I was talking to someone I know about their dating experiences. Dating was something that she always had as a goal, but for a long time, she has been single.
She got frustrated when I shared what has worked for me and my experience. I wanted to understand why she hadn’t got to her goal. “I mean if you want something bad enough then what’s stopping you?” I thought to myself.
Dreaming is not enough.
She knew what she wanted and she fantasized about it but she had already made a decision not to take action. Thinking about how nice it would be to sit on the beach with the love of your life will not make you happy.
If you want a business do it.
If you want to find love, then do it.
If you want to travel then do it.
If you want to inspire people, then do it.
What’s the point of having a goal if it never becomes a reality? Making a decision is the first step to any goal and then taking action without knowing the result is the next step. Analytical thinking can often distract you from getting started. Having a crystal clear plan is almost never necessary. I wish I could tell you what the love of your life looks like. I can’t.
Exaggerating combined with excuses doesn’t work.
This girl I knew exaggerated every aspect of dating. She would say:
“There are no good guys left.”
“People are so harsh these days.”
“Guys are lazy.”
“Online dating doesn’t work.”
“Excuses are like cancer running through your body. It’s easy to find everything that is wrong with the goal you want to achieve”
Of course, stuff is hard….life is hard. What you’ll learn though is that when you do the hard stuff towards your goal, you get the results and feel awesome about it at the same time.
Tell the world why you are going to achieve your goal – don’t tell us why you won’t. What you tell us about your goal ends up becoming the result.
Drunk on comparing.
Next, she told me all about how her friends all got the man they wanted and how it was so easy for them. Nothing is easy for any of us. When we commit to putting in the work, we get closer to our goal. The universe doesn’t owe you jack so forget about serendipity, luck and anything that is not based on you getting off your ass and working.
Getting drunk on comparing only distracts you from your own challenge. Everyone’s life story is different and there are no absolutes. The life you think everyone else has that is so wonderful is all an illusion. You don’t see these people you idolize 24 hours a day.
If you did, what you’d see is all the parts of their life they hate. We are all carrying huge problems on our shoulders. My advice to you would be to not focus on these problems. Focus on what you can do to move forward and spend zero time thinking about everyone else who tells you how happy they are.
Lacking energy and motivation.
She tells me she is uninspired and lacking energy. My view is that if you avoid your goal and put it off, you’ll end up feeling this way. To say something is a goal and then say it’s okay if you never achieve it is going to guarantee you failure. That’s exactly what she did.
She told me that she is prepared to face the fact she will never find a man. The moment there is a Plan B, you start telling yourself it’s okay. It’s not okay. If you want this goal, then go after it and never give up. Yes, it will take many tough decision and risks to get to your “Happy Place, ” but it’s worth every bit of pain.
The lack of motivation you face is often tied to your goals.
“When you don’t make progress towards your goal, you start to lose sight of the meaning for your life”
It’s not the end of the world though because you can always change your ways and get back on track.
The energy you need to feel alive again is inside of you. All you need is to feel bad enough about your situation to decide change is a must. When achieving your goal is non-negotiable, and nothing else matters, things start to change in your favor.
Of course you will feel lonely if you don’t work towards your goal. Being sad and depressed is not a state of mind that will attract people into your life. No one wants to be around this type of person for a long time.
If you don’t like being lonely, then do something about it! You’re lonely because you’re obsessed with yourself and your selfish desires. Move out of that place and into a place of abundance and caring, and your circumstances will change.
The girl in my story is lonely because she doesn’t have a man. She refuses to do something about it and so she get’s what she settles for. There are billions of people on this planet so it’s nearly impossible to be lonely if you decide you don’t want to be.
When you suffer negative feelings, you can decide to make a stand. You can always decide that enough is enough and you’re going to break the pattern of your own limiting thoughts. It’s your thoughts that are limiting you not the world around you.
Assumptions are a curse.
The last thing this girl did was assume until she’d left no space to make anything happen. Assumptions make you think you have all the answers and there’s no more research required. Assumptions tell you that you’re very smart when in fact you’re acting like an idiot.
Not trying something because you think you know the outcome is the ultimate failure. You can’t possibly know how every experiment will turn out beforehand so stop trying to. Don’t sit there and tell me that you’ve tried everything to achieve your goal because you damn well haven’t.
You’ve decided to be a sook and let this negative world win because you’re hoping some third party is going to save the day.
You’re hoping that someone else is going to do the work for you and solve all your problems. You’re hoping that someone will feel sorry for you.
Only you can save yourself. The rest of us are trying to save ourselves from our own problems and challenges. This leaves the entitled person out in the cold searching for answers that don’t exist.
There is hope for you.
There are answers within you if you look for them.
Try Self Improvement. Read a few books.
Stop falling in love with the curse that is “assumptions.”
When I hear stories like the one I’ve just shared, I often wonder whether people really want their goals. I think that goals have become a form of convenience to romanticise about something that will probably never happen.
If you really want your goal then take action. Throw your assumptions and excuses in the bin.
Stop settling for second best. Make a decision today to go after that thing you want so badly. Give yourself time to get the results. Most of all, help others in the process.
That’s how you get your goal ladies and gentleman. Ask yourself again: “Do I really want this goal?”
If so, get to work.
If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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