Success Advice
Why Leaders Get Feedback All Wrong and How to Fix It
Transform feedback into confidence and unlock your leadership potential

What’s feedback for? How about coworker feedback? To fix weaknesses, right?
Put aside what leaders might say in the cool of the moment. Caught in the heat of receiving feedback, leaders often act as if they only have eyes for the negative feedback—what they perceive as criticism. But when the feedback at meetings shifts from the positives to the negatives, they see things differently:
- “This is where the gold is.”
- “This is what I can do something about.”
That’s also the view of feedback in everyday life. If someone says, “I’ve got some feedback for you,” what’s your feeling? Not good.
“I’m going to get criticized, faulted for something.”
If you equate feedback with criticism, then naturally, inevitably, inescapably, that’s what feedback is for: fixing weaknesses. In this view, you go over the positive feedback first to soften the blow. It’s little more than an anesthetic, a swab that makes the needle hurt less.
Accentuate the Positive
Viewing feedback in negative terms is a huge oversight—a stunning blind spot. Positive feedback represents just as much leverage to make leaders better. It contains just as much developmental value. Its value resides in its ability to boost a leader’s confidence.
Is there anything more basic to a person’s functioning, to their performance, than self-confidence?
Meet Penelope Lewes
Penelope Lewes hears over and over that she’s extremely bright—brilliant even. After some reflection, it hits her:
“I’m smarter than I thought I was. And that frees up energy for other people.”
Her realization generated heat—energy for change—but also light, a clear idea of what to change. She went back to the office and immediately put her freed-up energy to good use for other people. She started stopping by people’s offices: “I chat with people and ask them how it’s going.”
She also started taking direct reports out to lunch. She enjoyed these contacts more than she expected, and that just motivated her to keep it up.
In the three weeks before we met again, she made a second change. She put a stop to overscheduling herself. She was asked to serve on a company-wide task force and declined. She was invited to join the board of a non-profit and turned that down, too.
“I used to feel I had to do these extra things to make me feel worthy,” she explained. “Now I know I’m a smart person and I’m worthy already.”
By the way, the two things she worked on were two of the top criticisms of her:
- Her relationships needed work.
- She grievously overloaded herself.
That’s the potential two-part boost that positives can deliver:
- A higher opinion of oneself.
- A boost in morale.
This is especially true for the high proportion of leaders who underestimate themselves, either across the board or in a particular respect, like intelligence.
Here’s the Catch
But there’s a twist. When it comes to drinking in praise, there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip. It happens all the time. Give someone a compliment and they squirm.
Something stands in the way of taking in praise. What’s the chief culprit? Humility.
Humility gets drilled into our skulls as kids:
- “Thou shalt not toot your own horn.”
- “Keep a low profile.”
- “Let your work speak for itself.”
- “Don’t get a swelled head.”
Humility is bossy, coercive, and its staying power is remarkable. Decades later, it’s still forcing us to avoid certain things and embrace others.
Here’s how one person managed to get his humility to loosen its grip. Despite being deeply identified with being humble, he stood back and saw his humility for what it was—objectively. Naming it helped. He called it the “deflater” (self-worth deflater).
Then, instead of downplaying how able and accomplished he was, he gave himself fuller credit:
“Now I’m more comfortable with myself, more confident,” he reported.
As a result, he did his job better. He grappled with humility and won.
Success Advice
Why One-Size-Fits-All Leadership Will Always Fail (and What Works Instead)
The surprising truth about leadership styles that can make or break your team’s success.

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Your first 100 days as CEO could define your entire legacy, here’s how to make every move count

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The Leadership Shift Every Company Needs in 2025
Struggling to keep your team engaged? Here’s how leaders can turn frustrated employees into loyal advocates.

In workplaces around the world, there’s a growing gap between employers and employees and between superiors and their teams. It’s a common refrain: “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses.”
While there are, of course, cases where management could do better, this isn’t just a “bad boss” problem. The relationship between leaders and employees is complex. Instead of assigning blame, we should explore practical solutions to build stronger, healthier workplaces where everyone thrives.
Why This Gap Exists
Every workplace needs someone to guide, supervise, and provide feedback. That’s essential for productivity and performance. But because there are usually far more employees than managers, dissatisfaction, fair or not, spreads quickly.
What if, instead of focusing on blame, we focused on building trust, empathy, and communication? This is where modern leadership and human-centered management can make a difference.
Tools and Techniques to Bridge the Gap
Here are proven strategies leaders and employees can use to foster stronger relationships and create a workplace where people actually want to stay.
1. Practice Mutual Empathy
Both managers and employees need to recognize they are ultimately on the same team. Leaders have to balance people and performance, and often face intense pressure to hit targets. Employees who understand this reality are more likely to cooperate and problem-solve collaboratively.
2. Maintain Professional Boundaries
Superiors should separate personal issues from professional decision-making. Consistency, fairness, and integrity build trust, and trust is the foundation of a motivated team.
3. Follow the Golden Rule
Treat people how you would like to be treated. This simple principle encourages compassion and respect, two qualities every effective leader must demonstrate.
4. Avoid Micromanagement
Micromanaging stifles creativity and damages morale. Great leaders see themselves as partners, not just bosses, and treat their teams as collaborators working toward a shared goal.
5. Empower Employees to Grow
Empowerment means giving employees responsibility that matches their capacity, and then trusting them to deliver. Encourage them to take calculated risks, learn from mistakes, and problem-solve independently. If something goes wrong, turn it into a learning opportunity, not a reprimand.
6. Communicate in All Directions
Communication shouldn’t just be top-down. Invite feedback, create open channels for suggestions, and genuinely listen to what your people have to say. Healthy upward communication closes gaps before they become conflicts.
7. Overcome Insecurities
Many leaders secretly fear being outshone by younger, more tech-savvy employees. Instead of resisting, embrace the chance to learn from them. Humility earns respect and helps the team innovate faster.
8. Invest in Coaching and Mentorship
True leaders grow other leaders. Provide mentorship, career guidance, and stretch opportunities so employees can develop new skills. Leadership is learned through experience, but guided experience is even more powerful.
9. Eliminate Favoritism
Avoid cliques and office politics. Decisions should be based on facts and fairness, not gossip. Objective, transparent decision-making builds credibility.
10. Recognize Efforts Promptly
Recognition often matters more than rewards. Publicly appreciate employees’ contributions and do so consistently and fairly. A timely “thank you” can be more motivating than a quarterly bonus.
11. Conduct Thoughtful Exit Interviews
When employees leave, treat it as an opportunity to learn. Keep interviews confidential and use the insights to improve management practices and culture.
12. Provide Leadership Development
Train managers to lead, not just supervise. Leadership development programs help shift mindsets from “command and control” to “coach and empower.” This transformation has a direct impact on morale and retention.
13. Adopt Soft Leadership Principles
Today’s workforce, largely millennials and Gen Z, value collaboration over hierarchy. Soft leadership focuses on partnership, mutual respect, and shared purpose, rather than rigid top-down control.
The Bigger Picture: HR’s Role
Mercer’s global research highlights five key priorities for organizations:
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Build diverse talent pipelines
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Embrace flexible work models
-
Design compelling career paths
-
Simplify HR processes
-
Redefine the value HR brings
The challenge? Employers and employees often view these priorities differently. Bridging that perception gap is just as important as bridging the relational gap between leaders and staff.
Treat Employees Like Associates, Not Just Staff
When you treat employees like partners, they bring their best selves to work. HR leaders must develop strategies to keep talent engaged, empowered, and prepared for the future.
Organizational success starts with people, always. Build the relationship with your team first, and the results will follow.
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