Life
How a hardcore prisoner taught me the cycle of change…
Wish there was a guide for motivation that told you what to do and when?
There is, and it’s called the Cycle Of Change.
Originally designed to assess and treat substance abuse, the cycle of change describes the process you will go through to change your behavior, and how your level of motivation fluctuates throughout that process.
Precontemplative – not even thinking about changing
Contemplative – realising something might need to change
Planning – figuring out how to change
Action – making the changes
Maintenance – making the changes consistent over time
Lapse – having thoughts that put you at risk of going backwards
Relapse – giving up and reverting back to your old behavior
By determining where you are in the cycle you can figure out what the most effective actions are for you to take.
Motivation fluctuates over time. You may assess yourself as being at a certain stage one day, only to then move forward or backwards to a different stage shortly after that. This most often happens when something in your environment presents either a new challenge or more inspiration.
THE CYCLE OF CHANGE IN ACTION
Any of you can research the cycle of change, so today I’ll do something different. I’m going to share a true-life story of someone I worked with as she travelled through the entire cycle.
To ensure privacy, let’s just call her “Joan”.
Joan was a high risk offender I worked with for a number of years and, sadly, is not one of my success stories. However her journey will allow us to go through the entire cycle of change model, from pre-contemplative through to relapse.
When Joan was first released from prison she was tough to work with. The many years of ingrained gang-mentality, combined with a long-standing hatred for “the system”, meant I needed to bring out the big guns in order to motivate her.
What was complex in this case was that she actually made a lot of money from crime, which financed her fun-filled and hedonistic lifestyle.
When she first came in it was obvious that she did not see herself as having any issues. This was a woman with “F*** the Police” tattooed on her face.
Joan had been running a highly profitable car theft ring, and had such a great underworld reputation that prison was actually a pretty enjoyable experience for her. Therefore, the idea that she needed to change had genuinely never occurred to her.
This placed her in the pre-contemplative stage.
PRECONTEMPLATIVE STAGE
Action required: Get uncomfortable about staying the same.
After a few sessions it was obvious there was no “ammunition” for me to work with regarding the costs and benefits of crime for her. She loved crime! But as time went on and we built a rapport, I learned that she had four children.
One thing that is almost universal about the offenders I have worked with is they almost never want the same life for their children (yes ok, there are some very shocking exceptions). I decided to work on this new angle.
I had assisted her to find housing and employment, and had given her some solid support for solving problems. We also had a frank discussion, where we “unpacked” her history with government agencies and the justice system. I acknowledged how she felt.
After all of this she started to trust me a little. This allowed me to introduce the concept of completing exercises to examine her life, to see if anything could be better.
Together we predicted the path that her eldest son would take in life. On one side, I got Joan to predict what would happen to him if she kept up her life of crime.
Joan was quite straightforward and it was easy to see that her boy would get involved in drugs, end up in gangs, and quite likely go to prison.
On the other side we predicted what would happen to him if she quit offending immediately. It was touching to see that she had quite high hopes for her son, with him completing school, getting a university qualification, and supporting his sisters by starting his own business.
I left Joan to mull over our discussion for a week. When she came back, she said that she was starting to see that she needed to do something to at least plan for the future of her children. She was now in the contemplative stage.
CONTEMPLATIVE STAGE
Action required: Motivational work; take advantage of this opportunity and create hope in change.
Focusing on her son, we went through and listed everything he would need from Joan to achieve the lifestyle she wanted him to have. This was tricky ground, because a lot of his financial needs could be supported through crime. We might have ended up coming to the conclusion that she had to keep offending to support her son.
Instead I had her look at other types of support he would need. Joan came up with ideas like transport to extra-curricular activities, helping with his homework, backing for a business loan, and so on.
I think at that stage she didn’t even realize we had basically agreed that she needed to stay out of prison, i.e. she had to stop offending. As you’ll soon see, I made some false assumptions here that ended up costing us both.
We had now moved tentatively into the planning stage.
PLANNING STAGE
Action required: Figure out how to make the change possible and achievable.
Whether Joan was aware of it or not, she had now completed the foundation of the plan for her to stop offending and stay out of prison. In order for her to take action on this plan, I needed to motivate her.
We dedicated the next few sessions to motivational interviewing and exercises, where I slowly increased her confidence so she could write her goals. Eventually the plan was clear:
- I will complete the Better Start [name changed] parenting course by end of July
- I will complete a certified course in catering, starting July 15th, so that I can get better employment
- I will spend 1 hour every night helping my children with their homework and talking with them about their school life
Once she became more motivated we went about the practical aspects of putting these goals into action.
ACTION STAGE
Action required: Encourage continued action through praise and support, and build on results.
Joan did well, was soon gainfully employed and began enthusiastically sharing stories about the increasing quality of her family time. She even bought her son in to tell me about what he had been learning at school.
MAINTENANCE PHASE
Action required: Overcome obstacles while embedding change through new routines.
While there were a few small hiccups here and there, Joan kept this helpful behavior going for quite a few months and moved into the maintenance phase. Even the Police commented on her improvements.
If only the story ended there…
LAPSE
Action required: Stop and figure out what caused lapse thinking. Implement strategies to get back on track.
Joan had her first lapse. She had been at a friend’s place when an argument occurred. Her friend had some unhelpful things to say about Joan’s new outlook on life. Given that Joan was known for assaulting Police severely enough to hospitalize them, this friend must have been intoxicated, reckless or plain old crazy.
Joan managed to remove herself from the situation, but the next time she reported in to me I could see the dark storm-cloud over her head. She was cursing more than usual, and her body language was tense and menacing.
After some gentle questioning, Joan disclosed the incident and admitted that she had been contemplating ordering others to commit serious violence against her new enemy. This was a serious lapse which thankfully had not resulted in action.
We did some exercises on managing high risk situations, and Joan left with a clear “relapse prevention” plan, which detailed how to avoid the friend as well as how to deal with the situation should Joan accidentally run into her.
Unfortunately, I had misjudged the situation.
I had thought that by dealing with the specific threat to her success I helped neutralize the problem. What I missed was the core issue in the lapse: Joan was back to using crime to solve problems.
I had not even contemplated that she might be applying this negative style of thinking to other problems in her life. Sure enough, one week later she failed to report in to me, because she had relapsed.
RELAPSE
Action required: Start over again, learning from the last attempt’s mistakes.
I checked her up on the computer-system and found out she had been remanded in custody with active theft charges. Turns out she re-engaged her old criminal network and started stealing again.
Even though I had trained myself not to get emotionally attached to the outcomes with clients, I felt disappointed. It’s hard to see months of hard work go down the drain, but at least I learned a very valuable lesson:
Problem-thinking always affects more than one area of your life!
Life
How to Protect Your Health and Finances After a Car Accident
A car accident can affect far more than your vehicle. Even when a collision does not appear serious at first, the consequences can extend into your health, work, finances, and daily routine.
Medical appointments, insurance paperwork, repair costs, and time away from work can quickly become overwhelming. Taking the right steps early can help you protect both your recovery and your financial stability.
Put Your Health First
After an accident, your first priority should be your health.
Some injuries are immediately obvious, while others may take hours or even days to become noticeable. Neck pain, headaches, back pain, dizziness, and other symptoms can appear later, particularly after the initial stress of the accident begins to wear off. Head injuries are the ones people most often shrug off at the scene. They are also the ones that get expensive when nobody recorded them.
Seeking medical attention also creates a record of your condition and treatment, which can be important if you later need to make an insurance or injury claim.
Follow your doctor’s recommendations and keep records of appointments, prescriptions, therapy, and any other treatment connected to the accident.
Document What Happened
Good documentation can make a significant difference after a collision.
If it is safe to do so, take photographs of the vehicles, road conditions, visible injuries, traffic signs, and the surrounding area. It can also help to collect contact and insurance information from the other driver and details from any witnesses.
Police reports, photographs, repair estimates, and medical records can all become useful if there is later a disagreement about what happened or who was responsible.
The earlier this information is collected, the easier it is to preserve an accurate record of the accident.
Understand the Financial Impact
The financial consequences of a car accident can extend beyond the cost of repairing a vehicle.
Medical bills, medication, transportation costs, rehabilitation, and missed work may all add to the total impact. For more serious injuries, future medical care or reduced earning capacity can also become important considerations.
Keeping receipts, invoices, medical bills, and records of lost income can help you understand the true cost of the accident.
Creating a simple file or digital folder for all accident-related documents can make the process easier to manage.
Be Careful When Dealing With Insurance Companies
Insurance companies play a major role after a car accident, but it is important to remember that their assessment of a claim may not always reflect the full impact on the injured person.
An insurer may ask for statements, medical records, photographs, or other information while reviewing the claim.
Before agreeing to a settlement, it can be useful to understand whether your medical treatment is complete and whether there may be future expenses related to the injury.
Accepting an early offer before the full consequences of the accident are clear may make it difficult to recover additional compensation later.
Consider How the Accident Affects Your Work
A car accident can also disrupt your professional life.
You may need time away from work for medical appointments, recovery, or rehabilitation. In some cases, an injury can make it difficult to perform the same job duties or return to work as quickly as expected.
Keep records of missed workdays and any reduction in income caused by the accident.
If your injuries have long-term effects on your ability to work, those consequences may need to be considered when evaluating the overall financial impact.
Know When Legal Advice May Help
Not every accident requires legal representation, but there are situations where getting professional advice may be useful.
If you were seriously injured, liability is disputed, or the insurance process becomes complicated, speaking with a car accident lawyer in Phoenix, Arizona can help you understand your options.
An attorney may assist with gathering evidence, communicating with insurance companies, evaluating damages, and explaining the legal process.
This can be particularly helpful when the accident results in substantial medical expenses, long-term treatment, or significant time away from work.
Avoid Common Mistakes
The decisions you make shortly after an accident can affect both your recovery and any future claim.
Try to avoid accepting a settlement before you understand the full extent of your injuries. Do not ignore new symptoms simply because they did not appear immediately after the crash.
It is also a good idea to be cautious about discussing the accident publicly or posting detailed updates about your recovery on social media.
Keeping communication factual and maintaining accurate records can help prevent unnecessary complications.
Focus on Long-Term Recovery
Recovery is not always limited to physical healing.
A serious accident can affect your finances, work schedule, independence, and overall routine. Managing these issues often takes time.
Following medical advice, staying organized, and dealing with financial and insurance matters carefully can make the process more manageable.
If additional support is needed, professionals such as doctors, financial advisers, insurance representatives, and attorneys can each play a role in helping you move forward.
Final Thoughts
A car accident can create challenges that continue long after the vehicles have been removed from the road.
Protecting your health, documenting the accident, tracking expenses, and understanding your insurance options can help reduce uncertainty during the recovery process.
When legal or financial issues become more complicated, getting professional advice early can also help you make more informed decisions and focus on rebuilding your routine.
Life
How to Create a Successful Retirement Plan
Retirement planning might feel far off for some people, but the sooner you start, the better your future will be. Many see retirement as a time to relax, but you should prepare for it. A good retirement plan is more than saving money. It helps ensure you can live comfortably, follow your passions, and enjoy life when you stop working.
As people live longer, smart planning matters even more. With the right approach, retirement can be a happy time filled with chances to explore and connect with others. Let’s look at how to create a retirement plan that fits your dreams and needs.
Set Goals
Clear goals are the foundation of a successful retirement plan. Think about what you want your retirement to be like. Do you want to travel, take up new hobbies, or spend more time with family? Knowing your priorities will help you figure out how much money you need to save and what kind of lifestyle you want.
Start by looking at your current finances. Check your income sources, such as pensions, Social Security, and savings. Then, estimate your future expenses, including daily costs, healthcare, travel, and leisure. Understanding your desired lifestyle will encourage you to save and invest.
Retirement Home Opportunities
When it’s time to consider a retirement home, try to look at it positively. Many retirement communities offer a lively lifestyle with social activities, fitness programs, and chances for lifelong learning. These homes create a sense of community where residents can connect with others, share experiences, and make lasting friendships.
Living in a retirement home can give you more time to enjoy hobbies and activities you love. Many facilities have amenities like art studios, walking trails, and organized outings that keep you active and engaged. With staff on hand, you can relax knowing support is available if you need it.
Saving and Investing
Start saving for retirement as early as you can, even if it’s just a small amount. Use employer-sponsored retirement accounts like a 401(k), which often offer matching contributions. This match is like free money and should be a key part of your savings plan.
Consider other investment options, like IRAs or Roth IRAs, to grow your retirement savings. Different accounts have different tax benefits and growth potential. The goal is to find a mix of risk and stability that works for you. Working with a financial advisor can help you build a personalized investment plan for your retirement goals.
Healthcare Planning
Healthcare is an important part of retirement planning. As you get older, medical costs can take up a large part of your budget. It’s smart to plan for potential healthcare expenses, like insurance premiums and out-of-pocket costs.
Medicare is important for many retirees, but you need to know what it covers and what it doesn’t. Supplemental plans can help cover the gaps so that you won’t face unexpected medical bills. Planning for your healthcare needs helps ensure you’re covered when you need it most.
Social Connections
Social connections are key to a happy and healthy retirement. Keeping friendships and making new ones can greatly improve your well-being. Stay in touch with family and friends through regular visits, phone calls, or video chats.
Think about joining clubs or groups that match your interests. Whether it’s a book club, gardening group, or a walking community, connecting with others who share your hobbies can make your retirement more enjoyable. Volunteering is another great way to stay active and give back to your community.
Staying Flexible
Your retirement plan should be flexible. Life can be unpredictable, and changes in your finances, health, or family may require updates. Review and adjust your retirement strategy regularly to stay on track with your goals.
Don’t hesitate to change your savings or investment plans if your situation changes. Staying updated about market trends and financial news can help you make better decisions during your retirement years.
Continuing Education and Personal Growth
Retirement is not only for relaxation. It’s also a time for personal growth. Many retirees find satisfaction in learning new things. You can take a class at a community college, join online courses, relax at a retirement residence, or attend workshops. Continuing education keeps your mind active and engaged.
Think about exploring subjects you’ve always found interesting, like art, history, technology, or a new language. Learning throughout life enriches your knowledge and connects you with others who share your interests. This can lead to new friendships and inspire you to start exciting projects or hobbies during retirement.
Life
Head Injuries in Road Accidents: Understanding Your Legal Options
An encounter with an accident on the roads is likely to ruin your whole week. Any damage to your head means more pain, doctor visits, work absences and unplanned costs, making your recovery even more difficult. If the other driver is responsible for your accident, there could be ways to get compensated for what happened to you.
Knowing about these choices will help you safeguard your interests and make wise choices during the whole process of claiming. Every single step is crucial for creating a strong claim from collecting the necessary evidence to handling insurance companies.
What Head Injuries Can Happen in Road Accidents?
Road accidents lead to several kinds of head injuries. Knowing the different kinds of injuries will help in understanding the importance of medical treatment. Head injury compensation could assist in covering some of the costs incurred because of the accident.
Concussions
A concussion is when an unexpected injury or movement impacts how your brain works. It can lead to things such as headaches, dizziness and memory problems.
Brain Injuries
Traumatic brain injury occurs when there is a significant impact on the head. It may affect one’s ability to think, move, memorise, speak or control their emotions.
Skull Fractures
Skull fractures occur when one or more of the bones around the brain get broken. In severe cases, surgery becomes an urgent necessity, owing to the possibility of other complications arising.
Brain Bleeding
Hemorrhage can occur in or around the brain following any severe head injury. This is extremely hazardous and demands immediate medical intervention.
Nerve Damage
Injury sustained from an automobile accident can injure the nerves in the head, neck or brain. These injuries could lead to weakness, numbness, difficulty balancing or difficulty moving normally.
What Should You Do After a Road Accident?
Those minutes following an accident on the road might be quite perplexing, particularly if there are delayed injuries. Taking proper actions at the appropriate time will guarantee your safety and chances of making a claim.
Seek Care
Do not hesitate to seek medical assistance even if your injuries do not appear serious. Symptoms of head trauma can at times appear some hours or days following the occurrence of the accident.
Report Accident
Report the accident to the police or other concerned authorities immediately. Provide factual information without making any assumptions regarding the cause or liability of the accident.
Gather Evidence
Gather photos, witness statements, vehicle data and accident reports – where feasible. This will help in two major things, first is understanding what happened and second is strengthening your injury claim.
Keep Records
Keep copies of all your medical documents and any records showing that you lost wages because of the accident. This will ensure that your injuries and losses are documented properly.
Legal Options Available to You After a Head Injury?
An injury to the head can result in medical expenses, lost wages and tough choices. Having knowledge about your legal rights helps you determine what to do next.
Insurance Claim
In case someone else causes you to have an accident while on the road, you can make a claim based on insurance coverage. This process normally involves having evidence to back up your case.
Injury Claim
Personal injury claim can be filed to get compensation for the losses incurred due to another person’s negligent acts. Medical documents will prove how their negligent acts have impacted you physically.
Third Party
A third-party claim can be made if your head injury is caused by someone else’s negligence. This will include medical expenses, wage loss and other damages.
Employer Claim
There are some accidents related to your work that may be covered under workers’ compensation insurance. Such benefits can cover some costs regarding treatment and pay for your time off.
Negligence Case
Negligence could be an element in your case if your injury was due to somebody else’s carelessness. You have to prove that their negligence led to your accident.
Insurance Dispute
Your injuries, liability and compensation can be contested by an insurance company during its investigation. Extra documentation can help clarify why your case is still legitimate. Treat the claim like any other downside you refuse to leave uncapped.
Settlement Talks
One can negotiate a settlement with the insurance company or the responsible party prior to taking legal action. One has to consider each offer in connection with their losses very carefully.
Court Action
The court’s involvement may be necessary when there is insufficient compensation through negotiation. Seek legal help to find out whether it is necessary to go to court.
When Should You Contact an Attorney?
Serious Injuries
Severe head injuries tend to require more time to be treated than anticipated. Your attorney will determine if your settlement adequately takes into account your medical expenses and future losses.
Disputed Fault
Fault disputes could easily make it difficult for an insurance claim to be settled. A lawyer will help in ensuring that your rights are protected during such a liability challenge.
Low Offer
Even an apparently generous settlement offer could fail to address future costs entirely. A solicitor is able to evaluate the offer relative to any losses that have been documented.
Conclusion
Learning about the possible legal solutions available to you can help safeguard your interests in the event of a road crash. Document everything, follow the doctor’s recommendations and consult a lawyer where needed. Focus holds when the plan is specific enough to survive a hard stretch of recovery and paperwork.
Relationship Advice
The Resilience Blueprint: What Family Breakdown Teaches Us About Moving Forward
A family breakdown can turn life upside down. Old plans may fade, home life may shift, and the role you had in your home may no longer feel the same. Even if the divorce was the right choice, it can still bring grief, fear, and doubt. At this time, you not only have to manage your home but also deal with legal issues, which can be overwhelming. But worry not. This is where you can seek help from the family law solicitors on the Isle of Wight or any other part of the world where you are living.
However, the law is there to protect your rights after divorce. But still, you have to deal with the rest alone. A family breakdown teaches you a lot. It is all about how you cope, who you are now, and how you build a new path.
In this article, we will discuss in detail how you can move forward and prosper in your life after a family breakdown.
Acceptance of Change
The first task is not to feel fine. It is to face what has changed. Many people get stuck when they keep trying to make life fit the old plan. You may still think of the old home, old role, or old day plan. This can keep you in a loop. You should try a more real view. Here are some tips to help you out.
- Name what has been lost.
- Note what is still in your hands.
- Let go of what you can no longer fix.
- Set one small goal for the next week.
Some days will feel calm while others may feel difficult. Both can be part of the same path. A key step is to separate facts from fear. Your home life has now been split is a fact, but your life will now be bad is a fear. They are not the same.
Redefining Your Identity Outside of the Family
After a long marriage, a family role can shape your whole sense of self. And when that unit ends, you may ask, “Who am I now?” But do not rush to fill that gap. Use it as an opportunity to look at parts of you that had been put on hold. Make a list of what was once part of your life:
- A skill you did not use.
- A sport you once liked.
- A friend you lost contact with.
- A goal put on hold.
- A place you wish to see.
- A task that gave you pride.
You can pick any of them, but do not try to fix your whole life in one go. A new self does not mean you must erase the past. Your old life can still hold good parts. The aim is to just make space for more.
Mastering Emotional Regulation
Pain can make small tasks feel huge. A quiet home can make grief feel loud. That’s why you need to master emotional regulation. One useful rule is to add a pause. If a text makes you mad, do not send the first reply. Wait, take a deep breath, walk some steps, and write the words in a note. After that, read them once you feel calm. This way, you can handle things in a better way.
Post-Traumatic Growth
A hard life event can leave deep scars. But some people also find new skills or self-trust as they heal. This does not mean the harm was good. It was not. Nor does growth mean the pain must fade. It means you may learn from what came next. You may find that now you know what you need and value your time in a new way.
The best approach is to keep a small note of these gains. Each week, write down one thing you did well. It could be anything. No doubt, such wins may not feel huge, but they show that your life is still in your control.
Looking Ahead
Moving on does not mean you must feel no grief. It means you learn how to live with what has been lost while still making plans for what may come. You should set goals that are yours. They may be for work, home, health, travel, or time with your kids. This path may not be easy. Keep in mind that resilience is the skill of rising, learning, and going on.
Legal Disclaimer:
Please be advised that this article is for informational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for advice from a trained legal or mental health professional. Family breakdown can involve complex legal, emotional, and personal issues, and each case is unique. Please seek advice from a qualified legal professional if you are facing issues relating to separation, divorce, family disputes, or other matters arising from a family breakdown.
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