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​​Don’t Ask for Permission or Forgiveness. Do This Instead

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“Ask for forgiveness, not permission.”

It’s an old adage that can be a tad controversial, but more importantly—neither is going to get you what you want. Plus this saying inherently means that people are going to be upset, and you’re going to have to deal with that. Not so fun.

In the game of entrepreneurship and personal growth, it’s vital that you know the key things that will help you grow and the ones that will hinder your growth. Giving your power away to someone else—that’s not going to cut it. Neither will thinking subconsciously that people (especially your inner circle) will be mad at you for making the right decision for yourself.

Subtle but important

Growing up, we ask our parents, our teachers, and other adult figures in our lives for all kinds of permission—to go to the zoo, to cross the street, even to go to the bathroom. In the United States, we’re not even allowed to regulate our own bodies until we go off to college in most academic settings. But that mentality doesn’t just go away because you turn 18, get a job, or enroll in college. 

The truth is that we seek permission in all kinds of ways throughout the day, undermining our own authority, values, and voices. So it stands to reason that we would subconsciously seek permission as we grow our businesses or make major life decisions. 

The subconscious believes that if we get permission, then we can move forward with less resistance and more support. The downside is twofold. When you ask permission, you’re not honoring what’s right and true for you. Yes, the interest is nice and it’s really fun to watch the people you love get excited about your idea. But being able to validate your own ideas and decisions first is key in developing your circle of support and owning your innate value.

“Your support network is the solid ground from which you can propel yourself upwards.” – Anna Barnes

What to do instead

Instead of asking for permission or forgiveness, we ask for support. We all want to be supported, especially if our ideas feel big, hard, or out of reach. In order to receive the support that you want, you have to be intentional and clear about asking for it. 

This means stating what are going to do and the decisions that we’ve made with an air of, “If you want to support me in this, I would love that because I want as much support as possible,” mixed with the attitude of, “If you want to support me in this, that’s great. Thank you! But if you don’t, that’s okay, too.” 

Releasing people from the need to support you is important for two reasons. The first is in practicing being genuinely okay with others not supporting you, you release people from this sense of obligation to be okay with everything that you do. The second is that you’re making the decision about what you’re going to do long before you ask for support. 

Their decision about whether or not to support your idea is not going to change your decision about whether or not to do it. 

Counsel vs. Support

Seeking counsel and seeking support are two different things, and you have to know which one you’re looking for. If you’re seeking counsel, then you haven’t made the decision yet, and you should only be speaking with someone you believe can help you make the right decision for yourself (not make it for you). It’s important to seek out someone who has the perspective and ability to ask you the right questions in order for you to come to the right conclusions for yourself. Once you’ve made your decision, then you’re seeking support.

If you’re seeking support, then you need to be consciously asking for support for the decision that you’ve made. Statements like, “Hey! I’ve made the decision to do something, and I’d love your support on it. If you don’t feel like you can support me on this, that’s okay.” Even better if you can ask them for specific support. Once you have the other person’s agreement, you’re able to move forward with the conversation. 

However, if the other person isn’t willing to support you, let it go. Because you’re not making your decision based on the support of others, you can put boundaries in place for your communication—both protecting you and honoring their choice. Once someone has made it clear that they’re not comfortable supporting you, don’t waste energy trying to convince them. Instead, revel in the people who are excited to support you and move forward with confidence knowing that you have a circle of people who have your back.

Bevin Farrand is a business strategist, coach, and founder of the Take the DAMN Chance movement, using her over 15 years of experience in personal development, psychology, and communication to support small businesses and entrepreneurs to develop and execute strategies to take their revenue to 6- and 7-figures. Her superpower is helping people bring their big, bold, crazy dreams to life. In 2019, after unexpectedly losing her husband 5 days after they returned from a whirlwind trip to France, Bevin Farrand founded the Take the DAMN Chance movement. Her DAMN framework has inspired hundreds to connect with the people that they love, do the “crazy thing” that makes all the difference and, when given a choice, to take the damn chance. Bevin's genius and insights have been seen on NBC, the Online Marketing Made Easy Podcast, Lessons from a Quitter, and more.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
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Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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