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How to Critique Without Damaging Their Confidence

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When you are the leader, there will come times where you have to critique the performance of those whom you are leading. Their work is not meeting the standards that have been set and you must confront them. How do you critique but not detract from the confidence of the person you are critiquing? How do you correct his work but have him continue to come to work with a positive attitude?

You may consider thinking about the following five thoughts listed below.

1. Action vs. Person

In their outstanding book, The One Minute Manager, Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson emphasized that you critique the action, not the person. A number of coaches in the athletic arena don’t believe this. They think you criticise both the action and the person. By addressing both you get the attention of the person and he will be motivated to do better.

I played for a coach who believed the person had to be addressed harshly to get the player to improve his performance. I found that to keep my confidence, I literally tuned him out when he was ripping me. The problem, however, was when he was teaching some very important concepts for improvement, I still had him tuned out.

I then played for a coach in college, Gordie Gillespie, who surely corrected poor performance. When he yelled you knew it! However, in the four years I played for him, I never heard him attack the personhood of one of our players. It was always the action.

I think there can be one exception to this philosophy. When you have corrected the action of the person whom you are leading a number of times but he refuses to change, you may have to address the person.

We had an athlete on one of our basketball teams at the University of St. Francis who would go to the end of the bench when we took him out of a game. We wanted all of our players to come to the bench and sit by an assistant coach and talk about the game. He paid no attention to our mandate and continued to not sit by a coach.

The third or fourth time he did this, I told one of our assistant coaches to escort him across the court to the locker room during a time-out. I instructed our coach to inform him that I would ask him one question at half time –  does he want to be part of our team or not.

I was glad his decision was to stay with us because he was a very good player! I hated to embarrass him but he had no right to embarrass our team. He never went to the end of the bench after that incident.

2. Sandwich Theory

The sandwich theory can be a way of getting your critique across to a person without detracting from his confidence or his positive attitude. You sandwich the critique between two positive comments.

I could say something like this to one of our basketball players. “You know you are an excellent player, so why would you make the difficult or fancy pass instead of the easier pass to keep our offense moving? Now get back to the court and show everyone why you are an All-Conference player.”

He hopefully got the point that the fancy pass is often intercepted and we don’t want it in our offensive game. Were he to continue to make the difficult pass, he would be sitting next to us on the bench! In sport, the bench is the great equalizer.

3. Mean What You Say

There is a maxim that states, “Mean what you say and say what you mean.” You don’t want to beat around the bush when you have to deliver criticism; you want to be specific. You want to be straight forward in approaching the problem.

I only participated in one intervention and that was definitely a time to mean what you say. We had to confront a person on alcoholism. We had our team present along with a psychologist who taught us how to conduct the intervention.

We actually integrated the sandwich theory into the intervention because we began the session with three of the team members telling the person how much they sincerely cared for him. Then we addressed how serious his problem was and that we could no longer tolerate his being with us if he would not go to rehab.

We had a car waiting for him right outside the building and a hospital ready to admit him. We also had a facility that would take him in after the detox at the hospital. We finally meant what we were saying by telling him if he did not immediately go to the hospital, he would no longer be with us. He agreed to go. It was critical that we were all on the same page in saying what we meant and meaning what we said.

4. Private

Amy Guettler wrote, “During any critique, do it in person and privately to avoid embarrassing him in front of his coworkers.” I do agree with this with the one exceptional example given above. Embarrassing the person you are critiquing is always the very last resort.

A major league manager once spent three hours with a group of us talking baseball. I had great respect for him because he never criticised his players in the newspaper or broadcast venues. He did tell us, however, there was a time when he was disappointed with his middle infielders.

He called them in privately and simply told them, “There still is a Triple A League!” He didn’t have to say they could be demoted there. They got the point. Joe Nameth, the outstanding NFL quarterback, was actually criticised publicly but he still respected his parents. He said until he was thirteen he thought his name was “Shut up!”

5. Feedback

Geoffrey James wrote, “Threat criticism as a form of feedback.” Ultimately,  the purpose of criticism is for the person you are critiquing to improve his performance. To get improvement from your critique, you may want to consider how Geoffrey James continued, “Listen, acknowledge, and learn. You may think you know what’s going on and why something happened, but you might easily be wrong.”

This can happen in the educational world. We once had a girl at the high school level who was bright but simply did not want to study. When we listened to her, we found out she was in a foster home and in that home she had seen some horrendous things happen to the younger people there. Given what she was experiencing, studying was the last thing on her mind.

There may be merit in what Ian Maclaren wrote, “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”

If your goal is to have criticism lead to improvement and to have the person being critiqued, retain his confidence and positive attitude, you may want to consider these five points prior to the confrontation.

  1. Critique the action, not the person.
  2. Determine if the Sandwich Theory is applicable.
  3. Say what you mean, mean what you say.
  4. Critique in private.
  5. The goal is feedback, confidence, and improvement.

Pat Sullivan was a successful coach, teacher, and administrator in the Chicago area for 44 years – 10 years at the high school level and 34 at the collegiate level. His basketball teams won 602 games; he was named Coach-of-the-Year 11 times; and he has been inducted into 8 Halls of Fame. He has received Lifetime Achievement awards from Lewis University, the Joliet, Illinois, Chamber of Commerce, and the Illinois Basketball Coaches Association. Pat has offered basketball clinics and camps in Austria, Ireland, Belgium, and Greece and has spoken at clinics throughout America for the USA Coaches Clinics. He has also spoken to business executives from IBM, Accenture, and Sun Microsystems, as well as the University of Notre Dame’s Play Like A Champion conference. He is the author of Attitude-The Cornerstone of Leadership and Team-Building: From the Bench to the Boardroom.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
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The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
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Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
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“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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