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Why The Stories You Tell Yourself Matter – The Secret Successful People Know

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Most of our time spent speaking is with ourselves – in our head. The conversations are typically in the form of stories that we tell ourselves about situations or things people have said. These seemingly unimportant conversations are one of the fundamental pillars of success.

These stories form increasing levels of positive or negative feelings that fuel our success. Becoming consciously aware of them and then using them to our advantage is an art in itself. It’s art worth mastering though because the conversations we have in our head can bring us so much happiness when we become aware of how to shape them.

Whether you tell yourself you’re right or wrong, you are correct. The brain can’t tell the difference, and it believes what you say. So why wouldn’t you use this to your advantage and tell your brain little white lies to help you develop and become the person you have always wanted to be?

Below are the 4 reasons the stories we tell ourselves matter:

1. We become the stories we tell ourselves

Who we are is a result of our own personal story. The writer of your story is you. So if you write the story, then why can’t you give it a positive meaning? Well, the best part is you can. Ten minutes before writing this article, I got pulled over by the police.

Their big red and blue flashing lights never seem to make you feel good. As the officer came over to me, he asked me what I was up to, and I told him I was on my way to buy foreign currency for my overseas trip. I then told him where I was going and how excited I was.

I looked him in the eye and told him my inspiring story and mentioned how I had thirty minutes to get to my appointment. The officer then asked for my license and for me to do a breath test. Once I handed over my license he went back to his car to do the usual checks and within thirty seconds he came back and said everything was fine.

He told me to have lots of fun on my trip, and he seemed more cheerful than when I first met him. Normally the checks take five minutes, but this officer didn’t feel the need; he even forgot to breathalyze me (not that there was any point because I’ve already given up drinking).

I then went to arrange my foreign currency account and the place I went to told me that they had sold out of what I needed. This was the second day in a row that this had happened to me.

So, instead of doing pissed off (pissed off is something we act out), I walked back to the car and told myself that it was all good. The reason it was all good to me was that I got to drive around and listen to my favorite podcast, and I got to meet a cool new cop.

As a result of my holiday story, I got myself out of any trouble with the police officer and also made his, and my own day. What I want you to see is that the stories we tell ourself are so important. Being pulled over by the cops and wasting half a day could seem frustrating, but the story I told myself was one of meeting new people, relaxation, and a day of fun. Did I forget to mention it was pouring with rain the whole time!

Think carefully about the stories you are telling yourself and realise that you will become the lead character in your stories. Do you want to be the superhero or the deadbeat loser who is always upset and hates the world?

2. Stories form our view of the world

Right now there are wars, terrorist attacks, kidnapping and a range of other horrible events. There are also people achieving their sporting dream, winning in business, and watching their kids grow up to be leaders.

“The stories you tell yourself about your life, and what you focus on, forms your tailored view of the world” – Tim Denning

3. We decide which stories we believe – stories are a choice

No story that you hear is true or false. Every story matches the truth that you give it. This simple decision of whether you are going to make a story true of false is up to you. It could be seen as nothing more than a flip of a coin.

This 50/50 chance determines whether you win the lottery of life or end up broke and alone. Choose to put your energy and your trust behind the stories that lift you up and give you spine tingling moments.

Spend time with people that have stories which inspire you. Use stories as part of your education and seek out the high-achievers in each field to tell you their stories from their perspective. Mold the perspective of winners into your story.

Before you forget, though, use these stories and the new beliefs you have got from them to inspire others who haven’t discovered your wisdom yet. Don’t be selfish and share your stories.

“Stories are one of the best currencies you have”

4. Your limitations are connected to your stories

One of my perceived limitations currently is public speaking. This limitation comes from a broken belief that somehow I can speak fine in front of fifty people but put me in front of two hundred and I can’t. Why is that?

The only difference between the two numbers is a few extra people. How can a few more bodies in a room stop you from spreading your inspiring message? It can’t. After a lot of study, I now know that this dilemma is caused by a repetitive story in my head that says I am unable to do it.

Any skill can be acquired, and our brain is malleable no matter how old we are. The way to fix a limitation in your life is to change your story. Like the editor of a movie, you have to get into the heart of this BS story and edit out the disempowering parts. Then, replace these parts with stories that confirm that you can do the perceived limitation.

Now when I speak publicly I tell myself the following chapters of a new story:

– What I have to say is inspiring and valuable
– People think I am good at it when I practice
– The more I practice, the better I become
– I was made to do this

Through this simple flip in my story, I’m well on the way to overcoming this limitation. Your story about your limitations is tied to your goals. Unless you create new stories or rewrite the old one’s, you’ll be stuck with the results of the past.

“If you consistently whack yourself over the head with stories of times when you failed then your brain will default to its comfortable state of indecision and doing nothing”

It’s easy to do nothing, and it’s hard to grow as a person without any effort or energy.

For a period of twenty-four hours I want you to write down all the stories you tell yourself. At the end of the twenty-four hours have a look at them all and read them back to yourself. Ask yourself the question, are these stories moving me forward or holding me back. You’re already smart and more powerful than you think – trust me.

What stories do you tell yourself? Let me know in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook.
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Success Advice

Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)

The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025

Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

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In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”

While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.

Why This Gap Exists

Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.

What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.

Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.

1. Practice Mutual Empathy

Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.

3. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.

4. Avoid Micromanagement

Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.

5. Empower Employees to Grow

Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.

6. Communicate in All Directions

Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.

7. Overcome Insecurities

Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.

8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship

True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.

9. Eliminate Favoritism

Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.

10. Recognize Efforts Promptly

Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.

11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews

When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.

12. Provide Leadership Development

Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.

13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles

Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.

The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role

Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:

  • Build diverse talent pipelines

  • Embrace flexible work models

  • Design compelling career paths

  • Simplify HR processes

  • Redefine the value HR brings

The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.

Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff

When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.

Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.

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