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3 Step Method to Elevate Your Leadership Through Listening

Listening connects us to others and builds relationships

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Listening connects us to others and builds relationships. As clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud noted: “When we are emotionally and relationally connected to others, stress levels in the brain diminish. Put simply, relationships change brain chemistry.”

In our workplaces, creating these bonds requires listening with empathy: the ability to imagine and understand others’ experiences. Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, used the phrase “empathetic understanding” to describe our capability to understand other people’s thoughts, feelings, and struggles.

As leaders, there’s no doubt we’re willing to listen empathetically. But how do we ensure we’re doing so effectively?

A leader’s guide to listening with empathy

Recent research has shown that there’s a proven model leaders can turn to. It’s called active-empathic listening (AEL), and it builds upon the work of Carl Rogers. When employees work with leaders who practice AEL, they report being more satisfied with their work and experience higher overall well-being.

The first step is sensing – This means being completely attentive and involved in the moment. Sensing is being fully present with your heart, your mind, and your body. It’s positioning yourself to show the other person you’re sensitive to what they’re saying. You listen to what’s being said—and what’s left unsaid.

You can accomplish this by:

  • Moving away from your desk and sitting with the person in an approachable setting.
  • Putting away your phone.
  • Asking your administrative assistant, if you have one, to hold all calls or other interruptions.
  • Giving the other person your undivided attention.

The second step is processing – This is any attempt on your part to reassure the other person that you are, in fact, listening deeply. You may share direct assurances that you’ll remember what the person says.

You can accomplish this in the following ways:

  • Provide reassurances, such as: “I want to make sure I understand you fully.”
  • Write down notes to show the other person you’re present and working to remember their message.
  • Check for meaning by saying, “Tell me more about what you mean when you said….”
  • Acknowledge—and speak out loud—the points of agreement and disagreement between you and the other person: “I see three areas where we seem to agree and one area in which we have a disagreement. What do you think?”

All of these behaviors are designed to show the other person that you’re listening deeply.

The third step is responding – Here, you use your communication skills to acknowledge the other person’s ideas. Responding involves behaviors such as nodding or leaning in. More importantly, it includes actions that demonstrate understanding.

You can achieve this by doing the following:

  • Ask direct questions to probe and check for understanding: “Tell me more about what this means from your perspective.”
  • Restate what the other person has said. For instance, you might say, “If I heard you correctly, you’re having a difficult time at work. You feel lost about your role, and you need clearer expectations. I can understand how this would be challenging. I think I can help.”

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” – Dean Jackson

Listening with empathy transforms relationships

Listening with empathy improves all relationships, from professional associations to close family connections. In a recent interview we conducted for a project on communication and happiness, Amare, a local business leader, shared a story about a powerful moment between herself and a family member.

“I had a breakthrough with a family member recently,” Amare said. “For years, I’d tried to let the past be the past. I thought I’d forgiven this person, but I realized I hadn’t.” She took a moment to collect her thoughts.

“I was still angry and bitter. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t say, ‘OK, I forgive you.’ I wasn’t able to listen to what this person was saying because I was always on the other end thinking, ‘Well, this is what you did to me,’” she said with force.

Then, Amare made an intentional shift. She changed her mindset as a listener. She tried to see, hear, and feel the experience.

Amare told the other person, “OK, I’m going to let you tell me. I’m going to take my opinions and my preconceived ideas about what I think you think, and I’m just going to listen to you.”

As she listened, so did her family member.

Amare explained that she was finally able to share her honest feelings: “I was completely honest, but not in a way to hurt her, but saying this is truly how I feel.”

And then the magic happened. Her family member reacted, “Oh, I get it.”

“It was the first time she ever really heard me [and] it was the first time I was really able to hear her,” Amare said with relief.

“From that time forward,” Amare explained, “our relationship has really changed and evolved, and I don’t feel that anger and bitterness anymore. It’s gone. It feels so good not to be carrying that around, not to have that on my shoulders anymore.”

When people listen to one another more deeply, they become more connected. They transcend their perceived differences. “Real communication,” as Carl Rogers explained, “occurs when we listen with understanding. When we listen deeply.”

Alexander Lyon, Ph.D., is a professor, author, consultant, and speaker known for his popular YouTube channel, Communication Coach Alex Lyon. Julien C. Mirivel, Ph.D., is an award-winning teacher, author, and professional speaker recognized as a founding scholar of positive communication. Their new book is Positive Communication for Leaders: Proven Strategies for Inspiring Unity and Effecting Change. Learn more at PositiveCommunicationForLeaders.com.

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Success Advice

Inside the TikTok Resume Hack That’s Fooling Recruiters (For Now)

A viral TikTok resume trick promises interviews overnight, yet one wrong move could blacklist you from future jobs.

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

Work-Life Balance Isn’t a Myth: Here’s How to Actually Make It Happen

Work stress doesn’t have to win, here’s how to protect your peace and thrive in any workplace.

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Starting a new job often comes with excitement and ambition. Yet, beneath that initial enthusiasm, many employees quickly encounter the reality of workplace challenges, especially stress. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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