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Success Advice

Why Leaders Get Feedback All Wrong and How to Fix It

Transform feedback into confidence and unlock your leadership potential

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Feedback in leadership
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What’s feedback for? How about coworker feedback? To fix weaknesses, right?

Put aside what leaders might say in the cool of the moment. Caught in the heat of receiving feedback, leaders often act as if they only have eyes for the negative feedback—what they perceive as criticism. But when the feedback at meetings shifts from the positives to the negatives, they see things differently:

  • “This is where the gold is.”
  • “This is what I can do something about.”

That’s also the view of feedback in everyday life. If someone says, “I’ve got some feedback for you,” what’s your feeling? Not good.

“I’m going to get criticized, faulted for something.”

If you equate feedback with criticism, then naturally, inevitably, inescapably, that’s what feedback is for: fixing weaknesses. In this view, you go over the positive feedback first to soften the blow. It’s little more than an anesthetic, a swab that makes the needle hurt less.

Accentuate the Positive

Viewing feedback in negative terms is a huge oversight—a stunning blind spot. Positive feedback represents just as much leverage to make leaders better. It contains just as much developmental value. Its value resides in its ability to boost a leader’s confidence.

Is there anything more basic to a person’s functioning, to their performance, than self-confidence?

Meet Penelope Lewes

Penelope Lewes hears over and over that she’s extremely bright—brilliant even. After some reflection, it hits her:

“I’m smarter than I thought I was. And that frees up energy for other people.”

Her realization generated heat—energy for change—but also light, a clear idea of what to change. She went back to the office and immediately put her freed-up energy to good use for other people. She started stopping by people’s offices: “I chat with people and ask them how it’s going.”

She also started taking direct reports out to lunch. She enjoyed these contacts more than she expected, and that just motivated her to keep it up.

In the three weeks before we met again, she made a second change. She put a stop to overscheduling herself. She was asked to serve on a company-wide task force and declined. She was invited to join the board of a non-profit and turned that down, too.

“I used to feel I had to do these extra things to make me feel worthy,” she explained. “Now I know I’m a smart person and I’m worthy already.”

By the way, the two things she worked on were two of the top criticisms of her:

  1. Her relationships needed work.
  2. She grievously overloaded herself.

That’s the potential two-part boost that positives can deliver:

  1. A higher opinion of oneself.
  2. A boost in morale.

This is especially true for the high proportion of leaders who underestimate themselves, either across the board or in a particular respect, like intelligence.

Here’s the Catch

But there’s a twist. When it comes to drinking in praise, there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip. It happens all the time. Give someone a compliment and they squirm.

Something stands in the way of taking in praise. What’s the chief culprit? Humility.

Humility gets drilled into our skulls as kids:

  • “Thou shalt not toot your own horn.”
  • “Keep a low profile.”
  • “Let your work speak for itself.”
  • “Don’t get a swelled head.”

Humility is bossy, coercive, and its staying power is remarkable. Decades later, it’s still forcing us to avoid certain things and embrace others.

Here’s how one person managed to get his humility to loosen its grip. Despite being deeply identified with being humble, he stood back and saw his humility for what it was—objectively. Naming it helped. He called it the “deflater” (self-worth deflater).

Then, instead of downplaying how able and accomplished he was, he gave himself fuller credit:

“Now I’m more comfortable with myself, more confident,” he reported.

As a result, he did his job better. He grappled with humility and won.

Bob Kaplan is the author of GRAPPLING: Leaders Striving To Improve, a series of short stories that bring executive coaching to life. His unique style is both entertaining and offers a novel way of learning about leadership and self-improvement. The book is based on his decades of experience consulting to CEOs and other senior leaders, including founders. He is founder and president of his own leadership-consulting firm, Kaplan DeVries. He invented a 360 survey, the Leadership Versatility Index, that earned a patent for its unique way of assessing leaders because it assesses leaders for overused strengths, not just strengths and weaknesses. He and his colleagues also take a unique approach to delivering feedback. They place unusually heavy emphasis on the positive feedback—as a chance to boost the leader’s confidence. His last book was Fear Your Strengths: What You’re Best Could Be Your Biggest Problem. An honorary senior fellow at the Center for Creative Leadership, he has a B.A. and Ph.D. from Yale University. He lives in New York City with his wife Becky. You can reach him at bobkaplan@kaplandevries.com.

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Success Advice

11 Mark Manson Lessons That’ll Redefine Success in the Digital Age

Success in the digital age isn’t about hacks, it’s about the raw, real lessons Mark Manson actually lives by.

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Mark Manson life lessons on success
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In 2016, Mark Manson released The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, a brutally honest, thought-provoking book that redefined self-help for a new generation. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Did You Know

How to Turn a Simple Link-in-Bio Into a Powerful Brand Hub

Transform your forgotten bio link into a high-impact gateway that fuels engagement, clicks, and conversions across every social platform.

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Social media is one of the greatest marketing tools in 2025. According to a recent study, some 86% of marketers globally use platforms like Facebook and Instagram for advertisements, while 94% use it for content distribution.  (more…)

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Personal Development

These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident

Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.

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how to build self-confidence through action
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Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.

But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.

Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.

1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task

Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.

After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.

Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.

But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.

2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First

Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.

Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”

For example, if you’re a writer:

  • Research your topic at night.

  • Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).

  • Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.

You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.

3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace

Focus is the foundation of success.

According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.

Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.

Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.

4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”

This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.

If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.

5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills

Knowledge compounds over time.

Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.

I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.

Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.

  • A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.

  • A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.

Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.

7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You

I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.

If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.

Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.

Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.

8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions

Good mentors can fast-track your growth.

While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.

If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.

9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations

Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”

Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.

When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.

10. Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.

If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.

A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.

Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.

11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Your beliefs shape your reality.

For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.

Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.

Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.

Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.

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