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The Five People Rule and How to Use It for Success

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When I was managing a large number of salespeople I would often tell them the way to increase sales revolved around the understanding of a technique I called, the five people rule. Very briefly, it states that if you line up five people shoulder to shoulder and asked all five their opinion of you, one will hate you, one will love you, and three will be indifferent.

The person that hates you may have any number of reasons for doing so. Perhaps they don’t like the way you look, the way you dress, or the way you talk. Maybe it’s the way you assert yourself publicly. Perhaps you’ve wronged them at some point or wronged a member of their family or their organization. Maybe their mother didn’t like your mother. Perhaps you did absolutely nothing! And this person simply doesn’t like you!

The person that loves you may do so for number of reasons. Perhaps the both of you are two suits, or two dresses, cut from the same cloth. (Your behaviors mirror each other!) You just get along famously with each other and like being in each other’s company. Perhaps you’ve done them a favor in the past; or got them or a member of their family a job. Perhaps, in this case, you made no overt attempts to be liked by this person, but they do like you anyway; it’s just you!

“If people like you, they’ll listen to you but if they trust you, they’ll do business with you.” – Zig Ziglar

In either case it really doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is as we go about in our lives some people will naturally like us, and some people will naturally dislike us. The real goal here is to look at the three people that are indifferent to you. Because if you can get just one of them on the “love you” side, then you have doubled the proportion of people who like you versus dislike you.

Obviously, in sales this is very important, since people buy from people that they know, like, and trust. But, in everyday life this is important also not just because we can increase your circle of influence but it’s always nice to have people like you instead of disliking you.

So, the question becomes how can we gain enough of an understanding of our own behavior to tip the scales in our favor of other people’s opinions of us?

Here are a few ideas that I shared with salespeople and clients over the years, and I hope you can use them also in general interpersonal communication skills:

  1. Analyze why the individual that doesn’t like you feels that way – There’s a very good possibility that you don’t like them either. Throw those feelings into the mix, and answer the question, “Based on this information what can I change about my behavior?” Please note, it’s not about the other person changing, it’s about you changing! The goal here is that if you change perhaps you can get the other person to change.
  2. Analyze why the individual that likes you feels that wayHow do you act and behave that endears you to this person? Is it possible to duplicate those behaviors with a different person?
  3. Of the three individuals that are indifferent, which person do you think you would have an easier time behaving in such a way that they start to like you?That’s the one you want to attract to you first. Since you feel that they are the most favorable to you, it’s like picking a piece of low hanging fruit! Based upon the knowledge you got from answering questions one and two you should be able to alter your behavior in such a way that would allow that one individual to come over to your way of thinking.
  4. Forgive the individual that doesn’t like youIt really doesn’t matter why they don’t like you, just forgive them. There are no justified resentments! By forgiving that individual you remove all of the psyche rust that is keeping you from having other people like you (and you liking them). When you begin to understand that every word that comes from someone’s mouth is truly a prayer about themselves, regardless of who the subject is, the person that doesn’t like you is really showing an outward manifestation of their internal reflection. It’s not you! Forgive them.
  5. If by chance, you behave in such a way that wronged that person who was holding something against you, forgive yourselfIt is impossible to forgive someone else until you have allowed yourself the same privilege and honor. The past cannot be retraced. And the past does not necessarily have to be trajectory toward the future. If you can make it up to them, do so. If not forgive them and you and move on.
  6. Have a mindset of always expecting the best in any interpersonal situationLike everyone; and expect everyone to like you. That will begin to set up imperceptible behaviors, all fueled by your self-conscious mind that will attract others to you in a likable manner.

Think about other strategies you can incorporate to make the five people rule work for you. Share them! We want to hear what you have to say. Write your comments below.

Biagio Sciacca, known to his friends as Bill, was a lifelong resident of Pittston, PA. He is the owner of Intelligent Motivation, Inc. a global consulting and training firm specializing in management and leadership training as well as psychological assessment for hiring and staff development. He is the author of several books relating to goal setting, and his third book, Provocative Leadership, is publishing soon. Now residing in Tamarindo, Costa Rica, he divides his time between his international coaching and training clients, writing his next book and wandering aimlessly on the beach. Feel free to contact Bill at bill@intelligentmotivationinc.com or schedule a call with him by going to www.intelligentmotivationinc.com and clicking on the “set up a call” tab.

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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

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What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

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  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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