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3 Simple Steps to Rewire Your Brain to Create the Life You Want

One of the ways we create meaning is to pursue our life’s calling, fueled by our mission

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Humans are hardwired to avoid and escape pain.

As such, we seek the fastest, most efficient route to avoid and escape. 

We seek short-term fixes in lieu of long-term solutions and inner peace.

When our lives are unfulfilling, when we know we’re not filling our full potential, when we ask, “Is this all there is?” or “Aren’t I meant for more?”, we’re experiencing pain. 

Our soul’s deepest desire is to create meaning; it’s intrinsic to us. 

One of the ways we create meaning is to pursue our life’s calling, fueled by our mission. 

I delineate the two as:

A Life’s Calling is the task (writing, speaking, teaching, composing, sculpting, etc.).

The mission is the why (serving something more significant than ourselves).

Combined, they are the energy that shoots us out of bed each morning and that we’re willing to put it all on the line for. 

The pain we experience, the angst, the frustration, the disillusionment, the sense of betrayal (I did all the things I was supposed to do, WTF?), and the emptiness are products of not having a calling and mission or having a calling and mission – but being paralyzed by fear and unable to take action. 

Because our life’s calling, the reason we’re here is terrifying. 

It flies in the face of how our brains are wired. Our brains don’t give a crap about purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. 

They care about keeping us alive and do a damn good job of it. 

Unfortunately, this is to the detriment of our souls and the overall quality of our lives.

So we chase short-term fixes, which are nothing more than short-term escapes:

We escape through the superficiality of social media, alcohol, drugs, affairs, porn, and binging on Netflix.  

Something, anything, so we don’t have to confront the one person we can’t run from, the one person we can’t escape – but we try our damndest to escape:

Ourselves.

Because no matter how fast we run, we will never outrun ourselves. 

Here are 3 reasons why:

  1. The short-term high from the short-term escape is, guess what? Short-term. When the high fades, when the escape fails, we’ll find ourselves facing ourselves and the truth we don’t want to confront, and we’re back to the chase. It’s the Golden Treadmill of endless escapism.  
  2. Every short-term escape creates long-term, painful consequences. Think that scrolling social media is innocuous and harmless? When we waste our precious time scrolling, we will never be grateful we did when it’s time to breathe our last breath. We will die with regret. 
  3. When we habitually attempt to escape our reality and ourselves through the superficial, we ignore the deepest expression of ourselves. We’re living out of alignment. 

We create a gap between who we are and who we know we want to be. 

The more significant the gap, the greater the need to escape.  

So the questions become:

  • How do we stop chasing short-term escapes and begin creating long-term solutions so we can be the person we desire to be and live the lives that call to us?
  • How do we let go of the superficial and rise to our full potential?
  • How do we decrease the gap?

We begin with these 3 simple first steps:

Clarity: 

Remember how our brains are wired to avoid and escape pain?

Most people don’t know what they actually want in their lives. They don’t know how they want to feel, and they don’t know what they want to create. 

We don’t like not knowing; it’s painful.

Achieving clarity makes the unknown known and eliminates the pain of not knowing. 

What really matters most to you? What do you want?

Pro-tip: Be mindful not to list everything you don’t want. Be clear on what you do want. 

Break the Pattern:

Back to our brains wiring; we’ve survival machines.

Living life on autopilot is the model of efficiency and survival, but do you believe you’re here to live an efficient life?

When you do the same thing day after day, you become an unconscious passenger in your life. 

You’re existing, not living. 

A life set to autopilot is the enemy of purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. 

Break your pattern, change your life. 

Experience Awe and Wonder:

You need to remind yourself of what meaning feels like in your body and mind.

But how?

You can cultivate meaning through the experiences you choose to have.

When those experiences are novel, when they ignite awe and wonder, when they’re moments of truth and beauty, you will create meaning.

Immerse yourself in nature, museums, or concerts.

Try doing the thing that you say you’d never do.

When you experience novelty, awe, wonder, truth, and beauty, you experience meaning.

You’ll ignite something inside of you.

You’ll remind yourself what it feels like to be alive.

Bonus: By experiencing awe and wonder, you’ll break patterns and facilitate clarity. 

Just because our brains are wired a certain way doesn’t mean we’re locked into that wiring forever. 

Even knowing that we’re wired this way is a step towards creating the lives we want to live. 

A friendly reminder:

The moment you decide to change the course of your life, the course of your life changes.

Craig Stanland is a Reinvention Architect & Mindset Coach, TEDx & Keynote Speaker, and the Best-Selling Author of "Blank Canvas, How I Reinvented My Life After Prison." He specializes in working with high-achievers who've chased success, money, and status in their 1st half, only to find a success-sized hole in their lives. He helps them tap into their full potential, break free from autopilot, draft a new life blueprint, and connect with their Life's Mission so they can create their extraordinary 2nd half with purpose, meaning and fulfillment. Connect with him here

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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harsh truths for young men
Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

Work-Life Balance Isn’t a Myth: Here’s How to Actually Make It Happen

Work stress doesn’t have to win, here’s how to protect your peace and thrive in any workplace.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Starting a new job often comes with excitement and ambition. Yet, beneath that initial enthusiasm, many employees quickly encounter the reality of workplace challenges, especially stress. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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happiness model explained
Image Credit: Midjourney

In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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