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Slow Down: Life Is Not A Race

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My name is Tim, and I’m addicted to time.

I’m so freaking impatient I take the stairs instead of the escalator because I can’t stand for 10.5 seconds in silence. I’m not sure what I did with this 10.5 seconds I gained back, but most likely I wasted it on one of those messenger apps.

While I don’t believe that we should waste time, I do believe we shouldn’t become obsessed with it. Time is more important than money. It’s the clock that never stops and it will end one day.

With that said, we can’t keep being obsessed with time. This obsession has become a disease for the new breed of high achievers. All this motivational content we can now consume makes us feel like we have to achieve so much more than we really do.

Our reality sabotages us

Our life feels like a race because we look at what everyone else is doing and then compare it with our own results. When I look at my friends I see:

– They’re married
– They own a house (or two)
– They have kids
– They have perhaps found their dream job
– They’re very fit
– They have more followers than me

Who says that this is what success looks like? Who puts a timeline on when or even why you need to do all of these things?

One of my friends told me the other day that he doesn’t want kids. I thought it was odd until I saw how happy he was with knowing what he wants. All of our success is different.

Certainty

I once dated this girl who always had to be certain. She told me that she needed to be certain about: marriage, kids, owning a house, investments, holidays, etc. I thought about this for a while and realized that it’s impossible to guarantee anything in life.

Just last week, this idea came up again. I was reading this book called “Tiny Beautiful Things.” The book is a collection of letters to a writer called “Sugar.”

Sugar posts each letter on her online column and then posts the response to the question in the letter. The questions range from how to: deal with: divorce, children, cheating, pregnancy, miscarriage, rape and almost any challenge you could think of in life.

After reading all the letters, I saw a familiar pattern: there are no guarantees. You have to be prepared that tragedy or pain could strike at any time. The problem each of the authors of these letters suffered from was that they thought once you have a plan in place, nothing gets in the way.

Once you’re married, supposedly you’re secure. Yet, what I’ve learned is that security is a myth.

“You have to live with the confidence that anything could happen at any time and that you have the power to overcome any adversity”

If you don’t live with that power, then when life knocks you flat on your ass, you’re going to experience extreme pain. That could then be followed by drugs, alcohol, out of control sex (the bad kind), mental illness, sickness and unemployment.

Your timeline is a myth, sorry

So if we have no real certainty then how does that affect how we think about time? It means that the race we think of as life, with all of these time indicators, is a total myth! If we take it a step further, it means that your timeline for this whole achievement race is a waste.

When you think you are falling behind because of a setback, at another point in time, you will catch up and progress one hundred miles in front of where you thought you would be. There will be moments of massive momentum, and then moments of incredible failure. It’s all gravy.

What you think you want, you don’t

You’re running this race against time because of the things you think you want. Someone said something to me the other day that was profound. They said:

“Tim, single people want to be married, and married people want to be single.”

We’re always chasing the next sunset because we think that’s what we want. When we finally get it, we want the opposite. It’s easy to obsess over something you don’t have. It’s not hard to feel like you’ve been lazy with your time.

The truth is your wants will change and so will the timeline. Embrace this uncertainty and know that surprises are fun. Life is going to throw things at you and that’s what makes it worth living.

“Reading the same story over and over, when you know the ending, is boring. Life is the same”

Slow down

The point of this post is that you are racing ahead trying to win a race that doesn’t exist. So now that we know this race is a myth, we can slow down.

By slowing down, we can enjoy where we are right now. We can be happy with all the things we’ve accomplished rather than dwelling on what we think we should have already completed. By slowing down, we get to be truly happy again.

We can sit by the beach and watch a sunset. We can hang out with friends and be fully present without a phone in sight. We can eat an incredible meal and enjoy every bite. Why can we slow down and do these things? Because we’ve quit the race we thought we were running.

By seeing the truth, we’ve created possibility in our lives. We’ve become open to whatever life throws at us and we’re equipped to deal with the different seasons of life. I’m sitting here drinking Chinese tea right now and it tastes delicious. I’m enjoying it because today I’ve decided to slow down.

I’ve decided to quit the race, and enjoy myself instead. I’ve decided to see things differently and I encourage you to do the same.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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harsh truths for young men
Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Finances

From Debt to Financial Independence: A Practical Roadmap Anyone Can Follow

It’s about having control over your money and not letting money control you.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

The 21st century has brought incredible opportunities but also new challenges. Rapid technological change, global uncertainty, and shifting lifestyles have made many people think more deeply about financial freedom. (more…)

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