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You Can Only Solve Your Problems if You Can See Your Problems

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problem solving
Image Credit: Twenty20.com

Last month I got a call from a friend who was dealing with a whole slew of problems. His business was slowing down, he ran out of money, his wife left him along with his eight-year old daughter and he started drinking again. This situation seemed insurmountable. He’d spent the last few weeks alone in the dark recesses of his mind in an empty house.

On that call, I could feel he was at rock bottom, so I talked to him as a friend, not a pseudo psychologist. Then I shared with him a method I developed years ago to help clarify, face and solve my own problems.

What I’ve found over the years is that when a problem plagues me, it is much less painful when I can clear away all the crap in front of it such as the noise of unidentified emotions and thoughts surrounding it. I call it The Boxing Method, and since it worked for me, I started sharing it with others.

Here are the 3 steps to my method:

1. Draw the boxes

Grab a sheet of paper and draw 3 boxes horizontally, on the same level and of the same size to ensure one is not more meaningful than the other. Next, on top of each box, label them with the following words, in no particular order: Work, family and happiness.

The boxes are merely repositories for those thoughts (i.e. the noise and emotions) that come to mind when thinking about the problem we are confronted with. This gives the thoughts a home, and by doing so, enables us to turn off the noise surrounding the problem itself.

“A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever.” – Jessamyn West

2. Start writing the words and thoughts

Write any word(s), no matter how illogical, that immediately comes to mind when thinking about the problem. As they come to you, write them in the most appropriate box.

For instance, when I was doing this with my buddy, the first words out of his mouth were “wife left me” and “I’m a loser.” In fact, he spit out 23 others before we were done. We slotted each into the appropriate box. For example, “Wife left me” went into the family box, while “I’m a loser” went into the happiness box.

You don’t need to get it perfect, so don’t overthink this as perfection is far from the end goal here. When finished, if you end up with an empty box, excellent. An empty box is just as meaningful as a box filled to the brim.

WARNING: As these words come to mind, you may start to doubt them, and feel stupid and embarrassed. The words you’re using may not seem to mean anything, however they are the noise and chaos we are looking to rid from our minds. Ignore it all and visualize yourself simply as a scribe for your mind.

3. Let it marinate

Once you’re done, step away from your work of art, and leave it for at least a day. When your mind is ready, it will pull you back to it. This happened to me recently when I was “Boxing” a problem I had last month. It sat for over two weeks on my bookshelf in my office, until, I laid remembered it was there, and I got back to work on it.

Boxing issues is a huge part of the journey to success in solving a problem. Your mind takes the simple exercise of boxing and begins to work on it as the chaos and noise clears. The cobwebs are pulled down and now you can see the door in front of you.

Find your mental key

Now it’s time to fashion the mental key to unlock the door and enter. The key to solving your problem was probably there all along, and it was just clouded by meaningless thoughts and emotions. I’m happy to say my buddy has opened a few doors since we last spoke. His wife is moving back in and he just landed a couple new clients. With the boxing method, he was to see his problems for what they truly are.

“Don’t let mental blocks control you. Set yourself free. Confront your fear and turn the mental blocks into building blocks.” – Dr. Roopleen

What do you think of The Boxing Method I have created? Would love to hear your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Jay Lieberman is the host of the Conejo Valley Advice Givers Podcast Show, co-author of the Value-Driven Approach To Sell Real Estate, and co-founder of the charitable giving group Impact Club Conejo Valley. Jay writes various articles and shares personal stories centered around simplifying the challenges of daily life, calming the noise in our heads, and methods of clear thinking. He also holds various board and committee memberships in his local community relating to education, youth programs, and in the real estate industry. He graduated from University of California at Irvine in 1992 with a degree in Psychology, graduated from Southwestern Law School in Los Angeles in 1995, and currently runs a real estate brokerage team and is managing partner at a real estate law firm in Los Angeles, CA. You can reach Jay on Facebook or through his website.

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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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Why one-size-fits-all leadership doesn’t work
Image Credit: Midjourney

Leadership has always been as much about people as it is about performance. Ken Blanchard, in his influential book, “The One Minute Manager”, put it simply: different strokes for different folks. (more…)

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Success Advice

What Every New CEO Must Do in Their First 100 Days (or Risk Failure)

Your first 100 days as CEO could define your entire legacy, here’s how to make every move count

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leadership tips for new CEO
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When Tim Cook took over from Steve Jobs at Apple, the world watched with bated breath. Jobs wasn’t just a CEO; he was a visionary, an icon, and a legend of innovative leadership. (more…)

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Entrepreneurs

The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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Bridging the gap between employees and employers
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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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Entrepreneurs

What Makes an Entrepreneurial Leader? Traits of the World’s Best Innovators

Inside the mindset of entrepreneurial leaders who transform risk, passion, and vision into world-changing results.

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entrepreneurial leadership skills and traits
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When you think of Richard Branson (Virgin Group), Bill Gates (Microsoft), Steve Jobs (Apple), Rupert Murdoch (News Corporation), and Ted Turner (CNN), one thing becomes clear: they are not just entrepreneurs, they are entrepreneurial leaders. (more…)

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