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How I RE-ENGINEERED My Life: This Will Help You.

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I can help you. I’m just a regular guy with a pretty stock standard upbringing.

I hit a massive brick wall and made the decision to take every piece of my life and put it back together in a way that works.

I call this process “Re-engineering your life.”

Yep, I like that description a lot.

Many of you have very similar challenges to what I faced and so I want to use storytelling and a few practical strategies to help you.

Here’s how I re-engineered my life and how you can do the same:


Dealt with mental health.

Mental health has always been a taboo subject. Last week, on LinkedIn, I came out of the closet. I shared a photo of me in primary school and told my lifelong battle with anxiety.

It wasn’t easy, but it was a must. A few years back I cured myself of my mental health issues.

You can do the same by using these strategies:

  • Admit to yourself that you have an issue (biggest one)
  • Seek professional advice to begin with
    Put together a list of fears and tackle them one by one
     (this builds confidence)
  • Attend a Tony Robbins Event and walk on fire (helps you see that anything is possible)
  • Practice meditation before high-stress events

Overcoming anxiety for me was not easy. It required me to break my comfort-zone and deliberately seek out strategies and practical things I could do.
Re-engineering your life is about getting your mind in order first.

You can’t get your mind in shape if you have mental health issues like anxiety weighing you down”

Deal with the issues of the mind and you’ll finally be able to see your future clearly and the possibilities that are available to you.


Believed in myself through persistence.

During the re-engineering process, I wrote down what I was saying to myself.There were lots of insults I was saying to myself. Every time there was a challenge, my mind was telling myself that I couldn’t do it. I had zero belief in myself. I was my own worst enemy. Acknowledgment of this fact changed everything.

I altered the conversation in my head to “I can do it and there’s no harm in trying.”

I deleted the “I can’t do it talk” and chose blind optimism and a default response that would set me up to win. Sure there was failures. I tried lots of challenges and failed at most of them.

I went for job interviews and then vomited afterwards from nerves.
I cried a few times when girls broke up with me.
I got a plane and nearly passed out from fear.

Through every situation though, I built an inner belief. This voice of positivity in my head got louder and louder.

The more challenges I tried, the more times I learned a few lessons. These lessons turned into goals that I was able to achieve.

It sounds cliche but believing in yourself is at the center of all transformation.You can’t re-engineer your life unless you believe in yourself.

I’d encourage you to go for blind optimism. It will allow you to fail more and gain much bigger wins. The choice is yours.


Let go of anger.

All of us are holding anger inside ourselves (except maybe Nelson Mandella — when he was alive). That guy was a legend, but we’re not all Mr. Mandela.

I was holding anger from past relationships, an ongoing family feud, neighbors that stole my car spot, the guy that mowed the lawn because he let grass flick up onto my car and even the person in front of me that was walking too slow.

Everyone was consciously my enemy. This was a fucked way to live.
The anger built up inside of me and it made mediating nearly impossible. The constant chatter in my mind from all the anger never stopped.

Every person I met was violating some BS rule I had in my head that they were supposed to adhere to without knowing what it was”

Many of us are living in denial. We think we’re not storing anger, but we are.
What did I do? What can you do? Start forgiving people who you’re angry at. Don’t do it to help them; do it to help yourself. Set yourself free from negativity by quitting the ‘Anger Games” (did I just turn a movie title into a catchphrase?)

Practically I did the following:

  • Gave the neighbor I was pissed at a lift when it was raining
  • Forgave BS family issues from 10 years ago that had nothing to do with me from the beginning
  • Stopped caring about the grass hitting my stupid car and washed it
  • Showed compassion to strangers rather than wondering why they walked so slow

Re-engineering your life is about forgiving more so you can clear your mind and make room for awesomeness.


Limiting beliefs about money.

The startup culture of wearing a t-shirt and jeans for the rest of my life and walking over everybody else in pursuit of the almighty dollar screwed up my ideas about what money really was. This #StartupLife made me become obsessed with money and the creation of it. I started to believe that I would never have enough money.

I thought the dream of owning a home was unlikely because my idea of home ownership was a mansion with six bedrooms in the best postcode in Australia.

These beliefs have since changed and I’m now not obsessed with mansions. I’d rather spend money on experiences and holidays. This challenge with money, if I’m being honest, is not entirely fixed and still needs work. Such is life.

With that said, what changed my beliefs about money was this the following:

  • Spending time with the homeless
  • Seeing what the regrets of the dying were
  • Watching about 50% of my relatives die in a short space of time
  • Looking back on when I had lots of money and seeing how unhappy I was
  • Working with successful entrepreneurs that sold their businesses and became chronically unhappy

It’s amazing what real-world situations can do to show you what’s real and what’s not.

Don’t believe everything Instagram tells you about life through photos. You don’t need all those shiny toys and the wanting of them is distracting you from what matters.


Felt sick and tired.

Our eating habits can often be forgotten. We’re trained through advertising to see cake, soda and deep fried food as okay.

What changed the game for me was when someone asked me the following:
“How do you feel Tim? Energy-wise that is.”

The real answer was tired and sick even though I didn’t want to admit it.Energy is a bonus but feeling sick is where the real problem lies.

You’re not supposed to walk around feeling unwell and having to take tablets from the chemist. Getting real about whether you feel tired is a big step. Once you acknowledge the truth, there are easy ways to fix the problem.

Imagine you felt high on energy every day. How would that make you feel?
It’s a question so many of us can’t answer because we’ve never experienced it. Once you do, you’ll never go back.

Re-engineering your life is about feeling good and having the energy to do what you love — and care for those you love”


Quit my boring career.

Lots of us are going to work and hating it. We keep doing it because the addiction to money that pays the mortgage on the oversize house we don’t need is too great.

Money can never replace a career where you wake up each day excited to go to work. I’ve left this nightmare of a life where work sucked. I’m sure you have too.

When I quit doing work I hated and got closer to my passion for social media, blogging and personal development, I saw a drastic change. Work became a driver for everything I did outside of work. I was able to marry my career and my passions together. They began to blend into one.

Job dissatisfaction is very common and getting rid of it will make you feel like a new person. It’s not easy though

I did tonnes of interviews.
Got a bunch of rejections.
Persisted for a long time.

Most of all, though, I kept taking small steps towards something that I loved. 
That last one was the defining moment for me.

Instantly transferring to your dream career is tough. Taking small steps towards it is much more practical and achievable in the long run.

Re-engineering your life involves doing work you love. Not for the money; for the love of it. Waking up will never be the same when you’ve got to do work you love.

<<<>>>

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net


Aussie Blogger with 500M+ views — Writer for CNBC & Business Insider. Inspiring the world through Personal Development and Entrepreneurship You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.com

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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