coach Alex Lyon. Julien C. Mirivel, Ph.D., is an award-winning teacher, author, and professional speaker recognized as a founding scholar of positive communication. Their new book is Positive Communication for Leaders: Proven Strategies for Inspiring Unity and Effecting Change. Learn more at PositiveCommunicationForLeaders.com.

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Success Advice

What Every New CEO Must Do in Their First 100 Days (or Risk Failure)

Your first 100 days as CEO could define your entire legacy, here’s how to make every move count

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When Tim Cook took over from Steve Jobs at Apple, the world watched with bated breath. Jobs wasn’t just a CEO; he was a visionary, an icon, and a legend of innovative leadership. (more…)

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The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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Bridging the gap between employees and employers
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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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Learn essential lessons, success strategies, and mindset shifts every aspiring entrepreneur needs to overcome challenges and build a thriving business.

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