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7 Motivation Killers That Are Dragging You Down

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hanging on no motivation dragging you down

I find that motivation can be a tricky thing.

We all want it. We set our goals. We have our dreams. And then we try to fill the gap by pouring in motivation.

But of course, it isn’t as easy as one might think. Being motivated can be hard. So ultimately, you’ve got to make sure you’re doing it right!

So here I will highlight the 7 motivation killers that are dragging you down. This should help you weed out the things that have been leaching on your motivation all this time.

 

 

What May Be Killing Your Motivation

 

1. People who put you down

Straight up. Avoid these people. They’re simply insecure to the point that they’ve to take it out on the world as they’re afraid of other people’s success.

Eliminate these people in your life and create a healthy environment for yourself.

 

2. Negative news

It’s a sad thing that most of the news we read today are just bad or sad. We’ve natural disasters, corrupted politicians and a random innocent victim who got robbed. It’s a small wonder people lose their confidence or even get depressed.

Do yourself a favour and stay away from the news. You may be “wired” to be attracted to bad news or drama, but why upset yourself further by reading up on such things? You don’t need a clear visual on what you already know is going on out there.

 

3. Friends who are way too comfortable

Sometimes, your close friends could be dragging you down. Sure, they’re there for you and provide you a comfortable relationship.

But that could be the problem. Too much comfort may be holding you back as you feel you need not push yourself since everyone around you is the same.

Remember: comfort and stability is overrated. Find people from other walks of life who can motivate you.

 

4. The past

Whatever that happened has happened. The past and its people stays there. It does not exist.

Don’t let time you’ve lived already lived through get you down. Stop thinking about it.

If anything, everything that was meant to happen was perfectly made to prepare you for the life you’re meant to live. So be present.

 

5. The future

And conversely, the future can be a big motivation killer.

Some of us tend to think too much and over analyze everything. As such, our expectations get out of hand.

You can’t ever predict the future. Even the most assured person in the world looks both ways when he crosses the road. So embrace uncertainty and just keep doing your best. The rest will take care of itself.

 

6. Thinking that trying is not enough

I personally disagree when people say something like, “Don’t try. Just do.”

First, it doesn’t make sense because everything starts from trying.

And secondly, there’s nothing wrong with trying. It’s certainly better than when you don’t at all.

So take it one step at a time. Try first, for failure only comes when you stop trying. Pretty soon, you’d have done many great things.

 

7. The chase

We often go awry when our eyes are on the prize, so much so we’re blind to everything else.

Be it money, love, status or whatever, we need to realize that there’s a fine line between having an aim and having an obsession. The latter is what a lot of us slide into.

Know this: Success doesn’t bring happiness, but happiness always brings success.

 

Once in a while, remember to instead enjoy the process, have some fun and not take life so seriously.

What has been a major motivation killer for you? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comment section below.

Alden Tan writes about honest and real stories at his blog. He's both a passionate writer and Bboy. Check out his free book, 12 Things Happy People Don't Give A F@#k About!

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. max

    Oct 10, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    Hey,

    nice article!

    Just one comment on your 6th point. I think you didn’t quite understand the sentence “Don’t try. Just do.”

    Because this sentence does make a lot of sense when you understand it correctly. The following is meant:

    When you “try” something you already think about failure. Using the verb “to try” implies failure, implies insecurity. So when you know you want to get a professional basketball player or whatever then you are not gonna just “try” it , instead you are gonna do it. When people say “I am gonna try it” it’s an indicator that they didn’t make a decision for themselves yet. They are either not sure if this is the thing they want to do or they are not sure if this is something they can do. The first point is actually very understandable and the key point since the 2nd point is mostly a consequence from the first point.

    So when you aren’t sure if you want this or that , then it’s okay to simply “try” it. But when you are sure that you want to achieve a particular goal then you simply don’t just try.

    • Cindy

      Nov 24, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      Great points!! Thank you!
      I like your perspective on #6 as far as ‘at least they’re moving toward something’, but i do agree with Max. I feel that when people say, “I’m TRYING!” they still don’t have the belief in themselves to achieve the outcome they want. I view this as a back-door escape option where they’re not fully committed to keep climbing toward their goals; an excuse or justification for sitting safely in the middle. And really, that all stems from fear of failure. Once people realize that failure is just feedback, they’ll see that it’s not the goal, but the growth experienced getting there. An opportunity to reflect, do-over, do-better. You don’t TRY to pick up a pencil. You don’t TRY to drive a car. You either do it or you don’t. An amazing shift happens when you make the decision of “I AM”. It’s that cerebral, non-negotiable forward motion that turns into the physical actions of going for it.

  2. Seye Emmanuel

    Sep 4, 2014 at 1:09 am

    The difference between a winner and a failure is dependent on their desire to succeed and attitude to handle failure. Remember that quitters never win and winners never quit. Don’t give up but rather persist. All the best.

  3. Fay

    May 10, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    People. Especially people that are close to you (relatives). I know that they think that they mean well but sometimes they can kill your dreams. One way is by telling you to take a safer path of travel because it is comfortable for them. They don’t want to see you fail or they may feel that they may be left behind if you succeed. Either way I believe that you must seek out your own path and step out on faith.

  4. Karthik Vijay

    May 9, 2014 at 3:10 am

    Yes, I agree being in the comfort zone is a serious motivation killer. We don’t try something out of that zone which we might be capable of because we tend to convince ourselves that we already have is a great achievement by being in the so called “Comfort Zone”.
    To realize our true potential one should always self-challenge. By challenging ourselves we are not going to lose anything, either we might earn or learn something as a part of the process which is so called “Experience”.

  5. Juliana Ormsby

    May 8, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    Self-loathing has always brought me down. No matter what I have accomplished…raised my wonderful son alone; studied Zen Buddhism in Japan and Hawaii; worked full time as a teacher while pursuing my doctorate part-time; have had so many men attracted to me; published a book…I always feel like a loser. My self-fulfilling prophecy has come true. I’m now 66, have no partner, am not that healthy, and am trying to live on a pension of $1,200 a month. I did own a lovely home for 17 years but lost it. Is there any way I can ever recover from such a failure of a life?

    • Fay

      May 10, 2014 at 8:00 pm

      Juliana please stop thinking of yourself as a failure; you are not a failure. Yes you may feel that way especially if things are going in the wrong direction. However the Creator does not make failures. Take a look at your failures and ask yourself what you could have done differently and more importantly speak to your Creator (pray). What you think about yourself is what you tend to become.

    • NecessaryChats

      Jul 21, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      You are not a failure, Juliana. You’ve done things (look at that ridiculous list of accomplishments!), and now it’s time to go out and do some more.

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Motivation

Don’t Hurt Your Future Self By Quitting

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“Every decision you make affects someone very special: your future self”

You’ve never met this person, but they are carrying the torch of your dreams. Life is hard for them too except their further along the timeline of life than you. Have you ever wondered what the future you will be like?

It’s something worth contemplating through deep and inward thinking.

When you give up on your dreams and quit, you’re not just hurting you right now, you’re killing the future you as well. That future you is bound by the decisions that you make today. One day you will become that future you and wish you could change that decision to quit. By then, it’s too late to change the past. There ain’t no rewind button on life.

 

Do you really need to quit?

I know you think it’s impossible and your only option is to quit, but that’s because you’ve reached your breaking point. I’ve been there too. I’ve reached a level of failure that has become insurmountable. I too have felt like I couldn’t go on and life had no meaning.

All of your emotional states, at times, can get like this. We’re human after all and don’t you forget that. We live in a flawed body, but that’s why humans are so beautiful in the first place. You don’t need to quit right now; there’s always another way.

 

The best thing to do when you want to quit

This is going to sound cliché: take a break and get out of your head for a few weeks. Go somewhere far, far away and contemplate the meaning of your life and why you’re still here. I say this because your life is a choice. You can decide to end your life at any point, but you haven’t.

You’re not a coward and you’d never do that. You have courage and you’re here for a reason.

 

Quitting may be the best option

Sometimes quitting is a good thing. Sometimes you have too many things on the go and when you quit, you free up time to focus on something that means more to you. My only plea is that you think about your future self when you quit. Think about whether your future self will be affected and whether you’ll be happy with the result.

There are no absolutes in life, only decisions that you make which are guided by your heart. There is no one answer. No one’s right and no one’s wrong. Our circumstances and how we think about them, more importantly, determine the meaning we give to any situation.

 

Who do you want your future self to be?

As you imagine your future self, what is he or she doing? Can you picture where they are? When I asked this question, I got an instant response which reaffirmed what I do today. I instantly saw myself on stage giving speeches to thousands of people.

I saw myself as the person that helps find people’s why and motivates them towards their dreams. I saw myself with a family and writing a best selling book. Strangely enough, I saw my future self as I always have: doing something inspiring to help others. I saw myself unleashing emotion in others to help them push through their limiting beliefs.

 

Now that you know your future self, how can you help them today?

So we’ve done a bit of visualizing in this article already. It’s a powerful way to see what you can become when you don’t quit. It’s a great way to fall in love with the person that you can create in the future by using the power of today’s decisions.

“I think we all need to become dreamers every now and then. If we don’t, we get stuck in today, and in our head full of possibilities”

If I had one tip when it comes to dreaming up the future, it would be this: try and see your future better than it is. Be outrageous and think of possibilities that today would scare you. You’ll be surprised how what you dream up today can become a reality.

I remember suffering from anxiety and trying to dream what it would be like to be rid of it. I remember being scared of flying and always wanting to travel. I remember having never found love and wondering what that would be like. I remember not being able to get in front of lots of people and do any form of public speaking. I remember being too scared to be vulnerable and share the real me.

Now, I’ve completely eliminated my anxiety, I can fly whenever I want with no issues, I have experienced real love, I am on my way to successfully being able to speak in front of larger audiences, and I’m happy to be vulnerable and share my story with everybody. That’s what can happen when you treat your future self with respect.

 

So now what?

Now I want you to do the hard part: take action. Follow the steps above and have some fun. Leave the present for the moment and get to know who you want your future self to be. Your future self is you after all, so you need to treat them like a king or queen.

Write a list of decisions you need to make in order to create the best future you that’s humanly possible. Like I always say, “Don’t be afraid to have big, audacious, crazy dreams.” If you can’t dream it, then you can never achieve it. Remember that next time someone tells you that dreams are BS.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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Motivation

We All Start With Zero Followers – Comprehenday?

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For the record: followers mean jack, attention is king.

With that said, all of us (including me) started with zero followers. You’re not alone. Whatever your big idea is you are probably going to need people to know about it. The sad truth is that it’s now done via social media.

You’ll need a combination of shares, likes, views, recommends or whatever other form of measurement these crazy social media platforms decide to implement. These metrics equal attention and that’s how people are going to know about what it is that you do.

Let’s not pretend that social media is useless. That would be naïve.

In this bustling, new age world, everyone owns content now. Anyone can go viral and anyone can be heard. Some find this reality a sad fact, but then these same people find something to cry about no matter what so ignore them.

The journey from zero followers to thousands and even millions looks like this:

 

1. We all started somewhere

Quit your complaining we’ve all started at zero followers at some point. Starting with nothing and then building your community up is an amazing feeling. Embrace the journey of creating a following.

The game of comparing follower counts with others will distract you from creating content and force you into consumption mode. Then you’ll over consume and regurgitate all over yourself. Yuck!

 

2. Stop trying to game the system

You can’t buy followers and not have people notice. We can all scan your follower list and see that you cheated. More importantly, the number of followers doesn’t matter.

3. Engagement is everything

Ever seen a social media account with millions of followers and one or two likes/comments per post? That’s because the followers were paid for or tricked into liking the page. I’m going to say it again; the number of followers doesn’t matter.

What matters – if you are creating a community or awareness – is engagement and whether people care about what you’re posting. This can’t be gamed. People will only interact if you are doing and saying stuff that is of value. How do you do that? See the next point.

 

4. It’s not about you and your ego

That’s right. I don’t care, nor does anyone else, about what you had for lunch or who you met at the basketball. What we all care about is what’s in it for me buster?

If you answer that question and do so regularly, people will follow and engage you. That’s how you go from zero followers to millions.

 

5. It takes a while

Zero to a million followers takes times. Like interest on your bank account, your results will compound once you cross the tipping point.

What’s the tipping point?

It’s the point at which you have nailed the following:

– Your message to the world is clear
– It’s consistent (ideally daily)
– It’s unique (not better but different)
– It’s not about you and your ugly ego
– You give more than you ask for (Jab Jab Jab Right Hook)

When you do those things, your follower count and engagement will regularly start to increase.

 

6. You need a breakout moment

The way you do that is my channeling all of your energy and emotion into every piece of content you create. If you do this for long enough, then you’ll eventually have a standout moment. That’s a moment where the world listens and you go viral. It takes time though. You could be waiting five years young Power Ranger.

 

7. Followers like to follow stories

Don’t throw boring stats and pictures at your followers all day, every day. It should come as no surprise that social media works best with stories. The best stories I’ve found are personal stories. Rather than produce content that feeds your ego, put yourself into every story you tell.

 

8. Tell stories that inspire

There are hundreds of types of stories. If I were to encourage you to do one type and one type only it would be to tell inspiring stories. Stories that inspire people to take action, think differently or be emotional about something.

 

9. Say it quickly now!

A story is great but people have a low attention span. This means you’ve got to be able to communicate succinctly. There is a lot of waffle on the Internet. The way to stand out is to plan what you are going to say and cut out the filler. People will love you if they can get value from you and have it delivered in a brief manner. I get this compliment in the form of feedback all the time and I love it.

 

10. There is no one big break

If I look at my online success, there is no one single moment. Going from zero followers and beyond is made up of a whole lot of factors which you’ll never quite work out. What I can tell you though is that all those factors require you to show up.

“Each day you have to show up with something of value to say”

 

11. It doesn’t need to be new necessarily

People think you have to say something new every day. You don’t. Sometimes it’s about saying something in a slightly different way. Sometimes it’s taking a popular idea and saying it in a better way. For me, it’s often about taking something that already exists and saying it in my way, with my story attached.

“Saying something new doesn’t create followers; saying something different does”

12. Find your channel

Everyone’s channel for creating followers is different. Try them all and see which one resonates the best for your niche. Facebook doesn’t really work for me, but Medium and LinkedIn are phenomenal. I would have never known this if I didn’t try them. Experiment like you’re playing with play-doh.

 

13. Quit being romantic

Don’t wait until you have tons of followers to get started. Be the same as you are with zero followers, as you are with a million followers. Being romantic about social media doesn’t work. When I say romantic, it’s kind of the same as saying being precious.

You think you need influence right now. You don’t. You think you need money and lots of it. You don’t. You think you’ll try harder when you’re like Gary Vaynerchuk. You won’t.

So now do you understand that we all start with zero followers and that’s cool bananas?

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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Motivation

5 Empowering Statements That Will Get Rid of Your Fears Once and for All

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In an instant, you go from being nowhere to being -now here- in the land of the living! Ever wondered how that all happens? In the morning when you wake up, isn’t it just another ordinary miracle how we all of a sudden find ourselves lying in bed, on planet earth and all the stored data of our lives just comes pouring in. One minute you were “who knows where” the next you’re back into “planet earth.”

This is all fascinating, but have you ever had one of those days when as soon as you awaken to the new day, you almost wish it was already over? I mean the thought of crawling out of bed and facing your day is just daunting.

That used to be my kind of morning not sometimes,  but every single day. No matter what I told myself, I just abhorred the new day or the thought of getting out of bed. The muscles in my body ached although it didn’t make sense. I wasn’t sore from exercising because back then, I didn’t even know what exercise was.

“Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves.” – Cheryl Strayed

Each morning that same sick feeling in my stomach would show up, yet I wasn’t sick. In my head, being awake was just as awful as being asleep because the nightmare that was tormenting my life seemed to follow me everywhere, like a dark shadow.

That was the theme of my life back when all I knew was survival and painstaking hustle. It wasn’t until I made some very major decisions in my life that I started to experience a life free from pain, depression, constant sadness and anger.

And while today I live an extremely different reality from what once tormented me, I do realize that many people are still struggling with irrational fears. As far as their reality is concerned, there’s nothing irrational or trivial about how they feel and what they have to deal with each day.

The burden of life is weighing on their shoulders. Whether or not they are occupying a leadership position or simply just want to survive the current upheaval our society is facing, there is a great need for humanity to be reminded of what’s real.

“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Mandy Hale

This is why I want to share with you statements which will work for you if you have been feeling tormented by the burdens of life and false conditioning. Even if you didn’t grow up in the midst of poverty and harsh conditions like I did, there’s so much junk in one’s mind often clouding your path of prosperity and success.

So on those days when you wake up and your morning feels anything other than miraculous, feed your mind with these 5 statements:

1. I overcome my fear of anything and everything and I live life courageously.

2. I need not to fear. Because fear is not of the present but of the past and future, both of which do not exist in the now.

3. I believe this situation/condition will work out for good and all those concerned. Though I may not know how, I still choose to believe this for myself today and I step into my day eager to find opportunities rather than obstacles.

4. I will not be discouraged or let outside forces dictate what I know to be true in my own heart. I will not allow the opinion of another to kill my dream or wound my heart. This is about being myself, expressing my authentic voice and recognizing that no one else can do it for me.

5. I am no longer a victim and I cease blaming my situation and the people around me for how I feel as this only robs me of joy and success. Because I know I was born to win and succeed, I will press on, firmly grounded in my own power to change my life for the better and empower others to do the same.

Share with us below your special statements and empower those like you who are striving for a better life!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Motivation

Unhappy Is Not In Your Vocabulary – You Are A Champion

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I am honored to be here to deliver this message to you. Everyone needs it including your successful friends. We all have tough days which make us unhappy. The road is long and torturous for all of us.

You can’t let that deter you from your goal. Unhappiness is all around us and it will take over if you let it. It’s around every corner, there, smiling at you every time you fail.

Your default belief when the odds are against you is what will keep you moving forward. If you always see the best of every situation then unhappiness won’t win….you will. Trust the mission and trust yourself.

Have faith that you are here for a reason even if you don’t know why just yet. Not all the answers are known to us right now, but over the course of your life, they will be revealed. Like a surprise birthday party, you will be wowed. Even when the surprise is not what you wanted, don’t be unhappy. Unhappy is not in your vocabulary.

Let the hairs on the back of your neck stand tall. Let your body stand tall at the same time and feel the power that hides within all of us. Only you can unlock that power and crush unhappiness to pieces.

 

The word “unhappy” can be removed from your vocabulary.

Every time you are faced with a situation that doesn’t make you feel good, you can choose to see it as a positive. You are in control of what happens day to day.

I don’t just give this advice lightly. I too, have had to deal with this same challenge that you also deal with. Unhappiness is part of the human experience and we get to decide whether we feel it. While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how it makes us feel.

This super power only comes with practice and discipline. It’s not our default way of living and it’s tough to master. Then again, what is there in life that’s worth achieving that isn’t hard work huh?

 

Travel the world and see new places.

Bring a fresh perspective to your life when you feel like unhappiness may be winning. Start by getting away from the source or changing your surroundings. If all of these YouTube weight loss transformations are true then determination is what you are lacking.

How bad do you want to be happy and stop being unhappy? You can get the results you want faster when you deal with your own situation and decide to help others with their journey at the same time. This is possible because once you take the focus off yourself things start to change.

Doors that were always closed start to become open. People you only dreamed of spending time with come into your life and give you the added support that all champions have.

 

You’re only unhappy because you tell yourself you are.

This victim mentality that you’ve adopted is what is at the source of your unhappiness. Take the word away and replace it with a word that inspires you. Tell yourself stories of your potential and what you can achieve and you’ll begin to rewrite the story of your life.

Every time I feel like I could use the victim word called “unhappy,” I think of all the work I do to serve others with my blogging. I think of the inspiration that is inside of me which I deliver week in week out without fail. It’s not some passing habit because I’ve done it now for three years.

I’m never giving up this mission even if it kills me. Reread those words again because I believe you can think the same way. I’m not special and have the same capacity you do.

 

Keep asking the question.

The answer will come to you if you ask enough times. Unhappiness can come out of not knowing what the meaning of your life is. There is a meaning, though, it’s just that you haven’t put the work in to find it. It’s easier to distract yourself with food, friends, social media or some other vice than it is to keep asking the tough questions.

The tough questions bring out emotion and it’s this emotion that will change your life. Emotion is what drives you to make the hard decisions that most avoid.

“Don’t be afraid to harness your emotions to drive you towards the answer to your one and only question: why am I here?”

When you know why you’re here the unhappiness feeling starts to fade. It’s difficult to explain but very common in the biographies of champions.

 

Are you a champion?

I think we all are deep down inside. Surfacing that inner champion is where the games at.

“Champions can’t be unhappy because they’ve removed the word from their vocabulary”

Their focus is on their mission and this takes them away from any sense of loss. Everything is abundant and all resources are available to the champion that seeks them. Practice being the champion and forget about being the unhappy victim. Label challenging situations with a word that is *not* unhappy.

Pick empowering words. Change your vocabulary. The words you use to describe your life will make more of a difference than you realize. Adopting that label of a champion first begins with adopting the vocabulary of one.

You’re strong.
You won’t be defeated.
You are happy.
You are determined.
You are unique.

You are not unhappy.

———————————————————————————————————————————

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Life

5 Powerful Reasons Why You Should Commit to Lifelong Learning

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Education is commonly equated to an experience for children and young adults, but the reality is that lifelong learning can benefit you in many ways. The world is constantly changing, and this means that you must be open to absorbing and actively seeking new information to stay up-to-date. This, of course, expands far beyond education in your area of professional expertise. (more…)

Helen Eagleton, a freelance blogger from Boston, follows topics in the realm of education, technology, digital marketing, and business in general. When she’s not researching for her next article, she enjoys watching documentaries and exploring the nature. Reach her @eagleton_helen.

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. max

    Oct 10, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    Hey,

    nice article!

    Just one comment on your 6th point. I think you didn’t quite understand the sentence “Don’t try. Just do.”

    Because this sentence does make a lot of sense when you understand it correctly. The following is meant:

    When you “try” something you already think about failure. Using the verb “to try” implies failure, implies insecurity. So when you know you want to get a professional basketball player or whatever then you are not gonna just “try” it , instead you are gonna do it. When people say “I am gonna try it” it’s an indicator that they didn’t make a decision for themselves yet. They are either not sure if this is the thing they want to do or they are not sure if this is something they can do. The first point is actually very understandable and the key point since the 2nd point is mostly a consequence from the first point.

    So when you aren’t sure if you want this or that , then it’s okay to simply “try” it. But when you are sure that you want to achieve a particular goal then you simply don’t just try.

    • Cindy

      Nov 24, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      Great points!! Thank you!
      I like your perspective on #6 as far as ‘at least they’re moving toward something’, but i do agree with Max. I feel that when people say, “I’m TRYING!” they still don’t have the belief in themselves to achieve the outcome they want. I view this as a back-door escape option where they’re not fully committed to keep climbing toward their goals; an excuse or justification for sitting safely in the middle. And really, that all stems from fear of failure. Once people realize that failure is just feedback, they’ll see that it’s not the goal, but the growth experienced getting there. An opportunity to reflect, do-over, do-better. You don’t TRY to pick up a pencil. You don’t TRY to drive a car. You either do it or you don’t. An amazing shift happens when you make the decision of “I AM”. It’s that cerebral, non-negotiable forward motion that turns into the physical actions of going for it.

  2. Seye Emmanuel

    Sep 4, 2014 at 1:09 am

    The difference between a winner and a failure is dependent on their desire to succeed and attitude to handle failure. Remember that quitters never win and winners never quit. Don’t give up but rather persist. All the best.

  3. Fay

    May 10, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    People. Especially people that are close to you (relatives). I know that they think that they mean well but sometimes they can kill your dreams. One way is by telling you to take a safer path of travel because it is comfortable for them. They don’t want to see you fail or they may feel that they may be left behind if you succeed. Either way I believe that you must seek out your own path and step out on faith.

  4. Karthik Vijay

    May 9, 2014 at 3:10 am

    Yes, I agree being in the comfort zone is a serious motivation killer. We don’t try something out of that zone which we might be capable of because we tend to convince ourselves that we already have is a great achievement by being in the so called “Comfort Zone”.
    To realize our true potential one should always self-challenge. By challenging ourselves we are not going to lose anything, either we might earn or learn something as a part of the process which is so called “Experience”.

  5. Juliana Ormsby

    May 8, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    Self-loathing has always brought me down. No matter what I have accomplished…raised my wonderful son alone; studied Zen Buddhism in Japan and Hawaii; worked full time as a teacher while pursuing my doctorate part-time; have had so many men attracted to me; published a book…I always feel like a loser. My self-fulfilling prophecy has come true. I’m now 66, have no partner, am not that healthy, and am trying to live on a pension of $1,200 a month. I did own a lovely home for 17 years but lost it. Is there any way I can ever recover from such a failure of a life?

    • Fay

      May 10, 2014 at 8:00 pm

      Juliana please stop thinking of yourself as a failure; you are not a failure. Yes you may feel that way especially if things are going in the wrong direction. However the Creator does not make failures. Take a look at your failures and ask yourself what you could have done differently and more importantly speak to your Creator (pray). What you think about yourself is what you tend to become.

    • NecessaryChats

      Jul 21, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      You are not a failure, Juliana. You’ve done things (look at that ridiculous list of accomplishments!), and now it’s time to go out and do some more.

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Motivation

Don’t Hurt Your Future Self By Quitting

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“Every decision you make affects someone very special: your future self”

You’ve never met this person, but they are carrying the torch of your dreams. Life is hard for them too except their further along the timeline of life than you. Have you ever wondered what the future you will be like?

It’s something worth contemplating through deep and inward thinking.

When you give up on your dreams and quit, you’re not just hurting you right now, you’re killing the future you as well. That future you is bound by the decisions that you make today. One day you will become that future you and wish you could change that decision to quit. By then, it’s too late to change the past. There ain’t no rewind button on life.

 

Do you really need to quit?

I know you think it’s impossible and your only option is to quit, but that’s because you’ve reached your breaking point. I’ve been there too. I’ve reached a level of failure that has become insurmountable. I too have felt like I couldn’t go on and life had no meaning.

All of your emotional states, at times, can get like this. We’re human after all and don’t you forget that. We live in a flawed body, but that’s why humans are so beautiful in the first place. You don’t need to quit right now; there’s always another way.

 

The best thing to do when you want to quit

This is going to sound cliché: take a break and get out of your head for a few weeks. Go somewhere far, far away and contemplate the meaning of your life and why you’re still here. I say this because your life is a choice. You can decide to end your life at any point, but you haven’t.

You’re not a coward and you’d never do that. You have courage and you’re here for a reason.

 

Quitting may be the best option

Sometimes quitting is a good thing. Sometimes you have too many things on the go and when you quit, you free up time to focus on something that means more to you. My only plea is that you think about your future self when you quit. Think about whether your future self will be affected and whether you’ll be happy with the result.

There are no absolutes in life, only decisions that you make which are guided by your heart. There is no one answer. No one’s right and no one’s wrong. Our circumstances and how we think about them, more importantly, determine the meaning we give to any situation.

 

Who do you want your future self to be?

As you imagine your future self, what is he or she doing? Can you picture where they are? When I asked this question, I got an instant response which reaffirmed what I do today. I instantly saw myself on stage giving speeches to thousands of people.

I saw myself as the person that helps find people’s why and motivates them towards their dreams. I saw myself with a family and writing a best selling book. Strangely enough, I saw my future self as I always have: doing something inspiring to help others. I saw myself unleashing emotion in others to help them push through their limiting beliefs.

 

Now that you know your future self, how can you help them today?

So we’ve done a bit of visualizing in this article already. It’s a powerful way to see what you can become when you don’t quit. It’s a great way to fall in love with the person that you can create in the future by using the power of today’s decisions.

“I think we all need to become dreamers every now and then. If we don’t, we get stuck in today, and in our head full of possibilities”

If I had one tip when it comes to dreaming up the future, it would be this: try and see your future better than it is. Be outrageous and think of possibilities that today would scare you. You’ll be surprised how what you dream up today can become a reality.

I remember suffering from anxiety and trying to dream what it would be like to be rid of it. I remember being scared of flying and always wanting to travel. I remember having never found love and wondering what that would be like. I remember not being able to get in front of lots of people and do any form of public speaking. I remember being too scared to be vulnerable and share the real me.

Now, I’ve completely eliminated my anxiety, I can fly whenever I want with no issues, I have experienced real love, I am on my way to successfully being able to speak in front of larger audiences, and I’m happy to be vulnerable and share my story with everybody. That’s what can happen when you treat your future self with respect.

 

So now what?

Now I want you to do the hard part: take action. Follow the steps above and have some fun. Leave the present for the moment and get to know who you want your future self to be. Your future self is you after all, so you need to treat them like a king or queen.

Write a list of decisions you need to make in order to create the best future you that’s humanly possible. Like I always say, “Don’t be afraid to have big, audacious, crazy dreams.” If you can’t dream it, then you can never achieve it. Remember that next time someone tells you that dreams are BS.

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Motivation

We All Start With Zero Followers – Comprehenday?

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For the record: followers mean jack, attention is king.

With that said, all of us (including me) started with zero followers. You’re not alone. Whatever your big idea is you are probably going to need people to know about it. The sad truth is that it’s now done via social media.

You’ll need a combination of shares, likes, views, recommends or whatever other form of measurement these crazy social media platforms decide to implement. These metrics equal attention and that’s how people are going to know about what it is that you do.

Let’s not pretend that social media is useless. That would be naïve.

In this bustling, new age world, everyone owns content now. Anyone can go viral and anyone can be heard. Some find this reality a sad fact, but then these same people find something to cry about no matter what so ignore them.

The journey from zero followers to thousands and even millions looks like this:

 

1. We all started somewhere

Quit your complaining we’ve all started at zero followers at some point. Starting with nothing and then building your community up is an amazing feeling. Embrace the journey of creating a following.

The game of comparing follower counts with others will distract you from creating content and force you into consumption mode. Then you’ll over consume and regurgitate all over yourself. Yuck!

 

2. Stop trying to game the system

You can’t buy followers and not have people notice. We can all scan your follower list and see that you cheated. More importantly, the number of followers doesn’t matter.

3. Engagement is everything

Ever seen a social media account with millions of followers and one or two likes/comments per post? That’s because the followers were paid for or tricked into liking the page. I’m going to say it again; the number of followers doesn’t matter.

What matters – if you are creating a community or awareness – is engagement and whether people care about what you’re posting. This can’t be gamed. People will only interact if you are doing and saying stuff that is of value. How do you do that? See the next point.

 

4. It’s not about you and your ego

That’s right. I don’t care, nor does anyone else, about what you had for lunch or who you met at the basketball. What we all care about is what’s in it for me buster?

If you answer that question and do so regularly, people will follow and engage you. That’s how you go from zero followers to millions.

 

5. It takes a while

Zero to a million followers takes times. Like interest on your bank account, your results will compound once you cross the tipping point.

What’s the tipping point?

It’s the point at which you have nailed the following:

– Your message to the world is clear
– It’s consistent (ideally daily)
– It’s unique (not better but different)
– It’s not about you and your ugly ego
– You give more than you ask for (Jab Jab Jab Right Hook)

When you do those things, your follower count and engagement will regularly start to increase.

 

6. You need a breakout moment

The way you do that is my channeling all of your energy and emotion into every piece of content you create. If you do this for long enough, then you’ll eventually have a standout moment. That’s a moment where the world listens and you go viral. It takes time though. You could be waiting five years young Power Ranger.

 

7. Followers like to follow stories

Don’t throw boring stats and pictures at your followers all day, every day. It should come as no surprise that social media works best with stories. The best stories I’ve found are personal stories. Rather than produce content that feeds your ego, put yourself into every story you tell.

 

8. Tell stories that inspire

There are hundreds of types of stories. If I were to encourage you to do one type and one type only it would be to tell inspiring stories. Stories that inspire people to take action, think differently or be emotional about something.

 

9. Say it quickly now!

A story is great but people have a low attention span. This means you’ve got to be able to communicate succinctly. There is a lot of waffle on the Internet. The way to stand out is to plan what you are going to say and cut out the filler. People will love you if they can get value from you and have it delivered in a brief manner. I get this compliment in the form of feedback all the time and I love it.

 

10. There is no one big break

If I look at my online success, there is no one single moment. Going from zero followers and beyond is made up of a whole lot of factors which you’ll never quite work out. What I can tell you though is that all those factors require you to show up.

“Each day you have to show up with something of value to say”

 

11. It doesn’t need to be new necessarily

People think you have to say something new every day. You don’t. Sometimes it’s about saying something in a slightly different way. Sometimes it’s taking a popular idea and saying it in a better way. For me, it’s often about taking something that already exists and saying it in my way, with my story attached.

“Saying something new doesn’t create followers; saying something different does”

12. Find your channel

Everyone’s channel for creating followers is different. Try them all and see which one resonates the best for your niche. Facebook doesn’t really work for me, but Medium and LinkedIn are phenomenal. I would have never known this if I didn’t try them. Experiment like you’re playing with play-doh.

 

13. Quit being romantic

Don’t wait until you have tons of followers to get started. Be the same as you are with zero followers, as you are with a million followers. Being romantic about social media doesn’t work. When I say romantic, it’s kind of the same as saying being precious.

You think you need influence right now. You don’t. You think you need money and lots of it. You don’t. You think you’ll try harder when you’re like Gary Vaynerchuk. You won’t.

So now do you understand that we all start with zero followers and that’s cool bananas?

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Motivation

5 Empowering Statements That Will Get Rid of Your Fears Once and for All

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fears

In an instant, you go from being nowhere to being -now here- in the land of the living! Ever wondered how that all happens? In the morning when you wake up, isn’t it just another ordinary miracle how we all of a sudden find ourselves lying in bed, on planet earth and all the stored data of our lives just comes pouring in. One minute you were “who knows where” the next you’re back into “planet earth.”

This is all fascinating, but have you ever had one of those days when as soon as you awaken to the new day, you almost wish it was already over? I mean the thought of crawling out of bed and facing your day is just daunting.

That used to be my kind of morning not sometimes,  but every single day. No matter what I told myself, I just abhorred the new day or the thought of getting out of bed. The muscles in my body ached although it didn’t make sense. I wasn’t sore from exercising because back then, I didn’t even know what exercise was.

“Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves.” – Cheryl Strayed

Each morning that same sick feeling in my stomach would show up, yet I wasn’t sick. In my head, being awake was just as awful as being asleep because the nightmare that was tormenting my life seemed to follow me everywhere, like a dark shadow.

That was the theme of my life back when all I knew was survival and painstaking hustle. It wasn’t until I made some very major decisions in my life that I started to experience a life free from pain, depression, constant sadness and anger.

And while today I live an extremely different reality from what once tormented me, I do realize that many people are still struggling with irrational fears. As far as their reality is concerned, there’s nothing irrational or trivial about how they feel and what they have to deal with each day.

The burden of life is weighing on their shoulders. Whether or not they are occupying a leadership position or simply just want to survive the current upheaval our society is facing, there is a great need for humanity to be reminded of what’s real.

“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Mandy Hale

This is why I want to share with you statements which will work for you if you have been feeling tormented by the burdens of life and false conditioning. Even if you didn’t grow up in the midst of poverty and harsh conditions like I did, there’s so much junk in one’s mind often clouding your path of prosperity and success.

So on those days when you wake up and your morning feels anything other than miraculous, feed your mind with these 5 statements:

1. I overcome my fear of anything and everything and I live life courageously.

2. I need not to fear. Because fear is not of the present but of the past and future, both of which do not exist in the now.

3. I believe this situation/condition will work out for good and all those concerned. Though I may not know how, I still choose to believe this for myself today and I step into my day eager to find opportunities rather than obstacles.

4. I will not be discouraged or let outside forces dictate what I know to be true in my own heart. I will not allow the opinion of another to kill my dream or wound my heart. This is about being myself, expressing my authentic voice and recognizing that no one else can do it for me.

5. I am no longer a victim and I cease blaming my situation and the people around me for how I feel as this only robs me of joy and success. Because I know I was born to win and succeed, I will press on, firmly grounded in my own power to change my life for the better and empower others to do the same.

Share with us below your special statements and empower those like you who are striving for a better life!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Motivation

Unhappy Is Not In Your Vocabulary – You Are A Champion

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I am honored to be here to deliver this message to you. Everyone needs it including your successful friends. We all have tough days which make us unhappy. The road is long and torturous for all of us.

You can’t let that deter you from your goal. Unhappiness is all around us and it will take over if you let it. It’s around every corner, there, smiling at you every time you fail.

Your default belief when the odds are against you is what will keep you moving forward. If you always see the best of every situation then unhappiness won’t win….you will. Trust the mission and trust yourself.

Have faith that you are here for a reason even if you don’t know why just yet. Not all the answers are known to us right now, but over the course of your life, they will be revealed. Like a surprise birthday party, you will be wowed. Even when the surprise is not what you wanted, don’t be unhappy. Unhappy is not in your vocabulary.

Let the hairs on the back of your neck stand tall. Let your body stand tall at the same time and feel the power that hides within all of us. Only you can unlock that power and crush unhappiness to pieces.

 

The word “unhappy” can be removed from your vocabulary.

Every time you are faced with a situation that doesn’t make you feel good, you can choose to see it as a positive. You are in control of what happens day to day.

I don’t just give this advice lightly. I too, have had to deal with this same challenge that you also deal with. Unhappiness is part of the human experience and we get to decide whether we feel it. While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how it makes us feel.

This super power only comes with practice and discipline. It’s not our default way of living and it’s tough to master. Then again, what is there in life that’s worth achieving that isn’t hard work huh?

 

Travel the world and see new places.

Bring a fresh perspective to your life when you feel like unhappiness may be winning. Start by getting away from the source or changing your surroundings. If all of these YouTube weight loss transformations are true then determination is what you are lacking.

How bad do you want to be happy and stop being unhappy? You can get the results you want faster when you deal with your own situation and decide to help others with their journey at the same time. This is possible because once you take the focus off yourself things start to change.

Doors that were always closed start to become open. People you only dreamed of spending time with come into your life and give you the added support that all champions have.

 

You’re only unhappy because you tell yourself you are.

This victim mentality that you’ve adopted is what is at the source of your unhappiness. Take the word away and replace it with a word that inspires you. Tell yourself stories of your potential and what you can achieve and you’ll begin to rewrite the story of your life.

Every time I feel like I could use the victim word called “unhappy,” I think of all the work I do to serve others with my blogging. I think of the inspiration that is inside of me which I deliver week in week out without fail. It’s not some passing habit because I’ve done it now for three years.

I’m never giving up this mission even if it kills me. Reread those words again because I believe you can think the same way. I’m not special and have the same capacity you do.

 

Keep asking the question.

The answer will come to you if you ask enough times. Unhappiness can come out of not knowing what the meaning of your life is. There is a meaning, though, it’s just that you haven’t put the work in to find it. It’s easier to distract yourself with food, friends, social media or some other vice than it is to keep asking the tough questions.

The tough questions bring out emotion and it’s this emotion that will change your life. Emotion is what drives you to make the hard decisions that most avoid.

“Don’t be afraid to harness your emotions to drive you towards the answer to your one and only question: why am I here?”

When you know why you’re here the unhappiness feeling starts to fade. It’s difficult to explain but very common in the biographies of champions.

 

Are you a champion?

I think we all are deep down inside. Surfacing that inner champion is where the games at.

“Champions can’t be unhappy because they’ve removed the word from their vocabulary”

Their focus is on their mission and this takes them away from any sense of loss. Everything is abundant and all resources are available to the champion that seeks them. Practice being the champion and forget about being the unhappy victim. Label challenging situations with a word that is *not* unhappy.

Pick empowering words. Change your vocabulary. The words you use to describe your life will make more of a difference than you realize. Adopting that label of a champion first begins with adopting the vocabulary of one.

You’re strong.
You won’t be defeated.
You are happy.
You are determined.
You are unique.

You are not unhappy.

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